Me Trying To Play Postal On A Keyboard With Poor Hand-eye Coordination And A General Bad Skills With

i saw someone say abby would get the mermaid pendant tattooed on her so she could explore the mines without losing it SO here's how i think the other marriagables would wear their pendant:

* sebastian makes it into an earring

* elliott makes it into an earring or a fancy hair clip.

* harvey doesn't ACTUALLY wear it, he simply keeps it in the left side pocket of his shirt (so you can be as close to his heart as possible)

* shane makes it into a bracelet and probably adds some charms to represent the two of you (and maybe jas + marnie)

* haley wears it as a necklace or makes it into a ring (or gets a ring version because she doesn't want to damage the actual shell)

* sam paints it onto his guitar. he also wears it around his neck (it becomes one of the two necklaces he never takes off, the other being kent's dog tags)

* alex keeps his in a safe spot in the farmhouse. he instead chooses to wear a different type of jewelry or accessory (he also got you a matching version <3. what it is depends on his mood for the day.)

* penny made her's into a brooch and wears it underneath her teaching name tag.

* maru made it into an anklet (she doesn't want it dangling and getting caught in her machines as she works)

* leah added it to a keychain & often hangs it from her tool belt when she's carving. pretty sure there's some wood shavings inside it now. oops.

* emily adds several crystals and makes the pendant into a better necklace. all the crystals represent love and prosperity in some way.

* abby, of course, would get it tattooed because i really liked that idea.

he coulda dodged smh

LOVE YALL POOKIES <333

How I’d make Stardew Valley Worse

- Clint is romanceble and he’s still obsessed with Emily after you marry him. He gifts you coal and copper ore, nothing else. He projects on to your kids and wants to make them become blacksmiths like his father did to him.

- Speaking of, it would take him a full week to upgrade your equipment.

- All farm animals now act like their irl counterparts. This means that goats and bunnies reproduce at an INSANE rate if you don’t separate them, the goats and chickens actively attack you on certain random days and you can’t attack them, the cows and the horse easily get spooked and can stampede, destroying your crops if you don’t have them fenced off, and chickens have a 10% chance of killing one newer chicken via Pecking Order. All of the animals will attack you if you forget to feed them long enough out of desperation.

- Joja Mart has Intellectual Property Rights on their seeds so if you try to use their seeds in a seed maker they’ll fine you for the full profit amount of the crops you sold from the reproduced seeds.

- Mayor Lewis taxes your farm the same amount he does everyone else. Paying taxes as a farmer differs depending on your farm, expenses, investments, property, etc. so to keep the math simple it would more than likely be a basic 6% sales tax, 10% the day before a holiday event, and as a bone, potentially a 2% tax break at the end of the year.

- When cutting a tree down or mining ores, there’s a 3% chance that the ore will spray shrapnel at you, or the tree will fall on top of you, injuring you slightly.

- Monsters in the mines can follow you down levels if you don’t kill them first.

- if you go the Joja Route, Pierre’s will close down, the his family will move out of town (this will hurt Abigail and make her miss them if she’s married to you at this point. If not, she’ll move away with them and you can’t interact with them anymore). Joja will increase their prices by more than double, since they now have a monopoly on the valley. The other Npcs will be impacted by this- Shane and Sam won’t have a lot of time to roam anymore and will be stuck at Joja more often, Alex will have to shut down the ice cream stand, prices at the saloon will go up because ingredients are more expensive, and Pam and Penny will also be forced to move out.

- Real depressing heart scene with Linus where you find out the people who were throwing rocks at his tent were Joja employees trying to get him to leave so they can use his spot to dig and drill for more minerals.

- The community center is now harder to finish. Not only do you have to complete the junimos quests, but you have to continuously fight Joja on it because after each room is completed, Joja will try and bribe Lewis with more money. So you have to either select the correct dialogue option, or raise their bribe and pay out to Lewis more.

- If you complete the Joja route, Joja tricks you into signing over the farm, you become their employee again, loose your profits, move into your spouses previous home, and when Grandpa comes back, he’s extremely weepy and disappointed in you.

- Grandpa’s bed is now fixed and looks like a normal bed.

- After the community center is completed, you’ll still have to provide funding every year to keep it maintained.

- Recipes now require more ingredients. Also 200 more recipes ranging from 2 ingredient compounds to 10 ingredient compounds.

- If your animals only eat silo food for long enough, their products start to suffer and will only become high quality again if they’re able to eat fresh grass. This will make winter a harder season.

- Cellar is no longer attached to the farmhouse, and instead is attached to a new building type called the Winery. It takes double the amount of materials of a large shed because it’s two floors.

- You can no longer make past spouses forget you. Take responsibility.

- Giving up your kids is already very upsetting. Adding more insult to injury, your spouse will be inconsolable for a full season as they mourn the loss of their children.

- You can build cabins on your farm and invite npcs to live with you. But they will eat your crops and do very little different besides being more accessible. You can charge them rent but they’ll start to dislike you.

- Reverse heart system. Now not only can they grow to dislike you or be indifferent to you, they’ll start to straight up hate you if you’re mean enough to them. They’ll have negative heart events, and if you reach -10 they’ll never forgive you and you won’t be able to raise it past that without giving them a prismatic shard.

- Negative heart events will have negative consequences- your farm will be egged, damaged, you’ll find excessive amounts of trash in your yard, and sometimes equiptment or smaller livestock and crops will disappear if they’re at a negative 7 or lower.

- If you get to negative 10 hearts with everyone, they’ll have an event in the saloon where everyone refuses to talk to you but you can hear them talking about how terrible of a person you are.

- If you get to negative two hearts with a spouse, they’ll divorce you themselves.

- If you marry Harvey he can no longer operate on you as it’s a conflict of interest. You’ll be life flighted to a hospital in ZuZu City and it will cost you three times the amount Harvey would have charged you. He will help with paying the bill over time (you won’t be automatically charged, it’ll be an ingame weekly payment that the player can choose how much they pay on) but he can not do medicine on you anymore.

- Congrats on having kids! They have medical and food expenses now. You need to feed them at least twice a day, once a day if you are married. They’ll turn green if they get sick and have to be taken either to Harvey, or Maru depending on which one isn’t your spouse. If you don’t meet your kids needs they’ll be taken away from you for negligence.

- The kids age up until they’re about the same age as Jaz. They’ll leave the house to go play and explore after their seventh birthday. If you go to bed before they get home, they’re more likely to get sick as a result of being out in the cold for too long. They should get home around 9:30pm, so make sure to wait up for them!

- if you put the Mayors shorts in the potluck soup, Lewis will never be able to get 10 hearts with you. Same with the fall display prank.

S L O W…

…T U R N

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

“Please. Dont scream. It’s really fucking annoying.”

Headcanon that when Mrs. Curtis was a teenager, one of her friends died because he was beaten then kicked out and so he slept outside for like a week, got an infection, and it killed him. That’s why she’s so adamant on having an open door policy for everyone who needs it. She refuses to let another kid die because they were alone and uncared for.

rough weekend

wwhatevver

This is kinda stupid but I love the song so