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Latest Posts by riotmambo - Page 9
Diego never went to another haunted house with Klaus ever again
based off of this blessed video if u don’t know
*police sirens in the distance*
Ben, who’s never done anything wrong in his life: they’ve around me
The Hargreeves as Death of a Bachelor songs
Luther (Number One): House of Memories
I think of you from time to time More than I thought I would You were just too kind And I was too young to know That’s all that really matters I was a fool
Diego (Number Two): The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty
If you wanna start a fight You better throw the first punch Make it a good one And if ya wanna make it through the night You better say my name like The good, the bad, and the dirty
Allison (Number Three): LA Devotee
Static palms melt your vibe Midnight whisperings
The black magic of Mulholland Drive Swimming pools under desert skies Drinking white wine in the blushing light Just another LA Devotee
Klaus (Number Four): Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time
I was the king of this hologram Where there’s no such thing as getting out of hand Memories tend to just pop up Drunk pre-meds and some rubber gloves Five-thousand people with designer drugs Don’t think I’ll ever get enough
Five (Number Five): Crazy=Genius
If crazy equals genius Then I’m a fucking arsonist I’m a rocket scientist If crazy equals genius You can set yourself on fire But you’re never gonna burn, burn, burn You can set yourself on fire But you’re never gonna learn, learn, learn hey!
Ben (Number Six): Hallelujah
Then the time for being sad is over And you miss ‘em like you miss no other And being blue is better than being over it
No one wants you when you have no heart and I’m sitting pretty in my brand new scars and You’ll never know if you don’t ever try again
Vanya (Number Seven): Impossible Year
There’s no good times This impossible year Just a beachfront of bad blood And a coast that’s unclear All the guests at the party They’re so insincere They just intrude and exclude
things i think the Hargreeves should do post apocalypse:
Luther:
Any adult shop classes because I genuinely love mechanic!Luther and have been slipping that into like, all my aus where I can.
Goes to slam poetry nights because he genuinely enjoys poetry (hello space poetry from episode one about the comet or whatever) and maybe one day is confident enough to share his with other people
Gets some gym bros who all enthusiastically support him in a bro sort of way who are constantly getting their minds blown by how much Luther can lift and constantly going “YOOOOOO” while Luther tries to downplay things bc he’s embarrassed
I don’t know I just want Luther to have actual friends
Probably goes to every astronomy event where people have telescopes and is known in that scene so every time there’s some event at the observatory newcomers are like “what the FUCK” when this bigass bodybuilder comes in and starts gushing about which planet is visible I don’t know
Spearheads a lot of the family’s museum (that aren’t art museum) outings, especially if they have any exhibit that even vaguely relates to outer space or planets or the moon or anything.
Probably gets up at godawful hours on the morning to go hiking and see the sunrise because he really liked doing that on the moon and even though it isn’t quite the same he still loves to do it. (If he’s not hiking he goes up to Grace’s roof garden to watch it)
Diego:
He already does his fighting at the gym which is kind of cool I’m going to gently assume that he already has gym bros and if he doesn’t then he becomes somewhat more approachable after everything
(having your mother comes down to the gym and kiss your cheek or your teenage brother hop in to drag you away or you other very flamboyant sibling dance his way into the gym to fetch you doesn’t exactly do wonders for keeping a reputation going)
I do want to think that Diego takes up like,, whittling but I think he’d have to do it away from Vanya bc,, you know,, Leonard/Harold whatever was a woodcarver or something but idk maybe Vanya is cool with it - but just the image of Diego hunching over and carving at something and Klaus leaning over and trying to enthusiastically guess what it is while getting it super super wrong because Diego is a beginner and his starting pieces are all lumpy monstrosities makes me smile
Diego taking cooking classes so that he can surprise Grace by taking over dinner sometimes and letting her relax and do what she wants
I’ve said this somewhere before but Diego spearheading picnic events and forcing the family out of the house because he thinks it’s a nice thing for Grace to see the world and on god if any of his siblings fight him about it he will stuff their asses into a picnic basket himself because they are GOING
Gets dragged by Klaus into dumb ideas to “give ourselves a CHILDHOOD diego” more than any other member of the family. Which basically means that Diego is the one Klaus grabs to surf a mattress down the staircase and other dumbass ideas
Allison:
Probably ends up redecorating the mansion and completely redoing it to make it more modern and also less the horrible hellscape with taxidermied animals on the walls that it is. Her and Grace squad up to plan everything and then Allison makes everyone help when it comes to things like painting and building all the nice ikea furniture she just bought
Takes parenting classes as sort of extra credit for her custody case for Claire. I feel like eventually she and Patrick genuinely talk to each other, maybe at some kind of joint therapy, and sort of clear the air between them. They might never get back together, but they at least become sort of friends again. Mainly because I like the Patrick I’ve built up for myself in my head tbh
Occasionally attends craft classes with Klaus when she has a spare moment, because he goes to like,, all the local craft classes. She likes to spend the time with him. Is probably the only sibling who willingly attends with Klaus, but others get dragged along as well.
