Your Roommate, Josh French. He Never Actually Showers, But He Always Smells Fantastic. You Asked Him

Your roommate, Josh French. He never actually showers, but he always smells fantastic. You asked him about it one time, and all he could say was he showers when you’re asleep. He says that, but it’s been two months since he moved here, and the water bill hasn’t gone up by a substantial amount. You’ve never seen him eat before, but you’re pretty sure you can hear him eat when he’s alone. What’s really weird is he doesn’t have anything in the fridge. No drinks or anything. He has a job, but you don’t know what it is. All you know is that he’s always on time with his portion of the rent. He really only goes out to buy fertilizer, but he doesn’t grow anything. You keep seeing a bunch of empty bags of fertilizer in the trash though, so what’s he using it on? And why’s he always sitting on the eastern fire escape at like 7:00 am? It’s like he’s trying to take in as much sun as he can.