Steven: FOUR MONTHS!

@askthebunker

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Micheal: *flying*

Gabriel: *throws a rock at him*

Micheal, as he's falling: Ah, fuck. I can't believe you've done this!

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Micheal: *playing the harp*

Gabriel: LOL. Fucking nerd!

Michael: Why you bully me?

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Skyrim/Witcher Crossover - Cicero Fuckeries

alright so i’m gonna make this its own post since I have a lot in mind for this specific lil scenario, and i don’t want to make a too big a text wall ajs;dlfkjasldk

just hear me out on this one, this would be a lot more entertaining than you might think

Cicero, Geralt and Jaskier first meet out on the road, out in front of the Loreius farm

Geralt was fully intent on ignoring Cicero’s call for help, but Jaskier is the one to be like “hey, why don’t we give this guy a hand?”

honestly the two prolly bicker a bit on what they should do but then Jaskier hits him with That Look and Geralt finally relents

Geralt helps up to the farm while Jaskier sticks around with Cicero, making small talk 

aint long for Geralt to come back down the hill with Loreius in tow - really not hard for him to change Loreius’s mind on the whole ordeal

Jaskier finds the little man very odd, but still fun to talk to 

Cicero also thinks he’s fun, but at the same time, i would not be surprised in the slightest if he’s lowkey plotting a murder - getting mother home stays his blade, of course, but if he has the free time? hmm… tempting, tempting indeed… 

Once Loreius is down there helping Cicero, Geralt starts to leave, but Cicero calls out to him, asks him to wait, before tossing a coin purse his way as a thank you

he accepts it without a word, and off Geralt and Jaskier go

Jaskier has no idea what’s up with Cicero, but Geralt knows there’s something definitely not right 

he wasn’t lying about his mother being in that box, as far as he could tell - his sharp sense of smell confirmed it - but there was just something… wrong. something dark. something evil

they don’t see each other again for a while, not until the Cure for Madness happens and Cicero is all alone in Dawnstar (assuming he’s been spared)

Geralt and Jaskier happen to be there, too, looking for work 

they’re in the tavern, with Jaskier playing tunes for coin and Geralt sitting alone at a table, watching him and takin swigs of his ale, and Cicero sees em and he’s just like !!!!!!

just scampers his tiny ass over to Geralt and plops down next to him with a big smile on his face 

“Well, well, well! Long time, no see, dearest Witcher! I was wondering if we’d ever cross paths again.”

“Cicero.” 

they chat up a storm - or more Cicero’s talking to him while Geralt listens and prolly says like… five words in one sentence at most

definitely asks about his mother, who Cicero simply says is enjoying her new home 

which confirms something on Geralt’s mind, but he keeps it to himself

Jaskier had seen the jester walk over to Geralt while he was performing, and once he’s done he goes over to say hello

ain’t long before it’s the three of them sittin there, chattin it up. Err, well, Cicero and Jaskier chatting it up while Geralt offers his most enlightening hmm’s

something something Cicero ends up more or less inviting himself along on the adventure since he, at that time between the Cure for Madness and the end of the DB questline, has nowhere else to be 

something something also tagging along so he can go through with his little Jaskier murder plot 

something something he does attempt to kill him a couple times but some thing or another foils it without him actually getting caught by the bard in question, or more importantly, Geralt 

mind you, Jaskier actually likes Cicero - as eccentric as the man is, he relates 

but then he hits him with the bard joke 

and poor Jaskier 

a lad is CONCERNED

HE’S TALKIN ABOUT SMASHIN LUTES AND BURNIN BARDS

starts sticking around Geralt a bit closer than usual

Cicero learns very, very quickly that you do not make murder jokes around Geralt 

he does not appreciate them 

he especially does not appreciate murder jokes about Jaskier 

Regardless of this, Cicero tries very hard to get Geralt to laugh when the three of them are out on the road 

he’s never seen him do anything more than smirk and “hmmph” in a way that he’s pretty sure was a laugh but isn’t positive on

he’s done countless jokes, no matter how well structured or not, desperate to get a chuckle, a smile, anything 

Usually doesn’t work, but Jaskier gets a kick out of most of em 

there’s some point in time where Cicero gives up on trying to kill Jaskier, for a couple of different reasons. 

One, Geralt Will Find Him. Cicero may have outrun Arnbjorn but he will not stand a chance against a Witcher. He knows this. 

Two, he’s found enough bloodshed travelling with these two to keep him contented 

Three - honestly? Jaskier is friend-shaped. He can never know about who or what Cicero actually is since saying anything about him would technically break one of the Tenets, but he’s helped Cicero out in ways he may never know

at some point, the trio are at a jarl’s palace, attending some celebration (prolly the “slaying” or Alduin or something to do with the Civil War, regardless if we’re taking Dragonborn!Geralt into account)

Jaskier gets harassed by someone, who claims he slept with their spouse the last time they were there 

Geralt steps in, tells em to fuck off, right

But Cicero’s watching from afar as the person leaves, and he walks over after they go with a grin on his face 

“Tsk tsk tsk tsk! Naughty, naughty, Jaskier! You ought to know better than to sleep with a noble’s lover! You’ve gotten yourself in a situation now, haven’t you?” 

