I Wanted To Try Something New, And Since I Recently Discovered How To Do The 3D Effect Thingy In Procreate,

Ben strikes me as the only sane person in a room full of overdramatic weirdoes. Like Luther would be off puffing his chest and saving the world, Diego would be Brooding in a corner and Vanya would have one of her emotional speeches about being alone and he’d just be like

actual footage of the hargreeves trying to teach their 58 year old brother to floss

The Horror

things i think the Hargreeves should do post apocalypse:

Luther:

Any adult shop classes because I genuinely love mechanic!Luther and have been slipping that into like, all my aus where I can.

Goes to slam poetry nights because he genuinely enjoys poetry (hello space poetry from episode one about the comet or whatever) and maybe one day is confident enough to share his with other people

Gets some gym bros who all enthusiastically support him in a bro sort of way who are constantly getting their minds blown by how much Luther can lift and constantly going “YOOOOOO” while Luther tries to downplay things bc he’s embarrassed 

I don’t know I just want Luther to have actual friends

Probably goes to every astronomy event where people have telescopes and is known in that scene so every time there’s some event at the observatory newcomers are like “what the FUCK” when this bigass bodybuilder comes in and starts gushing about which planet is visible I don’t know

Spearheads a lot of the family’s museum (that aren’t art museum) outings, especially if they have any exhibit that even vaguely relates to outer space or planets or the moon or anything. 

Probably gets up at godawful hours on the morning to go hiking and see the sunrise because he really liked doing that on the moon and even though it isn’t quite the same he still loves to do it. (If he’s not hiking he goes up to Grace’s roof garden to watch it)

Diego:

He already does his fighting at the gym which is kind of cool I’m going to gently assume that he already has gym bros and if he doesn’t then he becomes somewhat more approachable after everything

(having your mother comes down to the gym and kiss your cheek or your teenage brother hop in to drag you away or you other very flamboyant sibling dance his way into the gym to fetch you doesn’t exactly do wonders for keeping a reputation going)

I do want to think that Diego takes up like,, whittling but I think he’d have to do it away from Vanya bc,, you know,, Leonard/Harold whatever was a woodcarver or something but idk maybe Vanya is cool with it - but just the image of Diego hunching over and carving at something and Klaus leaning over and trying to enthusiastically guess what it is while getting it super super wrong because Diego is a beginner and his starting pieces are all lumpy monstrosities makes me smile

Diego taking cooking classes so that he can surprise Grace by taking over dinner sometimes and letting her relax and do what she wants

I’ve said this somewhere before but Diego spearheading picnic events and forcing the family out of the house because he thinks it’s a nice thing for Grace to see the world and on god if any of his siblings fight him about it he will stuff their asses into a picnic basket himself because they are GOING

Gets dragged by Klaus into dumb ideas to “give ourselves a CHILDHOOD diego” more than any other member of the family. Which basically means that Diego is the one Klaus grabs to surf a mattress down the staircase and other dumbass ideas

Allison:

Probably ends up redecorating the mansion and completely redoing it to make it more modern and also less the horrible hellscape with taxidermied animals on the walls that it is. Her and Grace squad up to plan everything and then Allison makes everyone help when it comes to things like painting and building all the nice ikea furniture she just bought

Takes parenting classes as sort of extra credit for her custody case for Claire. I feel like eventually she and Patrick genuinely talk to each other, maybe at some kind of joint therapy, and sort of clear the air between them. They might never get back together, but they at least become sort of friends again. Mainly because I like the Patrick I’ve built up for myself in my head tbh

Occasionally attends craft classes with Klaus when she has a spare moment, because he goes to like,, all the local craft classes. She likes to spend the time with him. Is probably the only sibling who willingly attends with Klaus, but others get dragged along as well.

Probably takes up scrapbooking? She wants to have something physical to give to Claire so decides to go through like,, all the camera footage of their childhoods and pick out good images (because goodness knows they didn’t have cute family pictures) and maybe Grace uploads some of her memories to a harddrive with cute shit and they scrapbook together let me have this

on a related note buys a camera and starts trying to catch her siblings doing cute things for her scrapbook with the sort of determined energy of someone who has realized that she’s having to do her scrapbooking from security camera footage because their childhoods were fucked up

(she has a bajillion pictures of herself - thank you paparazzi - but all she has on her siblings is like… what, one of diego’s fighting posters and the two pictures of Vanya from her book and from the newspaper on the fucked up apocalypse concert??)

Klaus:

Genuinely goes to any and all craft classes offered at the community center and random places around town. Usually sort of a disaster, always a disaster when he drags along his siblings, and always proudly brings home his third grader worthy creations that Grace proudly puts on the shelves. He gets better at things the more he goes to them though, so there’s a progression of skill level in his crafts. Allison goes with him when she has time.

Has a knitting circle that he attends that is primarily made of little old ladies who dote on him. Five occasionally goes with but it often conflicts with Five’s other extra curricular activities.

Bakes at home a lot, with Grace’s supervision after some certain incidents that should remain unnamed. Tends to get ‘creative’ with the recipes but now that Grace is present to make sure it won’t be a disaster everyone is more willing to taste whatever comes out. Has, on at least one occasion, insisted on decorating cookies or icing cupcakes or whatever as a ‘family bonding activity.’

