Adami Adashino 🎀

First post….Someone hold my hand😔….

a lil doodle dump for u all before i go to bed!!! i was in a doodling mood todaayy ☺️ my sketches r always a lil messy,,, forgive me for that eheh…🥲

Nikolai Gogol x Lector Masculino

Suposiciones de NIkolai con su amante

Aviso ; Nikolai está loco (nada nuevo)

menciones a la muerte y creencias filosóficas

El lector tiene pronombres masculinos

[Notas de Pickle: primera historia traducida al español. Necesitamos más Nikolai x Lector Masculino]

ᴇꜱᴄᴇɴᴀʀɪᴏ

Nikolai te habría mantenido secuestrado, esperaba que gritaras y suplicaras por tu vida.

las personas desesperadas por salvar sus vidas y llorando para que sus asesinos las salvaran siempre fueron muy agradables a sus oídos

sin embargo, eras diferente. Quizás no eras tan inteligente como Fiodor ni tan encantador como Dazai, pero lo tienes envuelto en tus manos como una serpiente

le sorprendió lo bien que estabas. Entendiste lo vacía que es la vida y lo inútil que es. En corto, después de esa conversación, pensaba que eras demasiado precioso para matar

también tomó una increíble cantidad de tiempo convencer a Fiodor de que te mantuviera con vida

ᴛᴇᴏʀÍᴀꜱ ᴘʀᴏᴘɪᴀꜱ

Significas MUCHO para él. Siempre a tu alrededor, queriendo estar en tu presencia Honestamente, no importa si eres un hombre, a él no le importa si la gente te mira mal (¡les cortará las piernas más tarde!) Definitivamente te interroga por diversión, incluso si te equivocas en la respuesta, te dará un beso en los labios Empuja de tus piernas a través de su portal para asustar y luego se pone muy feliz cuando te ve

-¡hola, моя любимая!

-¿¡NIKOLAI, QUÉ DIABLOS?!

Probablemente molesta a sus víctimas por hablar de ti, y de lo afortunado que es de tenerte como novio si vives con él, pone una ALARMA RUIDOSA a las 4am solo para despertarte le gusta bañarse contigo, no tiene que ser algo sensual, simplemente es bueno para tener un momento solos no lo dejes que cocine para ti, podría quemar el lugar, no es una broma. te regala un corazón de humano para el Día de San Valentín, el olor era repulsivo, al final tú decides si lo tiras o lo guardas. trae 1000 animales a tu lugar, algunos de ellos eran jirafas, ¿CÓMO LO HIZO? si estás en el DOA, él sería tu compañero todo el tiempo si no trabajas con él, estaría feliz a introducirte a Sigma y Fiodor, pero también preferiría que te mantuvieras alejado de esa organización. te hace trenzarle el pelo todos los días, no importa si eres muy malo, porque seguiría peinándose contigo PROBABLEMENTE DUERME EN SU DISFRAZ DE PAYASO TAMBIÉN, CON SUS ZAPATOS RIDÍCULOS Y TODO AMA el contacto físico y dar regalos; son sus lenguajes del amor Hablando de contacto físico, le encanta darte los abrazos de oso, tomarte de la mano y acariciarte además, tus regalos consisten mayormente en partes del cuerpo o cadáveres (qué romántico)

𝙙𝙞𝙡𝙛!𝙣𝙞𝙠𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙞 + 𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙩

notes ✥ this is for my children @dazaiyohane @pumpkin321xxx @grayxxi. feast, my child

notes 2 ✥ also this is probably a very out of place to say agagaga but thank yew guys for the nice messages in ask. i'm okay and not too bothered by recent event now. i'd like to move on, really 🩶

contents ✥ fem!reader, smut, age gap (reader's in 20s, nikolai's double the age lol), manipulation, sloppy slithery mess, grammar is poopoo bcs it's un-proofread and unchecked

You used to not care about other people's perceptions on your relationship with Nikolai. But recent comments from your friends about his age and his shady aura has creeped its way inside your heart, planting doubts on whether this relationship is ever right. 

Sure, he is half your age—perhaps a little bit more. You never know what he does for a living—he stuffs his fingers inside your mouth whenever you ask. But you are pampered and spoiled with whatever you want—just bat your eyelashes and wrap your arm around his waist, he melts in a second. 

“You’re getting yourself in trouble, girl.”

“He’s gonna leave you for someone younger if you get older.”

“He doesn’t even tell you his job! Do you think you can trust someone like that?”

“Once you graduate college, he’ll leave you for someone younger. It’s always like that with these guys.”

Thoughts are swirling inside your mind. You should have focused on pleasuring him now—rocking your hips back and forth while seated nicely on his thick thighs. Your body shivers when his length slides in and out deliciously into your heat, bumping the tip on your spot. You bury your face into his chest, muffling your moan as your nails rake his back. 

A warm hand slithers between your strands, caressing your hair. 

“What are you thinking about, little love?” Nikolai asks, his voice deep. “You’re feeling a little off today, hm?” His other hand grips your side and he thrusts upward, causing you to whine. You are about to shake your head, not wanting to ruin the mood by doubting this relationship with him. But Nikolai does not like it. 

With his hand on your hair, he yanks your head back. “A-Ah!” You yelp and your own hand clutches his wrist. Nikolai snickers at your face—cute, he thinks. He moves his face closer to you and with a smirk, he sloppily and hungrily kisses your mouth. His tongue slithers in, licking and twirling yours. Your breathing is getting heavy, chest heaving up and down. Your fingers seek to hold him and they brush against his face lightly, feeling his faint stubbles. 

He refuses to break the kiss, even when you tug on his hair as a sign. He only chuckles between the kiss before pulling you by the back of your head to another sloppy one. Your cunt clenches hard as you feel slightly light-headed when he doesn’t allow a moment to breathe. He enjoys it, it seems, as his throat thunders a deep groan when your cunt flutters around his cock. 

A squeeze on his chest halts him. 

Nikolai pulls away, his tongue licking the string of saliva that connects his lips and yours. You whine, straighten your back before your hands push him to lay on the bed. Nikolai cackles. 

He places his hands on your hips, guiding you to move on his cock slowly, all the while interrogating you. “What’s wrong, my love? You know you can’t hide a lot of things from me, right? Something’s bothering you?” He asks. 

“N-Nothing. I just…” Your words trail off as you ride him faster and faster, ignoring his attempt to control your pace. You are quite close to your climax and you don’t want to ruin the mood and ruin yourself. 

But he grips your hips harder, stopping you. A little warning slap on your ass is enough for you to slow down and whine, begging him to allow you to chase your climax—“Please, please, I’m so close, please…!”

“Mm-mm, no.” Nikolai says simply. “Not unless you tell me what’s going on.” You glance at him. His stomach is trembling slightly—he is holding himself back too, just to taunt you? 

“N-Nothing, okay? Nothing’s bothering me… It’s just some work…” You pout, attempting to loosen his stern grip on your hips by pulling his hands to roam your body. Nikolai’s eyes leer at how you are holding his hand firmly against your breasts, as if to encourage him to touch and play with them—and he is more than happy to oblige you. 

“Or is it your friends again? Giving you not-so-good advice?” Nikolai says before he moves one of his hands to your face and pulls you close. “Why, what’d they say, little love? Do they want you to leave me? Do you want to? Do you not trust me anymore?”

He kisses your lips briefly. 

“Do you not love me?” 

You shake your head, holding his hand. “No, of course I do… I-I love you. I still love you… It’s just—”

Nikolai cuts you off by kissing you again, and his arm wraps around you, keeping you caged with him. His hips jerks upwards, sending bolts of sudden pleasure through your nerves. You moan against his lips, breathily convincing the two of you with your declaration of love. 

“You shouldn’t listen to them, you know? I have never done bad things to you, have I?” He whispers again. “You can always trust me, because that’s what good girls do, little love.” 

His thrusts quicken and your moan is getting louder and louder. You bury your face into his chest, saliva dripping from your lips onto his skin as your nails bury deeply into his shoulders. His lips reach to kiss your head. 

Nikolai knows you are very close when he feels your thighs quiver badly. Abruptly, he stops his thrusts and with tears in the corner of your eyes, you cry out, “Sorry, ‘m sorry…! I still trust you, I won’t listen to them anymore, I love you, please, please, please—”

He grins and slaps your cheek lightly a couple times before he hooks his hands on your thighs and flip over. You are now laying down beneath his much larger figure and you roll your hips to chase your previously disrupted climax. Nikolai chuckles, sultry voice tickling your ear as his tongue trails a long wet line from your throat to your ear. 

He thrusts again. 

“Good girl… See, no one will understand you except for me, little love. I’ll take care of you forever.”

©doukeshi-kun 2025 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, more @/cherikolya

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

TRASH SUGAR MAGIC

➛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 9: ʏᴏᴜ, ꜱᴀɴᴄᴛᴜᴀʀʏ

➛ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

➛ mature content, fluff, angst, death, slice... of life | words: 7.8k

➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu | discord (18+)

Three days without talking to Viktor feels like a crime.

No news, no updates. 

Nikolai is slumped on the couch with the Eyes of God laptop at his side. The notebook on his lap is filled with scribbles of words and numbers. The hot mocha you made an hour ago has gone cold and the ashtray at his feet is filled with cigarettes. 

“Is he angry at me?” Nikolai mumbles to himself, lips pouting. His thumb has been hovering over the call button on Viktor’s contact page on the screen of his phone for five minutes now. He wants to talk to Viktor about your father but he does not have the courage to start the conversation. 

That night, he told Viktor that your father was near the border between Russia and Belarus. A clear attempt to flee the country alone, obviously. Viktor also told the middleman to the loan sharks about it and Nikolai wondered if anything had happened to your father yet. 

What if they caught the man? Will you still be used as a hostage, despite the many times you have said that you are useless to be used against your father? What if he does pay his debt? What will happen to you? Will you return to your home? Will you leave him? 

Nikolai is already uneasy. He has been uneasy for a while. He needs answers. He needs the events to happen right now. He does not think he has the patience to play the waiting game any longer. 

“Kolya…” 

Nikolai turns to the side and sees you holding a broom and leaning against the wall with a solemn expression. He frowns. He sees the broom you are holding. You are practically the unpaid maid of this house. Nikolai does not even know what the hell are you cleaning because he does not think his apartment is a big mess. But he just lets you do your own thing. Maybe sweeping bacteria is one of your favourite hobbies. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks. “What’s with that face, hm?” He says, surprisingly, a tint of gentleness is apparent in his voice that it even shocks him. 

You grumble something and put the broomstick against the wall before you approach him. Right at the other spot beside him, you plop down onto the couch. You tilt your head, resting it on his shoulder. 

“I’m bored…”

Nikolai blinks confusedly. For one reason, he is quite baffled by the sudden closeness but this is the girl who happily hugged his arm on the first day of her kidnapping. His bafflement does not last long. He is used to this. He is so used to this. 

“Well, what do you want me to do then?” Nikolai sighs. He watches your naughty hand trying to take the notebook off his lap in curiosity. Quickly, he slaps your hand away. “Hands off, dolly.”

“What are you scribbling? Mantra?”

“Mm-hm.” He just approves your wonder. You glance at him and then huff. Nikolai snorts, teasingly tugging your hair. “Don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong.”

“I’m just curious.” You sulk before pointing your finger at the page of the notebook. “Besides, I can’t even understand any of these! Anyone from afar will think you were trying to draw spaghetti.” You whine, poking your finger on the page. 

“Thanks for calling my handwriting ugly as fuck, darling. Appreciate that.” Nikolai grumbles before he seizes your hand and tosses it aside. “Even if I explain it to you, you won’t understand.”

“Does it have something to do with your Peters plan?” You ask and Nikolai silently nods. He closes the notebook before putting it aside. 

“How will you go there? By car?” You ask again as you lift your head from his shoulder. Nikolai sighs before he finishes the cold mocha he has abandoned for a while now. 

“Train. I’ll sell the car before leaving this city.” He replies. 

“And what about this house?”

“Sell it.”

“Your clothes?”

“Bring it along.”

“Viktor?”

“Mm, he doesn’t wanna go anywhere.”

“Me?”

Nikolai halts. He turns his head at you, staring with an unreadable gaze. And your eyes are returning that gaze with glimmering hope. His heart tickles and Nikolai quickly breaks contact with you, even placing his palm right on your eyes. “Hm?” You mumble adorably. 

“I’m thinking about it.” He replies shortly. Taking his hand off, he takes a glance at you. You are smiling now, soft lips curving up special just for him. He is silent for a moment. “You’re bored, dolly?”

You nod.

“Wanna go out to Olga’s?”

