People Don't Talk Enough About How Fucking Funny It Is That Bruce Can Sub In His Kids As Batman When

happy deathday to my baby boy😢sorry I'm late again.

I'm always on a Visored/Ichigo kick but it's been especially bad lately. Sooo have some little hollow instinct AU?? plot bunnies that won't get bigger than this but still wanted to hop around.

Is it trauma, power dynamics, or hollow instincts? The world may never know.

The world does actually know and it's all three.

⚠️ Some strange relationship and/or combination of Visored/Ichigo/Kisuke because that's my jam and I'm partying alone. ⚠️

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Ichigo doesn't know what he looks like when he's like this. No one else knows either, which is a good thing because people have destroyed and conquered worlds for less.

Long limbs sprawled, belly down and back exposed. There's a blanket drapped over his hips more for the comforting weight than any warmth. His tan skin glows in the low lighting and his hair looks like soft embers.

He smells like them. He looks like theirs. He's sleeping in their space. It hits a lot of things they knew would appeal to them but not to this extent.

He's taken their advice to heart, about getting familiar with the new hollow instincts and just do what feels right. At least until he's able to separate the things that are more him and more hollow.

It's driving them nuts. He's shameless and he doesn't even know it.

He presses his face against their faces and throats, the bridge of his nose pressing against the underside of their jaws and nuzzling real quick before darting off. The scent of him clinging to them and the submissive gesture, ducking to press under their jaw, is addicting.

It's a intimate greeting, one they don't even really give to each other but Ichigo uses it multiple times a day. A happy, warm and loving gesture that says hihelloimhereandyourehereandimveryhappy each time he does it. They kind of dread him figuring out how personal it is because he'll stop.

He makes himself small when he's anxious or scared, when he lets himself act his age for once. He holds himself well, they'll give him that. It's hard to tell unless he wants you to know but there are signs they pick up on, along with Kisuke's hints.

It's easier to be vulnerable at night, when it's dark and it doesn't seem so bad to seek out warmth and comfort.

They're particular about sleeping arrangements. They don't like others in the same area as them while they sleep. They puppy pile, as Mashiro happily calls it, not able to fully relax unless they're tangled up with at least 3 other people. The only people in the world they trust completely, with every part of their souls, and Kisuke.

And apparently Ichigo because he slips right in, and not only does he sneak in without kicking off their instincts but gets up against their throats without so much as a twitch from them. He stays above the blankets and avoids the mess of limbs, which is both smart and makes them frown. Desperate for comfort but still holding himself back, he probably would have tried to leave without them noticing if they hadn't woken up

The jackrabbit heartbeat and shaky breathing is what actually wakes them up.

There's a brief moment where everyone kind of freezes as they process what's happening, and then wait to see which one of them will kick him out, which of them will crack first at having a stranger in their space.

But it doesn't happen.

Everything stays silent and still except for the shaky breathing still coming from Ichigo, they swear they can hear feel his heart pounding, and a little keening noise that's so faint they miss it at first. It zips up their spines as soon as they notice, it's like a straight shot of adrenaline and a protective awareness surges in their chests.

They know there's no actual threat, they would have felt it, and they know that the kid just had a nightmare or was thinking too hard and worked himself up. But it doesn't seem like their instincts understand that.

They've never made that sound, not a single one of them ever, and they've made some weird noises. It's a terrible sad, lonely, scared noise and they don't ever want to hear it again.

This all happens in the span of a few minutes, enough for Ichigo to start calming down a little. He's not as tense and his breathing has gotten slower. Not enough to indicate he's asleep yet but he's on his way.

They all squish in closer and Ichigo falls right asleep, his cold nose and wet cheeks pressed into warm skin.

Hollows do not purr like cats, at least in their experience, but they swear to god they all woke up to purring at different times during the night.

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Ichigo starts sitting between their legs, most often when he's injured. Not kneeling, although that's a pretty picture, just sitting down so he's bracketed on both sides by their legs, back to them. Safe.

