I've Never Seen Such An Accurate Description Of Myself Before

Trash Novel Chronicles Masterlist

1. Please Let Me Live || Vil Schoenheit

You get isekai'd into the worst novel you've had the misfortune of reading because apparently your life is a cosmic joke. Now all you have to do is not act like the character you've possessed and it'll be fine, you think?

Your fiancé being Vil Schoenheit makes it a little harder to behave like a human being with functional braincells, but hey, atleast he likes you, you think?

2. Villain System vs World || Riddle Rosehearts

You have a guilty pleasure: trashy villainess stories. So when you die a frankly, humiliating death, and end up in one of the worst ones you've had the pleasure of reading as the villainess, you're in denial. Then the villain system shows up. Well, there goes your second chance at life So what do you do now? Do villainous things and cause as much chaos as you can, of course. And maybe, just maybe, bag the male lead, Riddle Rosehearts while you're at it.

3. I'd Rather Date the Male Lead's Dad || Lilia Vanrouge

When you end up in your best friend's favourite but absurd novel about breaking a fae prince's curse as the heroine, you didn't expect to get attached to his little family too. Even more unexpected? You fell for the male lead's dad, but hey it looks like he likes you too.

4. Accidentally Falling for a Fae Prince || Malleus Draconia

When you get dragged into a novel which ends with the heroine in a polycule with the most annoying men in literature, as the heroine herself, you decide that you're gonna skip town. ...Only to trip over the fae prince, Malleus Draconia.

5. Not Another Royal Mess || Azul Ashengrotto

As a proofreader who gets isekai’d into a cringeworthy novel as the villainess, you decide to take revenge on the heroine and male lead for their awful story. With Azul—who just wanted to sell you a magic rock—pulled into your chaos.

6. Love Triangles and Royal Rumbles || Leona Kingscholar

When you get isekai'd as the male lead in the novel where your favorite character, Leona Kingscholar is the second male lead, all that's left to do is rewrite the romance!

7. I Want To Retire! || Idia Shroud

You write a novel that reads like a dumpster fire and while trying to delete the draft, you accidentally get isekai’d into it.

Now, as the villainess, you have to get Idia Shroud on your side as well as survive high society. You have your work cut out for you.

8. Stealing the Plot for Drama || Jamil Viper

The book you've been looking forward to turns out to be a piece of crap, and you have the bad luck of getting pulled into it as the villainess.

So you decide to steal the main character's show, just for sport with the help of your fiancé, Jamil Viper.

9. Falling for the Sun in a Cold Empire || Kalim Al-Asim

You lose everything you've worked for after a freak accident and end up getting transported to the novel that you read when you were a teenager.

As the villainess. It's time to rebuild yourself, one step at a time with a little help from Kalim Al-Asim, your betrothed.

10. My Consort Calls Me Shrimpy || Floyd Leech

You get isekai'd into a novel where the perfect Empress got absolutely wrecked by the plot, and now you have to juggle a bland heroine, 15 weird consorts, a traitor and a delightfully unhinged eel who’s oddly good at solving your problems.

11. Get Me Out of Here || Rook Hunt

You’re isekai’d into a trashy novel and stuck as a tragic side knight character. All you want is survival, but your boss is Rook Hunt—a poetic, eccentric duke.

Now you’re caught in his chaos and, worse, you kinda don’t mind.

12. How to Ruin a Plot || Jade Leech

When you end up as the villainess in a story that's hellbent on making her suffer for no reason, you decide to make the main characters suffer just for catharsis. Good thing that your fiancé, Jade Leech seems to like chaos as much as you.

13. I Want a Refund || Trey Clover

When the universe dunks you into a dumpster fire of a novel as the villainess, survival is key. Except your husband, Trey Clover, turns out to be such a green flag that it gets a little harder to function.

14. I Don't Want the Heroine || Ruggie Bucchi

You get isekai’d into what could only be described as an affront to literature, as the second male lead. So you decide to cut all ties with the heroine and live a peaceful (wealthy) life with your secretary, Ruggie Bucchi. Except life doesn't go as planned as you get more chaos than you signed up for.

15. My Knight is Too Loyal || Sebek Zigvolt

You wake up as the villainess in a novel that had to be written as a joke. The heroine is trying to ruin your life, but if you refuse to acknowledge her, then it’s not happening. Right? …Right??