Probably takes up scrapbooking? She wants to have something physical to give to Claire so decides to go through like,, all the camera footage of their childhoods and pick out good images (because goodness knows they didn’t have cute family pictures) and maybe Grace uploads some of her memories to a harddrive with cute shit and they scrapbook together let me have this
on a related note buys a camera and starts trying to catch her siblings doing cute things for her scrapbook with the sort of determined energy of someone who has realized that she’s having to do her scrapbooking from security camera footage because their childhoods were fucked up
(she has a bajillion pictures of herself - thank you paparazzi - but all she has on her siblings is like… what, one of diego’s fighting posters and the two pictures of Vanya from her book and from the newspaper on the fucked up apocalypse concert??)
Klaus:
Genuinely goes to any and all craft classes offered at the community center and random places around town. Usually sort of a disaster, always a disaster when he drags along his siblings, and always proudly brings home his third grader worthy creations that Grace proudly puts on the shelves. He gets better at things the more he goes to them though, so there’s a progression of skill level in his crafts. Allison goes with him when she has time.
Has a knitting circle that he attends that is primarily made of little old ladies who dote on him. Five occasionally goes with but it often conflicts with Five’s other extra curricular activities.
Bakes at home a lot, with Grace’s supervision after some certain incidents that should remain unnamed. Tends to get ‘creative’ with the recipes but now that Grace is present to make sure it won’t be a disaster everyone is more willing to taste whatever comes out. Has, on at least one occasion, insisted on decorating cookies or icing cupcakes or whatever as a ‘family bonding activity.’
Goes with Ben to the movie theater frequently even to the gross horror movies that Klaus hates and Ben absolutely loves. Klaus always insists Diego come to the horror movies so that Klaus has someone physically there for him to hold onto when he’s scared. Five comes sometimes as well, but tends to critique the special effects - especially blood and blood splatter - which makes other people turn around to hush them.
Five:
I genuinely want to say he does gymnastics lessons. Mainly because I feel like he needs to do SOMETHING physical and get rid of his excess energy, and also I think it would be hilarious for him to be tumbling and teleporting and shit at the same time what a wild ride. Absolutely refuses to allow his siblings to come to any competitions or whatever, but they all end up showing up anyway.
Starts learning instruments. Asks Vanya for lessons on the violin so they can play together, it’s very cute. I also wants to say starts learning the piano because someone sent me an ask once about it and it was super valid. And Five can learn both because I say so and he doesn’t go to school he has the free time
Is on first name basis with a bunch of scientists and mathematicians online where they all yell numbers at one another. Probably in a super technical group chat with a bunch of people with actual doctorates who don’t actually know that Five doesn’t have a doctorate.
Actually you know what just let Five start actually going to college like let him go to the local community college or start taking college classes or something. He can get his GED or whatever. Let this boy get a DEGREE
Goes to art classes, first because drawing therapy was something Klaus suggested and he wanted to get his brother off his back. Later because he enjoys it. There’s a life drawing group he frequents - he’s the youngest there and new people always do a double take when he shows up but Five is very meticulous in his art and is actually pretty good. Grace goes with him as well because I say so and they deserve bonding time together
Ben:
I mean he’s kind of dead but let him do things with his siblings as well!!
