NAH THESE ARE SO FUNNY (also Now Wondering If I’ve Ever Seen A Bird With The Same Birthday As Me As

Simon: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Xavier: I wrote you a poem.

Simon, already crying: You did?

Xavier, texting Claire: Claire! Help I'm being kidnapped!

Claire texting back: Where are you?

Xavier still texting: I'm with some strange person. In a car. Help!

Claire sending one last message: I'll call Simon.

Simon, answering his cell: Hey, what’s up?

Claire: Where's Xavier? He texted me that he’s being kidnapped.

Simon: Xavier? Whaddya mean, he’s right next to me-

Simon:

Simon: I'll call you back.

*hangs up*

Simon: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN'T THAT BAD!

Xavier: WHO ARE YOU?!

interacted with a guy who looked almost exactly like Xavier (only difference was his hair being curly) today and I can confirm that it was jarring to look at him for more than 3 seconds at a time bc of his eyes

that being said, I’ve gotta ask… blue eyed ppl… is it this way for all of you or is it only the dark hair + blue eye combo?

Nicole: Would you slap your best friend for a thousand bucks?

Simon: I would slap Xavier for free.

Xavier, shocked: I'm your best friend!?

Simon: No, I just really want to slap you.

Xavier: You look good in that hoodie.

Simon: You know where else I'd look good?

Xavier, zero hesitation: My bed.

Simon, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

*Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread*

Wally: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.

Rhonda: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.

Maddie: if you want information it is

Charley: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

maddie & simon (circa 2022... probably)

— original screenshot below

Simon: We need to get through this locked door. Claire, give me your credit card.

Claire: Here.

Simon, pocketing it: Thanks. Xavier, kick down the door.

S2E6 SPOILERS!!

hi hi everyone! here’s another meme drop for ya, please enjoy!

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

CRYING PLS I LAUGHED OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC TO SEVERAL OF THESE IM EMBARRASSED

made a couple school spirits text posts, will make more later