It doesn't help that your knight, Sebek, is annoyingly endearing.

16. How to Escape a Kingdom || Silver

You get isekai’d as the heroine in a bad novel. The prince is awful. The villainess is worse. The only thing keeping you going is your gorgeous, tired fiancé, Silver.

Be clingy with me. Always talk to me. Annoy me. Send me selfies. Tell me about your day. Come to me when you overthink. I really love those things.

imagine hurting someone who’s only goal was to make you happy

Everyone in R99 is so polite, like even Lilya doesn’t really care for fighting unless it’s something she won’t have an unfair advantage in so she doesn’t really get into scuffles and moreso breaks stuff.

Then there’s MedPocket, who quite literally implied they bite ppl on the regular

When your Character...

Gets into: A Fight ⚜ ...Another Fight ⚜ ...Yet Another Fight

Hates Someone ⚜ Kisses Someone ⚜ Falls in Love

Calls Someone they Love ⚜ Dies / Cheats Death ⚜ Drowns

is...

A Ballerina ⚜ A Child ⚜ Interacting with a Child ⚜ A Cheerleader

A Cowboy ⚜ A Genius ⚜ A Lawyer ⚜ A Pirate ⚜ A Spy

A Wheelchair User ⚜ A Zombie ⚜ Beautiful ⚜ Dangerous ⚜ Drunk

Funny ⚜ In a Coma ⚜ In a Secret Society ⚜ Injured ⚜ Shy

needs...

A Magical Item ⚜ An Aphrodisiac ⚜ A Fictional Poison

A Coping Strategy ⚜ A Drink ⚜ A Medicinal Herb ⚜ A Mentor

Money ⚜ A Persuasion Tactic ⚜ A Quirk ⚜ To be Killed Off

To Become Likable ⚜ To Clean a Wound ⚜ To Self-Reflect

To Find the Right Word, but Can't ⚜ To Say No ⚜ To Swear

loves...

Astronomy ⚜ Baking ⚜ Cooking ⚜ Cocktails ⚜ Food ⚜ Oils

Dancing ⚜ Fashion ⚜ Gems ⚜ Herbal Remedies ⚜ Honey

Mushrooms ⚜ Mythology ⚜ Numbers ⚜ Perfumes

Roses ⚜ Sweets ⚜ To Argue ⚜ To Insult ⚜ To Kiss

To Make False Claims ⚜ Wine ⚜ Wine-Tasting ⚜ Yoga

has/experiences...

Allergies ⚜ Amnesia ⚜ Bereavement ⚜ Bites & Stings

Bruises ⚜ Caffeine ⚜ CO Poisoning ⚜ Color Blindness

Facial Hair ⚜ Fainting ⚜ Fevers ⚜ Food Allergies

Food Poisoning ⚜ Fractures ⚜ Frostbite ⚜ Hypothermia

Injuries ⚜ Jet Lag ⚜ Kidnapping ⚜ Manipulation ⚜ Mutism

Pain ⚜ Paranoia ⚜ Poisoning ⚜ More Pain & Violence

Scars ⚜ Trauma ⚜ Viruses ⚜ Wounds

[these are just quick references. more research may be needed to write your story...]

Writing Resources PDFs

people are excited for anjo nala and their free six star while I’m excited bc medpoc

Love jinx

Part 1, part 2, part 3.

Warning: SFW, NSFW!, comfort, profanity, unknown gender, lewd talk, Medicine Pocket ooc, headcanons, blurred boundaries of a genderless reader, implies your job at Laplace, Medicine Pocket - they/them.

Word count: 3000≈

From the author: I don't know how long my desire to write anything will last... I really love it, but I change my tastes and hobbies too quickly. So if I disappear for a long period of time, it's okay. I come back, usually. With Medicine Pocket, it's impossible not to get back to writing, you know?

I'll probably write another piece of headcanon on this topic and then try to develop the drabbles, it's been a while since I've done one. Doramas occupy my free time, it's fun to get inspiration from there.

English - not my first language.

Enjoy reading!

SFW

Please accept my sincere congratulations if you have become a Medicine Pocket partner. It means you can hold their attention for so long that they fall in love with you.

Please prepare yourself for the fact that they've been hiding a COLOSSAL amount of energy since they first realized their crush and they plan to let it all out.

