THESE TWO!

Some days it’s just you and the 35 porn bots that follow you against the world

Valorant angst hcs

Whats up boys im back with another dose of headcannons but this time they’re depressing because i love it when my fav characters are miserable

Jett hasn’t been able to see her family in over a year as they essentially disowned her after the Venice incident due to believing she was the cause

After burning down his university Phoenix is fucking terrified of what his powers can do sometimes

Yoru really struggles to make and maintain friendships, he usually feels like he’s too much only to put so much distance between himself and others that he just loses friends

Viper once told Reyna that Lucia was getting worse and Reyna just broke down to the point where Viper had to bring Sage in

Every agent has some form of PTSD, among other things, someone accidently dropped something heavy and everyone near them just froze

Deadlock will sometimes wake up screaming because she swears she can feel her arm being blown off again

Some days Deadlock can’t even stand to look at Gekko’s creatures some days and so she just ends up hiding in her room

Sage sometimes sits in the medbay and just cries, mostly after she has to revive someone

All of the older agents have taken it upon themselves to help the younger agents deal with the trauma of killing and dying

After Killjoy was severely injured Brimstone just held her and promised that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her again and when she was killed and brought back a few days later Brim couldn’t look her in the eyes after breaking his promise

Neon is so so cautious when it comes to touching or even being near other people since she feels incredibly guilty if she accidently electrocutes someone

Phoenix hasn’t been able to see his mums since he joined valorant, he got to see them once before he was told about the mirrorverse but after that he couldn’t see them for fear he’d talk about the protocol

Cypher finds himself trying to parent the younger agents a lot, especially the younger female agents since they remind him so much of his daughter. 

Jett was somewhat overwhelmed by Cypher acting like a father figure and had to remind him that she isn’t the person he lost

Almost none of the agents feel comfortable letting the others refer to them by their real names, and if someone does call them by they’re actual name it’ll take longer for it to register because of how closely tied they’ve become to their callsigns

I have so many angsty headcannons lol i love to make my comfort characters suffer

Forgot to post this one lol

Sova's eye in canon is brown (cinematics, art, etc) but ingame for whatever reason therye both blue. no idea why

this is heart breaking why would you tell me this

Sova headcannons because i love him

GUYS PLS SOVA'S REAL EYE IS BLUE WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK ITS BROWN (i wrote this b4 the sunset cinematic why tf is it brown in that i am so confused)

Sova complains non-fucking-stop when ever it's warm, like the slightest bit of humidity and he will be grumpy all day.

He's too polite to ask Brim not to send him on missions in Bind so whenever he's out there he is miserable.

Whenever he's on missions on icebox he'll throw snowballs at people and then pretend he didn't and no one thinks it's him.

He gives older brother vibes and no i will not be accepting criticism.

Phoenix and Jett annoyed him into teaching them Russian swear words.

Once forgot a word for something in Russian and had a slight identity crisis

Is really really good at braiding hair

Manspreads constantly whenever he sits down

The other agents tease him relentlessly about it

Several of the other agents (including Brimstone) believe he's fought a bear before and he hasn't bothered to correct them

He's a sweetheart most of the time but he can also be a bitch.

Him and Sage have a book club.

Can speak Russian, English and some Turkish (as a result of trying to find Fade) but can understand several Slavic languages.

Refused to take time off when he's sick "in my homeland it was far colder than this and i was never sick" only to act like he's dying later on.

Deadlock sometimes gives him funny looks when she see's him across base and he'll just yell back "It was only a thumb" or "deadlock it was one time" and all the other agents think it's hilarious.

Yorunix (sfw) headcannons!!!

*Crawls out from the shadows to offer you these*

Yoru is a massive cuddler?? the first time they shared a bed Phoenix woke up to Yoru wrapped around him but didn’t have the heart to wake him.

Yoru blames Phoenix everytime the weathers too hot even if Phoenix is nowhere in the vicinity

 Phoenix has a folder on his phone thats just pics of Yoru when he’s being cute

They have a lot of late night talks about what they’ll do once the wars over and they can leave the protocol (even though both of them know that will probably never happen)

Yoru never apologised for shooting Phoenix

Phoenix is one of the few people who can get Yoru to stop being pissed off all the time

After difficult missions when one of them doesn’t feel like talking the other will just start rambling about their pasts

Phoenix got Yoru to try beans on toast one time and Yoru has never forgiven him

Black cat x golden retriver

Phoenix taught himself a handful of phrases in Japanese to better connect with Yoru but that just ended with Yoru giving Phoenix extensive lessons on Japanese pronunciation  

When Yoru’s tired/fed up he refuses to speak english

Phoenix asked why and Yoru told him he finds it easier to think and talk in his native language

They make each other food a lot

Also hot take but I think their ship name should be firewalker (firebird x riftwalker)

Could I beat the valorant agents in chess boxing?

Ok in chess boxing you do 6 round of chess and 5 of boxing, chess rounds last 4 mins and boxing round last 3. Now heres my thoughts on what characters i could take in chess boxing.

Astra

Astra presides over most if not all of time and space so she’d mostly definitely have a leg up in the chess department. As for the boxing I think she’d wipe the fucking floor with me, the woman has a metal arm and I am very frightened always

Breach

I think Breach is like quite a smart guy but i don’t think he knows chess (tbf i dont really either) so i’d try to get the upper hand in chess hopefully winning quickly so I do not get obliterated by an angry swede

Brimstone

Once again Brim is smart but not chess smart so I’d feel alright about taking him in chess but in boxing???? no thanks, this man has arms the size of my head and i’d rather my bones stay intact

Chamber

Chamber seems like the type of asshole to enjoy chess so I’m just gonna cut my losses there boxing on the other hand, I feel like my hatred for france alone would carry my through the boxing session. (for a little context I am very very british and therefore am natural enemies w/ the french). Also please consider he’s lanky as fuck like i could kick him in the knees and he’d be down

Cypher

Right we already know im not winning against cypher in chess, it is what it is. Im gonna keep this part short and sweet but I would kick this mans ass, he’s hardly taller than me and i’m a god damn brawler. I am winning against this man no matter what.

Deadlock

Hot take but I think I could probably win against her in chess. In boxing I am dead, she fought a bear and won, she has a fucking metal arm, I just think she’d be good at fighting.

Fade

Once again gonna keep this short, chess im pretty sure theres no chance there. Boxing I would absolutely win, for one we are close to/if not the same height so that puts us on even ground, and two, you cannot tell me Fade lives off anything other than quick meals and coffee. I am winning 100%

Gekko

I would absolutely beat Gekko in chess boxing no I will not answer questions.

Harbor

I think with Harbor the chess portion is gonna be a 50/50 and will just depend on the game itself. With boxing just no. I refuse. Here is another character with arms the size of my head. Also he’s like 5′9 or smth so no I will not be challenging him to chess boxing anytime soon.

Jett

Easy, chess is a for sure win boxing is a lot more 50/50 overall but I’m pretty sure I could win

Kay/0

No. Just no. He’s a robot no one is beating him in chess. And no I can’t win in boxing his name is literally K/O  and he is a robot in what world would he not end my entire bloodline

Only did half the agents cus I am lazy but I may make a follow up