Like I said earlier, a total movie buff and loves going to see things in theaters. And by movie buff I just mean he sees a lot of movies. Bizarrely into horror movies for how sensitive a kid he always was. He goes to the theater with Klaus for the most part but likes to watch movies with the family as well. Klaus makes him watch every animated movie with him in return for Ben dragging Klaus to watch horror movies.
Probably ends up with a youtube channel?? does movie reviews and game playthroughs whenever Klaus has enough energy to manifest him. Is pretty popular but half his followers are because of the bizarre shit that goes on in the backgrounds of his videos. People figure out Klaus (who is a frequent guest) is The Seance and then Five jumps in to tell them dinner is ready or something and they’re like “wait is that the Seances brother with the portal powers who vanished when he was a teen and still IS a teen” and the fact that ben probably has a username that’s some shit like “bentacles” that klaus set up for him everyone is theorizing that the channel is just. Ghost Ben and Five who are being manifested by the Seance to?? play games?
well. they’re half right.
it certain doesn’t help the rumor mill when Ben makes sarcastic comments about dying or how he can’t get arrested because he’s legally dead and shit like that.
“Yeah sorry I didn’t post yesterday Klaus’s knitting group ended up getting arrested somehow - I was there and I’m still not sure went down - so that’s why I didn’t manifest”
Vanya:
I mean obviously she plays the violin that’s her job. She also teaches Five how to play the violin when he expresses an interest!! She is very touched by the gesture
Swims to keep fit and is a frequent at the pool. Klaus once bugged her to let him come, but it’s really her thing that she just does by herself when she wants to get out of her own brain. She does promise Klaus that they’ll take a family trip to a water park one day though, which he enthusiastically takes her up on.
Attends a book club that she also half-shares with Ben. Ben doesn’t come with to any of the meetings, but she always buys two copies/borrow two copies from the library so that Ben can read along with them and he and Vanya discuss the books before she even goes to any of the meetings. Probably thought there would be more discussion of the books than complaining about their general lives, but keeps going because she lowkey wants an excuse to keep frequenting the bookstore where this cute girl works.
Her and Five steadily are making their way through all the coffee shops in the city (as well as through their menus) in search of the best cup of coffee. It’s just a fun thing they do together that the other siblings occasionally go with as well whenever they have time. Both Five and Vanya have notebooks where they record their ratings based on a variety of factors. Diego calls them pretentious and Klaus always gets the ones which are barely classified as coffee when he goes with (Five steals sips and makes faces but continues to do so)
Grace:
Frequents art museums and galleries! Supports a lot of beginning and local artists by buying their art and has a lot of rotating paintings and prints in the house depending on her mood. She got rid of pretty much like,, all the old painting that Reggie had up except for a few of her favs which she relocates to her new room that Diego put his foot down on giving her
Goes with Five to his art classes at first because, as a minor, he needed an adult to go with him for nudity reasons (it’s a life drawing class man). Grace didn’t expect to actually draw herself but Five insisted because he felt awkward with her just standing there. She prefers abstract styles herself (so many people at this art class have a crush on Grace you have no idea)
(actually goes with Five to most things he’s beginning for himself for at least the first lesson to sign him up as an adult because Five loathes having to ask his siblings)
Commissions someone to come and paint a portrait of the family that’s for them, where none of them are stiff and they’re all happy. She tips the artist fabulously for it and hangs the new family portrait in the place of honor above the mantle where Five’s portrait used to hang (they all destroyed it as a family bonding activity)
Keeps bees on the roof after one of the kids showed her an article about saving the bees. She can’t get stung and genuinely enjoys hanging out up there where she ALSO started a big garden because I say so and Grace deserves to be surrounded by flowers and bumblebees and happiness don’t @ me
Just Some Interesting Things I Found In The Umbrella Academy Comics
Do with this what you will.