Lisa and Mashiro play with his hair, Lisa mindlessly as she flips through her magazine and Mashiro makes tiny braids before taking them out and starting over.

Kensei doesn't do much, usually puts his elbows on his knees so he's curved protectively over Ichigo. Occasionally rubbing his knuckles on Ichigo's jaw and petting at his throat.

Shinji tries to always keep a hand on him, tangled in his hair, resting on the side of his throat, or brushing against his cheek.

Ichigo doesn't do it often or around other people and they all try to respect that. He has to be Ichigo, strong, stubborn, impossible, and the one people look to.

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The thing people forget is that while wounds heal, the body and soul remember.

It can be a lot of strain, going in and out of his human body so frequently, especially when both soul and body are so familiar with stress, bruises and breaks.

Ichigo may heal quicker than most with his hollow and access to good healers but the echoes linger longer than most others. Especially when injuries are made with intention. Wounds from hollows hurt of course, but there's usually not a lot of thought behind it. So the wounds are more random, varying depths and severity.

Wounds by people shinigami, bounts, quincy, etc are more precise. They know where to aim to make it devastating, agonizing, and life changing.

Ichigo has fought a lot of people and it shows.

He bares his burdens and more in front of people like he's fine. He smiles and laughs, meets all the demands for fights with his own wild grin, moves like he's never had a injury in his life and people don't question it.

There's an area of his chest, and his back, that burn. A few spots of a constant and deep heat that make breathing feel hard.

His shoulders itch and ache, the kind that feels like it's down under the muscle. Nothing helps and lifting his arms is difficult.

A long, dragging catch following the lines of his lower ribcage. Breathing too deeply makes it burn and crackle in sharp pain, short and shallow breaths aren't satisfying but it keeps the pain manageable.

Headaches from countless concussions, a sore jaw from all the times it's been broke, fingers and toes that don't feel right anymore and ache terribly in the cold.

It's not all the time, just occasionally. Things like going back and forth too many times from his body, extreme temperatures, new wounds over the old, etc all cause flare ups.

He's too young to have so many aches.

They're protective over those spots. They can't and won't interfere with his fights unless it's critical but they keep an eye on wounds in those areas. They frown and scare off people when Ichigo starts to flinch from heavy arms being thrown around his shoulders or careless jabs in his side.

Sometimes their old wounds flare up and Ichigo scowls and bares teeth at everyone until the aches goes away.

Bruce Wayne wakes up in the past, five months after Jason Todd died, and spends most days sat beside the grave because he never found out exactly when Jason had come back and he wanted to be there to save him when he did.

From an outside perspective, everyone is extremely concerned.

I think Jason should be allowed to manipulate his family with the "oh, you are my favourite, actually" line. It sounds very flattering to them (because Jason? Jason-I-Want-Nothing-To-Do-With-This-Family-Todd? Admitting you are his favourite? Oh, the hundred per cent bust of ego!) and more to say, this system of manipulation is eternal.

They can argue with each other as much as they want, but none of them would believe the other — Jason Todd is too tsundere to say something like this aloud, to each of them. So, someone is lying. For sure.

(And they are too self-assured in themselves to doubt that they are his favourite. Also, Jason makes every manipulation, specifically individual. So, it is not like he repeats the same confession and reasons. Very believable. Aka: this family needs someone to be open about their love, so they latch on everything and everyone who is willing to admit that openly)

Dick, slightly frustrated: Why are you asking me this favour? You know, I don't usually do these sort of things, I don't really... I don't know, it is too dangerous, I don't like the whole idea.

Jason, face dropping: Oh... Sorry. I shouldn't ask you, just... Dunno, I thought since you are my only big brother, and... Urgh, I guess I am still too attached to you more than to others. You are right. I'll ask Timbers or—

Dick, with his eyes suspiciously wet: oh-

Dick: NO, no. I'll do it. Don't worry. Big brother got your back, Lil Wing!

