Best Misspelling I've Read Today: Oroblme

what if Damian wasn’t sent to Bruce by Talia and instead decided to do a bit of early child-rebellion by running away to him himself. Talia, pissed off but too busy dealing with uprisings in the league to go track him down herself, calls up the person Damian is most likely to listen to other than her; his brother, who she trusts to keep him safe.

the thing is, Jason is 1: busy with his own missions atm 2: was also once a rebellious little asshole who liked to run away from home. he was Damian’s tutor once, he knows the kid can handle himself and he also knows if he CAN’T handle something he’ll contact Jason for help. he knows this because about a week before Talia called him, Damian called him.

Jason, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder: what do you want, i’m undercover

Damian: i require money for a fake passport.

Jason:

Jason, letting go of the guy he was beating up: alright you have my attention.

Damian: i am running away from home. i wish to do something ‘for the lore’ like the stories you used to tell me as a child.

Jason:

Jason ‘i’m going to ethiopia’ Todd: there’s some stuff in the fake panel under my bed. don’t tell me where you’re going, i don’t want to be complicit when Talia calls. also don’t die, because if you do i’m gonna make you eat dirt once you get out of the pit.

Damian: understood. if i am about to die, i shall call again.

Jason: have fun kiddo.

so Jason tells Talia he’ll ‘keep an eye out for any leads’ and then goes back to his normal business. league missions, his own missions, some outlaw shit, and eventually he ends up crime lording it up in Gotham. he’s a little confused when Tim Drake is seen swinging around as Red Robin rather than just Robin, but he got over his obsession with the Robin shit a while ago, so he ignores it.

until he runs into Batman and Robin. and there isn’t a mask in the fucking world that could hide his kid brother’s face from him.

Red Hood:

Robin:

Red Hood:

Robin:

Batman: why are you two staring at each other like that. what’s happening.

Robin:

Red Hood: *deep sigh*

Robin: are you going to tell mother-

Red Hood: -when you said ‘like the stories i used to tell you’.

Robin: *looks at the floor*

Red Hood: i did NOT think you meant running to a different country to find your birth parent. you fucking COPIER.

Robin:

Robin: …but you made being Robin sound so cool…

Batman: what the fuck are you two talking about?

Red Hood, pointing: you stay out of this, this is family business.

Batman: ????

Damian, who grew up with advanced tutors in every subject at the loa, would NOT be chill with having to denigrate himself towards putting up with fucking. Gotham level teachers. so like what if after finding out one of his previous tutors that 1) Damian actually considered acceptable, 2) is skilled in multiple subjects, and 3) is Talia approved to the point of adoption, is actually in Gotham working as the Red Hood, Damian just stops attending the school Bruce signed him up for.

he’s smart about it; gets dropped off and picked up outside the entrance every day, lets Alfred/Dick/Tim/Bruce see him enter and exit the building, acts like he’s adjusting really well to the civilian school system, and yet on gods green earth that boy has not attended a single fucking class in five months. three minutes into first period he’s out the window and getting a ride to Jason’s safe house to continue learning at a pace that he actually benefits from.

i feel like having helped raise/teach the kid for a couple years in the league and having worked with/been on sort of amicable terms with a few other of Damian’s tutors (the ones that didn’t get killed anyway), Jason would be familiar enough with Damian and his little ways and habits that he would know that the kid would 100% benefit more from home schooling that whatever bullshit public school Bruce put him in. Damian’s very self motivated so he knows there won’t be an issue in slacking off if he allows Damian to ditch school and sort of rule his own schooling from Jason’s apartment. he’ll do his own advanced mathematics, history, science, whatever the fuck he feels the need to brush up on during that day. English and most physical training Jason does take control of, but that was what they did in the league anyway so that’s normal to them; they’re just settling back into what for them is a normal routine.

the only thing Damian doesn’t like about ditching Gotham Prep and going to Jason’s for school is that Jason forces him to join social groups at least twice a week, whether it be a reading group at the library, a painting club, volunteering at a hospital or animal shelter, just so that he can still learn to interact with civilians. still, he likes that the activities are always tailored to what Jason knows he enjoys and it is preferable to being in a school for five days a week, so he lets it slide. he even gets a bit more vigilante training bcs occasionally he gets to tag along with Red Hood during the rare day mission, so long as his identity is hidden. Jason always drops him back off at the school fifteen minutes before 3 so that Damian can sneak in and walk out the front doors when the bells go, just a normal school student like everyone else.