Finally they can cuddle with you indefinitely!!! They've finally gotten to the point where they can drag you on walks for hours without hesitation! At last they can touch you not as a friend, but as a lover?? God, hold that newborn puppy.

They will really act like a puppy for the first while. Perhaps a little superficially, doing completely trivial actions, but understand, this stage of the experiment they've been stuck on has lingered and they're just thrilled when they have the right to continue!

They still don't understand even themselves. What are they doing? Why are they doing it? Medicine Pocket just follow their heart. If they want to hug you, they hug you, if they want to kiss you, they kiss you. Now they can do it.

And no, they don't look stupid, at least not in your eyes. Sometimes they blush, sometimes they overreact like a volcano or geyser, but only for the first few months. Afterward, they'll just react... Internally. Because they'll have already been through it, and it will be easier.

They look at a lot of things through a "dog is man's best friend" prism. But the situation here is that they are not your friend, they are your partner. Your lover. Does that change their worldview? Not much.

"Medicine Pocket!"

"Huh? What do you need?"

"Hey, have you been listening to me at all?! I'm talking in front of you and you're flying in the clouds and looking at Y/n?!"

"I'm not allowed? Just say it again."

"Damn it, Medicine Pocket! You're not yourself! And Y/n keeps look at them.... Did you guys have a fight?"

"Ms. Regulus, I don't think it's any of our business-"

"What do I care! I don't like my friends acting weird."

"...Hm-m-m... Hm-m..."

"Ms. Regulus, I don't think there's any friendship between them now."

"What??? Mr. Apple, do you think they quarreled to the point where they are now enemies? What nonsense! Those two have never gotten to that point."

"Miss, look closely."

"What else is there to look at?"

"Do you think friends get that look?"

"Hm-m?"

"I mean, have you ever seen Medicine Pocket look at them like that before? What kind of friendship can we talk about?"

"I don't understand."

"How should I put it... I think they're lovers."

"Uh-oh... Huh?!"

Tight hugs. Medicine Pocket are very clingy partners, it is important for them to touch their partner somehow, whether it is a hug, holding hands, touching each other with skin or through clothes - everything is accepted. And everything is given back in the same volume.

"Medicine, take pity on your back. Better stand up and stretch properly if you're tired."

"I'm more than comfortable."

You wouldn't be so worried if you weren't sitting in different chairs and the distance between you was enough for Medicine Pocket to reach up with your whole body and hug your neck, resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Comfortable hanging like a jelly worm at the table?"

"Quite. Plus, they're tasty."

"Jelly berries are better."

"No way."

"Look, I don't doubt your stretch, but move closer then at least."

"Why do you care so much how I sit?"

"We're in a meeting."

Not that they like to shout about your relationship left and right, but they are not shy to show such small (and not so small) actions in a big crowd or at important events. Everyone knows everything for a long time, and those who are not satisfied - they are just jealous.

They don't know how to kiss. Yeah. It's not as bad as you'd think, but-- They're bad at it. But they learn fast! Just give them a couple sessions, oh, they'll love it. I'm sure you won't either.

If you can't do either, they can tease you for a while. Until it becomes clear that they are no better. Then they'll just grunt with a half smile. You both have a lot to learn.

Their kisses aren't even kisses at first. They're wet, emotional, ugly, you never know where they'll kiss you. But their favorite places are the lips and the back of the neck when they hug you from the back. If they have the chance, they'll kiss your shoulder.

They bite. They bite a lot. It doesn't matter where - almost you go has red bite marks, gritty skin from hickeys, and minor bruises when they hold you during coitus (I think they have pretty tenacious fingers). Of course, if there are places that hurt you too much, including your genitals - naturally they will remember them and not touch them. But biting is a way for them to show how much they like you.

If you want to bite them back, the first time you do, they'll give you a shocked look. Like, wtf? You're finally doing the same thing to them???

"... What was that."

"Sorry, I mistook your hand for my eclair. You won't be waving them around when you talk."

"... You're lying."

"You can't prove it."

"... Y/n."

"No."

"My darling..."

"Medicine Pocket, don't you dare."

"You're finally getting into it..."

"Medicine-"

There is a belief that if you don't speak your partner's love language, they will assume that you don't love them enough. It's a 50/50 situation here, but after the first time, get ready for them to get impatient for more biting. On their part, they will continue to bite as well, even more actively.

