Ok… Strap In, Because It’s Going To Be A WALL Of Text As @kalm5​ And I Came Up With Rally Racing

Snippet of a thing im not going to finish:

Obi-wan and Anakin meet Jango years before cannon. Jango is on a Job for Dooku. Ani and Obi are on a mission to help a tiny moon celebrate a holiday. Of course it all goes wrong and the crash into Jango during their escape, Anakin may accidently kidnap him thinking its a rescue. One thing leads to another and they go on a roadtrip to kill a sith.

"My mom is the best!" Anakin gushed. "She raised me all on her own as a slave. Managed to help start an underground railroad for escaped slaves. And saved 2 jedi all on her own."

Jango nodded. He liked the sound of Shmi Skywalker. Couldn't wait to meet her. Curiously he turned to the third person in their impromptu team up. The redheaded jedi. Who so far had been quietly working away on a plan for their roadtrip to murder a sith.

"What about your parents?" Jango asked. He may as well. He'd already shared information about his buir.

"Hmm? Oh they sold me to slavers when I was 2. Not sure what they're doing now." He answered absently. Voice calm and disinterested.

A loud crash broke the following silence. "What?!" Anakin exclaimed having dropped the small deactivator he was working on for the clone slave chips. "Your parents sold you?!"

Obi-wan finally looked up from his pad. Looking a bit confused. "The jedi found me a few months later. I don't even remember any of it. There's no need to be upset about the past Ani."

Jango bit back his scathing response to that. "What planet are you from?" He asks. Though he's got a good idea. Redheads were pretty sparce in the galaxy. Only coming from a few mostly insular planets. It would also explain why Jango's first urge when meeting had not been to kill the annoying man, but to get him away from danger.

"Stewjon." He answers. No sign of him understanding the implications of what sitting a few feet from a mandalorian means for him.

Jango resist the urge to groan. Of course he would meet the 1 Stewjoni who didn't know about the Call. And he was a kriffing Jedi of all things.

Anakin nearly chokes on his own gasp as he of all people realizes what's going on. The teens eyes snap to Jango and he stabs a finger at him. "I'll toss you out the airlock. I swear to the force. Don't you even-"

"I wasn't!" Jango snaps. He is not getting threatened by some baby jedi. Not even if part of him is crowing with excitement at being so close to one of his people. Jedi or not the redhead belonged to his people. To the Mand'alor.

"Sorry. What's going on?" Obi-wan demands. Scowling at the other two men.

"Everyone's joke about you being mando bait is more literal than previously thought." Anakin answers before Jango can. "You're not allowed be be alone with Jango anymore." He puffed up when Obi-wan snorted in response.

"Anakin-"

"He has a right to be worried. Though I have more control over myself than he thinks, others might not." Jango cut in.

Obi-wan frowned. Looking between them. "I think you may need to explain."

projecting my thoughts onto my current hyperfixation don't mind me🫠😗( "house song" by searows on tt got me in the mood)

Canon, give me the forbidden fun Jedi anecdotes-

Honestly “thanks I hate it” is one of the funniest phrases in the English language

i spent way too long on this story

The only human in our crew - one of our mechanics, Jedd - had seemed happy enough. He was respectful, clearly always trying to watch his smiles when he was with us, although his laughter was, according to him, uncontrollable. It took the crew a while to get used to the fact that the human made loud yelling noises and bared his teeth when he found something extremely amusing. Humans, though, made good mechanics - their combination of dexterity and strength meant that they could handle a wider range of potential issues than almost any other known race.

And, like all humans, he was brave, strong, and sometimes did things most people would consider unwise. Sometimes we would find him working on the hull while the ship was under countdown for launch. He would frequently add cosmetic improvements wherever he deemed necessary about the ship, hoarding junk materials in his quarters which would only reappear months later as part of a new project. Occasionally he would even improve existing machinery or electronics, which, strangely enough, he would forget how to use soon after installation - often, he would leave sticky slips of paper on the machine in question with instructions written in his native human language to remind himself how to use the new upgrade. 

