Tony: You Have Both Tried Your Best. And Failed Miserable. The Lesson Is Never Try.

Vision: Hello

Darcy: You're okay! How are you even here?!

Vision: What do you mean?

Darcy: I mean you die-

Wanda: - NOPE!

Wanda: Never happened!

Darcy: But...-

Wanda: NOPE!

Wanda: Eventhing is fine. Vision is fine! Nothing bad ever happened! EVER!

Steve: did you have a good day?

Sam: yes

Bucky: no

Sam: shut up

Steve: a good day ?

Sam: yes

Bucky: no

Sam: shut up

Steve: you're supposed to have taken him to the spa

Sam: i took him to the spa

Bucky: he put me in the vegetable steamer

Sam: it's the same thing!

Steve: it's not the same thing!

Sam: it is too, it gets hot, and it gets steamy, and then it goes ding

Bucky: purple bastard

Sam: maxican condiment

Steve: a condiment?

Bucky: i do not use them

Sam: you dont?

Bucky: and niether did your mother

Hydra: hello mr. Barnes we're going to take your arm off.

Bucky: i think i just need help.

Hydra: give you cool robot arm

Bucky: sorry im late i was doing things...

Sam: *out of breath* HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!!!!

Bucky: push is such a strong word, i prefer to call it "giving you a little nudge"

Sam: oh I'll give you "a little nudge" WHEN I SHOVE MY FOOT UP YOUR ARSE!

Bucky: HEY! Watch your fucking language infront of the captain

Steve:....

Washington: oh yeah ill look it over nice work

Hamlinton: good thanks dad

Everyone: *stares*

Hamlinton: why is everyone starting at me?

Eliza: You just called General Washington dad

Hamilton: what? Nobi didnt i said thanks man

Washington: do you see me as a father figure Alexandre

Hamilton: what?! No! If anything i see him as a bother figure cause youre always bothering me

Madison: hey show your father some respect

Hamilton: i didnt call him dad!

Washington: No no no. Alex i take it as a compliment

Burr: its no big deal i called theodosia mom once and she's my fiance.

Hamiltion: guys jump on that burr has psychosexual issues

Jefferson: old news but you calling the general daddy

Hamilton: hey daddy is not on the table here

Seabury: but you did call call him dad dude

Hamilton: you shut up youve done nothing but lie since you got here

Steve: Y/n what's that on your neck?

Y/n: oh it's uh spider bite...

*Nat: walks in*

Y/n: here's the spider now!

Please Reblog is Your Blog is Safe for Non-Binary People.

If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals

Meanwhile in the a parallel universe:

Shield: How did you defeat Captain America?

Hydra: We shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he's an idiot.

Roses are red,

What's your biggeat fear,

Bucky's dead,

Happy new year

Tony: hey do you want to come over and like vape

Steve: dude im vaping with Bucky today

Tony: we always vape on Tuesdays