he keeps stealing letters addressed to bruce and intercepting phone messages regarding his absence, and eventually he fakes emails from Bruce that withdraw Damian from the school as a whole. Jason’s honestly really impressed that nobody’s noticed but the longer it goes the funnier it gets so he keeps helping out. it gets to the point where it’s been like a year and he’s convinced Damian to actually test out of high school early and start attending college courses part time, so he’s literally spending his days going to Gotham Prep five minutes after classes start, picking up his little brother, secretly driving him to the college that he’s attending under the radar, and then driving him BACK to Gotham Prep before school ends so that nobody knows where he’s been.

even funnier is that Damian ends up convincing Jason to start doing a lit course two days a week at the same college. so at this point Damian is not only lying his ass off about his own education, but he’s doing it by going to college with his brother who everybody else in the family still thinks is fucking dead.

eventually Dick reminds Bruce that Damian’s class should be doing an award ceremony for moving up a year, and they all decide to go to surprise Damian with their support. they go in and Damian isn’t a part of the group of kids graduating and they’re just like ‘wait what’

one of the kids sees them and is like ‘hey aren’t you the Waynes?’ and when they’re like yeah the kid goes ‘haha cool, you know my older sister goes to college with Damian and his step-brother, it’s nice that they still get to see each other often after Damian had to move from their mom to you guys.’ and the entire family bluescreens for about four different reasons.

they eventually show up at the college and see Damian and Jason on the grass outside getting into a rapidly spiralling argument about whether or not two of the professors there are secretly having an affair and the whole thing unravels.

when i say my gender changes to the tune of the bit i mean a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and if he can’t then god forbid women do anything

Not Stephanie having two matches defending her title tomorrow on nxt. Omg.

Cryptid!Alfred, who is actually immortal. Like, he cannot die for forever - he did once, during the war, and after that... for some reason, he kept coming back, completely without any additional magical help. He sometimes dies again, and then mysteriously comes back on the next morning, as if nothing happened. Bruce used to it at some point, so instead of asking questions (Alfred has no answers, anyway) he just pretends that it is normal. He gaslights kids to think the same. Like, what do you mean he died, Damian? No, he is alrightish. Look in the kitchen, he is making us breakfast. It probably was just a bad dream.

So, when Jason dies and gets back? Oh, Alfred knows his grandson has the same curse/blessing. Because it wasn't the Lazarus Pit that brought Jason back after all, but some strange, unexplainable force. Perhaps, both of them are just bound to end up as guardians, as warriors and protectors - that's why they keep coming back.

...Nevertheless, it doesn't make their family less... anxious about the whole thing. These two from the other side? Oh, they absolutely enjoy their immortal hang-out hours.

Jason: What was your funniest death?

Alfred: I am going to say... that one time, when I was teaching young master Bruce using a hunting rifle, and he accidentally shot me. I came back in fifteen minutes, and, of course, a poor thing was sobbing, but afterwards he was doing all chores for a month. Wonderful days.

Jason: Damn, poor Brucie... My funniest gotta be that one time, when Roy and I got drunk, and I legit jumped off the building because I thought I can fly. Roy had never got sober that quick.

(The first time Jason dies on the family's watch)

Dick, sobbing: Alfred... Alfred... He died! His neck was snapped! How can I live-

Alfred, casually leaning to snap Jason's neck again: Wake up, my boy.

Jason, dramatically gasping for air: Damn, who made me a massage, while I was sleeping?

Tim: What. The. Fuck.

coding got me saying shit like “target the child” “assign its class” “override its inheritance” like the third wife of a dying oil baron discovering his of-age son born out of wedlock

Whenever Americans use Cryillic like. That. I just. Instantly shrivel up an cry

i have the artistic (animatic) visions but neither the skill or motivation/ability to follow through

its giving

The girls are fighting 🤣🤣🤣