Tw: Self Harm, Ed

Spring is awaking from its slumber 🤍💐🌾

I fell for you gently as leaves do on a dreary autumn evening.

You continued to bloom delicately as you were the sweetest child of spring.

Unnoticed for years, my world has been touched by you.

In running away from home, I found a home in you.

I fell for you, like hades fell for persephone

And I am falling, like moon falls around the earth still.

I write this with my love, hoping that you might see this too.

I share this with the world, but really it only ever was for you.

Tw: self harm, self loathing

A girl lies on her bedroom floor.

She bleeds through her eyes and cries through her veins.

I watch her helplessly and let her fall apart.

Everyday she fights long lost battles and dies gruesome deaths.

Her life is nothing but a grave full of dead hopes.

I watch her and do nothing.

Perhaps because there isn't much left of her to be saved.

She is covered in bruises I don't recognize her anymore.

I watch her with curiosity.

Her eyes dark and cold like the night itself, she reeks of misery.

A home full of ghosts, none of them remotedly as dead as her soul.

I watch her mercilessly.

After all that's what monsters like her deserve.

I say, and I stop watching her.

No part of her deserves to be loved.

I say, and I step away from the mirror.

Sometimes I want to go back and hug my younger self, and then I remember I’m still her and I’m still deserving of that love

Tw: self harm

Broken mosaic

Broken like a mosaic, this grief is beautiful.

Cold as a grave, this silence is peaceful.

A pain drenched tartarus was what made childhood.

A longing filled asphodel is what makes life cruel.

Sinister evil spirits, they whisper in the dark.

Cold harsh voice, it will shatter up your heart.

The silence kept saying with such delicacy.

But mind kept begging for sincere secrecy.

So close your little eyes, home is full of ghosts.

Hide your own self, it is terrifying to be known.

Shred your skin, once again you'll be filled with relief.

One last cut; an eternity of sleep.

Your eyes that once looked like home

Now look like weapons that killed me.

Your face that once spelled out love

Now spells out grief to me.

.

You once were my cure from humanity,

Now I guess I was never meant to heal.

What once brought out the best in me,

Now brings out the poet in me.

.

Your soul that once meant beauty,

Now means emptiness and vain.

Our love that once made us soulmates,

Now makes us strangers again.

.

Your fictive touch, my anxious rush,

Now I know how grief feels.

Your gentle words and brittle oaths,

Now finally I let you ruin me.

Pic via pinterest

You were like the sea

The delicate intimacy of you visiting my dreams. Only then I get to see you.

The sea, with all its hurricanes, all its storms. It reminds me of you.

Watching you fall in love and out of love. But never with me.

You were like the sea, with all its stillness. And all its peace.

My intense longing for you to stay. So hopeless yet so ardent.

Because just like the sea you were. Always changing yet so persistent.

What can life offer anyway

That I can't have with you in death?

What feels more like home anyway

Than it does besides your grave?

Unguarded

I'm sorry I let you see me unguarded.

Let you see my darkness, left you forever haunted.

I'm sorry I killed you with my insecurities.

The atrocity, your ghost is keeping me company.

I'm sorry If I ever dared to make you cry.

For even the skies could fade at the blue of your eyes.

I'm sorry I could never quite be adequate.

You deserve everything and I'm so horribly limited.

I'm sorry I dreamt of us, peaceful under the moon.

A fever dream for someone who only knows how to ruin.

I'm sorry I blamed everything on the distance.

I can't get you to love me without this deafening silence.

I'm sorry I ever thought that we were binary stars.

Always said "I understand" even with a shattered heart.

I'm sorry I didn't listen to my obscene thoughts.

When they precisely said that misery was all I brought.

I'm sorry my hatred wasn't loud enough to hide yours.

A wreckage cannot be loved. I should've hidden my scars.

I'm sorry I ever let you see the real me.

I'll stay constrained just so you won't leave.

I'll hide myself a little to help you breathe. 

Pic via pinterest

To simply exist in all her devotion.