Jaskier apologizes (kinda sarcastically, kinda awkwardly, not really sure where Cicero’s going with this)

and then the little fucker just hits him with

“Well… Geralt may scare them off for now, but… oh, what are you going to do if you’re alone, hmm?” 

his grin widens and he leans closer 

“Cicero could make sure they don’t come back. If you would like.” 

and Jaskier is just like “wat” for a solid couple of seconds before he realizes he’s talking MURDER

Jaskier appreciates and utilizes Cicero’s murderiness and you caN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE

HE IS A FERAL FUCKING BABY NOT AFRAID TO SEND THE LITTLE GREMLIN JESTER MAN OUT TO STAB A BITCH FOR HIM

AND CICERO THRIVES OFF JASKIER’S FERAL BABINESS BECAUSE IT’S A SIDE OF HIM HE NEVER SAW UNTIL NOW

and poor Geralt 

Geralt is very tired 

not only does he have to make sure Jaskier doesn’t get killed, he has to make sure Cicero doesn’t go out killing people himself 

the trio is often mockingly called the travelling circus by those living in the towns and cities they pass through 

Geralt knows Cicero’s Dark Brotherhood and caught on pretty early, but he actually doesn’t do anything, per se 

he keeps him in line as best he can when they’re travelling together - more or less makes sure he’s not killing people he shouldn’t be 

but he knows Cicero’s off to his own devices when he leaves to go do whatever it is he does before travelling again 

And, while he would NEVER openly admit it, he is aware the Dark Brotherhood is something of a necessary evil in Tamriel. From what he understands, they kill people, yes, but the ones they’re called upon to kill aren’t innocent people by any sense of the word. They’re slavers, they’re abusers, they’re corrupt politicians - the scum of the earth. Geralt (likely with a little bit of convincing from Jaskier if/when he finds out about Cicero’s true identity), tries his best to keep Cicero in line outside of the contracts he was once called upon to fulfill

I’m gonna leave it here for now and do separate interaction headcanon posts between Cicero and Geralt and Jaskier individually because this is a fucking huge text block but really tho 

i just fucking love the idea of the gremlin jester travelling with the gremlin bard and gremlin monster hunter. there is a chaos there that i’m thriving on

Varian: if I had a nickel for every time a blond with green eyes betrayed me to their authority figure who had a history with one of my parents, I’d have two nickels

Varian: ...which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice, right?

Jack: Cas I need you to come pick me up right now

Cas: Why

Jack: Dean is passive aggressively doing the dishes he asked me to do 8 hours ago

Jack: This house isn’t safe for me anymore

i've been collecting text posts, realized i had run out, ran out to collect more for this sole purpose.

P2

SPOILERS AHEAD KINDA

I made a list of HCs that start up after my fic Hermanito on ao3 (It's a Hurt/Comfort one shot, go ahead n check it out if you'd like!)

Practically all of the HCs are centered around mainly Bruno due to the fic, and how the family interacts with him

I'll be updating this list whenever I think of new ones so don't be afraid to revisit this list from time to time :>

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

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-Antonio's leopard stuffy definitely ends up becoming Bruno's, much to the kid's amusement- and Bruno doesn't even realize it. He goes to bed and always wakes up with it in his arms (Antonio's animal friends always help him sneak the stuffy into Bruno's room, Dolores chips in by always letting Antonio know when Bruno needs the stuffed leopard to help him sleep better)

- After the courtyard incedent the entire family becomes a bit clingy, almost overbearingly so- even Casita. Though the quiter kids like Dolores and Louisa usually know when Bruno wants company without conversation, which they're cool with.

- Mira and Julieta bake Bruno's favorite sweets and pass "emergency" packs of them out to everyone in the family each morning before they start their busy days so if anyone notices his mood slipping they can stop what they're doing to give him a snack n lift his day a bit

- The first time a villager badmouths Bruno its on his own birthday, and it happens in front of the entire family. Unexpectedly, out of literally anyone it could have been, its the normally easy-going brother-in-law duo Felix and Augustin that get in the villagers face n threaten to make their kneecaps work backwards for daring to threaten their Hermanito (They have never in all the time theyve known him ever called him that before and Bruno nearly cries because holy shit he has brothers now-)

- Julieta nearly joined her husband and brother in law but decided it was a far better view to watch her love get so riled up and protective (One of the many reasons she loves him) She instead makes sure no one else joins and interrupts the brother-in-laws absolutely verbally destroying the villager who upset Bruno

- Isa learns what his favorite plants are and one day while the other members of the family are dragging him around town to socialize she sneaks into his room (the old guest room) and that night when he goes in his room hes greeting with the sight of the plain looking room being covered in all his favorite plants in pots and flowing out his window, Casita using the wooden window covers to wave at him. (He cries. A lot. Who wouldnt?)