He was the “extroverted” type of human, as far as anyone could tell. The symptoms were obvious: he did not spend much time in his quarters besides the third of the day spent in energy-recharging stasis, and he often invited members of the crew to talk with him while he worked rather than only engaging with them at mealtimes or downtime. In fact, he seemed to like it better this way, since he knew that his toothy smiles wouldn’t be seen if his head was buried in the mechanics of the ship. He didn’t seem to find it at all difficult, either - the human ability to perform several high-focus tasks at once is astounding.

But when the Federation requirements were updated and advised all Class-OO ships to have a biological generalists, our captain conducted interviews and hired a human named Stella. The regulations were put in place after a series of unrelated incidents involving accidental deaths caused by medicines that disrupted the functions of certain species. A biological generalist, with a wide knowledge of the internal biologies of nearly all of the Intergalactic Species, would be able to effectively advise the resident doctor on what was safest for the crew.

Stella was much like Jedd, in a way. She enjoyed spending time with the crew in the downtime space, telling jokes and stories about her childhood on Earth or her time in school. She was unusually brightly colored for a human, but she assured us that it was an artificial, cosmetic alteration, and that humans did not grow hair that was as blue as hers. She was extremely intelligent, also, and had an impressive memory for a human. Unlike Jedd, who often forgot the names of his crew members, Stella explained that she possessed what the humans called a “photographic memory,” where she simply had a much larger memory storage capacity than most other humans.

After a human week or two, one of us noted that Jedd had been lingering around the medbay much more than usual. We all rushed to ask him whether he was in pain or in danger - by that point, we had all heard the stories of humans cursed by their own constitution, suffering for days or weeks after exposure to toxins before finally dying. Jedd calmed us, saying that he wasn’t in any danger. He simply enjoyed talking to the other resident member of his species. They became friends very quickly, and we noticed Jedd seemed somehow even happier than his usual happy self, but in a different kind of way. 

Jedd and Stella originated from separate human countries, but, improbably, spoke the same native human tongue. They told us that to each of them, the other had a distinctive accent which told them where they were from, but none of us could notice the difference except in a small number of words. It was remarkable, however, how much more comfortable they seemed when speaking it; they never seemed to stumble over their words or misplace syllables in the signature human style of speaking the Federation language. The two would speak to each other in their human language in the downtime space, often increasing in volume as the conversation continued and the humans became more and more enthusiastic until they both laughed uproariously. Occasionally, they had a conversation with a different undertone, where Jedd would shrink into himself strangely as he spoke and Stella would reach for his hand, grasping it in hers in a motion that was clearly a form of affection. 

One day before we were set to land on Tlaapon, one of us injured in the medbay noticed an odd exchange between Jedd and Stella. Jedd had been covering Stella’s eyes in a very hostile motion, although her body language indicated that she was relaxed. Upon freeing her vision, Jedd showed Stella the new regulation caffeine dispenser he had installed in the medbay for easy access to the brain-altering drug. While deadly to almost thirty percent of the Intergalactic Species and a carefully regulated form of medicated therapy among most of the other seventy, humans are able to use caffeine as a mild performance booster, and even have the constitution to withstand daily doses for years or even decades on end. 

However, when Stella saw this, she did something strange: she pressed her mouth to his cheek, and they both smiled at each other. This was not one of the human behaviors known by the crew, and so it was only later, when we consulted the guidebook, that it was revealed that it was an act that signaled a human’s feeling of romantic attraction. And, most importantly, the lack of screaming or other human displays of displeasure indicated that the feeling of attraction was most likely mutual! This was cause for great rejoicing, as humans are usually very selective with their life-partners, and a human life-partner bond often mutually improves emotional state and well-being in general.

After only a few months on the ship, we noticed the signs of attraction beginning to increase in frequency. They would often walk together holding hands, and began to show each other their previously isolated realms of interest; Jedd loved to tell us about how he was teaching Stella how the engines worked, while, unbeknownst to him, Stella would excitedly tell us all she had learned from him the very same day. They would often demonstrate their affection via the exchange of shiny or colorful objects, which all humans love. Jedd made Stella bracelets or rings out of polished bronze and silver, and Stella would select vibrant flowering plants from the greenhouse and meticulously arrange them in a wrap of paper before gifting them to Jedd with one of their toothy human smiles.

