“[insert Dc Comics Thing] Is Not Canon Anymore—” I’m Gonna Be So Fr I Haven’t Cared About What’s

The biggest confidence boost is knowing that even my shittiest fanfic will be 10,000% better than any AI generated bullshit

Bruce, at a neighborhood gathering, talking to Jack Drake: Where's Janet?

Jack: Oh, she's sitting down. Carrying a baby all day really tires you out. Speaking of which, you haven't met Timothy yet!

Jack, stealing Tim from Janet to show him to Bruce: Look at this piece of heaven that came down just for us!

Baby Tim: bah •_-

Bruce: ...

Bruce, mentally: Yeah, I need to take him home. I need to raise that thing. He's perfect.

- years later-

Bruce, at Jack’s funeral with Tim at his side: I was playing the long game, idiot.

Tim, through tears: What..?

Bruce, putting an arm around him: Nothing, sweetheart.

Love it when that happens

Bruce: Okay, let me get this straight-

Tim: More like let me get this bi you. 

Jason: Let us ace-ess the situation. 

Dick: Let’s see how this pans out.

Damian: I’m gay. 

Bruce: 

Bruce: That’s all great and all, but WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KITCHEN FIRE?! 

“…why?”

“I’m telling you, they make the best bread I’ve ever had in my fucking life.”

“Can I help?”

“So you’re a villain, but you only want to take over this small village?” “Yep.” “You don’t have any plans to take over anywhere else?” “Nope.”

Todoroki « fake boyfriend » Shoto, protector of the lesbians

Support group

I love-love AUs, where Jason adopts a kid and conventionally forgets to mention it to others, but I think it would be funnier, if he adopted an animal, but his family instantly started to think that he hides a child, because, honestly, it is obvious that he will end up with one anytime soon—

Jason, snoozing on his alarm: Hey, sorry, I gotta go. Dick: It is okay. See you around! Jason: *leaves* Tim, whispering: So, I don't want to start a panic, but his alarm name was "feeding time". Bruce, slamming his hands against the table: Finally! This had happened! Jason adopted someone! Dick, no less excited: We won. I am an uncle!

Jason, while scrolling the kangaroo ass carriers on the internet: Hm-m. Alfred, creeping on from behind, very enthusiastic: I would recommend you this one, lad. Jason, shuddering: Jesus— Jason: Uhh. Jason, thinking that Alfred probably knows, so there is no need to over-explain: Hey, thanks, Alfie. Alfred: Anytime.

Bruce, feigning nonchalance: So, how is the baby? Jason, thinking that Alfred just told Bruce about the whole thing: Well, better than ever. Bruce: Good. Where had you found him, by the way? Jason: Her. It is a baby girl, Matilda... And, well, in Crime Alley. Bruce, sniffling, because a) Jason is so him; b) he is such a girl dad himself by the nature: That's beautiful, lad. Jason: Uh, yeah?

Tim: Come on, when are you going to bring Matilda to introduce us? Dick is not getting younger. Dick: Hey— Dick: But also, yeah! I am not getting any younger. Jason, confused: You all are kinda obsessed. Jason: Like, there is literally nothing special. If you want to pat a dog, go and pat Titus. Don't bother my girl. Everyone, dropping whatever they were doing: A DOG?!

Superman is left in the batcave on Robin-sitting duty for the day.

The batkids, (Let's say they're all fairly young and close to age for the sake of this) start to get restless pretty quickly so Clark proposes playing a game.

Hide and seek seem harmless enough. Not too physical, they can't get out of the batcave unauthorized and Clark can just locate them with his super powers if needed.

The first problem is that Cass and Damian don't know how to play. Clark tries to answer their questions 'Is it like a tressure hunt?' 'What are we hiding?' but the other kids start trying to explain and soon everyone is just shouting. Clark raises his voice and goes "Listen! The only rule is you hide and don't let me find you, okay?"

The kids all turn to look at Superman with huge glinting eyes. He ask if there's any questions and they all shake their heads no, and so Clark finally turns around and starts counting down from 100...

The first thing the kids do is grab some Kryptonite along with lead reinforced clothes. Hacking the doors and getting out of the cave is child's play. By the time Clark gets to "Cero! Ready or not here I come!" half of them already left the manor.

Tim and Cass decide to stay close to the enemy, hiding in the air conducts and old passages of the manor. They get to watch the exact moment Clark realizes, 30 minutes in, that he can't find them.

Jason and Stephanie go the disguises route. They stay in Gotham where they're already familiar with life in the streets, blending in and disappearing.

Duke and Damian take Goliath and fly to Dinosaur Island. Mostly because Duke has never been and is exited about the dinosaurs, and Damian likes animals. Also the dinosaurs will distract Superman if he comes too close.

Dick goes... Well he doesn't know where to go. Honestly, after the first 3 hours of walking around he gets pretty bored. Clark has been flying from one side of the country to the other for ages and hasn't even come close to finding him once.

So Dick goes looking for Bruce instead. He's not doing anything, he might as well help Batman kick some.

That's how Batman turns around mid-fight expecting to find another goon only to see his 9 year old son who was supposed to be at the other side of the planet with his siblings. As an explanation Dick says "Superman is Superbad at hide and seek".

Clark never babysits again.

a dænce of roëmænce

depictions of the ace experience never seem to include the nightmare-borne skeleton creature from hell so kudos to the dimension 20 team for their commitment to accurate rep