Book Of Hours, Initial, Walters Manuscript W.202, Fol. 37r By Walters Art Museum Illuminated Manuscripts

New to the WNBA, I'll tell *you* who to root for

I noticed a bunch of posts, especially on reddit, from new fans to the league looking for advice on who to support. Luckily I already have years of experience forming snap judgements and comitting to spite and adoration at the drop of a hat, so instead I thought I'd tell you about the teams from the view point of someone who as seen every game this season but also had never seen basketball before last friday. I knows 0 things but I have Opinions. Buckle up ya knuckle puck chuckle fucks let's feel some fucking feelings!!

Villains

Las Vegas Aces: The players for the Aces seem pretty cool and I like how they let the other team have some success in the 1st quarter before they crush them. But STAND UUUUUUP ALL VICTIMS OF OPREEEEEESION FOR THE TYRANTS FEAR YOUR MIGHT! DON'T CLIIIIING SO HARD TO YOUR POSEEEEEESIONS FOR YOU HAVE NOTHING IF YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS!!!. There's no coming back from violating labour protections, you're a cartoonish villain now.

Minnesota Lynx: The Aces were the easy choice for villain, but I've decided based on an inadequate sample size that I don't care for the coach of the Lynx. Spending all your time screaming at the refs instead of talking to your team is gross to me. Especially satisfying to cheer against because her coaching isn't exactly leading to victories.

You could do better

New York Liberty: Such fun basketball to watch but their home court is grey with seafoam accents that screams through the screen into the itchy parts of my brain.

Seattle Storm: The Storm play by play announcer seems like he's watching a stats feed through an old timey teletype instead of being in the same room as people doing shit that's rad as hell. Perhaps he's a mermaid and simulates human speech through sound clips of other boring cis het white dude announcers. The firefox tab I was streaming in warned me about AI generated content every time he spoke.

Respectable Choices

Indiana Fever: Aliyah Boston is cute as a button and good as heck. The Fever seem so young and full of dreams and optimism. A great team to root for if hope still lives in your heart. Sadly I'm a recovering Oilers fan so it's medically inadvisable for me to get invested, but I want nothing but the best for this team.

Chicago Sky: The Chicago Sky sure are a basketball team. I don't have a lot of strong feelings except for Courtney Williams, whom I adore. I do also love Marina Mabrey and the focus faces she makes.

Washington Mystics: I really enjoyed their home opener. They were so coordinated and used the power of friendship to beat a super team. I personally don't love the home fans booing every free throw - then it's less special when you boo a player you really hate or a bad foul call!

Atlanta Dream: This is the team that ousted an openly racist owner. I didn't think it was possible to get justice against ownership like that until they did it, and I will always be pulling for them. Rhyne Howard leading their come back against the Aces was so exciting even if they fell short. Also their home PA sometimes plays the smoothest music I've ever heard in an areana while they're on offence.

LA Sparks: Solid contender for best all around graphic design. The little stars on their shorts! Clarendon will steal your heart and while you're distracted Canada (the player, not the country) will steal the ball and go zoooom.

Dallas Wings: Arike Ogunbowale is small but zooms around the court and then defiantly sinks 3s. It's so fun to watch and her superfan brother agrees. Dangerfield is even tinier and Sabally scores with poise. Super fun to watch.

RIDE OR DIE

Connecticut Sun: I don't know the difference between Connecticut and Cincinatti (Americans please don't explain it to me), but I love this team with all the best parts of my heart. I have actually teared up about the stretch passes between DeWanna Bonner and Alyssa Thomas. The whole team has a deeply endearing earnestness. I have an emotional journey watching them every time.

Phoenix Mercury: I love this team with all the best and worst parts of my heart. It is grounding any time someone else is angry about the same things as you, and healing when they do dope basketball with that anger. Britney Griner is an electrifying prescence and can make me laugh of cry at the drop of a hat. Diana Tuarasi is fun like Arike Ogunbowale except she traded up from being fast to being old. They build a defiant energy that means I hardly notice when they lose because it feels like a victory.

