Princeton-plainsboro Teaching Hospital's Newest Hires (circa 1995)

Veterans

Hanji: So, we have to get through this door somehow. Erwin, give me your credit card.

Erwin: Okay.

Hanji: Cool. Levi, kick down the door.

armin, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! i was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

eren, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and looking after the kids

mikasa: what are you guys doing?

armin: we're playing systemic oppression

hes an ace weapon maker

shit i’ve heard chemistry majors say

- *student in a lab coat, cutting in the cafeteria line* YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF TIME MY EXPERIMENT IS GOING TO CATCH FIREEEE

- *loud pop*    student, in very calm voice: well that was painful

- lab assistant, seeing me frantically pulling on gloves: oh no. what did you do now

- professor: come on guys, don’t hate on social sciences majors… it’s not their fault they were born this way

- so i was grading your tests last night. i wanted to kill someone.

- you have five minutes until the end of class to finish the test. but i want to go outside for a smoke, so three

- *section of lab report titled “applications of compound”* i heard that a drug cartel used it to dissolve bodies, should i list that?

- “i’m synthesizing this compound in my next lab class, what kind of stuff effects the success rate and yield?” “dunno man, it depends on your karma”

- based on my recent lab assignments, i have come to the conclusion that the professor wants me dead

- dude, Fehling’s solution contains glucose, what if it tastes like lemonade?   *proceeds to dip finger in and lick it*   well that was a disappointment. the potassium hydroxide makes it kinda bitter.

- professor: you’ll understand this concept in your fifth year   student: sir, this is a four-year program   professor: oh, then never

rough night

Drabbles from a fic that may or may not ever be written

In which Tim and Jason stumble upon a plot convenient device that transports the user into a different dimension/universe. Except it’s broken and they don’t know how to work it yet so after they accidentally trigger it they’re pretty much just tripping through the multiverse in the hopes that maybe they’ll eventually end up back in their universe

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Jason, after killing his 28th Joker and saving baby Robin Jason for the eleventh time: You know, this isn’t too bad

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In a universe currently experiencing a zombie apocalypse

Tim: Hey look, it’s your people

Jason: You’ll be one too if you don’t shut up

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Jason: *cackling*

Tim, horrified: I can’t believe I just punched Batman.

Jason: *cackles louder*

Tim: He’s so YOUNG right now.

Batman who’s been doing this for like three weeks: Hey! I’m above legal drinking age!

Jason, practically wheezing: Oh my gosh you punched baby batman

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Jason: How many times have we stopped a world ending scenario by getting rid of a big red button?

Tim: Fourteen.

Jason: Some people have no creativity.

Tim: What are you waiting for, a big blue button?

Jason: Well I’m just saying it’d be nice…

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Tim: This is so weird.

Jason: It’s unnatural is what it is.

Tim: This is Gotham! There’s not supposed to be *sunshine* here.

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Jason: So let me get this straight. You are… Ratman?

Bruce, dressed in a large rat costume: Rats are terrible.

Jason: Uh-Huh. So how’s that working out for you so far?

Tim: Just please tell me your secret base isn’t in a sewer or something.

Bruce:

Tim: This is the worst timeline.

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Damian: You mean to tell me that in your universe I have SIBLINGS?!?

Jason: Uh, yeah? There’s like fifty of us on any given day. Are you seriously an only child?

Damian:

Damian: FATHER! You must rectify this immediately!

Tim: Is this a greener grass situation or is he plotting our murders?

Damian: Two more children will not kill you!

Jason: I’m thinking the first.

Damian: I AM NOT THAT BAD!

Tim: Can we record this to show Damian later?

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Tim: Did we do it? Are we back?

*Batman flies into the sky and punches an alien who lands about a mile and a half away*

Jason: Yeah, I’m gonna go with no.

Tim, fiddling with the dimension device: Dangnabit.

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Jason, looking at a nineteen year old Bruce Wayne: Oh, I’m regretting all my life’s decisions up to this point.

Bruce: So does that mean you’ll train me?

Tim: Where’s the computer?

Bruce: The what?

Tim: *now five seconds away from a breakdown*

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Jason: You’ll send this to the Justice League when we get back, right?

Tim, filming Batman using a glorified pogo stick and a slingshot: Obviously.

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*Barbara and Bruce together*

Tim: I will never be able to unsee that.

Jason: I think I may need to gouge my eyes out now.

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Jason: Oh, oh, this is somehow worse.

Tim, watching other Tim and Barbara on a date: Why is the multiverse so weird?

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*sees a dinosaur batman*

Jason: I am suddenly filled with such a morbid curiosity…

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In a no capes universe

Tim: So this is what it’d be like if we all got therapy.

Jason: And yet somehow Damian’s still here.

b3 stuff 

Just realized Im not going to see my schoolmates again after this two weeks. Weird...

Most horrifying thing I experienced today is that when I looked up from doing my Computer Science worksheet, I saw a picture of Nick Wilde on my computer screen. The culprit is my friend who has been waiting 10 minutes for someone to take notice of it