Your eyes beam sunshine immediately. Like bunny ears perked up in excitement, you jump slightly. “Out? We go out? Is that okay?”

Nikolai shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. Police are doing police things. Aren’t you supposed to be excited that efforts are being made to save your ass?” He says.

“I like it here. I told you.”

“I know. You’ve been saying that for over a month now.” He mumbles. “I don’t even fathom what is actually happening. After I get you in here, everything goes to—” He swallows his word. No, that is not right. He does not think that way. It is just that his lips are quicker than his brain, sometimes. 

“You… You don’t actually hate me, right…?” You ask carefully. Hands clasped together, Nikolai notices that you are fiddling with your fingers—nervous, insecure, perhaps unsure. “I don’t think I can live with ease knowing that  you hate me.”

He purses his lips. “I don’t have a reason to hate you.” He says softly. His own fingers are now itching to be fiddled too as he can feel the nerves are touring every inch of his system. “I don’t…”

I don’t hate you. 

Nikolai takes a deep breath. “I don’t have a reason to.” He repeats again, despite knowing you surely heard his answer. Nothing to worry about, little bird. He is just trying to convince himself of something unknown. Something hidden. 

“Really?” You say before you chuckle lightly. “I appreciate that… You make me happy. You always do.”

“Mm-hm, I do, huh?” Nikolai replies, returning your smile as well. “Go get ready. I was planning to go to Olga’s diner anyway to get some dinner. We are already out of canned soup this noon.” He says. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“What? ‘Sir’?”

“Yeah. I don’t like it.”

You tilt your head. “Why?”

He clicks his tongue, pushing you by the shoulder lightly. “Reasons, okay? Go. And don’t wear that blue dress and get your makeup and stuff. I don’t want attention.” He orders. You huff—seeming to have planned to wear your beloved dress. But you know you have to obey anyway, so you dress yourself up in casual attire. 

Snatching one of his jackets, you leave the room, already seeing Nikolai waiting by the door. His outfit is simple. A black fitted turtleneck is perfectly copying the shape of his body. The high-waisted pants he wears only make him look like he is eighty-percent legs. Over his top, he wears a white leather jacket. 

You notice the extra sparkles on the jacket. Silver zippers, silver decorative chains, silver buttons. As he bends to wear his boots, you tug one of the chains curiously. 

“This looks very expensive for a jacket.” You remark. Nikolai stands straight and your hand slides down his back before it drops to your side. He looks at you with a smug smile.

“Stole it.”

“Huh?”

“I can do magic, remember?” He grins proudly before he steps out of the house, followed by you. After he locks the door, he slips his hand into his jacket and—magically—takes out a quite big ushanka hat. Wordlessly, he puts it on your head. 

“Just enough to hide your face.” He says, ignoring the confusion on your face as you see what he just did. Perhaps you are too puzzled by it that you start feeling the insides of the jacket you wore. 

“Don’t bother, dolly. It is only I who can do that.” He brags with a smirk before he grabs your arm and pulls you along. Your feet just follow his steps, despite you having to match his pace a little faster. Sometimes Nikolai likes to make big steps when walking and although you do not mind following him everywhere, you do prefer a relaxed walk. 

The journey to Olga’s diner only takes about ten minutes. As it is already dinnertime and the sun has drowned in the twilight horizon, night owls also come out. It is not rare for you to see the liveliness of the nightlife. Men and women mingle with each other as the television above the bar is broadcasting some sports event. Trailing Nikolai closely from behind, you two step inside, taking the table at the corner. The dark ambience of the diner manages to let your face slip—those who may recognize a missing girl might recognize someone else.

“Oh, hello, darling. Been a while.” Olga approaches your table, tickling your chin with an affectionate smile before she glances at Nikolai. “Hey, Kolya.”

Nikolai grunts. “What’s with that tone…” He murmurs. Olga huffs, placing her hand on her waist before tapping Nikolai’s head with the notepad she is holding. The thick part of the notepad hits Nikolai’s head hard, causing the man to even flinch. 

“You know what you did.”

“W-What I do?” He says, pouty. 

“Tell me why Viktor came here the other day, all sad and depressed because you’re angry at him.” Olga crosses her arms, glaring sternly at Nikolai. You look at each of them, enjoying the unprompted entertainment. 

“I’m not angry at him,” Nikolai mumbles. “He was just being stupid.”

“He was trying to be helpful, as your friend,” Olga replies. “You shouldn’t just shove people away like that. You two have been friends since forever. You don’t even have a lot of friends and colleagues and you are getting angry and grumpy over some drunk conversations.” She nags, shaking her head exasperatedly. 

Nikolai sighs. “Fine. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Don’t apologize to me. Go make up with Vitya himself.” She says. “Now, order.”

“As usual…” He mumbles, still sulky. 

“Uhm, I’ll take the mushroom and chicken pie. Ooh, and iced chocolate.” You grin at her. Olga nods before she stares at you.

“This boy doesn’t do anything weird to you, right?” Olga asks. “Vitya told me about your… situation. No wonder the police have been around the town lately.” She says as she peeks to the window. 

“Hm? Police are still searching in this town?” Nikolai’s head jerks up. Olga shrugs her shoulders. 

“Yesterday, none of them appeared. Probably have moved to other spots. Or they gave up. I mean, the police are corrupt anyway…” She explains. “Regardless, I don’t think this little lady right here wants to leave you, right, Kolya?” She cackles, glancing at you teasingly. You smile sheepishly, feeling heat travelling all over your face. 

“I really like it here…” You say. 

“This is a very strange turn of events for someone like him and someone like you.” Olga nods to herself. “But if you are really going to stick around, my restaurant happened to be in need of one more staff, you see. Not to mention, tonight is pretty busy and I don’t have enough hands!” She grins as she bends a little to be near your eye level. 

“Huh? O-Oh! Oh, are you…” You look at Nikolai who is just staring before you turn to Olga. “Are you offering me a job? Now?”

“No,” Nikolai sighs. “No, Olga… Olga, you crazy woman. I have important things to do with her! She’s not going to help you for this diner.” He protests as he glares at the lady with a sulky face. Olga only chuckles before she playfully messes with Nikolai’s hair. 

“I know, I know. But, if there is another strange turn of events, I don’t mind having an addition for my restaurant.” Olga says before she walks away to go to the kitchen. Your eyes trail her before you turn quickly to Nikolai. As soon as you open your lips, he covers your mouth with his hand. 

“No.”

Your nose scrunches before you grip his wrist and pull his hand away from your lips. “Why? It’s not like I do anything in the house? I don’t even know what I’m cleaning anymore.” You say, hand still gripping his. “Even the bacteria are getting cleaner. They don’t even need to shower but I showered them regardless…”

“You think I’ll allow you to walk around in this premise with chances of other bad people seeing your face? No way. You need to know, my love. This diner is not as innocent as it seems.” He says before he pulls his hand away from you and rests his elbow on the table. He props his chin on his palm. You cross your arms on the table, leaning forward. 

“What do you mean by that?”

“People exchange information here. Illegal information. By ‘people’, I really mean criminals. Olga often gets bribes or ‘hush money’ to keep her mouth shut. How do you think this diner is still maintained even with few customers?” Nikolai explains before he shuts his lips as a waiter comes to the table with your ordered drinks.

He waits for the waiter to leave before he looks at you again. “Look around you, little bird. There are too many people here. So… no, you’re not going to work here. Lowly criminals may get caught but a lot of experienced ones have broad networks, you see. Your face is most likely known for those who tune in to the news. What’s easier than kidnapping an already missing person and using them for other benefits, right?” He tells you. You purse your lips as you sadly stir your iced chocolate. It is just a simple drink with whipped cream and cherry on top. 

“Besides, I don’t want anyone to take you away. You still have a debt to pay, figuratively speaking.” Nikolai says before he steals the cherry from your drink. You whine, trying to stop his naughty hand but he already eats the whole fruit and puts back the small stem on your drink. 

You wince. “Nikolai! Why are you being mean?” You quickly pick out the stem, dropping it on the table. Nikolai only cackles playfully as he chews the cherry. His smile is smug, scoffing at your sulky face. 

“Relax, dolly. I’m the one paying so technically what’s yours is mine.” Nikolai grins as he picks up his hot tea, sipping it. He frowns slightly at the bitterness. His hand reaches out to the small bowl of sugar packets at the edge of the table but you quickly grab the bowl, pulling it away from him. 

“Hey, give that back.”

“Nope!”

You laugh, almost so proud at your little revenge. You put the bowl at the spot right next to you. Pointing at his hot tea, you say, “Why don’t you drink it, hm? Hmm?” You giggle. 

“Oh, I’m about to, sweetheart. Hold on.”

“What the—”

At that moment, Nikolai slips his hand inside his jacket and he takes out the exact same bowl of sugar packets from it. Deliberately and calmly, he tears open a few packets of sugar for his tea, as you watch, stunned. 

“What did I say to you, sweetheart? Tricks don’t work with me.” He snorts before he pushes the bowl of sugar packets towards you. “Now you can put it away as far as you want. I’ll just enjoy my sweet tea right here.” He chuckles before he sips the drink. 

“Hmph.”

You rest your chin on your palm, gazing at him. Irises trail all over his figure—scanning from his hair, white as snow, to his hands, big and rough. Your other hand creeps over to his hand, tracing your fingertips on his skin. As if it has a mind on its own, you glide your finger over the little pattern of tattoos that peeked out from his sleeve. 

“What, are you interested in getting a tattoo?” Nikolai suddenly asks. You halt, right when your finger is over his wrist. You look up at him before you shrug. 

“Seems scary.”

“The needles?”

You nod. “It pokes pokes pokes your skin, no? It bleeds you. But, I think it won’t hurt so much if it’s like… on certain parts of the body.”

Nikolai smirks. “Definitely. I guess if you are used to getting hurt on certain parts of your body, it doesn’t hurt much when tattooing the skin. For me, my arms only feel ticklish.” He says before he tilts his face, slyly grinning. “Maybe you should try one. On your face. It doesn’t hurt.”

“I guess it won’t hurt because my dad always hit me on it.”

“Fucking hell.”

— ♡

Mismatched eyes reflect the light from the screen of the television. People are in high spirits as the team they are cheering for is attempting another goal. Football is not something Nikolai tunes in. But there are times when his spirit also flows together with the people around him. People cheer and he will cheer too—even if he does not know who wins or loses. 

However, that is perhaps only applicable to the twenty-four-year-old him.

“Do you play sports?” 

He turns his head towards you. But your eyes are also fixated on the television, like everybody else. He wonders if you will even hear his answer because your question does sound like it is just a thought passing through like a breeze from the night air. “I supposed I don’t.” He says, his tone is just as careless as yours.

“Really? Then, how are you so strong?”

“Many reasons…” Nikolai mumbles, twirling his glass of vodka. His hot tea was already finished an hour ago. He finished eating way before you. “My tendency to get into fights in prison is probably one of the reasons too.”

“You fought in prison?” You finally pry your eyes away from the television, fixing your attention on him.

“I got bullied for the first few days…” Nikolai mumbles before he lets out a broken cackle. “But any man would tremble at the sight of a gun in front of their face. Unless they have the fangs of a tiger, then that is a different story. Well… a tiger can still be fought against with a falling telephone pole, so that’s that.” He says.

You tilt your head, confused. “You fought a tiger?”

“Not a literal tiger,” Nikolai snickers. “I think pure strength is not enough even for the strongest being in mankind. Creativity and versatility are important too. Strategies, plans, schemes… What’s scarier and stronger than a man who manipulates humanity to do his bidding while he sits back and enjoys the show from the crook of his library?” His eyes trail back to the television. “Even a sport requires strategies and manipulation, not pure stamina. Do you think the managers and those behind the players are not pulling the strings too?”

That’s why I must kill him.

“I mean, sport does have a long history of having bribe issues.” You murmur.

“That’s what I don’t understand either,” Nikolai nods to himself. “What’s fun with watching something that is most likely predetermined?”

“Not all sports are predetermined.”

“And not all are fair.”

You look away, staring at the table. Nikolai is also silent. He returns to watch the sport. Two players have fallen, and now one of them is going to protest at the yellow card. Next, arms open, provocation erupts to the stoic referee. The camera will pan to the spectators in the stadium. Some with hands on their head, some shout words and words that will only drown along with the cheers from the opposing team. Expectable, this show is too expectable—Nikolai sighs.

“Hey…”

Olga approaches your table again. This time, she looks visibly tired and worried. “I’m sorry for bringing this up again, but we really need a hand for tonight. One of my staff needs to go home because he has exams tomorrow. There are only three people in the kitchen, one at the bar and me.”