Goes with Ben to the movie theater frequently even to the gross horror movies that Klaus hates and Ben absolutely loves. Klaus always insists Diego come to the horror movies so that Klaus has someone physically there for him to hold onto when he’s scared. Five comes sometimes as well, but tends to critique the special effects - especially blood and blood splatter - which makes other people turn around to hush them.

Five:

I genuinely want to say he does gymnastics lessons. Mainly because I feel like he needs to do SOMETHING physical and get rid of his excess energy, and also I think it would be hilarious for him to be tumbling and teleporting and shit at the same time what a wild ride. Absolutely refuses to allow his siblings to come to any competitions or whatever, but they all end up showing up anyway.

Starts learning instruments. Asks Vanya for lessons on the violin so they can play together, it’s very cute. I also wants to say starts learning the piano because someone sent me an ask once about it and it was super valid. And Five can learn both because I say so and he doesn’t go to school he has the free time

Is on first name basis with a bunch of scientists and mathematicians online where they all yell numbers at one another. Probably in a super technical group chat with a bunch of people with actual doctorates who don’t actually know that Five doesn’t have a doctorate. 

Actually you know what just let Five start actually going to college like let him go to the local community college or start taking college classes or something. He can get his GED or whatever. Let this boy get a DEGREE

Goes to art classes, first because drawing therapy was something Klaus suggested and he wanted to get his brother off his back. Later because he enjoys it. There’s a life drawing group he frequents - he’s the youngest there and new people always do a double take when he shows up but Five is very meticulous in his art and is actually pretty good. Grace goes with him as well because I say so and they deserve bonding time together

Ben:

I mean he’s kind of dead but let him do things with his siblings as well!!

Like I said earlier, a total movie buff and loves going to see things in theaters. And by movie buff I just mean he sees a lot of movies. Bizarrely into horror movies for how sensitive a kid he always was. He goes to the theater with Klaus for the most part but likes to watch movies with the family as well. Klaus makes him watch every animated movie with him in return for Ben dragging Klaus to watch horror movies.

Probably ends up with a youtube channel?? does movie reviews and game playthroughs whenever Klaus has enough energy to manifest him. Is pretty popular but half his followers are because of the bizarre shit that goes on in the backgrounds of his videos. People figure out Klaus (who is a frequent guest) is The Seance and then Five jumps in to tell them dinner is ready or something and they’re like “wait is that the Seances brother with the portal powers who vanished when he was a teen and still IS a teen” and the fact that ben probably has a username that’s some shit like “bentacles” that klaus set up for him everyone is theorizing that the channel is just. Ghost Ben and Five who are being manifested by the Seance to?? play games? 

well. they’re half right.

it certain doesn’t help the rumor mill when Ben makes sarcastic comments about dying or how he can’t get arrested because he’s legally dead and shit like that.

“Yeah sorry I didn’t post yesterday Klaus’s knitting group ended up getting arrested somehow - I was there and I’m still not sure went down - so that’s why I didn’t manifest”

Vanya:

I mean obviously she plays the violin that’s her job. She also teaches Five how to play the violin when he expresses an interest!! She is very touched by the gesture

Swims to keep fit and is a frequent at the pool. Klaus once bugged her to let him come, but it’s really her thing that she just does by herself when she wants to get out of her own brain. She does promise Klaus that they’ll take a family trip to a water park one day though, which he enthusiastically takes her up on.

Attends a book club that she also half-shares with Ben. Ben doesn’t come with to any of the meetings, but she always buys two copies/borrow two copies from the library so that Ben can read along with them and he and Vanya discuss the books before she even goes to any of the meetings. Probably thought there would be more discussion of the books than complaining about their general lives, but keeps going because she lowkey wants an excuse to keep frequenting the bookstore where this cute girl works.

Her and Five steadily are making their way through all the coffee shops in the city (as well as through their menus) in search of the best cup of coffee. It’s just a fun thing they do together that the other siblings occasionally go with as well whenever they have time. Both Five and Vanya have notebooks where they record their ratings based on a variety of factors. Diego calls them pretentious and Klaus always gets the ones which are barely classified as coffee when he goes with (Five steals sips and makes faces but continues to do so)

Grace:

Frequents art museums and galleries! Supports a lot of beginning and local artists by buying their art and has a lot of rotating paintings and prints in the house depending on her mood. She got rid of pretty much like,, all the old painting that Reggie had up except for a few of her favs which she relocates to her new room that Diego put his foot down on giving her

Goes with Five to his art classes at first because, as a minor, he needed an adult to go with him for nudity reasons (it’s a life drawing class man). Grace didn’t expect to actually draw herself but Five insisted because he felt awkward with her just standing there. She prefers abstract styles herself (so many people at this art class have a crush on Grace you have no idea)

(actually goes with Five to most things he’s beginning for himself for at least the first lesson to sign him up as an adult because Five loathes having to ask his siblings)

