Having A "bpd-depression-idk What To Call It Yet" Meltdown (that May Last For Weeks) Is A Lose-lose Situation.
Having a "bpd-depression-idk what to call it yet" meltdown (that may last for weeks) is a lose-lose situation. You feel so empty that you desperately seek attention and love from others and when you're with friends it's extremely painful because you can't be yourself and you need attention constantly and fail to have fun and they all dislike you and hate you and you hate them now and i hate them all and even you do and say embarrassing things because there is no filter, no clear mind to act naturally. So what do you do? You stay away from people, it's the best course of action cause being around any people is extremely painful. In isolation tho you scream and suffer from the pain of loneliness where you don't even have yourself for company. Your self doesn't exist. There is no coordination of thought, no sense of self, nothing brings you joy for there is noone to enjoy it. You do things mechanically. You don't exist and oh the loneliness. You can't even enjoy chocolate or pepsi! Maybe pepsi but that's because pepsi is really good. No therapist can help you, no-one can. You're stuck there. And you wait till you magically snap out of it. It's crazy when you suddenly feel yourself slipping into the meltdown and you desperately cling to something so you escape it in time. But all is in vain. There is no escaping it. Lay on your bed. Listening to music doesn't help either cause no music can bring you pleasure. Every song feels like a chore to listen to. Idk what may help. It sucks it sucks it sucks! Someone help me :3
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Titan : noun ti· tan | \ ˈtī-tᵊn \ : one that is gigantic in size or power : one that stands out for greatness of achievement
День. 1969. Бушеев Владислав
Χαρούμενοι άνθρωποι λοιπόν
Βλέπω πολλούς χαρούμενους ανθρώπους. Στο διαδίκτυο, έξω. Ε να λοιπόν είμαι και γω χαρούμενος! Ο πόνος; Αυτός ξαφνικά με ανεξήγητο λόγο έγινε χαρά! Αλήθεια, ήθελα να σκάσω στα γέλια στον δρόμο ενώ γυρνούσα σπίτι. Έγινε έτσι ξαφνικά. Και βρήκα έναν φίλο. Έναν φίλο καλό, που ξέρω ότι με ακούει και με αγαπάει. Και άλλοι το κάνουν απλά με αυτόν το νιώθω. Είμαι χαρούμενη λοιπόν. Γέλια και χαρές από δω και πέρα, μόνο χαμόγελα!
Ζήτω ο Γκάντι (Long live Gandhi )
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