One day, Stella sent a hidden message to a number of the crew. It was soon to be Jedd’s day of birth, and it was human tradition to conduct a celebration commemorating the survival of another human year wherein the human in question recieved gifts and the partygoers indulged in sweetfoods. She wanted to prepare the festivities in secret, however - yet another strange human tradition. However, she knew the human culture best, and so we followed her instructions, awaking before the shift change and spending much time making the downtime area as blindingly colorful as possible. Colorful strips of paper on the walls, colorful banners with traditional phrases, colorful cloths over all the tables, where Stella placed a traditional human sweetfood. The most prevalent color was yellow, as Stella explained it was Jedd’s favorite color, which confused us. How could one color be preferred over any other? They were all just wavelengths of light - but perhaps it was another human oddity. 

Stella then instructed us to hide and burst out yelling when Jedd arrived, but our camouflaging skills were not on par with that of the humans. After seeing us hidden, Stella laughed, saying that we “looked like elephants hiding behind streetlamps” (none of us knew what that meant), and then decided that it would be acceptable for us to simply wait for his arrival normally. 

When Jedd saw the preparations – the banner, the wall papers, the sweetfood, and the shiny, paper-wrapped box that Stella proudly held out for him – he breathed loudly, a look of shock on his face. We were momentarily worried that he was frightened or overwhelmed by the amount of color (as many of us were), but to our relief, he and Stella embraced. Jedd then spoke to her in their human tongue - as he said it, his face became unusually red. We all knew this was a symptom of human embarrassment or shame, but Jedd rarely displayed it, and so whatever he was saying must have been special in some way; perhaps another element of the festivities? To our surprise, Stella made a very high-pitched sound in response to his words and initiated the human mouth-press of affection! We all bobbed and whistled in delight as Jedd and Stella translated: Jedd had asked Stella to enter the life-partner trial period with him, and she had accepted! It truly was a joyous day!

I love the trope where Fox casually mentions something horrible the Coruscant Guards are subjected too, because to him it’s just routine, and all the other commanders go “wtf vod that’s not normal, how long has this been going on?”, but I can’t stop thinking about the other way around.

Like they mention something about how long their shifts are, how much they get to eat, or how they get bed rest and medicine when they’re injured, and Fox just goes “Wait, you guys are getting 7 hours of sleep? You’re not half-starving all the time? You don’t have to go back on duty when you’re hurt and you get decent healthcare?”

Cody mentions how General Kenobi will drag his ass to his quarters if he overworks himself, Wolffe tells about that time Plo Koon brought pastries for his whole batallion, Rex sighs about the battles he’s missed because General Skywalker basically gave Kix full authority over the troops when they’re hurt/sick, and Fox is staring at them like “You’re kidding me, right? This has to be some elaborate prank you made up, because our superiors would never treat clones that well. Come on you can stop, I won’t fall for something so obvious.”

His brothers get concerned fast.

Humans are weird: Their own worst enemy

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps) Taken from memoir of Levire Gaston

“When my people first made contact with humanity I must speak truthfully and admit I did not think much of them.

Their bodies were not but soft flesh and brittle bones and their egos were even more fragile. They were quick to anger, lacking in the nuances of conversation, and seemed to prefer the direct approach in all matters as if it was something to be proud of.

I had spoken out against allying ourselves with them as I saw little to gain from such an agreement but my government thought it would be better and aligned ourselves with the pink skins.

The day I went alongside them to war is one I still remember as clear as day after more than two centuries.

It is truly an astonishing sight to watch a professional human warrior go about their work. All their brashness, all their stubbornness, all their childish habits are turned off with the flick of a switch and they became the monsters the universe seems to now label them as.

Their efficiency was matched only by their ruthlessness as they laid waste to our enemies. I watched a platoon of them charge across open ground while under heavy fire with only one surviving to reach the other side; what’s more rather than retreat the soldier continued the mission and destroyed the enemy emplacement even as their life’s blood ran out of their wounds like rivers of anguish and pain.

I had expected the soldier to expire from their sustained damage or retreat back to the safety of the rear lines to recover, yet they merely bandaged themselves with a small medkit and cauterized their more severe wounds over a nearby flame before continuing on.