They 100% like your hair, whether it's short or long, but they favor the latter. Sitting and braiding your hair is soothing and your hair stays intact. But if that doesn't present itself - they like them too. Sometimes they need something to keep their hands occupied, you know?

"Please tell me, do you take me for a yorkshire terrier?"

"M-m-m...? What makes you think that?"

"Why do I have so many little tails all over my head?"

"You're just a hedgehog, get over it. If you snort..."

"Medicine Pocket."

"I get it, mhm. But isn't it cool? You look like a badass metalhead now."

"...Do you want to be on the team?"

"Huh?"

"Give me your hair, Doggo. I don't have to suffer alone."

They use all sorts of different nicknames for you, from the most banal "sweetheart" and "darling" to "pest" and "dumbass". The last ones, of course, are pronounced with more restraint.

In our case, they just eat something in the middle of the night after a tiring job. The emptying of the dog treat supply is attached.

Accept the fact that they have quite rowdy friends, just like themselves. Regulus and X alone are worth it. So don't be surprised if they start grabbing you and dragging you into all sorts of mischief. Don't worry, Medicine Pocket is usually always at your side, you'll all get what you deserve for your shenanigans.

They like loud music. Something like rock 'n' roll or metal, maybe electro or something, something half with meaning and a cool rhythm. So a lot of times when it's just the two of you, it's just the three of you: you, them and the music. They're fine with it. But! they'll turn it down if you're resting or you really, really need to concentrate. They know how to respect other people's concerns (in particular, just yours).

Everyone knows what dog people are like. And now you're in that category too. They always have at least 2-3 puppies running around at all times, and you have your own personal miniature guards. They yap at anyone but you. If you want, one will live with you (although it's probably illegal to keep animals specifically in rooms, but who says you're a law-abiding employee?) It's just a shame that the cats now smell dogs from you and avoid you.

Your personal doctor. Stomach ache? Take the pills in the third drawer of your desk. Horrible throbbing in your head? There were pills in the locker on the left, they don't seem to be gone yet. You need pads? They put them in the bottom drawer on purpose, they should fit you. Are you physically injured? 0.5 seconds, they'll digest the information on the fly and treat your wounds.

No one stammers on their qualifications, but you can't worry about pills and help.

They do not like to accept help when you try to support them morally. Even though you're partners, they just don't understand that help. They don't need it. They can handle it on their own.

Don't talk to them during this period. Don't try to get into their thoughts, moods, etc. Do not try to help, it will only make things worse. It doesn't matter what the situation is or how they come to it, whether it's another attempt to "humanize" Lucy or the failure of a very important experiment they had high hopes for.

Just, uh... Stick around. You know, somewhere. Walk around (just quietly), do your own thing, hum something, maybe even talk to yourself. Just do whatever it takes to show "I care. I'm here for you."

When this is over, they'll come to you. They will just crawl under your side and ask you about something that happened in their absence. Even if Medicine doesn't say anything for your help, know that they are grateful to the very depths of their souls.

NSFW

And this is where the difficulties begin.

Medicine Pocket don't identify themselves as any gender, moreover, they have no reproductive organs. And at first, you have to wonder. But they don't really think about it.

Why? Because they don't care too much about the topic at first.

They may not have a specific doctor's education, and I lean more towards veterinarian, but since they sometimes act as a doctor, we can conclude that they have some sort of doctor's education, which means that the subject of sex is not taboo for them at all.

This researcher is not one that desires you 24/7 and has an unconscionable amount of preferences.

Let's be honest, they probably aren't interested in such a thing as sex at all.

I believe that after the removal of reproductive organs they have lost at least half of their sensitivity in intimate places, if not all of it. They feel pain and all that, but they never really enjoyed it. They have many other ways of doing it.

I'm inclined to think they're asexual. And that explains their lack of interest in sex and such things, but just because they have no interest doesn't mean they can't be interested even a little bit. They have you now.

Yet, they love you more platonically. Hugging, kissing, spending time together and talking are priorities for them. Sex is just another nice perk you can explore together.

"What do you think of shibari?"

"How long ago did you start shooting in the forehead?"

"When I had to stick syringes in the board instead of darts. So?"

"How can I tell you my opinion on something I've never been involved in?"

"Solitaire."

"Medi, do I look like someone who's ever used it? I've never thought about tying anyone up."

"Who said you'd tie me up?"

"Same question for you."

"... "

"So you wanna try it once?"

