New Hot Take:

Unrealistic scenario: “these ancient runes roughly translate to: abandon hope all ye who enter”   “huh I wonder what that could mean”

Better scenario: “the runes basically say ‘you enter you die’”  “well now we HAVE to go in”

I don’t care if this was supposed to read “Healthy Burgers,” this says “Heal Thy Burgers” and nothing can convince me otherwise

Promise?

Maybe he has a hoarding problem maybe he doesn’t. You’ll never know unless you open the box.

You know the rules Carlos, if you can’t show me 100 pieces of gold, you don’t have it in your bag.

Tell the players that the pocket dimension in their portable hole/bag of holding/etc is your dimension, and they must have an irl copy of whatever they store inside.

demon: youre a bitch

me: *starts closing the summoning circle*

demon: wait i gotta tell you some important ancient knowledge

me: *keeps it open*

demon: bitch

I didn’t ask “what?” because I didn’t hear you, my brain still runs on internet explorer and the information hasn’t loaded yet

Group projects be like

I asked you to “sign me the fuck up”, not “assign me the fuck-up,”

My family is the weirdest combination of rich white people and crazy-ass redneck

Like,

Our fridge has a designated beer drawer filled exclusively with cans of Bud light, but our silverware is organized by use, with the soup spoons separate from the regular spoons, the dinner forks separated from the desert forks, and the butter knives separated from the cheese knives, and each is used as such

Our welcome mat says “trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again” and then you walk into the house and immediately see an ornate china cabinet filled with polished silver china, directly to the left of which you will see a machete hanging from a rope on the wall

Upstairs you will find a TV sitting on top of a broken TV, using it as a stand, and if you walk farther down the hallway you will come across a full liquor bar, filled with respectable alcoholic beverages such as cognac, surrounded by pictures of women in the traditional “skimpy German Bar Wench” outfits, then directly opposite this is a random weight bench and various scattered exercise equipment on the floor, because there was space for it I guess

Procrastinating be like

Add a sense of mystery to your RPG by not doing any game planning until 25 seconds before the first session.