Nikolai frowns. Seriously? He does understand the circumstances but he could not find it in his heart to allow you to go and assist Olga for the restaurant, mainly because he does not want you to go roam around as a waitress, flaunting your pulchritude to the customers as you suggest them the most expensive food and drinks to order.

But your pleading eyes at him are certainly gleaming with hope right now.

Pinching his temple, Nikolai nods hesitantly. “Keep her in the kitchen only.”

Olga gasps and nods quickly. “Thanks a lot, Kolya.” She pecks his cheek appreciatively. “Her work is gonna be washing the dishes. You don’t mind that at all, right?” She asks you.

“No, I don’t! I’m a professional dishwasher.” You reply with a cheeky grin. As you stand up to follow Olga to the kitchen, you give Nikolai’s hand a squeeze and mouth ‘Thanks,’ to him. He just nudges his chin, shooing you. You giggle before you happily jog your way to the kitchen.

“Dummy.” Nikolai snickers, shaking his head as he checks his phone. It is past 10:30 PM and the diner will not close until twelve, he thinks. Or perhaps it will close when the sport has concluded. Because of the busy and crowded nights, your dinner time took two hours because you two also just lounging around in the diner watching the sport as well as he keeps ordering more vodka. He learns something new too—you eat later than usual when you are watching something, compared to when you only have him to stare and look at.

Bzzz!

As if the sender knows that  Nikolai is holding his phone right now, he receives a message—from someone he expects will not talk to him for another five business days.

Viktor: Hey, man. You busy?

Me: no. why

Viktor: Our marriage argument can wait. But I want you to come to Nastya’s studio now.

Me: now?

Viktor: Bitch, fucking read.

Me: can i go to the mart first? i need to get groceries

Viktor: Fine. But just come, alright? You must come. Tonight. Now.

Viktor: But go get your grocery first, fucker.

Nikolai gets up from his seat and gathers his belongings. He walks to the kitchen and wordlessly barges inside without caring for the strange look given by the bartender who is busy making drinks. He slips between the chefs and gets to you who is already washing cups and beer mugs.

He gently calls your name, poking your shoulder. You turn your head. “Oh! Hey, Kolya. Are you going to join me in this adventure of washing dishes?”

“Keep your talent in words, dolly. I need to leave for a moment. Viktor wants me to go to see him. But I might be late because I’ll stop by the mart to buy some groceries. You want anything?” He asks. You hum, thinking, as your hand is brushing the cup with a soapy sponge.

“Coco pops cereal, please.” You grin. Nikolai snickers as his hand cannot help staying still. He reaches to your cheek, playfully pinching it and shaking your face as he grits his teeth.

“Alright, you cheeky gold-digging girl.”

You whine and he lets go with a chuckle. “If the diner is closed, wait inside. I’m sure Olga won’t go home until I fetch you. And don’t run away— Gah, you know what, nevermind. You won’t leave me alone anyway.” He rambles as he turns around and leaves. You watch him disappear out of the kitchen and finally turn your focus to the dishes.

The lingering touch on your cheek still burns. You smile to yourself.

Your work increases tenfold when the clock strikes midnight. The sport that was broadcasted has concluded and the customers are leaving. You and two other staff are left along with Olga to clean the restaurant for closing. It seems that there are never-ending dirty dishes to wash.

“You okay?” Olga asks after you have not seen her for a while. “Come, you can stop washing the dishes. We have no need to rush to close the restaurant.” She says as she gestures to you to come to her. You leave the sink and wince at the sight of your strained arms. Your fingers are extremely wrinkled after being in the water for so long.

Once you are by Olga’s side, she takes out a clean napkin from her apron pocket and starts to gently wipe your wet arms. “You know, compared to Vasya and Alyosha, you don’t even complain about the amount of dishes you have to clean.” She says.

“I’m kinda used to it…” You smile before peeking out from the small window that allows the chefs and the staff outside to interact. You do not know which is which but one guy is sweeping the floor while the other is wiping the table. They do not even talk to you when you enter the kitchen other than changing a quick greeting upon seeing an addition to the team.

Olga smiles. “That one, who’s sweeping the floor is Vasily. His friend—or boyfriend, considering that they always spend time in Vasya’s bedroom like boyfriends would—is Aleksy.” She says as she continues to dry your fingertips and massage your arms gently.

“How do you know that?” You ask.

“Vasya rented a room in my house. He’s a university student near here. Worked here too for extra allowances and rent discount.”

Your eyes sparkle at the new information. Interested, you ask, “Oh, you are also a tenant?”

Olga chuckles and shakes her head. “No, not at all. I just have a vacant bedroom in my house. It belonged to my son.” She replies, Strangely, her tone lowers and her eyes droop darker at the last bits of her words. You notice the tone, certainly and you do not think talking about it is right at the moment. Vacant bedroom, belonged, son. There are only a few conclusions that can be drawn as long as the answer is not definitive.

“They are not trying to be cold towards you, you know? Both of them are introverts, compared to your… man. The younger version of him, that is.” Olga smiles before she reaches to your cheek, nudging your skin with her knuckle. “You’re flustered.”

“Uhm… He’s not my man.”

“Not yet.”

“Olga…!” You pout before she laughs. 

“I’m just joking,” She smiles, patting your head. “I love the guy, you know? He was a cheerful one and to be honest? Don’t tell this to Vitya, but Kolya is definitely more fun to tolerate.” She says. “But I love them both equally. Though, my life was much safer before I knew them.”

“Oh?” You look at her. “I am aware that your restaurant also does… not-so-good things… But did both of them cause you to involve yourself in such matters?” You ask carefully. Olga huffs and nods.

“They used to smuggle stuff. And my storage room was proven to be the best place to hide stuff, according to Kolya anyway. I don’t even get his logic. But, I guess words travel faster than light itself because one by one, suspicious people start to come here and pay me to keep quiet about their bad behaviour.” She explains. “I accept the money, of course. I cannot afford to let this diner be sold or discontinued.” 

You take a look around and you can see the traces of the past on the flakes, the rusts and the dirt. Old. Historic.

“This is my family’s restaurant. I’ve been working here since I was eleven. I cannot just simply leave this place. It holds nostalgia.” Olga says. Her eyes are vacant, staring ahead and yet towards nowhere. “If this restaurant is gone, I’m gone. And if I’m gone, nobody could take care of Vasya. That boy is not from this country and he travelled this far just to pursue his studies.”

She whispers, “My boy would do the same too, if he had the chance…”

“You’ve worked here for a long while…” You remark before looking down at your hands, fingertips grazing against each other, feeling the wrinkles from your yet-to-be-paid hard work. “I started working around your age too.” You tell her. “When I was… twelve? Thirteen? My first job was in a very small store in the neighbourhood. I was not really good at being a cashier, so my boss lady assigned me to arrange stock.”

“Oh? Was the job worth it?” Olga asks back, still smiling warmly at you.

“I wouldn’t say that but it was fun. I got to do things and meet many people from the neighbourhood and I… got to live my life out of my house…” You mumble. “I learnt a lot of things too.”

“I heard about what happened with your father. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through.” Olga says, taking your hand and holding it tightly. “No kids should ever live a life like that. You deserve so much more, darling. You really do. Never stop being kind, alright? Kindness is so needed in this kind of place.”

“Thank you, Olga…” You smile at her.

Olga grins before she taps your shoulder. “Kolya does not seem to be coming back any sooner but I’ll wait until you’re safe and home with him. Vasya and Alyosha do not mind waiting too. I know they don’t have any schedule tomorrow.” She says before she bends a little to look at the two boys. You also take a peek. They are laughing at each other, seeming to have delight in the small world they created.

“They’re going to come back to the kitchen for other chores. Can you go and mop the floor?” Olga asks. You nod and ask for the mop and the bucket, which Olga shows you before she calls for the boys to come into the kitchen to help her. 

As you bring the mop and the bucket of soapy water to the dining area, you pass by both Vasily and Aleksy. They give you a smile and a nod before getting into the kitchen. Once again, you are left alone. You dip the mop in the water and start mopping. The channel on the television has changed to a midnight news channel, presumably by the bartender who left as soon as the cleaning started. You do not understand why the bartender and one of the kitchen staff left early but you want to try to assume the best—they probably have important work tomorrow.

Accompanied by the sound of the compiled news from the previous day coming from the television, you keep mopping under the table and the chairs. You keep stealing occasional glances at the outside world, trying to see if Nikolai is coming to get you or not. The snow is falling lightly, coating the earth with a layer of solitude.

You have been mopping for five minutes now and you finally stand straight, stretching yourself. You take a seat at one of the tables to rest. Your knees feel a little strained, probably because you have been standing for a while. Your eyes roam around the diner before they stop at the television screen. 

And then the world stops.

“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”

“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”

“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”

“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”

“A dead body was discovered in Mckinlay Motel at the Russian-Belarusian border…”

“Fuck.”

Hand on his face, Nikolai’s eyes are fixated on the news shown on Viktor’s laptop. His heart is beating fast as he digests every word uttered by the newsreader. Dead body, motel, a gun, Russian-Belarusian border, your last name, his blurred identity card, his blurred face, the zoomed-in footage on his hand showing his wedding ring—

“Suicide,” Viktor finally speaks and Nikolai deliberately turns to him. Viktor looks grim and agitated. His right leg cannot stop shaking as he stares at his lap. “He shot himself.”

“Are we entirely sure this is not pseudo-suicide? The loan sharks did not orchestrate this?” Nikolai asks before he swallows nervously. He does not realize how heavy his tongue feels when he tries to talk more about this. 

“No. No, I don’t think the loan sharks were aware of his… suicide. When this was first reported, the middleman even called me to confirm it. Which means… They did not participate in his suicide either. They want money, not a dead body.” Viktor explains before he sighs. “Fuck, fuck, everything is going to shit. It's all complicated now. Bloody hell…”

Nikolai purses his lips before he leans back. He is at a loss for words. Your father is dead. He shot himself. He was already at the border and he could leave anytime. He wonders why your father killed himself when the chance for freedom is right in front of him. 

An issue with the passport? Official document? Money? Was he blacklisted? Was he denied by the authorities? 

Hell, does any reason even matter now? Your father is dead and there is no way he is coming back to live to tell the tale of his suicide unless he can magically metamorphose himself into another body. He left you alone in this city and he left you alone in this world, forsaking you with his abundance of debt and problems. 

“Kolya… I’ve… I’ve been thinking for a while about this.” Viktor suddenly speaks. He buries his face into his palms, groaning foully into them. “How do I say this… You know, you’re not the only one who’s drunk that night. That night, after I fetched Nastya from your place, I felt jealous because she basically just got out of your place and it’s like—how dare you have my girl in your place but I know it was because of our agreement to have her look after your girl too.”

Nikolai frowns at his ramble. His eyes travel around the table and finally catch the sight of half-emptied vodka on it. Viktor—or Nastasya, considering they are in her office—has been drinking, perhaps. He is probably tipsy. 

“Anyway, anyway. When I saw Nastya, I noticed she had three nails polished with a light blue colour. Yeah, that’s your girl’s nail polish, maybe. Most likely. Defi-fucking-nitely. I told her to get rid of the colour because I know Nastya doesn’t like pastels. But she didn’t want to because that girl was too sweet to her. Nastya also said she would like to make hot chocolate just as how the girl taught her for me. And and and— fuck, Kolya… I know you’re smart and all, so can you tell me why I feel like this?” Viktor finally lifts his head, turning to Nikolai with his lips curled as if he is trying to pout—or was it even an attempt? 

Nikolai sighs. “Vik, we are talking about… her dad right now. Can we not talk about Nastasya or her?” He says. “Right now, her dad just killed himself and I’m pretty sure the loan sharks were on their way to pursue that man before the suicide too.”

“No, that’s exactly what I wanna say, Kolyushka!” Viktor exclaims. “I wasn’t thinking straight when I immediately reported her daddy’s coordinates to the middleman. As soon as you told me his whereabouts, my mind went zoom— Ah, I should tell them loan whales.”

“The fuck are you talking about—”

“I feel guilty, Kolya.”

Nikolai halts. 

Viktor inhales a sharp breath. “I feel guilty because I felt like I took away Nastya’s new friend. Zoya met her once and already wanted to fuck the girl. I think she’s cute too but not as cute as Nastya. And I took your happiness— Ahh! Why do I feel like this? I feel so… so fucking bad. She is just like any other victim we kidnapped and traded and sometimes killed. The only difference is that we did not spend over a month with them!”

Nikolai stares at his tipsy friend for a moment before he turns away. His eyes are fixed on the news again. This time, it is showing some interviews with witnesses from Mckinlay Motel. 

“We detected a very strange smell from the room.”