"Fuck, which one of us has a libido at rock bottom?"

"What? I'm actually interested in this kind of thing for scientific purposes."

"I bet you've got a list of 1,000 and one ways to make me orgasm somewhere."

"Are you following me from this bottom with a camera?"

"Jesus, you're-"

They often wave off such ventures with phrases like "it's for science" and "I want to experiment with this...", you may no longer be surprised. Just say "yes" as you would to a phone scammer.

By the way, they have no desire to experiment with different places to do this. There's still something where their boundaries are strictly crossed by signaling tape. No prying eyes. Not even dog eyes (children are forbidden to look).

Even though they are chaos in its true incarnation and ruin the lives of half of Laplace, they aren't completely fucked up like many people think. When strangers to both of you look at you, their faces reflect only one emotion: pity for you.

Like they think you're, uh... Another animal to experiment on. And now let's think about the not-so-innocent thoughts that go through their heads... Uh-huh.

But really, Pocket is more than normal in all of this.

For example, they have their own rules when it comes to intimacy - nothing traumatizing. Nothing that could somehow cause harm or leave a more severe injury than a bite, a hickey, or a small bruise.

Yes, you'd think they'd be willing to experiment like mad scientists with evil intentions. The truth is, they are if it's interesting to them. And there's a lot of things they don't know, but not everything interests them enough.

They are pretty good at flirting, although they may not realize they have said something obscene. It's only when you hint at it that they realize. And they're pretty good at it directly.

If you flirt back with them, they don't get excited and flirt back. They just lose their filter, you know?

"I have a very important question."

"I'm busy, let's do it later..."

"It's urgent."

*deep sigh* "Just a minute."

"Is your heart free?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course not. I've got atria and aorta and ventricles and stuff in there."

"...That's not what I mean."

"I have no other heart."

"..."

"Is that it?"

"Oh, fuck you, you ruined my attempt at flirting."

"Are you fucking flirting with me?"

"I'm trying, thanks for noticing."

They're clearly leading this whole thing. Leading and not getting anything in return. Seriously, they don't need to be fucked back like they do you.

They enjoy watching you squirm in pleasure. How you wriggle against their hands or tongue, how you moan, how you beg them to continue. That's their ultimate reward.

But I think they would really like it if you praised them afterwards. Tell them what a great job they are doing, pat them on the head and just put them down. +100 for mood and everything.

They are willing to experiment, but not often. If you want to try a different position, some role play, toys, etc., they will definitely try it with you, if it is unconventional and interesting enough. But, uh no, anything to do with dogs in this regard only makes them disgusted and distrustful.

But I think they favor missionary and cowgirl, but only if you sit with your back to them. It's easier for them to control the situation.

They don't really care if it's going to be with clothes on or not. They're fine both ways, but if you have your own fetishes about it, well, they'll take that into account.

I wouldn't say they are immediately very caring partners afterwards. They will definitely check how you are feeling and then lie down next to you to rest. Then when you both have the energy - you'll clean up together.

Okay, fair enough. Medicine Pocket will have a really hard time admitting to themselves for the first time that they suddenly want to try something with you other than hugging and kissing. Like, why? They don't need it, and all of a sudden-

They are complete wrecks before they even start. But not shifting wrecks, but disappointed in themselves. It's not that bad, but they're a bit doomed.

But when the first time goes, it's a little stiff, it's a little different than a lot of people say, like, "wow, that was so great" or "that was a hot night." No. You just let each other relax the first time. Trust. And have fun with how idiotic they are.

I slide the comb up and down, and the hair becomes more manageable under the plastic tines. The tangled, messy strands line up like a ruler into something more pleasing to the eye. Finally, silence.

Emotions from the hard day are fading, and so is the urge to drop everything to hell. It's time to savor the minutes before bed. It's still illegal for two people to sleep in the same room - who follows the rules anyway, huh? Especially out of the two of us.

"Ha-ah, finally can lie down. I'm tired," — a heavy body thudded against the bed beside me. I set aside my hairbrush and fix my gaze on them, my lips involuntarily spreading into a smile.

"I think you're making my bed squeak louder," — I decided to tease a little before I suggested a topic for the evening. I didn't care that my bed wasn't made of wood but of iron, I could hear the mattress creaking.

"Just send in a request for a new bed, that's all."

The sheer calmness on their part alarms me, and also the fact that they don't take their wrist away from their eyes or look at me. Maybe their eyes are just tired. Anything's possible.