Yeah man it's a huge fucking waste! Rain falling on me and waterlogging all my pretty feathers when I'm just trying to live my little life. The worst and most wasteful part? The fucking seagulls don't even mind! Those smug fucking bullies flap about and get the good garbage while I'm huddling under this tree, the saddest crow that ever lived. At least the fucking owls, may all their flight feathers fall out, take it much worse than I do and are forced to reveal their hideous inner and outer selves to the world. Rain should fall on them but not me. Huge waste tbh.

You Are Not Wasting Time; It Was Given To You As A Gift, Freely and Generously; Is Rain Wasted Because It Falls On Gardens, Grass, Disgruntled Birds, and Umbrellas All The Same?

I love algorithms. I'm passionately fascinated by them. But it's always good to remember that no matter how clever they are, they have no judgement. This leads to things like this, where Google's top suggested story about the women's 800m Olympic final is a thread from the utterly repugnant Roosh V forums (I don't recommend reading it). This is why supervision and human intervention are so important. It's very helpful for companies like Google when people report this kind of inappropriate content. I reported this a few hours ago, but at the time of posting it's still up. If you want to help out, it's pretty easy. There doesn't seem to be a feedback link inside the little Olympics applet, but if you just search "800m athletics Rio 2016" and then scroll to the bottom of the page, there should be a feedback button.

Did you run into the human one or the cartoon one? I feel that both would be very intereting to do coke with, but in very different ways

i just saw the grink lol haha

Heh, I love this take on this, it’s far more hilarious than my game was.  If anyone is interested in actually playing it, you can download a windows installer from https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7bqhY0xzEu3ckxadVA1d2ZleU0/view?usp=sharing.  If you’re worried about downloading strange files from the internet, that’s very wise of you!  The source code is here: https://github.com/isaach/sdabto.  This will also let you run it on a mac or linux machine.  Click the ‘download ZIP’ button and then run it with python 3 (which you may have to install) from the command line for some text-based good times!  Well, not really good times, as @ave-puella mentioned.  

If anyone actually wants to play this game and is having trouble getting it going hit me up and I’ll help you run it.  I really love hearing people’s reactions to it.

first person computer game: mental illness

> ‘command: walk out front door’ is not allowed. the future is terrifying. staying at your start point inside the house is your best bet.

> good job! lying on the couch and staring at the opposite wall for two hours has boosted your energy. you can now throw away the jar of peanut butter you had for dinner last night. 

> the quest you are following no longer exists. a full day has passed and your priorities have changed. go to the menu to read your new quest. 

> minus one mind point. your last save was two months ago. click ‘ok’ to repeat the ‘get a diagnosis’ quest while under the influence of an unmemory potion. 

> oops! the villager doesn’t understand your explanation of ‘weird brain fog.’ now they treat you with suspicion. looks like you have to go to the next village for your errands from now on. 

> you have collected five good days! check your menu for your new treasure, ‘memory of when i could function’. it might come in handy in the future! 

> cube unlocked! you have accessed action: ‘cry’. all quests will be put on hold until ‘cry’ is complete. 

> cube unlocked! you have accessed action: ‘spontaneous desolation’. all quests > cube unlocked! you have accessed action: ‘negativit > cube unlocked! you have > cube unlocked! you have accessed action: ‘only taylor swift songs make me feel anything’. all quests will be put on hold until > cube unlocked! you have accessed action: ‘scream’. all quests will be put on hold until ‘scream’ is complete. 

> this is your new companion, GARGOYLE. he will accompany you on the quest ‘pass as functioning’. keep an eye out for his secondary weapon: whispering ugly truths only you can hear.

I am of the opinion that if Pierre Trudeau were running Canada in the Smartphone era, he would be social media’s favourite world leader.

I’m almost entirely on board for this, but what about Christmas in Prison by John Prine?  Knowing who you live with I don’t think that’s one you can escape (plus it’s an amazing song)

List of Christmas songs that are acceptable in my household:

Fairytale of New York by the Pogues

that’s it.  that’s the only one.