She Was Not Fragile Like A Flower (insp.)

Ok here's the essay (brought to you by Autistic Vanya Anon): I feel like Vanya has trouble with relationships, she avoids eye contact but I might be seeing things, I headcanon her to have cromesthesia which is a type of synesthesia which goes with autism sometimes, just interesting auditory issues in general, child!Vanya not wanting to eat certain foods (oatmeal), her hyperfixation on the violin, her apologizing for everything feels familiar too, and most importantly, I'm autistic and I said so.

Omg that’s so good

I’m jumping onto this bandwagon!

That’s such a good headcanon

I'm seeing a few posts about vanya possibly being Confused and Perturbed about her Number Buddy in The Sparrow Academy being A Cube (and they're Wonderful posts) but think it would just be hilarious if Vanya looks at Christopher for Five Seconds and just decides "okay yeah we're cool we're friends now" and both the Sparrows and Umbrellas are like "???????"

Okay but Vanya's S1 arc is so off-putting from an outsider perspective tho. Like, imagine you're a violinist in her orchestra and the concertmaster just stops showing up. Then that one person nobody knows the name of just...gets good in like a day??? And you just have to accept that she's the new first chair. Then you show up to your concert and she looks like the vampire milf from resident evil and your shitting yourself because there's clearly something wrong with her but you gotta act chill cause it's the big night. Then some fuckers try to tackle her and it turns out she has powers or some shit and she high-key threatens to kills you if you don't finish the concert like???

THIS ENTIRE ASK YEAHH SJFDGDSJFHKASDGAJS

do you think violinists at Icarus just have a reputation for being weird as hell cause all the violinists we’ve met have been weird as hell

Vanya Hargreeves goes to therapy.

Vanya Hargreeves Was Completely Valid In Everything She Did

Ok. So.

Vanya Hargreeves—I’m just gonna say it, is the most relatable character I’ve ever seen. Specifically Ellen Page’s adaptation. Here’s why.

Vanya is what happens when somebody doesn’t respect themself, gives too much, and gets hurt.

In her childhood, Vanya was raised to see herself as nothing. To place everyone above her—her siblings, specifically. She was supposed to be small, of course so that she wouldn’t be dangerous. However, that just made her incredibly depressed.

She didn’t just crave connection and respect though. She wanted to give it to others, because that’s what she was taught—that others deserved it, not her. That’s why she left the lights on for Five. That’s why she reaches out to him again. That’s why she talks to Allison. That’s why she reaches out to Leonard. Why she talks to the first chair violinist in the bathroom. Because she wants to be needed, to be useful, and loved in the only way she knows how. For others.

Which brings me to my second point. Vanya Hargreeves is not a selfish person. A lot of people seem to think that because she is shy and anxious and self defeating that she’s self centered, but that’s not the case. She reaches out multiple times to people, tries to do what they would need, because she cares. She genuinely cares.

So what happens when someone takes advantage of that low self respect, and that need to love and be loved?

Leonard fucking Asshat Jenkins.

Leonard was raised by an abusive father, and boy oh boy did he learn a few tricks from him. He molded himself into everything Vanya could need, and she took the bait, because she was desperate. She’d tried multiple things already—attempting to validate herself and her experiences by writing a book, giving lessons to children, taking medication, reaching out. So why not let this man be a good thing in her life? If he ever treats her wrong, it’s her fault, right?

Then Allison tells her her secret. Vanya didn’t remember being rumored—a very close parallel to how a lot of people deal with trauma. Indeed, being locked in a cage and treated how she was was traumatic. Vanya is angry. She’s been shown that she’s worth something, and now someone who’s repeatedly let her down and only recently been a better sister to her has turned her back on her by telling her this gut wrenching truth from her past. Remembering trauma alone is huge. But hearing it from one of the people who unwittingly hurt you? Can you really blame her for lashing out? Of course, it was an accident how far it went, but her anger, if not right, was still understandable.

And then Leonard. Leonard, the person who she trusted, was just out to hurt her too. Vanya recognizes this—this isn’t the first time she’s been used for her powers. So for the second time, she becomes angry not at herself, as she’d always done in the past, but at someone else. She lashes out. This man who’d filled her with such happiness, happiness that turned to poison. Someone she’d been intimate with. Someone she loved.

Then as a cherry on the fucking cake, her siblings lock her in a cage. Imagine going through an abusive relationship, discovering past trauma, and also discovering you have fucking super powers—then the only people you have left, the people who are supposed to help—lock you up. They’re scared of you. They’re just like everyone else. There’s no hope.

So yeah, Vanya Hargreeves at that point was hurt, confused, lost, and oh, sooo angry. And I think she had some pretty fuckin good reasons. She had no reason to hold back. She’d been holding back all her life.

While trying to kill the world is really shitty, look into Ellen Page’s lifeless glowing eyes and tell me Vanya Hargreeves wasn’t just a puppet being controled by her hurt. Her illnesses. Her trauma, her grief for her past and the loss of trust she’d endured. Tell me she was evil. I’ll tell you she’s me.

thinking about how the commission giving the swedes tube after tube of a new kind of hargreeve nightmare without them even completing one (1) kill will always be endlessly hilarious to me.....

anyway have a meme about it.

tiny art dump titled I Am In Love With Vanya Hargreeves

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