"How easy you have it. It didn't squeak like that before you started sleeping with me," — I chuckle, but decide to stay out of their way. I can tell by their voice that they're tired, so I just lie back on the pillow, spreading my arms out. My feet stay in my slippers on the floor, and we both end up taking up almost the entire bed in different positions.

"It's like I sleep with you every day."

It's true. Some nights they stay in my bed, and some nights I can't even wait a week to sleep together-who predicted an easy job all the time? Mercuria certainly won't predict anything easy.

"I'm not so heavy."

Oh, yeah? You'll be about 70 pounds if you're tall. I'm just saying:

"The bed doesn't care whether you're heavy or not. It'll bend without any external force."

Medicine finally sigh, and turns to face me. The look in their eyes is so... Mocking, after the fatigue. I guess I shouldn't have started this.

"Why so wistful? Like you want it to be an outside influence," — I press my lips together. Depends on whether they mean dumping a rather heavy Lucy or one of their adult dogs onto my bed. Or them.

I don't really feel like asking someone to take money out of the Laplace budget for me to buy a new bed. Just to give me money, I'm all for that.

"Don't count on being able to wreak chaos in my room."

"I was counting on it from the moment I walked in here."

"Thinking five moves ahead?"

"Always."

The corners of their lips twitch, but it doesn't come to a smile. Instead, they stare at the ceiling and make a indefinite hand gesture toward the rest of the room.

They're kind of pensive today.

"You've got this place so clean and tidy it's rippling in my eyes. Why do you like cleaning so much?"

I don't understand. I raise up on my elbows and look around. The table is littered with papers and Picrasma candies, a toy ball from the last walk is lying in the corner, clothes are hanging (trying hard) on the chair, and that in a crumpled state. On the floor are stacks of books from Laplace's library. Oh, right, need to give them away sometime.

"Is this a joke? Is my place in order?" — I stare at they like Christmas paraphernalia in a midsummer store window.

If order to them is my room, then... No, I know what chaos is. They're smiling through their teeth, staring at me now. It would have been better if they had kept their eyes under their arm and lay still further.

"The question is over. I'll assume I'm in order," — I sigh and lie back down on the soft pillow. I'll never take my head off it again.

There is silence between us for a while. I stare at the ceiling, and so do they. We're both in a state of boketto. It's been a long time since I've seen Medicine Pocket so... Pensive or something. Regulus would call it the calm before the storm.

Suddenly, they sigh loudly and beat their hands on the blanket, then sit up and move closer to me. Their looks are somber and clearly do not bode well as their head falls on my chest, and then they are relatively calm again. Sometimes I wonder if they have mental problems with expressing emotions, but no, during the experiments they show their full range of emotions.

My only question is, why do they have such a sour look on their faces lately?

Throughout the week, almost every night we spend together, they are like this. They just lie like that for a while, and then suddenly they go into the state of a child who didn't get candy.

And I decide to voice the question, also frowning:

"Did fleas bite you?"

Oh, I should have been softer. As it is.

Medicine Pocket shot me an angry glance and lowered his head again. Was that too rude? I'll never know how to talk to them. Their mood is like an arrow on a compass: one way or the other.

I put the back of my hand to their cheek. I don't know, maybe they're having another attack of love for me, and the energy is pouring out of them, and they're afraid to say so.

But their cheeks are just warm, even cool. Mentally I spread my hands apart and give up.

I'm used to it, but sometimes it's not just me who gets alarmed, so I had to be sure.

I slowly run my hand through their snow-white hair, spiritually rolling on the floor again from how soft and manageable it is. Why can't I have one of those?

"Sorry. Is something wrong?" — I soften, so as not to scare them. I'll still fight them to share their worries with me, it's too early to give up.

For a few seconds they are silent. But not their face. Medicine is the kind of person whose face is subtitled, and so it's not hard to tell what they're thinking even if they're silent.

First displeasure. Then disgust. Shame. Doubt and decision. Drum roll...

And...

Silence, eyes lowered into the blanket. Only their arms come around my waist and hug me tightly. I run my hands over their white strands, finally accepting defeat.

This goes on for a few minutes until I decide to turn off the light. Clap-clap and the lights go out, leaving only the faint glow of the nightlight on the nightstand. I love Laplace for its technology, honestly.