Commissions someone to come and paint a portrait of the family that’s for them, where none of them are stiff and they’re all happy. She tips the artist fabulously for it and hangs the new family portrait in the place of honor above the mantle where Five’s portrait used to hang (they all destroyed it as a family bonding activity)

Keeps bees on the roof after one of the kids showed her an article about saving the bees. She can’t get stung and genuinely enjoys hanging out up there where she ALSO started a big garden because I say so and Grace deserves to be surrounded by flowers and bumblebees and happiness don’t @ me

ben, watching as diego and luther decapitate his statue: so no head?

klaus, trying to act discreet at the funeral: *quietly breaks his skateboard*

What can I say? Carmichael seems fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

0/7/18/2020

yma jae

Petition for Hazel and Agnes to go back in time and kidnap/adopt the Hargreeeves siblings

Benefits include:

They can literally just move to a different time period and Reginald will never find them

The world doesn’t end

Everyone calms tf down and becomes birdwatchers or something

Instead of being raised in an absuive mansion with illustrated lessons on how to kill people on the walls, they probably grow up on like a farm with cows and chickens and a goat and no Spikey Murder Dungeon in the basement, like seriously what the everlovin’ crap Reginald

Luther finally shuts up about the moon because he has no absuive billionaire of a father to send him there

Vanya gets to have like, emotions, which contributes to her not ending the world

The entire family goes to every last one of Vanya’s violin recitals

They wear matching T-shirts

Endless love and support for Klaus

His mom teaches him how to make vegan donuts and paper cranes rather than locking him up in a mausoleum

The world doesn’t end

Instead of, you know, death, Ben gets his own bookshelf and a garden and a cat named The Good Doctor Snugglebunches, Esquire.

Hazel and Agnes have to explain why/how they adopted seven children who were all born to different families on the exact same day all at once

Also why they named one of them Five

This is more of a problem than a benefit but it’s fantastic for anyone who gets to watch

The absolute hilarity of Hazel accidentally fangirling about Five’s Murder Escapades to a Five who was never recruited by a shadowy time travel agency

Hazel: “wow, it’s such an honor, your work in bukhara was absolutely legendary, I can’t believe—”

Little bebe Five, who has never been to Bukhara: “???????”

Five gets to break the laws of space-time as much as his little nerd heart desires without getting stuck in the literal apocalypse

Five: “I want to time travel”

Hazel, already pulling out his Time Travelin’ Briefcase: “okay, but I’m following along behind you just in case you get stuck sixteen years in the future, discover the world’s ended, and fall in love with a mannequin”

Five: “?????????????????????”

Agnes’s Vegan Donut Shop becomes a family business

They never have to deal with bad customers

Customer: *slightly raises their voice at Agnes*

Diego: *already pulling out his knives*

Allison becomes a Hollywood Starlet in any cinematic era she desires because time travel

Their interests are supported and encouraged by their parents regardless of what they are

Klaus: “I want to learn how to do makeup and wear skirts and also can I borrow your heels”

Agnes, who was unfazed by the whole Time Traveling Assassin thing and certainly doesn’t care about this: *gets out her car keys* “lets go shopping”

Diego, age six: “I want knives”

Hazel, a literal assassin who is fuzzy at best about the whole “raising children” thing and whose murder idol turned out to be a thirteen year old boy: “here’s a butterfly knife now try not to stab your brother”

(He stabs his brother)

The world doesn’t end

Hazel slides Vanya a donut every time someone tries to make her eat oatmeal. It causes a fight about properly balanced diets and good nutritional habits but no one dies

Allison never rumors her daughter because she was raised to respect others’ boundaries and to not abuse her powers

If anyone tries to pull the same “I’m the only one who has ever loved you, you can’t trust your family” crap on Vanya again, her five brothers, Scarily Competent Sister, Literal Assassin Father, and Rolling Pin Wielding Mother time travel to the moment before he says it and beat the living daylights out of him

The Commission isn’t a problem because the second someone touches a hair on Agnes’s head, her overprotective superchildren steal their dad’s briefcase, show up on the Commission’s doorstep, and utterly destroy them.

Vanya flattens them with a violin solo but not before Diego stabs everyone in sight and Five becomes newly confused as to why everyone here pisses themselves when he looks their way

The Handler, Dot, Gloria, the entire office pool, everyone caught in the Ol’ Grenade Incident of ‘19: “crap it’s number five, someone hide the bazookas”

Five, pausing in his quest to beat a man into unconsciousness with nothing but a stapler: “???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????”

They go caroling every Christmas as a family, not because they like it, but because everyone secretly derives pleasure from the pure unadulterated despair that they see in the neighbors’ eyes when the Rofa Family shows up on their doorstep and starts screeching Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer at the tops of their lungs

Yes, they all take Agnes’s last name

The world doesn’t end

Word of the Day: медсестра (Day 1)

This week, let’s honor healthcare workers.

медсестра /mʲɪtʲ͡sʲsʲɪˈstra/ noun, feminine – (medicine) nurse

Во время пандемии медсёстры работают, не покладая рук. During the pandemic, nurses work tirelessly.

Handwriting challenge reminder: reblog the word of the day with your handwriting added to the post and win a prize!  More details on the challenge here.