“We tried to knock but no one’s answering. Even the calls from the reception are not answered.”

“Yeah, no one around here has seen him. But he occasionally visited the convenience store. No, he did not buy a lot of things. Only a lot of cigarettes.”

“Viktor… What do you think of the loan sharks’ next move since their debtor is dead now?” Nikolai asks, voice slow and sullen, thundering deeply from his throat. Viktor sniffles before he sits straight. 

“He had a lot of debt with them. Ain’t no way they will simply let the money burn, especially with how much they have spent on trying to catch that bastard.” Viktor says. “They can probably sell his assets to make a profit but can it be enough to cover all the debt? All the expenses? Nobody even wants to rent that ugly house.”

“Certainly not,” Nikolai grumbles. “The debt may default but I don’t doubt the loan sharks will—for the lack of a better word—get revenge for all the expenditures he caused them.”

“Yeah. And one of his assets is his daughter. The girl. You know the mind of horrible criminals, Kolyushka. Money lenders or not, by law or not, this group is ultimately a crime syndicate. They’re going to get her for sure.” Viktor adds, sighing loudly as he throws his head back.

“Are you two going to let the loan sharks take her?”

Both Viktor and Nikolai look up to the door, seeing Nastasya leaning against the frame. Her eyes darken as she steps further into the room. 

“Hm?” She addresses the men again. “Let her be taken? Let her take responsibility for something she did not do? What do you think will happen to a young girl with no one left and nothing left?”

Nikolai’s eyes scan her, finding her knuckles turning white as she grips the edge of the table. 

“That’s why I feel guilty… At first, I wouldn’t be much, knowing she was going to be just a hostage or a bait. But now… It’s like something shifts.” Viktor mumbles. His brown irises trail up to his lover before the latter also share the same look—a sentiment that is unspoken but understood. 

“No…”

Nikolai finally gets up. He takes a quick look at his watch. 12:27 AM. The diner must be closed by now. You are probably waiting for him. 

“No, what?” Nastasya asks. 

“You guys want to keep her, then keep her. I’m going to Peters. I have more important things to do than babysit a child.” Nikolai says, firmly. His tone is hard and rough as he fixes his jacket. Viktor bolts up from his seat, grabbing his friend’s arm. 

“Are you serious? You’re gonna give her if the loan sharks ask for her? She’s gonna get trafficked!” 

“Let me go.”

“Answer me, fucking coward.”

Nikolai yanks his arm away from Viktor’s grip. “I’m not gonna dwell in guilt like you, Pavlovsky.”

With that, Nikolai walks out of the studio, making haste of his steps towards his car. He enters it and starts the engine. The radio is not even on, he does not bother to do it as he drives to Olga’s diner—fast. The car runs through the falling snow that illuminates the night sky and the street lights. The world has gone quiet and will only go quieter as the hours pass. 

But his mind is never quiet. Each thought produces a monster, standing by to devour his head. Words from the news are buzzing in his ears like flies, and Nikolai worries that all of those monstrous thoughts and buzzing words are leading to one person. 

Oh, you… 

Nikolai is not sure whether you saw the news or not. He hopes you did not. The television in Olga’s place was dominated by a sports channel, no? It was on with sports and shall be off with sports. If you are aware of what happened to your father, he will be quiet. If you are not, he will be quiet too. He will keep his mouth shut about it, silence just like the winter night. 

Any mention of this will rigorously affect his plan to leave this town. 

Although, deep down, Nikolai knows, his plan to leave is already plagued with doubts and worries. 

He arrives at the diner in less than the expected time. Usually, it takes about fifteen minutes from VIY Studio to Olga’s place but due to the lack of people and cars on the street, especially at the hour, he manages to arrive in just ten. 

The diner is already dark. The light on the signboard is off, as well as the inviting ‘OPEN’ neon at the window. From the outside, the dining area is totally sombre. There is only the white light from the kitchen area, which is visible through the small window connecting the bar and the kitchen. 

Nikolai steps to the door—unlocked. He pushes it open and it rings. Two boys who are slumped at a table woke up from their sleep upon hearing the ring. Nikolai recognises them, but he doubts that they recognise him. 

“Where’s Olga?” He asks one of them. One of the boys, shy and timid, points at the door leading to the kitchen. Nikolai nods, mumbling half-hearted thanks as he steps towards the kitchen. He enters it, finding Olga is cleaning the stove. 

“Olga,” Nikolai calls and she turns. Her eyes widen and a tint of panic waves over her face. 

“Kolya, oh my God, you’re here.” She says as she rushes to him. Nikolai frowns, ignoring the old lady as he scans the whole kitchen area, trying to find you. The panic in her voice raises concern over his heart—once again, reacting to bad thoughts flooding his mind by hastening its beating. 

“She’s been in the toilet for a moment now. Told me she got a stomach ache and she needed time. Can you go and check her?”

His sixth sense tells him that there is no stomach ache. 

Reluctant yet feeling compelled to go, Nikolai nods. He makes his way to the toilet area. Two wooden doors—one for female and one for male. He approaches the one with the female symbol, knocking it a few times. 

He calls your name. 

No answer. 

Sniffles, yes. He does hear sniffles. 

He calls for you again, this time a little firmer. Knocks again. 

“S-Sorry, I need time…” Your muffled voice responds back. “Kolya…? C-Can you wait outside? I-I’ll see y-you outside…”

Nikolai stays still in front of the door, staring at the fake carving on the wood. He hangs his head low as his eyes stare blankly at his knuckles. “… I am outside. Not going anywhere.” He says. 

“… I’m not going anywhere.” He says again. 

Silence. Just as he wishes. Yes, you know about your father, that is crystal clear and obvious. And he prays that this silence will be forever—your father’s death shall never be mentioned, never be thought about. 

The fiddling noise of the lock breaks Nikolai’s focus on his hand. The door is pulled from the inside, open. 

“N-Nikolai…” Your glassy eyes gape at him, surprised. Your lips tremble as they try to crook for a smile. One attempt, two attempts and you finally manage to force one—unnatural and uncanny. “You’re b-back from Viktor.”

The air is tightening, choking his words from leaving his mouth. Hesitation—he can feel the heaviness in his heart to even reply to you. But for the sake of clearing the awkwardness, he nods. “Y-Yeah, I did. Come on.”

He turns around and walks off. He does not even know whether you are following him or not, for his gaze is only on his car in front of the premise. He leaves the diner first and once his boots step on the pavement, he realizes he is alone. He does not hear yours behind him. 

Nikolai takes a deep breath and faces up. He huffs slowly and the cold air trails out of his orifices. Heaviness is still lingering in his heart, despite he is alone out in the world. When he hears slow footsteps approaching him, the heaviness grows more, taking over his insides. With such a burden, he turns his head around, only to see you walking towards him with a gloomy gaze on the ground. 

One of your arms is hugging the ushanka you have taken off earlier. Without any word, Nikolai offers his hand and you—sensibly—put the ushanka on his hand. He then opens his jacket, slipping the big hat into the unknown. 

The baby blue girl who would often cheer at the tiniest sight of his ability is only carrying a deeper shade of blue right now. 

You are just standing there, so lost in thoughts that the glimmers in your eyes are lost too. The smile you once forced back at the toilet is not even trying to attempt anymore. Delight has flipped itself over, overcasting you with misery. 

“Hey.”

“Nikolai…” You finally speak. Your fingers clutch at your sides, fiddling with the fabric of your clothes. Then, accompanied by a quivering breath and hoarse voice, you ask;

“Can I have a hug?” 

Nikolai is silent. Oh, he really does wish to be silent. But wishes rarely ever come true. 

“Uhm…” He knows it—you want to be touched, to be held. You wish for solace and comfort. But Nikolai does not want it. If his wish to be silent cannot come true, yours cannot either. 

His eyes are everywhere but you. However, his body does turn towards you. His hand does reach out to you and with the most awkward voice he can muster, he offers, “How about we just shake hands?”

You stare at his hand. You nod. “Okay.”

You grab a hold of his hand before you slowly pull him and push yourself to the centre—closer. Nikolai’s body too moves on its own, subjecting itself to your whims. Your arms around his body as you bury yourself deeper into his warmth. 

And he embraces. 

His arms around yours, warmer and tighter. Your face against his chest and his face against your head, lips touch your skin briefly. One of his hands trails up, cupping the back of your neck as he caresses gently. And you let go. The cries and the sobs—you pour out to him and as he wishes, he stays silent and accepts it. 

“My dad’s dead, Kolya…”

Sniffles.

“I don’t know what to do…”

Hiccups. 

“I don’t have anyone left…”

You hug him tighter, and you press your cries harder against his chest. 

“Please don’t leave me too…”

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

if you like my works, consider buy me a ko-fi!

Tired dad sm anyone? Kinda rushed but wanted to post it anyway

𝑳𝑼𝑫𝑼𝑺 — a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest

RECEIVERS。director!nikolai gogol x actress fem!reader

WISHCARD。“We are in a fucking car, in a fucking parking area, Nikolai. People might see us, even with this tinted window,” — “Good, let them fucking see.”

BOUQUET。n/sfw 18+, manipulation, age gap (nikolai's in 30s, reader's in early 20s), manhandling, mouthgag, power imbalance, sloppy saliva, semi-public (in a car), submissive!reader, petnames, toxic relationship, dead dove do not eat

PRICE。approx. 5.0k

FREEGIFT。stargirl interlude (the weeknd, lana del rey), you? (two feet)

MAIN MENU。FOUR SHADES OF PINK

“Any date for Valentine's?” 

You look to your side, seeing your co-actress, Amanda, ask about your plan for Valentine's Day tomorrow. You shrug your shoulders as you mix your coffee well in the mug. 

You two are waiting for the technicians to fix an issue that suddenly came up during a shot. A camera had a wire malfunction and it almost sparked fire before they quickly put it out. 

This project you are filming now is co-directed by Nikolai, the toxic man you somehow get yourself involved with. He does not even care about the ongoing rumours of his favouritism towards you. Rather, it seems like those rumours only ignite his desire to get closer and more intrusive into your career. 

“No… not really,” you reply slowly. Amanda snorts as she sips her coffee. Her eyes then trail a figure far away and she suddenly giggles to herself. You look at her, confused. “What's wrong?” 

“Nothing. You know, I was thinking…” Amanda says and her voice is lower—almost like a whisper. She nudges her chin, gesturing to you to look at someone. You turn your head, eyes roaming the people to find that certain person Amanda is referring to. 

“… I kinda want to give chocolates to Gogol. What do you think?” 

Your head twists back to her, and your eyes slightly widen. Amanda is smiling sheepishly as she stirs her coffee. Her face is reddening with crimson, blushing at the mere thought of giving chocolates to Nikolai.

“Why… him?” you ask carefully. You hope your tone does not sound like you are envious. After all, there really is no reason for you to! She is just giving chocolates. It is just a friendly gesture, right? 

Amanda hesitates to reply to you, it seems. She glances at you and then Nikolai, before she shrugs her shoulders. “I think he is very nice… He looks out to so many people too.” She says. “Besides, he is quite hot, don't you think? Better to give chocolates to hot dudes than ugly guys, right?” 

“Right…” you just nod and avert your attention elsewhere. But luck is not on your side, because as soon as you turn your attention away from Amanda, your eyes connect immediately with Nikolai. And it is clear that he has been stealing glances at you. 

He does not shy away when he notices that you have seen him. Instead, he just grins. 

Nikolai makes a casual stride towards you and Amanda. And you can hear Amanda's small panicky voice when she realizes Nikolai is coming towards her. She is clearly flustered with his presence—perhaps she has caught feelings without knowing it. 

“You girls okay?” Nikolai asks, putting his hand in his pocket while the other twirls a paper cup. “We will have another five minutes before we test the lights to make sure it's all good.” 

“We are alright!” Amanda replies before you can even do so. “What are you drinking, sir? Vodka?” 

Nikolai cackles, shaking his head. “Just soda,” he replies before he looks at you. “You sure you wanna drink the coffee?” he asks, with a slightly mocking tone. Amanda looks at him, a little confused but you are restless. You grip the mug, and for a quick second, you remember the time he slipped something in your drink when it was just the two of you in the studio. 

“Better than your coffee,” you say. “It doesn't have any additives to it, sir. Very good. Much, much, much better.” 

“Touché.” Nikolai raises his hands as if he just loses. Amanda is still confused but before she could even bother you with questions, her manager calls her to get ready for her scene. Amanda bids farewell to you and Nikolai before she leaves quickly. 

As soon as Amanda's seat is empty, Nikolai sits right next to you. There's silence between you and him. Sometimes you are glancing at him, only to find that he is just watching the crew without a word leaving his mouth. 