I suspect I'm not going to have a heart-to-heart to them. And just when I was getting comfortable, lightly covering my tired eyes with my lashes...

"Have you ever wanted to fuck me?"

And I open my five-kopeck eyes. Incomprehensible, surprised, I look at them through the darkness, and they stare at me point-blank. It's not sickening or unpleasant, but rather incomprehensible. The surprise on my face is not worth describing.

I'm just shocked.

"B-be specific. Why the question?"

"I should have asked at some point. Did you want it or not?" — you'd think they'd have no brakes at all. Just like that, head-on, like a truck, flying in and asking. But I can see in the nightlight the soft blush on their cheeks. Only now the meaning of the question reaches me, and I feel embarrassment rush to my fingertips.

"N-no, well, not that I want to..."

"Anyway, yes or no?"

"No," — I decide to be honest. "At least I hadn't thought about it until now."

To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it. It hadn't occurred to me since the moment I found out they didn't have reproductive organs. There were oh-so-many questions in my head at the time, but I had to keep them all quiet out of respect for them. And now they are so successfully (or not) resurfacing.

It doesn't seem to be the answer they were expecting. Their expression softens a little, but they're still scowling. Resting their chins on my chest and pouting pale lips.

"Would you like to try it?"

At this point, I just stare at them like I'm seeing them for the first time.

What do you mean, "Would you like to try it?"

I stare into the yellow eyes, but I see nothing but genuine interest. And insolence. Damn the fact that they were scientists, and they had to feed their demons, too.

So, what, now it's me?

And now he's gonna feed me to them.

I don't want to be eaten.

I lift my head and stare aimlessly at the iron ceiling, as if to avoid the conversation. Would I want to have sex with them? On the one hand, like yes, but on the other... Because of the fact that they, uh. As if to say, there's "nothing" for them to do with me. Would that be fair?

"How do you envision it?" — no, really, how?

"Do you want me to explain it to you in detail or can you figure it out for yourself, hm?"

"Medicine, damnit. Since when do you want to discuss this topic?"

They're silent now. They must have swallowed their tongue. No, seriously, it's... It's so weird to discuss this topic so abruptly when there wasn't even any premise! I sigh and spread my hands.

"I mean, not that I don't want to, it's an optional part of a relationship, but... of course I do, don't you think?" — honesty is kind of my forte, but in this thread, I'm a little... Ugh. Not embarrassed, but it's really embarrassing.

They continue to stare at me, and then rise and now hover over me without taking their eyes off me. Have I mentioned how serious they can be when they don't want to miss an opportunity to get results anytime soon?

Uh-oh... W-what are their actions implying?

"You mean you're okay with it? Great."

I dull my gaze somewhere down at their white T-shirt, stained with whatever it is. Nice stains, colorful. I think for only a couple seconds.

"I think that's what I need to ask you."

The expression on their faces changes to more confused, but in a mocking sort of way. They pout their lips slightly, and use one hand to lift strands of my hair up.

"Pfff, don't tell me you're too embarrassed about all this. It's not like you're five years old to have a topic like sex hidden from you."

Sometimes I really want to push them away to get them to back off, but it's such a situation that the topic will come up again sooner or later. Tomorrow, while we grab something for breakfast at the Laplace Cafeteria. Medicine Pocket and tact will clearly never cross paths. Only sometimes when Ezra or the other kids are around. Mesmer has warned they more than once about filtering they vocabulary in the presence of others, but it's like they listen to her.

"That's not the point."

I glance sideways, toward the window. It's well past midnight, and we're still awake. I'd give anything right now to be able to fall asleep in seconds like my mom.

"So fucking explain to me what's wrong?"

They glare at me expectantly. Inhale, exhale.

"I'm the only one who's going to enjoy sex. I don't like that," — I clapped them on the shoulder, not sure what I was trying to say. Comforting? That's so stupid. "You said yourself what bullshit it is and that you don't even need sex. So you're only going to fuck me, and I don't want to feel guilty that you won't have a good time either."

I'm expecting a flood of judgment in my direction. Come on, no pause. I'm really curious as to what made them want to sleep with me. No, well, I'm certainly not a beauty to be given a Miss Universe award, but actually...

They snort. Before I can prepare myself for a wave of anything, they beat me to it.

I stare at them again, uncomprehending. They don't hide their mockery now, just pout their lips, as if they'd foreseen this result before...