Tim, frowning: So, am I getting this right — you want me to hack into some system in someone's high school to fix the diploma of a kid who got a ONE bad grade—

Jason: He needs this scholarship. He is a kid of the streets! He can't do it otherwise, and it is not like the world would collapse if you fix one grade!

Tim: Yeah, I don't care about morals, I am just confused. Why would I want to spend my time on this, I am pretty sure—

Jason, dead ass serious: You know I don't like to communicate with this family. I only ever love talking with you, so sue me for thinking you could do me a favour.

Tim, instantly smirking: Ah, so I am your favourite... Well-well, big brother, I guess I can do this.

Damian: I am *not* going to tell you what our father is planning to do with this specific villain. Who do you think I am? An idiot?

Jason, sighing: Damn, and I really thought we had each other's back since League of Assassins.

Damian, scoffing: Emotional manipulation will not work on me.

Jason, all confused: Why would I manipulate you? From all people? I didn't raise you to fall on shit like this.

Damian: Tt.

Damian: Fine. Since, I guess, I owe you for babysitting me...

Bruce: Jason, I appreciate your... strive to help me, but nothing has ever gone well when you worked on cases like that. Let me handle this, and—

Jason, silently sitting down on the armchair, hands on his head: (sniff)

Bruce, panicked: Jaylad?..

Jason: I get it. I really do. No matter how much I love you, no matter how much I keep choosing you over anyone in this family, you don't love me anymore. I really understand it. I... I came in peace with it. I just wished you would tolerate my work... a little bit. You know?

Bruce: No, no, sweetheart, I— I am your favourite?

Jason, sniffling angrily: Who else it could be, old man?

Bruce: Oh. Oh, Jaylad— (instantly hands him the case)

(The family dinner)

Bruce, mentally humming to himself: Oh, these kids have NO idea that I am Jason's favourite because we are connected like that ^•^

Dick, mentally beaming: Oh, no one here has an idea that I am Jason's favourite because I am his big brother and protector! :>

Tim, mentally laughing evilly: Oh, these flops have no idea that I am Jason's favourite and that he wishes I was his Robin!

Damian, mentally kicking his feet: None of my family members suspect that I am Akhi's favourite because he was practically my nanny through all childhood. Tt.

Jason, munching on food: Lol

The whole Bat-Family situation becomes both much funnier and much more concerning when you understand that it’s not a case of Batman’s adopted kids deciding to go into the family business. At least half of the Bat-kids were already costumed vigilantes of some description at the time that Bruce Wayne entered their orbit. Gotham City has a child vigilantism problem. This is what Batman has to deal with.

Birds on The Bird App Masterpost

All the Gotham Twitter posts can be found here. If you want to be added to the tag list, lmk!!

1 - Meant to be on Priv

2 - Eating burritos sloppy style

3 - Hood's war against being verified

4 - Out of costume intermission

5 - Hoods war against being verified pt 2

6 - RIP Grammy 🕊🕊

7 - Pride Month

8 - tweeting during your lunchbreak

9 - Damian and Animals, a compilation

10 - Saw trap Cornell notes

Tag List under cut

Ask/reply/dm to be added!! Whatever works for you!!

Note: some of the names aren't linkable/taggable via tumblr on mobile due to some users visibility/privacy settings. If you are one of these folks, I'll do my best to let you know of future installments via dm/ask

Taglist

@desicanary // @thegayseance // @soaring-through-the-stars // @thebat-musicman // @percyyeuss // @pathofglory // @andreaissy // @themiraculousec // @gnomewithalaptop // @viola-cola // @milotic109 // @kamala-msmarvel-khan // @suffer-my-beloved-mutuals // @arcadianico // @your-dead-european-ancestor // @asmodeusmustdiexo // @max-volume // @itsmeevie01 // @leagueofbats // @catostrofiqu // @amillionandonefandoms // @shykitten28 // @atlasaurelius // @ihavenohotcocoa // @kai-antreas // @living-on-borrowed-time // @o-i-have-too // @aroaceass // @silverwolf1249 // @cannimochi // @lesbianbooknerd // @scarlettauthor // @twinningglass // @1n0sss // @craptastico // @lovethewitchofendor // @insomniacweebqueen16 // @fashionstatement-deathwish // @brieftimetravelwhispers // @crabs-brencil // @universal-travel-er // @royal-illusion-loves-his-fandoms // @blankliferain // @p1xel-1mp // @kades-stuff // @theweevilofsweetreef // @fablehaven-rulez // @kalifornialove // @justahoomanbeing // @frosty--giants // @you-are-valid-and-deserve-love // @slitherynchiken // @kazbrekkersfedoraaintgotshitonme //