“You’re angry.” You say. 

“I’m not.” He replies. 

“Are you still angry because I accepted that sponsorship?” You ask carefully, referring to a sponsorship that Nikolai has pressured and emphasized to you to not accept it. But that chance is just too good to be passed on. Nikolai repeatedly says that he does not want you to work with a certain guy—who happened to be moderating the sponsorship—but you went on and accepted it anyway. 

Besides, what in the fuck he could do? He is not your staff member, not even your PR team. You can do whatever you want as long as your team has approved it.

“That sponsorship is shit and you should regret taking it. Ugh, working with that old man who loves to drink until he vomits? Ugh…” Nikolai grunts.

“That sponsorship is not shit. You're just jealous about the fact that I’m about to work closely with another rich man.”

Nikolai glares at you. And you feel like you are winning. Oh, how victorious it feels when you pull away that malicious smile from his face. 

“Why don't you tell me that you're jealous, sir? Or else you wouldn't rewrite a whole kissing scene involving me, right? You can control whatever I do in projects you oversee, but not a sponsorship that is completely unrelated to you.” crossing your arms, you tilt your head at him. Nikolai seems surprised at your change of manner and his silence only feeds your confidence to stomp more on his ego. 

”Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, sweetheart. You don't wanna play shitty games with me. You already did once and I’m willing to let you go for now.” Nikolai smiles, but that smile does not have any shadow of kindness—more of a threat. You snort. 

“Cat got your tongue? Can't admit it?” 

Nikolai hums but remains to say nothing. Instead, he stretches himself, groaning while at it. Without looking at you, he strikes a question, completely ignoring the topic at hand. “Will you come tomorrow? The dinner, I mean.” 

You certainly notice his attempt to change the subject. You smirk. “Admit that you are jealous, or I'm gonna be absent tomorrow.” 

“Ah, sweetheart…” he sighs, pouting. “Don't do me like this. I have to be professional.” 

“I don't recall being professional includes offering a young actress to be his sugar baby.” 

Nikolai grumbles incoherent noises. His nose scrunches. He does not really have a good mood because his schedule does not flow smoothly today—due to the lights accident. He would normally get annoyed when people tease him too much, but he finds it adorable when it is you who is doing it. 

“Hey, don't leave your ‘sugar baby’ hanging. Are you jealous or not?” You press on him, enjoying the boost of confidence. Nikolai groans once again before he stands up. His large hand pats your head.

“Just come tomorrow. Be nice to me for once, yeah?” 

He leaves for the directors' table, with your eyes trailing his figure. You lean back to your seat, drinking the rest of your coffee. Tomorrow evening, there will be a small party involving the crew and the actors for this project. Supposedly, the project will finish filming tomorrow morning and your scene is almost done by today anyway, so you don't have to come to the set in the morning. 

It is just a small party to celebrate the end of the filming period. 

On Valentine's Day. How romantic. 

— ♢

Your phone has been pinging because of Amanda's messages. She is excited to show you her box of chocolates and a big bouquet that she wanted to give Nikolai for Valentine's Day. 

That girl certainly has something going on with Nikolai—or at least that's what you suspected. You know it is normal for Nikolai to interact with rookies a lot of times, considering he is a director for various shows and movies. 

As much as you want to deny it, you do feel slightly ashamed to admit that you feel a tint of jealousy, thinking about Amanda and Nikolai together. Intrusive thoughts are really intrusive at this hour. You cannot stop thinking about his reactions to Amanda's gifts, his gestures towards her, and his words given to her. 

You do not even have any chocolates or gifts to give to anyone tonight. But suddenly you feel pressured to have something. 

“We have ten more minutes before the gate is open for guests. Do you want to stop somewhere?” As if God hears your anxious heart, your manager asks.

“Yeah… Yeah, I think I would like to… stop at a store.” 

“Convenience store? I can get something for you instead. Just send me a text of what you need.” your manager says as he drives the car to the nearest store. He parks the car in front of a premise. 

“Wait, can I just go inside myself?” you say. You do not really want anyone to know you are buying cheap chocolates on Valentine's Day, even to your colleagues. Besides, you want to make a little effort to actually get chocolates as a gift. 

Your manager hesitates to allow you to leave the car, especially when you are wearing a dress and looking like a celebrity at first glance. You try to convince him to allow you to leave the car and after what feels like hours of reassurance to the man, he finally lets you out.

But not without a big puffer jacket with a hood that covers half your face adorning your body. 

“I look like I’m selling drugs,” you mutter. 

“This is the best option so we can avoid ruining your makeup and hair,” he says as he zips up the jacket fully. “Make your trip quick. I fear that there might be paparazzi around.” You nod and after he is done making sure you are unrecognizable as possible, you run towards the store, entering it. 

The worker does not even spare a glance. He is already tired from his job, just sitting at the counter. You make a turn to an aisle, quickly finding a shelf that has a lot of pretty chocolate boxes. The brands are nothing luxurious. But you take your time choosing one that you think Nikolai would like.

So you pick a chocolate box that has quite an expensive price tag on it. It is rectangular-shaped and contains twelve heart-shaped strawberry-flavored chocolates. You make your way to the counter, also grabbing a white teddy bear keychain you see when you are making a payment. 

Done—you thought. It may not be too much, but at least there's something. You hide your stuff in your jacket and run towards the car. Your manager does not bother to ask anything as he is more focused on the time, since the gate has opened for guests to enter the party. 

You keep the chocolates and the small teddy bear inside your high-branded handbag. The teddy bear is fluffy and white in colour, and it has a small hat and an eyepatch on it too. 

When you arrive at the party, most of the guests—the crew and the actors—are already there. Amanda is excited to see you and she jogs to you when he sees you roaming around in the small hall with a glass of champagne in your hand. 

“Hey, you came!” She gives you a hug which you gladly return, and then she brings you to a table, where you are supposed to sit. Turns out, you are sitting beside her. Not really surprising, considering you two closely worked together a lot on this project. 

You take a seat and notice that the chair beside Amanda has a big bouquet of flowers and a shiny chocolate box on it. You turn your head forward, and you see Nikolai's name card is exactly in front of Amanda. 

Ah, he will sit across from her. 

Something stirs inside you. 

It is not long before Nikolai appears with his director friends. And he comes in with some gifts in his arms. Small bouquets of flowers, some chocolate boxes, some gift boxes. 

He has been receiving Valentine's gifts. 

Expensive gifts. 

Amanda gleefully gives him the bouquet and the chocolates, which Nikolai receives with a peal of cheerful laughter. He does not really have any room to hold another one, but he gives the rest of his gifts to his staff, only to take Amanda's bouquet and admire it. 

“Oh, I love chrysanthemums! Ah, are these tulips too?” He asks, looking at the flowers one by one. “Thank you so much, sweetheart. This is beautiful!” He then takes a look at the chocolate box. The red shiny box is wrapped in gold tulle ribbon. You recognize the brand—it is a very luxurious one. A box of their basic milk chocolates already costs half a hundred bucks.

Chocolates don't need to be expensive. You're gonna shit it out anyway.

Your heart mumbles. You purse your lips and look away, clutching your bag. Something is stirring wild in your heart. Timidity creeps up and you suddenly feel small and out of place. 

Amanda and Nikolai are still talking to each other. She is clearly enjoying her time. You glance towards them, only to see Nikolai is kissing her cheek—hopefully in a friendly manner—before they both get to their respective seats. 

Nikolai sits on his chair. He is in front of you, albeit he is directly in front of Amanda. Amanda gets to hers and she sits down with a happy grin at you. You smile back, hoping that you do not appear to be obviously bitter. 

“Are you okay, starshine?” 

Your head perks up when you hear his voice amidst the noise around you from all the people here. You see Nikolai is looking at you. He is resting his chin on his palm and his finger is rubbing his lips. His gaze stays for a long while. 

“Yes. Yes, I am fine,” you reply, awkwardly sipping your champagne. 

“You are very beautiful.” 

Your cheek heats and you smile a little. “Thank you… You too…” 

The conversation ends there, but his gaze doesn't. Even while the main director is making a speech, you notice he is just staring at you. The only thing that truly separates your eyesight and his is just the small chandelier that is hanging between the two of you. 

The dinner went well. A few crew members are leaving and there are still so many people staying behind, drinking and enjoying desserts. You are careful to not consume too much alcohol. You do not want to be batshit drunk tonight. 

But you do feel slightly tipsy. 

As you are drinking wine while listening to your friend’s chatter, Nikolai stands and he speaks something to the people around him. He is leaving, since he has work tomorrow. His staff seems to want to escort him but he orders something to them, and it looks like they are not following him. 

“Well, enjoy the rest of the night, everyone. Sorry, I couldn't stay longer!” Nikolai says as he takes his long coat and drapes it over his body. He glances at you one last time and leaves, without sharing any more words. 

There are no words shared between you and him except his question at the beginning. It feels wrong. Usually he will fawn over you in this kind of setting, but he does not pay you much attention other than occasional stares. 

It feels wrong and empty. 

Especially knowing that your gifts are still in your bag. 

Even after Nikolai has disappeared somewhere, you feel restless. Your legs are shaking as your fingers fiddle with the ribbon of your bag. Amanda can't still stop talking about Nikolai—for obvious reasons—and it makes you feel even more bitter the longer you sit here in this room. 

So you stand up, excusing yourself. Your manager is nowhere to be seen—he is probably somewhere outside. You walk away from the room, following the trail that Nikolai supposedly went through. 

As soon as you are out, you are lost. You are not sure whether you want to ask the man directly about his whereabouts—you don't really want to look desperate, although that feeling is growing rapidly inside you. So you walk around, approaching the basement carpark, in hopes you could find Nikolai. You hope he is alone and not with his manager or staff. 

The basement is lacking people. You see some guards but you do not see Nikolai. You make a round, gripping your bag tightly. You are about to give up, before suddenly a car horns at you. 

You jump, looking to your left. The horn is just too loud like the driver inside just slams their fist onto it. The car that horned at you has tinted windows, not allowing you to see who is inside clearly. But the car plate does itch that memory in the back of your head. 

You rush to the window of the driver's side. The window slides down just a bit, and you finally see the man you have been searching for—though you only see his eyes due to the tinted window. 

“Hello, love. Did I surprise you?” Nikolai smiles. He presses something and a ‘Click!’ is heard. He wiggles his finger as if to invite you inside. And with a little hesitation, you walk around the car to the front passenger seat. You open the door and get inside. 

The car is cold—seems like the AC is blasted high. Though you catch the usual scent of his perfume, it smells flowery somehow. You turn your head to the backseat, finally seeing bouquets of flowers and Valentine's gifts Nikolai has received today. 

Too many people love him. 

“Want some?” Suddenly, he offers you his cup of coffee. You shake your head, refusing politely. Nikolai snorts. “I don't drug it.” 

“No, it's not that… I just drank a lot already…” You reply slowly. Nikolai hums, propping his head on his hand that rests on the car door frame. You two are just sitting in silence, and though you do not look at him, it feels like his gaze is leering at you a little too much. 

“Today's dinner sucks, isn't it?” Nikolai asks. You look at him, blinking confusedly. You thought the dinner went well, at least for him. He got too many gifts too. What is suck about it? 

“I don't think it's bad…” 

“I think it sucks so bad.” 

You glance at the gifts on the backseat. Amanda's bouquet is undoubtedly the biggest one out of everything. Even her chocolate box looks the most expensive. The longer you look at it, the deeper the self-consciousness is digging itself inside you. 

“You got that many gifts just in one night. I’d think the day would be a blessing if that happened to me.” You say. Nikolai snorts scornfully before he goes silent again. You notice he just keeps staring at you, and there really is nothing you can do to make him stop. Even if you tell him to, he will just like it more. 

For some reason, you are feeling used to it. 

Unable to figure out his games, you hastily open your bag and finally take out the convenience store chocolate box and teddy bear keychain. You fix the teddy bear’s appearance, as it was stuffed into your bag in a rush before. 

Swallowing the nervousness, you turn your body to face him. Your arms stretch out, giving him the chocolates and the keychain. 

“Happy… Valentine's Day… uhm…”

God, how embarrassing. You hate how your gifts look compared to the luxury that was given to this man. It is not like you even plan to give him anything—you don't even think you and him have anything more than a completely manipulative and beneficial sexual relationship, but the feeling of competitiveness and jealousy takes over you at the last second. Though you were a little spirited, seeing how rushed your decision is, you are certainly feeling humbled. 

And it feels more like it when Nikolai starts to cackle. His cackle turns into a string of amused laughter. 

“Oh, starshine. You are such an adorable girl.” 