"Medicine Pocket," — I cross my arms over my chest in annoyance. "You knew I'd think that, didn't you?"

They make a gesture like it's "fifty-fifty", and I want to strangle them.

"That's not fair."

"Hm-m?"

"I'm actually concerned about your pleasure too! And you... You..."

"Bastard. Asshole. Come on darling, I like it, keep going," — they burst out laughing as I use a good amount of force to slap them on the shoulder with the palm of my hand. It's really not fair!

I sulked, shooting them a lightning-fast glance from under my hair. So they've thought this through from the very beginning, long before this conversation. Sometimes I think they'd punch the panzer of anyone's heart and make it beat to their previously thought-out rhythm.

Oh, that's me. I mean, they're testing it on me.

"I don't mind."

The rules of this game they're playing are starting to become clearer and clearer in my mind.

"You mean?.."

"If you're going to enjoy yourself physically while I fuck you, that's fine with me. Especially since who says I won't enjoy the process at all, hm-m-m?"

It's the end. I felt my heart break, beating so fast, so fast, like it was scared of something. Of course it's scared of something, damn it. Medicine Pocket deftly guides his fingertips down my thigh, scuffing up my t-shirt.

"Just imagine how much you're going to moan under me while I-"

I don't even want to know what expression I have on my face, I cover their mouth with my hand and stare away. Out of embarrassment. I try not to pay attention to the sudden sensations in my body from their actions. I probably look really stupid in Medicine Pocket opinion, but that's not what I care about.

My concern is that conversation is conversation and they're seriously offering to fuck me... Right now?

And in that snide tone of voice. And they're giving me something to think about.

Mommy, I'm going crazy. My ears are throbbing.

"Are you suggesting to me right now...?"

When they start smiling through my hand, I'm suddenly released.

This dog will drive me to the pen before old age or paperwork.

I take my hand away. Mine and theirs off my stomach. I wonder what they'll say.

"Why not? Especially since..."

"No."

"Hey, why not?"

Because the cancer on the mountain didn't whistle and the sky didn't burst into rainbows.

Forcibly, by the back of my head, I put them back on top of me. They pout, but they don't say anything. Still hoping their game will continue a little longer than my firm no.

"If I talked to you about dying now, and then offered to let you die, would you accept?"

"Ha-a, you're being dramatic again."

"Not at all."

I finger the white strands as Medicine intertwines our fingers. They're not sulking, no, not offended or disappointed by this conversation. Rather, all the accumulated stuff that was keeping them from thinking properly has come out of their soul.

When later they put their arms around my waist, pulling up my T-shirt, I don't protest, either. I just feel my fever rising again. We're both very tired, and I don't think anything good will come out of the business they suggests we try.

I chase thoughts of the conversation around in circles, staring out the darkness of the window. Their cold hands gradually warm against my skin, the fresh air from the ajar window mixing with our scents.

I don't feel disappointed by the conversation, but its abruptness doesn't let me go, nor does the warmth in my cheeks. I'm probably still red in the face.

And when their hints of what they're about to turn me into come into my head, I feel even worse.

I tuck us in with the blanket and close my eyes with the thought that someday this will come true until the knot in my stomach lets go.

"Good night."

Someday I'll answer them in the same coin.

I wanted to write this part faster, but there was no way the text wanted to flow until I wrote it in first person... It was something of a mess, and for the first few hours I was completely annoyed with how it turned out, until I sat down to edit. It came out well enough, it turns out. I also kept thinking I'd written too little, and when I sat down to edit, I realized I'd become my own enemy.

Anyway, there will be one more installment in this series (???) and then I'll be writing something separate. Hopefully the text will flow better there.

Thanks for reading!

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I'm so normal about her

You bought a cheap mirror from an antique store, not knowing it was enchanted. The mirror shows the reflection of the viewer 60 years in the future. You didn't realize it was magical because your reflection is... exactly the same.

Just want to leave this sketch here, which I didn't originally plan to finish in a sketchbook, but then I decided to convert it to digital... I'm pleased.

If anything, I'm working on continuing my headcanons and other small (and not so small) plots, and once I teach myself how to write dialog it'll go faster (I don't like any of it, it'll be long). I love writing these plots, but sometimes I get too caught up in the moment and... I'm too much of a perfectionist ಥ_ಥ

I'll just say I like the result and go to work from there 😺

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