After the battle I sought out that human soldier and over time we became close friends. Despite the many wars we fought together over the years to come I had never saw them lose focus or cower in the face of overwhelming odds. Truly they were a beacon of what all who carry arms should strive to.

Even after we exited military service we remained close friends and we corresponded frequently with each other. On several occasions we even met each other’s families, our bond of brotherhood remaining strong as ever.

One year I remember inviting them to a hunting trip on my homeworld for a relaxing getaway. The forests of the Great Chasm were rich and vibrant with all manner of life and we collected many a trophy. Yet so fervent had we been in the hunt that we had lost track of time and found nightfall surrounding us while we still lay miles from the nearest vestiges of civilization.

My friend insisted they we hurry back and leave but I told him that these woods warped perspective at night and we would become lost in the branches. They continued to say if they dropped their trophies and just left now we could make it, but I merely laughed and began setting up camp for the night.

As night finally consumed us we sat around the fire and shared a drink from my personal container. They seemed to need it more that night as I noticed their eyes never seemed to rest on a single spot for long and when he stretched his back he was actually using it as an excuse to look behind him. Something was clearly bothering them, but when I asked they merely laughed and evaded the question.

We sat by the fire for two hours before I went to sleep while they continued to stoke the fire and keep their eyes focused on the darkness.

I’m not sure how long I was asleep for when I was woken by the sounds of gunfire. I threw my blanket off and raised my own weapon that had been by my side. What I saw as my eyes blinked into focus was something I had not witnessed in all my life.

My friend, survivor of a hundred battles and a dozen wars, was whimpering and sobbing like a new born babe while firing blindly into the night.

I called out to them and demanded to know what they were firing at but their response was mumbled and distorted.

“It’s out there.”

That was one of the few things I could understand from my friend.

“It’s out there and it wants me.”

When I tried to ask who was out there I heard a night comoko bird howl and my friend spun on their heels and fired wildly. I dove for cover as they continued firing erratically, chunks of wood and stone flying like a blizzard as the bullets tore through them.

I heard a distinct clicking sound and knew they had run out of ammunition. As soon as I heard the magazine being ejected I rolled out and tackled my friend to the ground.

“Get a hold of yourself!” I remember shouting over and over as they struggled in my grasp.

I got a glimpse of their face in the moon light and it was like nothing I had seen before.

There was nothing there but pure fear.

It smothered him so deeply in its embrace that they had lost all reason and logic and only wished to survive from this unseen horror.

When they reached for their knife I knew I had no choice and punched them square across the jaw so hard they blacked out till next morning.

They did not speak a word to me the next morning when they did wake up, nor on the trek back to where we had left our vehicle to return home. Only during the ride back did they speak of what happened, and then we swore never to speak of it again.

While I was nestled in the comfort of slumber my friend was awake in the dark, and in that dark place his mind began to wonder; their mind becoming ever more warped and strung with each passing minute.

Every creek of wood became an unseen voice, every rustle of leaves a growl of an unknown monster, every animal call in the night the herald of a nightmare coming to slay him.

I had hunted many years in those woods with my father and not once had I felt the things they described to me. I told them this and said that everything they heard was natural for the forest, but they just shook their head and sighed.

“The mind hears what it wants to hear.” They said to me.

After they left to return to their own family I did some research on what they said and found to my horror that they were not entirely wrong.

The human capacity for imagination was well known, but what was seemingly overlooked was that humans lacked the ability to turn it off. Their minds could jump from thought to though faster than they could even breathe and what had started as the whimpers of a small rodent had led to my friends mind believing it was hearing the cackles of a nightmarish creature from beyond.

Their very mind had created the fear that drove them to madness.“

moodboard. btw.

you know how most of the things humans use as spices are poisonous or repellent to most other mammals? and you know how anything vaguely d&d inspired has dwarves being way more poison resistant than even humans?

dwarf cuisine shouldn’t be bland, it should be unimaginably spicy and potentially harmful or fatal to humans. like green potato and rhubarb leaf salad with a festive garnish of yew berries and deadly nightshade berries, that kind of thing.