Nikolai takes your gifts, carefully looking at them. His eyes are more fixated on the teddy bear keychain. And without saying anything, he clips it to his key ring. He certainly likes it when he stares at it for a while. 

“I love it. It's cute. Like you,” he says. “From a convenience store, hm? I think I saw this a few days ago in my local store too.” 

“I-It’s a last-minute effort…!” you say, flustered. Of course, people would recognize things that you can easily get from convenience stores. “I just think it's cute for you and I grabbed it without thinking twice.” 

“Hm, hm. Thank you for the effort, baby. This is my favourite gift ever.” He says. Then suddenly, he adjusts his seat, to give more legroom. He spreads his legs, tapping his lap. “Come. I have something to give you too. I’m not an asshole to leave my baby hanging on Valentine's Day, yeah?” 

Deliberately—and shyly—you climb onto his space. Your dress does not really allow you to spread your legs. Nikolai certainly notices that when he, without saying anything, just slides the fabric up your legs, high enough that it almost reveals your crotch. 

“S-Stop, stop,” you say, trying to hold his hands from messing with your dress any further. 

“I’m helping you. I have seen you naked, starshine. Nothing to be shy of.” 

“We are in a fucking car, in a fucking parking area, Nikolai. People might see us, even with this tinted window,” you whine and your voice falters when he places his hand on your inner thigh, grabbing your flesh and pulling you hard. His act forces you to stumble against his body, making you sit on his lap. 

“Good. Let them fucking see.” 

His hand is getting bolder when he slides it up to tease your crotch. You gasp, hips bucking up trying to avoid his surprise touch. But Nikolai holds you down by gripping your waist with his other hand. 

“K-Kolya— Hey—” your voice comes out a little whiny as his fingers start to rub your clothed cunt. Nikolai chuckles deeply. A lewd smirk forms on his face as he watches you. 

“Think you can just let yourself go like that after giving me only those gifts? Honey, you are my gift for Valentine's. I’ve planned to take you tonight anyway. Glad that I don't have to wait for you too long to come for me, hm?”

He retracts his hand from your cunt and the emptiness leaves you with a longing. Your chest heaves. Your hands are gripping his shirt and you feel the heat is pooling in your lower abdomen. 

“W-What does t-that mean?” 

Nikolai grins, holding your chin before he gives you a soft kiss on the lips. His thumb then rubs your lips, teasing its way to press on your tongue. “You’re always so desperate for my attention, sweetheart. We both know that already. Just a simple silent treatment is enough for me to get you crawling back to me.” 

He holds your head now, with his hands gripping each side of your face tightly. Another kiss is planted on your lips, and this time it is deeper—his tongue slithers inside, his lips dancing gracefully on yours. 

His kiss gets a little wilder as his lips trail to your neck, nibbling your skin. You gasp, body jerking to his touch. His hands are roaming freely on your body, and his kisses travel to your throat and collarbone. One of his hands slips to your inner thighs, caressing your skin as his fingers teasingly trace your cunt. 

Damp. 

His fingers skillfully nuzzle your pussy through your panties as his lips are busy kissing your skin. Your arms wrap around him tightly and your lips are letting out soft moans at his teasing touches. Every time the pad of his fingers presses the fabric against your pussy, you can feel yourself getting wetter and wetter. 

“F-Fuck…” you sigh softly by his ear when he pushes the fabric to the side. His fingers rub your cunt gently and one of his fingers trails up, brushing against your sensitive clit. 

“Aah!” your body jerks, accidentally pressing hard against him and Nikolai groans when you move too suddenly. A harsh slap lands on your ass, and it is enough to tell you to stay still. “S-Sorry…” 

“You’re moving too much. Maybe I should punish you,” he grins before he pushes you slightly to give himself some space. You look at him in disbelief. He reaches for Amanda's bouquet from the backseat and harshly unties one of the red ribbons from it. Some flowers fall but Nikolai doesn't care. 

“W-What? Why, why do I get punished? I said sorry, didn't I?” you whine but it is not for a long time when he rotates your body so your back would lean against his chest. He puts the ribbon on your opened mouth, tying a tight knot behind your head. You gag slightly, and he roughly holds your jaw. 

“Because you're being a naughty, naughty girl who doesn't listen to me when I say do not do a certain thing. I know, I know—I don't have rights to your career. But you owe me that much, considering I helped you a lot, yes, sweetheart?” Nikolai says, his tone is sadistic and cruel. He kisses your jaw, licking a little drool that drips from your lips. 

“Be a sweet girl tonight, okay?” 

You nod and your submissive eyes gaze up to him. Nikolai stares at you for a few seconds before he snickers. “I like it when I can doll you around. My favourite kind of girl, really. You're my favourite, little doll. My only favourite girl. How lucky you are right now, don't you think?”

You whine when his hand roams to your cunt again. Your pussy is wet and his fingers twirl around a string of arousal. You moan, nuzzling your face against his chest. He brings his slick-coated fingers and slips between the makeshift gag on your mouth. Your drool is lubing up his fingers. 

“Good girl.” he kisses your forehead before he brings his fingers to your cunt, slowly pushing two digits in. You moan softly—his thick fingers easily slip inside, nudging your sweet spots. He starts to thrust his fingers in and out while his lips are kissing your neck. 

You can feel Nikolai's cock beneath your ass and his hips are not-so-subtly grinding against yours. He seeks friction to his boner, and it is clear that he is very hard right now. With his fingers deep and plunged inside your cunt, you try to move your ass against his cock but it's pretty hard to do so when he slips his third finger and continues thrusting faster and faster in your pussy. 

“A-Ah—Ack!” you whimper, head resting against his shoulder as his other hand gropes your tits. He just fondles them, not trying to rip the dress off to free your breasts—which you secretly hope he would do. 

Because the heat in this car is growing rapidly. 

Your choked whimpers mix with his soft groans. The sloppy noises of your cunt accompany your sinful melody. His fingers wave against your sensitive spot, with his thumb rubbing harshly against your clit. Your arousal is heightening and your body is trembling with pleasure. 

The ribbon around your mouth is wet with saliva and your hands are frantic to hold anything. Nikolai keeps your legs spread widely, gripping your inner thigh roughly while you are shaking with bliss. His nails bury deeply into your flesh and you feel so, so close now. 

Eyes shut, your stomach tightening as your hips buckle up against his palm, desperately trying to have more friction on your clit. Nikolai seizes your jaw, pulling the ribbon down so harshly that it hurts your mouth a little. But you pay no mind about it when he sloppily kisses you, tongue exploring each other. His fingers are still thrusting, albeit a little slower and your body begins to tense up. 

Your legs tremble and threaten to shut. You feel one of his fingers leaving your tight snatch, only for it to lightly graze against your asshole. And it shocks you to feel a sensation at a foreign untouched spot. Your legs kick out, and your foot accidentally presses the steering wheel. 

A loud horn startles both you and Nikolai. 

And he is a little too quick to stop everything—pulling his fingers out and breaking the kiss, only to push your head downwards as if to hide you. He looks around, and upon hearing your whimper, he realizes it was you. 

“Fucking…”

“I’m s-sorry…! S-Sorry, Nikolai… ‘m sorry—” you cry, mainly because you are almost reaching your orgasm. You whimper, wiggling your butt, begging for him to touch you again. Nikolai softly sighs as he sees you whimpering and whining to make you cum—seems like your head is slipping into a submissive state. 

“We gotta get out of here first.” He says as he pushes you to the seat beside him. Your dress is a mess and your skin is sweaty and sticky from arousal and sweat. Nikolai looks down to his lap. His pants are already stained with his own precum and your mess. 

He starts to drive off when he notices a guard approaching the floor. He hastily grabs his coat that he drapes over his seat and then covers your messed body with it. Giving you a soft reassuring pat on the head, he turns his attention to the road, driving fast to his apartment—as he couldn't just let his favourite girl be in misery for long now. 

“K-Kolya… Kolya, I’m sorry—” 

“Shush, starshine. You’re coming home with me tonight. Oh, you little troublemaker. How could you be this insatiable? I almost cum in my pants too… Well, fuck.”  

©cherikolya 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, reblogs are very appreciated

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TRASH SUGAR MAGIC

➛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 12: ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀ ᴅᴀɴɢᴇʀ

➛ nikolai gogol x fem!reader

➛ fluff, suggestive | words: 8.2k

➛ ao3 | spotify | main menu

Have you ever met a jester in prison? 

It was like a horror movie, living together in a cell with this guy who went by Nikolai. As someone who made a living by collecting debts and killing people for various reasons, Nikolai is probably one of the men I would not mess around with. 

He’s a weirdo. His smile always hides weird intentions. He talks in riddles, drawing laughter from others but I know that he is just making them the fool instead of himself. What’s scary about him? Well… if a group of bullies accused him of locking them up in the bathroom and exchanging their limbs with each other, you would be careful, no? 

Unfortunately, people think the bullies went crazy. Nobody believes that a jester like him would be able to do such a weird horrible thing. Nobody believes that a smiley guy like him would tear up limbs like it’s nothing. I mean, look at him! He may be fit but there are other guys that are way bigger than him. 

He cannot do such a thing, not in prison, never in prison. 

But I think they spoke the truth. 

— ♡

Dream threatens to shut away but you want to have a couple more hours to see it to the end. But the glimpses of sunlight from the window tease your eyes when your eyelids flutter. You squirm, your body tries to get up and begin the day, but the blanket is pulling you in and keeping you still. 

You roll and roll until your body bumps against another. Forcing your eyes to pry open, you gaze up through the haze and smile. “Good morning,” You say with the softest voice to the man sitting next to you on the bed. His back is leaned against the headboard, cushioned by his pillow. There is his phone in his hand and he looks serious for a moment there. 

Nikolai says nothing. But without the satisfaction of his voice, you do not think your day could begin any better. So you take his arm—he is wearing a short-sleeved shirt today, with his old tattoos slithering his pale skin. You give him a shake. 

“Good morning,” You repeat. 

Finally, he looks at you. Usually, he would flash you a glare of annoyance but for the past few weeks, glaring has not become his habit. His mismatched eyes instead address you with an indecipherable gaze. Nikolai stares at you for a few seconds before he hums and smiles. 

“When you’re drunk, you don’t snore.”

Your eyes widen as you shriek in embarrassment. Hiding half of your face with the blanket, you look at him timidly. Oh, how unsightly it must be! How many nights has he suffered through your snores? And, and, and—oh Lord, didn’t you hug him as close to you last night? Did you snore right by his ears? 

Your face is plastered with a thick sheet of embarrassment. “I-I…”

But your apology is cut off when Nikolai lets out a small cackle. “I’m kidding. No, you sleep like a log. The quietest you’ve ever been.” He says. You huff, frowning at his teasing. Nikolai snorts. “Hm, maybe I shouldn’t even say that I was kidding. Let you believe you’re a noisy one in bed.”

“I’m not noisy in bed!” You protest. Nikolai glances at you, his eyebrow jerks up a bit before he turns away. 

“Yeah… not sure about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“…Nothing.” He murmurs. He seems distraught for a second and his cheeks are shaded with light pink as his eyes frantically travel between you and the nothingness around the room. 

You keep your eyes on him, sensing his nervousness. When your gaze is fixed on his quivering lips, your mind is rushed with last night’s drunken affair. Drunk as you were, the memories are still fresh in the back of your mind the deeper you scour through them. 

You remember his tight grip on the back of your head, pulling you close to cut your breath with a deep kiss. You slightly shiver at the ghostly feeling on your back, tummy and hips—where he touched them and fondled them. 

His touches were fire, as far as you remember it. 

You thought you were accustomed to his touches by now—soft and rough. It was not the first time you slept with him on the same bed—there was that moment when he was drunk out of his mind and sought comfort. Last night was different enough for you to feel flustered every time you reminisced about it—your mind could play the same fragment of memories over and over and you would still be sheepish. 

Last night was more. 

You are not sure whether to talk about it to him—what is there to talk about anyway? You knew you had poured your heart out for him. Those three sacred words that you muttered to him were and are never a lie or a mere drunken thought. 

“Kolya…” Your hand holds his as you brace yourself to look up at him. He turns his head to you, unreadable. “I… About last night—”

“Do you want to go to Olga’s place?”

Nikolai cuts you off immediately. You flinch lightly at his words. You stare at him and although his face remains unchanged, his hand holds yours back, squeezing it.

He doesn’t want to talk about it. 

A heavy flood of disappointment and embarrassment rushes in within you. But you understand it—well, try to. Nikolai has stated before that he has no desire to fall in love or even settle down. He wanted to finish something with an old friend—as much as you despise the thought of him being lost and lonely after that, you do not think you can even change his mind. 

