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More Posts from Rustedaloha and Others
Poor Little Willy
by Rusty The other day I experienced a premature stick - usage - problem… Needless to say, this moment left me shocked and embarrassed; feeling like a fumbling grom, who just discovered Alana Blanchard’s cheeky bottom turn.
Yes, in my rush to surf a fresh swell, I allowed my fragile Freudian ego to get the best of me. Anticipating a pumping swell, my salty libido chose to ride a sexy mid-length 7’7”. How quickly did that lyin’ libido let me down! By shrinking all my shreddable powers in front of a full line-up of long-time partners and friends. Scaring my legendary status forever!
The sad truth is, I whipped out and tried to ride a stick the was clearly too small for my advanced age in conditions that were beyond sucky. I fell victim to my own super-ego, believing that I was still a young ripper ready to “Schralp the gnar gnar.”
Well, my gnar gnar did little schralping that morning as I blew my surf load way too early - in high tide - shitty San O’s. Afterwards I felt humiliated, dejected, less of man, bruised and battered. My ego vowed to rack that mid stick forever.
The following morning, I awoke to a pulsing swell and chose to ride my 9’0” log. That solid single fin worked well, but a few buddies of mine keep asking me why I was riding such a big board in above average surf; all of them knowing my proclivity for shredding perky peaks.
In between sets, I lamented about my previous day’s poor performance to a much more seasoned, sage surfer whom I have always looked up to. He listen to me while floating on his board outside the line-up taking in every debasing detail of my humiliating experience. After reliving the horror, he simply chuckled, paddled away and yelled, “Rusty, don’t worry! My doc has some great drugs that will fix your little willy.”
Chummy Uncle Hobart
My family’s deadly history with sharks goes way back to this photo taken in 1916. That’s my Great Uncle Hobart, whom I sadly never got a chance to meet. My Grandfather claimed that Hobart was the chummiest, best looking waterman of his generation. A turn of the century bronze god, but cursed with a vain vanity and thirst for fame! He tragically died after this photo was taken - as these fossilized jaws accidentally snapped shut, cutting him into two bloody pieces.
Please show Uncle Hobart some love and visit Rusted Aloha’s store... linked in my bio… Ohhhh Uncle Hobart… You are forever missed. Love, Rusty!
WSL Goes Hollywood With Jonah Hill
by Da Bob
“Honey, honey, call me on the telephone I know you’re movin’ out to Hollywood
With your can of tasty foam…“
Not only a Rolling Stones song from ‘72, but the best way to describe what is coming out of 2020’s World Surf League offices.
#starf*cker Yup, and the star the WSL has chosen to lose it’s virginity to is … Oscar-nominated writer, actor, director, and surfer (???) Jonah Hill!
Read More - Da Bob - YEW
by Da Bob for YEW Of course... I look forward to this annual pageant of beauty ever year. However, the older I get, the crustier I grow, the more uncomfortable and creepy I feel about ogling SI’s annual Swimsuit Edition. In short, I just don’t feel right about gawking at the assets of Generation Z. Read More - Da Bob - YEW
Self Quarantine / Social Distancing
Everybody talking about... #SelfQuarantine??? #SocialDistancing??? What's the big deal? The wife and I have been quarantined from one another since she discovered @Amazonand I found @Pornhub!
The Lee Greenwood Bible... #OyVey https://popoff.us/rejoice-be-glad-for-the-god-bless-the-usa-bible-is-coming-2ec33d2d4603?sk=d554796da03682a0f560d406bc814d3d The forthcoming “God Bless The USA” Bible was inspired by… You guessed it!!! The proudest of all Americans, country music star, Lee Greenwood! No other singer in American history has profited more from waving the flag than this humble Nashville star, riding his tune through the country charts not once, but three times (1991, 2001 & 2003). Saint Greenwood’s endorsement will not only house the King James Version, it will also feature:- The Declaration of Independence - The US Constitution - The Bill of Rights - The Pledge of Allegiance As well as, the handwritten chorus to Greenwood’s own 1984 anthem “God Bless The USA”.
Happy Birthday To... Me!
Tomorrow is my Birthday and my loving, wonderful, grown-up kids ordered me a few things online… #BirthdayPresents…
A New Cali State Park Day Pass Old School @katinusa Boardshorts Nat Young’s “Church of the Open Sky” and #Weed Suppositories?!?!? https://twitter.com/RustedAloha/status/1285729682051272704?s=20
Stoked~Till~Death
I hate people who trash the beach & don’t share waves! Groms & their shitty music! Kooks who ride Costco foam boards! But my aloha spirt is still alive.
31 posts