- He follows Louisa around sometimes when shes running errands and tries to help- (and she lets him sometimes- passing him the smallest ((and sometimes, empty-)) bags when she hauls large carts of grain bags, passing him the reigns of the sweetest most gentle n loving donkey among the large group that has managed to escape the pen again, passing him stones the size of about a football when shes moving large boulders, etc). Despite what one would normally assume he doesn't miss the fact that she's sort of babying him, but he never says anything because he knows it's a big step for her to let anyone help at all- so he simply pays her back by making sure she drinks plenty of water and fussing over any scraps or bruises she gets from overworking herself

- Bruno becomes a sort of secondary Doctor due to the fact he's started to constantly carry around a pack full of water and some of Julieta's cooking whenever he heads to town with anyone in the family

- Augustin and Felix discover in the most amusing way possible that Bruno has the lowest alcohol tolerance known to man (it was during a celebration of some kind, they cheerfuly challenged him to a friendly drinking match- he made it maybe 5 sips in and was immediatly done for. Everyone at the party silently vowed to protect him with their lives when they witnessed him talking to someone about his incredible nieces & nephews n he immediatly started to cry over how amazing and adorable they all were and theyd all grown up so strong "You don't understand Julian, theyre the best, my god I'm so proud of them-")

- Him n Alma sit down to have tea together on Wednesdays and Sundays, quietly chatting about anything that comes to mind. Sometimes other members of the family join them, but on days where its just them they get to slowly heal their broken bond. Alma works on her patience n fear, Bruno works on his communication and anxiety

- Camilo plays pranks on anyone who insults Bruno behind his back- his pranks can sometimes dance the line between fun and cruelty though when it comes to the folks that dare insult Bruno to the mans own face (The first time he witnessed such an event, the crestfallen look on his tio's face made the weight of his own words hit him even harder, guilt over the comments he'd made about him during the song sung to Mira clouding his heart until he decides to go after the villager he'd seen insult the ex-wall hermit. He felt a lot better after and hasnt stopped since)

- The family have daily cuddle nights where they gather up a bunch of blankets n pillows n they just talk to eachother, helping eachother understand n communicate better.

One night when the younger kids are asleep, Bruno quietly opens up about how everyone's past behavior and his isolation has effected him- and once he starts, he cant stop, spilling every feeling of hurt thats ever hit his heart until all any of them can do is simply hold him and listen closely, giving him the aknowledgment and support he needs

- Sometimes when he's overwhelmed Bruno crawls back into his hole in the wall, though he usually warns someone before he does so there isn't panic over his disappearance. Over time he gradually works out of the habit, learning to talk to anyone in his family when he's struggling with things, though it takes years

- As Bruno starts to adjust to being around people again, his dry jokes become even dryer- Puns, dad jokes (tio jokes?), You name it-

He managed to get Pepa to snort over one of his oddly timed jokes once and nothing could take the smile off of his face for days afterwards

- Bruno sat Mariano down one day for a private conversation. The poor lad left the room paler than a sheet of paper, muttering about the color green and rats for a few days after, never explaining just what happened in that room ("Mi amor, your tio Bruno loves you, and if I ever piss him off just know I love you-")

Once he'd gotten over Bruno's terrifying hurt-her-theyll-never-find-you speech (Bruno eventually apologized, though when he shook Mariano's hand his grip was surprisingly strong) the two of them bonded surprisingly well over a joint love for writing poetry

Dream, standing on a chair: The floor is hating Tubbo!

Tommy: *Leaps into Wilbur’s arms*

Wilbur: *Climbs onto the file cabinet while carrying Tommy*

Ranboo: *Jumps up on the windowsill*

Niki: *Sits gingerly on the table*

Puffy: *Lounges on a chair with her legs on the table*

Tubbo: *Lies on the floor*

Everyone: Tubbo nO-

sad revived wilbur hcs are out ive just decided, a week after wilbur gets revived tubbo and ranboo get waken up by a noise on the roof of the mansion and theyre all freaked out n shit because what if that was dream? or even the eggpire folks??? something's wrong and michael might be in danger

and they finally get up to the roof with their full netherite armour on, stacked with potions and swords in their hands. only to find wilbur there, busting into the apiary that foolish built so he can say hi to all the bees. he's getting stung by a bunch of them but god he just wanted that honey so much and it's been so long since he's heard this much sound

this is so dumb akjshf

[id: It is a comic of a younger Splinter, kid Leo and toddler Mikey from rottmnt. Splinter is holding Mikey, resting him on his shoulder while he frowns and points at Leo saying “BLUE! If you don’t stop messing around-!” He stops and thinks, putting his hand on his chin while Mikey rests in the crook of his arm and says “I’ll uh…” He suddenly perks up with an idea while Mikey pats his face. “I’ll throw Orange to the garbage” he says as he holds Mikey, who has his hand in his mouth, up in front of him. We then see Leo staring with a small frown and then his lip starts wobbling and tears spring in his eyes as Splinter shouts “NO NO IM ONLY JOKING-“./ end id ]