A soft voice calling for your name startles you out of your thoughts. Your irises roam towards him again. He tilts his head, and gives your hand another squeeze before he asks: “Are we going? You have to return the backdoor key to Olga anyway, right?”

You nod slowly, forming a smile. At least he does not push your hand away. 

— ♡

“Quickly!” Nikolai grunts as he is waiting for you at the front door. He hears your pleas for one more minute from the bedroom. Sighing softly, Nikolai checks his phone one more time, reading Viktor’s new messages. 

Viktor: Are you coming?  Viktor: You bring your girl along?  Me: no i’ll drop her off at olga’s Viktor: Whaaaat we ordered food for you two! Viktor: Just bring her along. Zoya’s packed with customers and I’m getting a tattoo from my baby today Me: nope she can’t come Me: something important happened last night Me: and i have to tell you Me: very important  Viktor: Oh shit sounds like an emergency  Me: yes. so Me: don’t have sex in the studio Viktor: Heyyy

Nikolai shuts off his phone once he sees you jogging towards him. Your body is covered with one of his jackets—as usual, nothing new, he is so used to it—and a scarf around your neck. You stop by the front door to wear your shoes. As if on instinct, you place your hand on his chest to support your balance as you slip your feet into the shoes. His lips curve slightly for a smirk before he completely purses them together when you look up at him. 

“Okay, I’m good.”

“Alright. Get your ass out of the way then so I can lock the door.” He says and you only grin as you step outside happily. As you walk past him, Nikolai notices something from the corner of his eyes—a blazing red thing on your hair. 

He turns his head, taking a good look at you. Your hair is tied in a ponytail style and a red pompom on it. He lets out a nervous chuckle. “Not enough leeching off my fortune and you’re now stealing my stuff, sweetheart?”

“Hm?” You look at him and grin. “I lost mine and I found yours on the table.” Your hand gently takes his braid and wiggles the end of it in front of his face. His braid is also tied with a similar red pompom hair tie, except the red on it is faded. “We are matching! Oh, your face is as red as this too.” You tease, tickling his cheeks with his own hair. 

“You’re playing too much,” Nikolai pouts but makes no attempt to push your hand away. But your comment about his red face brings him some sort of self-consciousness. He turns away to close the door and lock it. In the meantime, his other hand palms his cheek, trying to get rid of the red—which is mainly caused by the cold, perhaps.

No other reasons. 

When you two arrive at the diner, there are already some customers inside. In haste, Nikolai quickly pulls the hood of the jacket over your head. You whine at his sudden roughness but you cannot really protest him—he has all the reasons to worry about you being recognized. 

He brings you to the bar, where Vasily is stationed today to make drinks. He straightens up once he sees Nikolai and you sitting at the bar instead of at any other table like other customers. You give Vasily a happy, friendly wave before Nikolai grips your wrist and pushes it down. 

“Call Olga for me,” Nikolai says, his tone cold. 

“Can you make a hot chocolate for me, please?” You ask Vasily. He nods and gives you a small smile but it drops when Nikolai glares sharply at him. He quickly rushes into the kitchen, calling for Olga. Nikolai almost smirks in amusement at how the young man is visibly intimidated by him but his smile could not even form when he feels a hard pinch on his arm. 

“O-Ow!” He flinches, looking at you in disbelief. 

“Don’t scare him like that.” You huff. 

“I don’t scare him. He is scared of me!” Nikolai replies.

You shake your head, crossing your arms. “He is scared of you because you are scaring him. You should be nice to him. He thinks you are scary because you always look angry around him.” 

“Well, I happen to like it that way.”

“You like to be scary?” You ask. He just shrugs. He is fairly aware of people who perceive him as intimidating—his reputation in prison was an example. Befriending guards and feigning friendships were easy. The hard part was to control himself from doing the worst to others. 

Nikolai is very sure that there was a reason why he ended up in a prison facility that is clearly only for ‘normal’ people with no special abilities. Meursault was easy to break in and out—most people think that by confiscating his white cloak, they also confiscated his abilities. But really, all he needs is just a fabric of space to get the work done. 

“Hello, you two. Sorry, we are kinda busy in the kitchen.” Olga’s voice makes both Nikolai and you turn your heads towards her. She walks into the area behind the bar with Vasily trailing her from behind. Vasily wordlessly starts to make a hot chocolate for you. There is a playful and mischievous impulse within him to further torment the boy but Nikolai holds back. 

“Here’s your hot chocolate,” Vasily says as he puts a cup of hot chocolate in front of you. You gleefully thank him, which sours Nikolai’s mood some more. What are you thanking for, darn it. It is just hot chocolate. I can make one too. Much better one too—he thinks. 

“Ahem,” Nikolai turns to Olga who is giving him a teasing smile. He huffs and looks away. Olga only chuckles before she turns to you. “I suppose you already know that you will move into my place a few weeks from now?”

Nikolai glances at you, watching. You nod at Olga’s words before you sip the hot chocolate. The drink stains your upper lip and your tongue emerges between your lips to lick it. He tries his best to pry his eyes away from your lips—he really does, but at the back of his subconscious mind, everything that happened on his bed last night has burnt and seared deeply in his brain. 

He knows it is bad to think about those same pair of lips kissing and smooching his face and the scar on his eye until he falls asleep. But it cannot be helped, really. Since this morning—he woke up earlier than usual and proceeded to tuck you in properly to bed—he has been thinking about whatever happened between you two. He wanted to convince himself that it was really a drunken decision to kiss you but Nikolai knows that even if he was not drunk at the slightest at that time, he still would have kissed you. 

He would. 

Nikolai barely listens to what you and Olga are talking about. It is probably something to do with your work as a staff here. He does not care about that, really. What he does care about is how you would live in a new place later on, possibly with a new roommate. 

Somehow he finds the thought of you waking up in the same house with other people annoying. 

“Kolya? Did you hear what I said?” Olga taps the table in front of Nikolai and he blinks confusedly. He shakes his head, not bothering to even lie that he was ever concentrating. He does concentrate though… on someone else. 

“I will need some time to prepare her room. When do you think she could start to move in?” Olga asks. 

“Why ask me? Ask her.” Nikolai pouts his lips towards you. “When do you want to leave?”

Your eyes divert down to your hot chocolate. Fiddling with your fingers, you mutter hesitantly, “Maybe… on the day you leave to Petersburg?” You say. “I don’t wanna move too early, you know?”

Nikolai glances at Olga and he finds her returning the same glance. He knows that there is a similar thought in their mind right now. You do not mind moving into Olga’s place early, surely, if your kidnapper is not him. 

“When will you leave, Kolya?” Olga asks slowly. 

He shrugs. “In two weeks or so… I gotta prepare a bit more things with Viktor about my apartment and car. Speaking of which, I do have to leave because I have to see him at Nastasya’s studio later.” Nikolai says. Your head jerks at him, frowning at the way he is already standing and adjusting his jacket. The gaze you are giving him is a clear protest that you do not want him to leave you—but ultimately, you say nothing. 

“Don’t make that face, birdie. I’ll be back at five. And you will work here and assist this graceful old lady.” Nikolai says and Olga’s sweet smile turns into a scowl. She smacks the back of Nikolai’s head mildly, which thankfully makes you chuckle. 

“Okay, I’ll wait for you.” You say to him. He smiles. 

“Good,” Nikolai then leans down, bringing his lips close to your ear as he whispers, “And don’t trust or talk closely with any customers or strangers. You can trust Olga but not the others, do you understand?”

There is a clear confusion on your face at his sudden warning but a good girl you are, you nod at his words. Nikolai is about to pull away from you but from the corner of his eyes, he notices that Vasily is looking at him suspiciously. Hating the idea that there is still a possibility—no matter how small—that Vasily could get a little too close to you, Nikolai makes a quick decision, not a second thought. 

He kisses your cheek. 

“Okay, buh-bye, ladies.” He turns on his heels, practically stomping towards the exit door. On his way to leave the restaurant, he hears your little squeals of happiness and attempts to even form a word to Olga. 

Nikolai smiles to himself, proud. 

— ♡

Whenever you are by yourself, a small giggle cannot stop leaving your mouth. 

It feels so unreal. The lingering feeling on your cheek is so unreal. 

If you are not working right now, you would have twirled and spun under the falling snow, skipping and dancing like a princess in those movies who live happily ever after. Your cheeks are warm and your heart is still fidgeting in delight. 

You are stationed at the bar, assisting Vasily with taking orders and learning to make drinks. It comes very easy for you since this is not entirely a new experience for you to work in such a setting. Olga even gives you a sheet of recipes for coffee and tea drinks, which is very much helpful. 

Vasily is gone to the back for a while now which leaves you alone at the bar. You do not mind since there are not many customers. But five minutes later, Vasily walks out from the staff room, completely changed into casual clothes while carrying a laptop bag. 

“Oh, are you leaving?” You ask. He nods and gets behind the bar to fill up his water bottle. 

“I have classes from five to nine.” He says. You coo, nodding in amusement. 

“What kind of classes do you have that you gotta go to college at night?”

“Electives… It’s very annoying.” Vasily huffs. “The coursework is always too redundant for a subject that is, frankly, quite unnecessary. The class is only for two hours but I will have to join a group discussion for another two.” He groans as he throws his head back. “Haven’t gotten a good sleep these days…”

You chuckle. Somehow you feel a little grateful that your day is not as busy as his. All you do during the day is bother Nikolai until he shuts you up by giving you food, but even then, you still talk to him about random things. Lately, you are trying to ramble to him about a short story called ‘The Fair at Sorochyntsi’ that you read from the old books he found around the house.

Reading short stories would be more fun than reading academic books, you think. Even so, you are not opposed to experiencing the struggle.

“I wish you luck then. And don’t forget to eat dinner and take care of your health, alright? You must stay healthy if you want to study smoothly.” You grin. Vasily looks at you for a moment before he snickers and nods. 

“Yeah, thanks. You too.”

He leaves the bar and with a farewell wave, he leaves the restaurant. From inside, you see him approaching his friend who is already waiting outside. You pry your eyes away and take a seat behind the bar as you wait for any new customer. 

You are overcome with boredom as you do crosswords in the newspaper to kill your time, until you hear the bell on the entrance door ring, signalling someone is walking in. You hope it is Nikolai but it is just a quarter past three o’clock. When you look up from the newspaper, it is a tall man who looks to be in his 40s, approaching the bar instead of choosing any table to sit at. The way he is walking is a little weird—it looks like he hurts one of his legs or something. 

Reaching the memo pad to take orders, you stand up and greet him. He returns your smile before sitting directly in front of you at the bar. “How can I help you, sir?” You ask. 

For a second, you notice how his eyes leer up and down upon you. Something about this man does not sit right with you. Nervously, your hand pulls the hood to cover your face a little bit more. You attempt to keep smiling and stay calm—you are probably more anxious doing things alone since Vasily is not around anymore and Olga stays in the kitchen with her other staff members. 

“What do you recommend to me, sweet pea? I don’t know much about this restaurant. It’s my first time here.” He says. Your eyes twitch upon hearing the nickname roll out his tongue like that. It feels repulsive—despite you being used to being called sweet nicknames like that by the men you escorted before. 

“Uhm, we have a tea-time promotion from three to six.” You say, trying to be as friendly and helpful as possible. You take a menu and give it to him, showing him the tea-time promotion. But the man’s gaze is not even on the menu, instead, it is fixated deeply on your face. 

“Maybe coffee,” He says.

“What kind of coffee would you like, sir? We have the classics.” You tap a section on the menu with your pen. “We have espresso, cappuccino, latte…”

“I’d like your favourite, then.” He grins. You force out a small cackle—just to remain friendly with him despite the uneasiness swirling deeply in your chest. 

“Uhm, mocha… would be nice, sir.” You mutter. He nods. 

“Alright. Two hot mocha please,” He says and you scribble the name on the memo pad. Before you could ask him for anything else, he grins once again. “One for you, one for me. My treat, miss.”

“Oh…”

Your hand stops. “I don’t… uhm… It’s not my break time yet, so…” You try to come up with an excuse. It is clear that this man is trying his way to you by offering you a drink, but you are still holding on to what Nikolai just said—do not trust anybody except for Olga. 

Besides, you are very not interested in meddling with other people right now. Your heart belongs to someone else and that someone has ignited a fire within you with a soft, faint kiss on the cheek. You do not want to entertain this man any further, so you quickly say, “One hot mocha coming right up, sir.”

You do not even bother asking him whether he wants any pastry or cake to go along with it. 

“Aww, come on, sweet pea. You aren’t really a friendly one, are ya?” He says again, this time, his tone is very flirty. He even makes whistling noises at you whenever you step a little closer to his spot to reach the equipment to make his mocha. 