*in the afterlife*
Klaus: come on I’m rescuing you let’s get out of here
Ben, hugging Freddy Mercury’s leg: but I don’t want to
Ben, with a ghost kitten. “Her name is Mori and if she meows when you talk, it’s because you’re a bitch.”
(if you ask me, Ben is a bunny person, but I like to think Ben is the type of ghost to pick up little ghostly animals until they move on)
Can’t believe I hadn’t uploaded this one here yet
🔥 my insta
Your local junkie on his way to sell his dad’s shit to get his daily fix !
lectures from ur dead brother
((please click for some quality NO.4 content))
Ben and Klaus Hargreeves are such a lovable duo!
lookie here its our fave ghostly duo !!! finally finished this after a long while OOF–
Ben: how do you make time fly?
Five: time isn’t real
Klaus: give him a break, he’s dead
Five: but it’s not-
Ben, crying: y-you throw the clock
Anyway do I have to write this klaus & diego buddy cop fic my damn self or what
Petition for Hazel and Agnes to go back in time and kidnap/adopt the Hargreeeves siblings
Benefits include:
They can literally just move to a different time period and Reginald will never find them
The world doesn’t end
Everyone calms tf down and becomes birdwatchers or something
Instead of being raised in an absuive mansion with illustrated lessons on how to kill people on the walls, they probably grow up on like a farm with cows and chickens and a goat and no Spikey Murder Dungeon in the basement, like seriously what the everlovin’ crap Reginald
Luther finally shuts up about the moon because he has no absuive billionaire of a father to send him there
Vanya gets to have like, emotions, which contributes to her not ending the world
The entire family goes to every last one of Vanya’s violin recitals
They wear matching T-shirts
Endless love and support for Klaus
His mom teaches him how to make vegan donuts and paper cranes rather than locking him up in a mausoleum
The world doesn’t end
Instead of, you know, death, Ben gets his own bookshelf and a garden and a cat named The Good Doctor Snugglebunches, Esquire.
Hazel and Agnes have to explain why/how they adopted seven children who were all born to different families on the exact same day all at once
Also why they named one of them Five
This is more of a problem than a benefit but it’s fantastic for anyone who gets to watch
The absolute hilarity of Hazel accidentally fangirling about Five’s Murder Escapades to a Five who was never recruited by a shadowy time travel agency
Hazel: “wow, it’s such an honor, your work in bukhara was absolutely legendary, I can’t believe—”
Little bebe Five, who has never been to Bukhara: “???????”
Five gets to break the laws of space-time as much as his little nerd heart desires without getting stuck in the literal apocalypse
Five: “I want to time travel”
Hazel, already pulling out his Time Travelin’ Briefcase: “okay, but I’m following along behind you just in case you get stuck sixteen years in the future, discover the world’s ended, and fall in love with a mannequin”
Five: “?????????????????????”
Agnes’s Vegan Donut Shop becomes a family business
They never have to deal with bad customers
Customer: *slightly raises their voice at Agnes*
Diego: *already pulling out his knives*
Allison becomes a Hollywood Starlet in any cinematic era she desires because time travel
Their interests are supported and encouraged by their parents regardless of what they are
Klaus: “I want to learn how to do makeup and wear skirts and also can I borrow your heels”
Agnes, who was unfazed by the whole Time Traveling Assassin thing and certainly doesn’t care about this: *gets out her car keys* “lets go shopping”
Diego, age six: “I want knives”
Hazel, a literal assassin who is fuzzy at best about the whole “raising children” thing and whose murder idol turned out to be a thirteen year old boy: “here’s a butterfly knife now try not to stab your brother”
(He stabs his brother)
The world doesn’t end
Hazel slides Vanya a donut every time someone tries to make her eat oatmeal. It causes a fight about properly balanced diets and good nutritional habits but no one dies
Allison never rumors her daughter because she was raised to respect others’ boundaries and to not abuse her powers
If anyone tries to pull the same “I’m the only one who has ever loved you, you can’t trust your family” crap on Vanya again, her five brothers, Scarily Competent Sister, Literal Assassin Father, and Rolling Pin Wielding Mother time travel to the moment before he says it and beat the living daylights out of him
The Commission isn’t a problem because the second someone touches a hair on Agnes’s head, her overprotective superchildren steal their dad’s briefcase, show up on the Commission’s doorstep, and utterly destroy them.
