How I Draw Magolor’s Cog Pattern

lifehacks from the greatest

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

this... this is true savagery right here.

Marx, to Magolor: Where were you? You were gone for 3 hours. I know because I sang ‘This Is How We Do It’ 143 times.

Waluigi: I’m getting too old for this. Go, my son.

Piranha Plant: Can I bring Cousin Petey?

Waluigi: Good idea. Make them all suffer.

Piranha Plant: *hyped sentient plant noises*

I know everyone wants to make jokes about Waluigi being mad about the piranha plant but there is a huge chance that Walugi RAISED that plant.

Every time Waluigi gets a stage or race track there are piranha plants everywhere. If he isnt paired with Wario he is paired with a plant, and he is the ONLY person who puts the plants in those pots with the little wedge.

Look at that, its the same pot, it could even be the same plant, just all grown up. The plant even has a waluigi SKIN

The lips match his nose, the purple matches his hat, and the pot matches his L, its even gold, like Waluigi’s greed.

In conclusion, Waluigi is so proud of his child for killing it in smash

l o n g b a b y

My Beautiful Son

if you mean temperature-wise, I'm turning on my box fans. If you mean as in attractiveness, I'd probably shoplift from a candy store and see if I can get back to my original weight. Then they won't be able to find me bc a skinny twig shoplifted and I'm a fucking fatass.

what if you woke up one day and you were hot

half-pint of ice cream

Skrael: I will destroy you all!

(Y/n): *hugging Skrael it they're chest* shhhh, it's ok my love, it's ok *kisses skrael's head

Skrael: *starts Blushing and stuttering*

these three videos happen in the same apartment building

wedding festivities involved alcohol and the moment Bellroc saw the Fireball they were like

Alternative:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Take your pick

If you must know, they probably saw the live-action CATS movie.

i have seen catgirls in real life.