Part Seven; Jayroy or Jaykyle— I say polyamory

funniest 'Jason Todd comes back as red hood and starts talking to the bats without telling that he is, in fact, Jason Todd' trope is where Red Hood starts becoming minorly friendly with the bats and lets slip that Jason Todd is indeed still alive, but not that he is him.

now this can result in multiple outcomes, however i think the funniest possible version is the version where while Dick is bemoaning about the loss of his little brother and how great Jason is and how he wants to talk to him again, and without a second of hesitation Red Hood just nods his head and goes 'oh yeah, hottest robin by far, too. sexy as shit, that guy is.'

this results in the entire bat family fully believing that Jason Todd was somehow revived and taken to the LOA where he met and fell in love with this murderous assassin known as Red Hood, and the two are currently in a relationship.

Jason, petty and pissed at his family, decides: holy shit that's funny. and he goes along with it, meaning there are multiple occasions where we get interactions such as

Batman, brooding on a rooftop: the second Robin... he has always had such a big heart.

Red Hood, cartwheeling in the background: big dick too, godDAMN

Batman: i am begging you to stop.

---

Nightwing: you're DATING my little brother? AND YOU WONT LET US TALK TO HIM?

Red Hood, full of shit: he's too busy visiting venues for our wedding next autumn. and before you ask, no, you're not invited.

Nightwing:

Batman: you mean to tell me, you're marrying my son, and you won't allow us to be at the wedding?

Red Hood: Jason's decision.

Batman:

Red Hood: Green Arrow's walking him down the isle

Batman: ok thats it-

---

Red Robin: so is your fiance happy about all this crime lord murder stuff?!

Red Hood: my future trophy husband understands that if he's going to be able to sit and look pretty for me, then I need to bring home some serious cash, now stop interrupting my work.

Red Robin:

Red Hood:

Red Hood: for real tho, Jason's so hot-

Red Robin: STOP IT

bonus scene:

Dick: Damian, did you know about this?

Damian, hasn't been paying attention: know about what?

Dick: Jason's engaged to Red Hood!

Damian:

Damian, knows full well Jason is full of shit because he grew up with the guy in the league:

Damian: hes what now

Jason in the background: *violently gesturing death threats*

Damian:

Damian: yes. i'll be travelling home in the fall to be the flower boy. I believe Todd has already picked out my suit.

Dick:

that christmas, Bruce Wayne receives a card with an obviously photoshopped Red Hood that's got his arm around Jason's shoulders, who also has a photoshopped wedding dress on. Damian is stood in front of them, a 'just married' banner in his hands, looking very much like he was paid to be there.

Dick never forgives Jason for making him think that Alfred was invited to the wedding and he wasn't.

okay so we all know just how much bucky would dirty talk when it comes to steve, like even when they weren't fucking he would still be dirty. but what kind of pet names and praises would he mostly use for steve?

Pet names used by Bucky Barnes:

Stevie, of course (lbr it’s a pet name when Bucky says it)

Sweetheart

Baby doll (sometimes just “doll,” sometimes just “baby”)

Dollface

Kitten

Sweet thing

Sugar

And Bucky’s praise is always geared towards making Steve feel capable and desirable. 

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jason: why are you looking at me like that?

damian, age 4, wondering why jason looks white if he's his brother: you're colored wrong

jason: what the fuck?