Me, @ The Updated Version Of Wattpad : 🎶 This House Don't Feel Like Home 🎶

reasons to live-

The last few seasons of Grey's Anatomy

The stack of unread books at home

Yet to write love letters to all my best friends

Diana and Kuttus and kitties

Haven't got enough of eating certain food items

People in my life

Boating

Bianelle

Louis releasing COACOAC and Change

Reading COAGDP again

.

My mom made me get out of bed to unlock my bedroom door half an hour before my alarm went off (at 9:20, my alarm was supposed to ring at 10AM), when I slept at 5:15AM ; I missed all of my classes because I slept through them; I started writing(bullshitting) the assignment which I had to submit at 3 PM at 2:20 or so because I was having mental breakdowns thinking about it yesterday and I submitted it at 4 ; I got my period today and I'm having cramps AND I haven't eaten one single thing since now and it's 4:30PM and I genuinely feel like absolute shit and want to die.

edit : //and now my head hurts\\

cishets™ : why do you have to make everything gay

me : we don't make everything gay, y'all made everything straight when you decided to close your eyes to how queer history actually was, and enforce heteronormativity and cissexism to such an extent that pointing out how un-cishet things actually were seems to you as if we're making everything gay, when in fact things were always already pretty much gay and you were just too bigoted to see it

people : happy gandhi jaya-

me : no thank you

I felt today oh 🙂

I'm so fucking sick of adults telling me to exercise, telling me that I never move, telling me that I never listen when they tell me to exercise when I DO exercise, I'm so fucking sick of adults speaking to me as if I'm not trying hard enough when I'm doing something solely for them, because they kept telling me. What's the point of doing something they're telling you to do when they don't even acknowledge that you're doing it? I'm not gonna stop obviously, cause I promised my uncle, but I'm just sick of listening to my family scolding me for something I actually am doing right. And I'm sick of having to prove myself, so nowadays I never tell them that I am doing exercise lest they say that's not good enough or ignore it and keep scolding me, better to receive scoldings when they think I'm not doing it. And I'm so sick of feeling like I'm not wanted, that I'm just an annoyance, so much so that I don't even feel like coming to my grandparents ka house anymore, I genuinely don't. I just feel like keeping quiet and not talking to anyone because they get annoyed at me so quickly and that hurts, I'm at a point where I'm kind of even scared to talk lest I piss them off or something. I feel like I'm this annoying fly that they're trying to brush away but keep coming back. Honestly tho, that's the perfect representation of my feelings. I'm just sick and tired, y'know?

TW : MENTION OF SUICIDE

Do you also conjure up scenarios of you dying of suicide in multiple different ways and draw out how you're going to inform people and how they're going to react/feel and basically draw out a whole ass novel up in your head when you're feeling down and then once the story's done up in there, feel better and go live life monotonously like before the tiny breakdown or do you have good mental health?

I feel so lonely :)

I'm going over to my best friend's house for a sleepover tommo and i am filled with so much anxiety because I won't be at home. And i want to stay at home and i feel like a baby who has attachment issues but i am panicking so frigging much and i feel like drinking and binge eating and fuck-

damnnn, I see people actually liking my posts and I'm super grateful, but tbh I use this platform to post drafts and stuff like that hehe - Tumblr is kind of like my post space? If that makes sense. I didn't expect this, but thank you 🥺🖤