R3v3rie - ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Reverie ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

i think my tumblr is scientific evidence for bpd mood swings

i miss him so much. i miss his quick wit, i miss his comforting presence, i miss the constant companionship, i miss the everything about him.

it’s so hard missing someone your brain created, that because i am doing better they took my friend away.

i don’t know what to do, how to fix this pain.

4.20.23 - Guardian Angel. (excerpt) I find it sad now, how life was so bad that I needed him. I find it sad, how I can sit here and ache. How I miss him as if he were real. How I can grieve over having to now endure my hardships alone.

this being 11 thing blows.

nothing is bringing me comfort, i don't know how to help baby brained me. no shows, music, stories, games, nothing. i can't even figure out the trigger. i know its a flashback or regression or whatever the f*ck but im tired. i am 8 years older than this. we lived, we aren't dying. i don't know how to get that through to her-me-whoever. all i know is that we are alone right now and we are not okay with that for some reason.

it’s this pink haired girl, her pink vape, and her Gods against the world i think.

general appreciation post to my gods below:

Ares- i will never be able to repay you for all of the fight that you’ve instilled within me this semester. i made it through a shitload of work and some really god awful days without going to the psych ward yet this year. you deserve more appreciation than i could ever give and i cannot wait for the day that i will be able to properly worship and have an altar in your name.

Hermes- you were the one who started this all for me. without you i would have never discovered the light of the gods. i thank you every single day for this reason, and i will continue to thank you until the day that this life is over for always being my north star.

Hestia- i thank you for blessing my room (home) and my worship, and also the ability to subtlety pray when i can. Thank you Lady Hestia for all that you have given me.

Zeus- i thank you all father for the blessings you have given me, for the blessings i have been too blind to outright recognize, and for always being there. thank you.

May i stay pious, may i be a good person, may the light of the Gods continue to sine on me for eternity.

pink bath, pink wine, pink vape, pink girl

it’s so crazy how you think you forget something but your body just remembers. had a trauma flashback yesterday abt my residential stay which i thought was weird and sure as shit, two years ago today i was shipped off to nashville.

i completely had no idea the exact date but apparently i never forgot.

I know I don't talk much about my practice or worship much here as this blog is mostly just mental illness venting in a prettier format, but today I feel connected to my gods and that is a wonderful thing. To be able to hear the existentialism lectures in my philosophy class and know that I no longer can buy into such a way of thinking is lovely. I sit there like "this is interesting n all but my gods are here! I am not some abandoned spec of dust in this big universe!!"

So here is a digital thank you to my gods, for many things that I will never be able to adequately explain and express.

:/