Vanya flattens them with a violin solo but not before Diego stabs everyone in sight and Five becomes newly confused as to why everyone here pisses themselves when he looks their way
The Handler, Dot, Gloria, the entire office pool, everyone caught in the Ol’ Grenade Incident of ‘19: “crap it’s number five, someone hide the bazookas”
Five, pausing in his quest to beat a man into unconsciousness with nothing but a stapler: “???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????”
They go caroling every Christmas as a family, not because they like it, but because everyone secretly derives pleasure from the pure unadulterated despair that they see in the neighbors’ eyes when the Rofa Family shows up on their doorstep and starts screeching Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer at the tops of their lungs
Yes, they all take Agnes’s last name
The world doesn’t end
klaus: is she crying? is she crying?
ben: a little
klaus: you should be WAILING, you stone cold bitch!
klaus: now call our other sister.
ben: klaus made me call our siblings and tell them he was dead to see how they would react.
since we're doing rare pairs maybe Ben x Five with B1? please and thank you. sorry for bothering you.
you’re not bothering me!! this most likely the last request i’ll take for awhile tbh but i love these two boys haha!!
thanks for sending in a request💕
It will never stop being funny for me how Ben was first introduced in the series as this brooding dark ghost that’s haunting Klaus but 4 episodes later he’s happily yelling ‘WHEEE!’ in an ice cream truck while holding a popsicle.
Now if you think about it, shouldn’t be surprising when you take into account that his first interaction in the series is him and Klaus trying to decide if they should eat waffles or not.
the Hargreeves + stealing Luther's clothes
Because no-one else is doing it. You cowards have forced my hand.
- As expected, Klaus started it
- It was movie night, and Klaus was cold
- He snuck upstairs and stole Luther’s turtleneck
- He forced Five to share with him and Allison got pictures
- Shockingly, the next culprit was Diego
- He had gone vigilante-ing in the rain (like an idiot)
- Luther was helping Grace with dinner when Diego walked into the kitchen in one of his t-shirts
- Fearing for his life, he didn’t say anything
- Next up is Ben
- Him and Klaus found out how to keep him corporal for hours at a time
- The downside to that is feeling physical things again
- Like temperature
- Luther walked into the living room to see Ben curled up on the couch with a book and his corduroy jacket
- He wouldn’t say it, but it warmed his heart
- With Allison, it was a commen occurance
- Even when they were younger, she always traipsed around in his hoodies and sweatshirts
- Vanya was very conspicuous when she did it
- I mean, have you seen Luther and Vanya’s height difference?
- Luther’s just glad she’s comfortable enough with him to do it
- Currently Its the same with Five
- When they were younger though, they swapped clothes all the time
- Grace somehow managed to always mix up their uniforms
- One time, they dyed their hair and pulled a prank on the paparazzi
- Eventually it becomes a problem when Luther looks in his closet and there’s like, two shirts left
- He awkwardly brings it up at dinner and they all deny involvement
- The next day his closet was full again
- A week later it was empty again
If you think Klaus isn’t going to take full advantage of everyone believing him about Ben in season two then you’re wrong.
Klaus: Ben said that I’m totally right and we should go set that store on fire because they wouldn’t sell me fifty-two ring pops.
Diego: I don’t think that sounds right…
Klaus: Ummm excuse me who is the medium here?
Ben: Klaus, for the ever-loving-fuck.
For the anon who wanted ben in n3 for the sleepy prompts
Anon .... thank you so much because I love him and I would die for him
Excerpts from Extra-Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven by Vanya Hargreeves ↪ Apocalypse Suite | issue 2 ; page 1
A collection of cute siblings ❤️☂️