“You’re real cute, sweet pea.” He rests his chin on his palm. He then sneers as his eyes roam all over your body. “Nice bod, too. No wonder people come here for you.” He winks before cackling at you. 

You only glance at him and say nothing as you put his hot mocha in front of him. You once again force a tiny smile. “Hot mocha, sir.” The man nods and stirs the drink.

“Say, little girl. You don’t look like you’re from here.” He says, leaning closer despite the counter bar being the only separator between you two. You try to not give him much attention to him and just smile at him—enough to not anger a man who lacks attention. “You don’t live alone, by chance?”

“I live with my man.” You mutter.

“Oh yeah? You really have a man?” He says. His tone is mocking, as if he does not believe you. You frown. 

“Yes. Yes, my man.” You affirm to him. It is not entirely a lie. You do live with a man but is he your man? Though your confession might be one-sided, you want to believe so—a little fantasy could help with your sanity after all the madness you have gone through in your life. 

The man only snickers at your response before he takes a sip of his drink. With his attention briefly moving away from you, you finally let out a sigh of relief. You do not think you want to linger behind the bar like this with this man near you. 

You must find something else to do. It is really unfortunate that it is not peak hour, so there are not many customers. When his gaze is away from you, you quickly slip out from the bar and make your way to reach the broom from the cleaning closet. You do not know what you are cleaning, but you do anyway. Anything to get away. 

But his gaze never leaves you—marking dirt upon your figure. 

— ♡

“Hello.” Nikolai steps into VIY Studio. He sees Zoya who is currently consulting a client in the lounge. She turns to him and nudges her chin to Nastasya’s office, already knowing the reason for his presence. Nikolai makes his way there and knocks on the door. 

“Oi, it’s me.” He says. He does not want to barge in like before. Big big mistake. 

“Come in!” He hears Nastasya’s faint voice from the inside. He opens the door and finds Viktor lying on his stomach, with his bare torso out in the open. Nastasya is dressed in black pants and a strapless black top. She is focused on tattooing Viktor’s back shoulder—it seems like a nose or something. 

“What’s this? What kind of movies are you inspired by now?” Nikolai asks as he takes off his coat and places it on the chair near Nastasya’s working desk. He sits down and reaches for the food that the couple ordered beforehand for him and you. 

“I saw an old play about noses. Pretty good shit and I want it tattooed on me as a memoir. Do you get me?” Viktor grins. Nikolai’s eyebrow jerks up in slight bafflement. 

“You tattooed a nose on your skin because you saw an old play? Wow. I’m glad I’m not that crazy.”

“It’s not just a nose! It’s the nose! The nose!”

Nikolai looks at Nastasya and as he munches on the chicken pelmeni, he says, “Are you sure you still want to be with this guy?”

Nastasya only scoffs. “I think it’s cute.”

“See!” Viktor cheers. “You don’t know shit about love, bro. Maybe try practising it with your baby blue babydoll, eh?” He teases. But Nikolai stops eating when he hears the mention of you. His face goes slightly red again when he remembers that he kissed your cheek unprompted before leaving earlier. 

Now how can he save his face when he returns to the diner? God, that was embarrassing. 

“Hey, I want to ask… She is not from this town, right?” Nikolai asks. Viktor nods. “And the loansharks… I don’t think they’re from here but they must have a base to operate if they want to catch her dad. Where are they? Where is it?”

“Moscow, but I don’t know which exact part of Moscow they’re based at,” Viktor replies. “Why?”

“Just curious.” Nikolai bites the inside of his cheek. His mind remembers a weird event last night where he sees a car from Moscow, seemingly suspicious. He does not want to think too hard about it but he does not want to take any risk. 

He will make his own investigation later. After all, he still has that knock-off Eyes of God. 

“So, what have you decided to do with her? You have like two weeks left here, right?” Viktor asks before he turns his head to look at Nikolai. He groans slightly, probably already feeling strained by the position and the dabbing needle on his back. 

“Yeah, I talked to Olga about it. She’ll take her in…”

“Ooh, good choice, good choice. Well, she’s safer with Olga for sure. No criminal groups are going to let that diner burn. It’s like a beloved nest for all drug dealers!” Viktor laughs but stops immediately when Nastasya slaps his ass as a warning to stop laughing so his back would not move so much. 

“I said I have something important to tell you, right?” Nikolai says. Viktor only hums. Nastasya is not even listening, most likely. She never really is the one who inserts herself in their business, unless it involves something that could endanger Viktor—which, frankly, a lot of times. 

“Well, this is about her.”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“We made out.”

Silence. 

Complete silence, except for the buzzing noise of the needle in Nastasya’s hand. Even then, the holder herself is wide-eyed, mouth agape, visibly surprised. And her boyfriend is no better. They physically freeze in their spot for a solid minute. 

With their wide-eyed gaze upon him, Nikolai feels extremely abashed, as if he has been put under the spotlight without his consent. As if he is forced to perform a play he never rehearsed. Even if he wants to stop the conversation right there and then—because he thinks they deserve just a speck of last night’s rendezvous—the way both of them look at him makes him want to confess all his sins. 

“We, uh… got drunk… and… she said I can sleep with her on the bed because… you know… and then… and… she kinda touched me— not like touched me there or anything— I think I touched her more than I should but uh… I… we kiss— well, I… I kissed her…”

Hot, scorching, blazing fire is burning his insides. Nikolai wants to bury his face in the soil and let the earth dim his heat away. Although he cannot see his face, he feels the tingles on his cheeks prick so damn hard when Viktor suddenly howls in excitement. 

“Woah! Woah! Woo! Woo! What? You fucking joking! Waow! Is this real?!” 

“Was she okay about it?” Nastasya asks carefully and Nikolai wants to just smack her because of that stupid question. What does she think? You are smitten with him (and he refuses to admit that he is the same when it comes to you). Of course you were fine about it. You literally hugged him, kissed him to sleep and kept him so close to your body like a teddy bear! 

Viktor is already sitting up, ignoring the pain in his muscles. He is enthusiastic, too happy for something so ‘small’ that happened to his friend. The way Viktor is cheering is as if Nikolai did not have occasional casual sex all his life. 

“Hey, wait! If you two have kissed… did you…” Viktor grins perversely as he makes a circle on one hand and his other hand makes a pointing finger gesture. With that stupid smile, he inserts his pointing index finger into the circle, which could only mean one thing. He even wiggles his finger as if to make his point any clearer. 

“No! I did not do that.” Nikolai lowers his voice. “We did not fuck, are you crazy? We were drunk! A-And… it’s too fast and it’s inappropriate and… she’s probably gonna be afraid and… you know…”

“Oh yeah, surely, dude. Suuuurely…” Viktor giggles and it turns to a loud laughter that he throws his head back. He is enjoying this a little too much and Nikolai could only lament his decision to even tell this couple. Nastasya is only watching, amused and entertained. Her laughing boyfriend tries to control himself as he teases again, “So, did you take a cold shower or something? You woke up with a boner this morning?”

Nikolai lowers his face in shame. 

“Worse.”

— ♡

The sky outside is cloudy but the snow is not as heavy as usual. The weather has been quite unpredictable these days. Nikolai has five more minutes until he arrives at Olga’s diner. He just finished an errand given by Viktor for some extra cash—he has to deliver some ‘mysterious package’ to a smuggling group and he got it done earlier than expected. 

When he finally arrives, he parks his car near the diner and sits back to check his phone. His eyebrow cocks in confusion when he sees a new message from Viktor—a link is attached to it.

Viktor: A Guide On How To Please A Woman Viktor: Hope this helps, bro. From one bro to another Me: pls fucking die 

Nikolai could only imagine the laugh Viktor is doing right now. But he does not really blame the guy. If the situation flips and it goes like Viktor is the one acting like this towards Nastasya, Nikolai would tease him the same—well… if that ever happens before his imprisonment, that is. 

He finally turns off the engine of his car and leaves the vehicle. He fixes the coat on his body and looks around as he walks towards the diner. But his steps are halted when he sees a certain car parked just several metres away from his own. Nikolai diverts his direction, approaching the car instead.

Seven-seven-seven. Moscow. 

The car is similar to what he saw last night in front of the convenience store. He remembers the plate number and the region code. His eyes narrow as he circles the car, trying to find anything that could answer his curiosity and suspicion. 

“This shit looks new and modern. Probably has an alarm if I touch the wrong button.” He mumbles to himself. Both of his hands are in his pockets, wagering his chances to even meddle with the car from the inside. Deciding that it is not worth his time—plus, the owner of the car might be inside the diner with you—Nikolai turns around and walks towards the diner. 

From the window, he sees only two tables are occupied by customers. A man is sitting at the bar and he notices you standing awkwardly by a table with a broom in your hand. Nikolai observes the others again—one group of customers is a couple of old people enjoying tea and reading newspapers and another group of customers is some teenagers enjoying their late lunches. 

The man, however—

Nikolai knows him. That figure he has known so well. There is no way he can forget a person he spent almost six years with while in prison, especially not when he has to live together with them day and night. 

“Bastard…” He mutters before he finally walks into the diner. The bell rings and Nikolai notices your eyes brighten up like the morning sun when you see him. You are about to take a step towards him but Nikolai immediately holds up his hand towards you without even looking at you. 

Instead, he approaches the man at the bar. Once he is close, he wraps his arm around the latter’s shoulders. 

“Elvir, my friend! How long has it been!”

Elvir flinches hard, hearing Nikolai’s cheerful, friendly voice. His head jerks to his side, seeing the familiar grin on Nikolai’s face. Nikolai immediately takes a seat beside him, his arm still extended over the older guy’s shoulder, patting his back at a steady pace. 

“How’ve you been, friend?” Nikolai asks, with the last word hardened at the edge of his tongue. “How’s Borys, if you still keep in contact with him. Oh, oh! How’s your leg, hmm? Still clanking nice? Still clanking good?” With his foot, Nikolai nudges the metal that replaced half of Elvir’s left leg. 

Elvir immediately pulls back his left leg, avoiding Nikolai’s playful kicks. An intense fear is clear in his eyes, with the way his irises shake. “Nikolai… What are you doing here…?” He asks and his voice is yet another proof of his dread. 

“What am I doing here? Well, I live here, silly goose!” Nikolai grins. “What are you doing here? All the way from Moscow? Huh? Yeah? Moscow, right? I mean, I saw a strange car outside and then I saw you—I really don’t imply that you are strange, no, no, not at all!—and I make the connection and badump! You’re all the way from Moscow.”

“I… I am.”

Nikolai smiles, nodding. “Mm-hm, mm-hm. So, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you come here, dummy? Oh, and let’s not lie to each other, Elvir. I know how tricks and lies work, alright?” He says, tapping the table in front of Elvir, demanding answers. “Come on, spill out, old guy. This is the time for old friends to catch up with one another.”

“It’s… It’s just that I have a job here.” Elvir says hesitantly. “No other reasons.”

Nikolai smirks. “Let me guess. Is it to retrieve the daughter of your debtor?”

Elvir’s eyes widen. His irises frantically move between the man in front of him and the girl who has been sweeping the floor for over an hour. He tries to speak but all that leaves his mouth are filler words of nervousness and uncertainty. 

He then gasps before lowering his voice to a whisper. “Wait… Are you perhaps… the informant Vivian?”

Vivian—Nikolai knows that name. It is a pseudonym for Viktor to ensure the privacy of his real name. He only ever uses that name for criminal stuff ever since both of them worked at the shady circus. Viktor wanted to have an alter-ego, so to speak, as his ‘illegal identity’ and wanted the name to begin with ‘V’. He ended up with ‘Vivian’ after multiple horrible suggestions from Nikolai—prime exhibit: ‘What about Viagra? Vibrator? Virgin? Viscerocranium?’ ‘Shut your hole, Gogol.’

“I’m not Vivian. But I am acquainted with him.” Nikolai says. “He’s my manager, basically. Well, partner-in-crime, more accurately. F-friend, sorta.”

“Vivian has been in contact with one of my men about… our debtor. We asked him to get his daughter as our hostage quite a while ago…” Elvir whispers, which only annoys Nikolai because there are no goddamn people near them. The teenagers are busy with themselves and old people can barely hear anyway. Boldly, Nikolai pushes Elvir’s shoulder away, putting distance between them. 

“I’m aware. After all, I was the one who got the girl.” Nikolai says before tilting his head in your direction. You are not facing him, instead you are now changing your sweeping job to wiping the windows. “She’s the girl you wanted, right?”

Elvir glances at you for a second before he licks his lips, contemplating and choosing his words carefully. He nods slowly. “Yeah. She is. I-I thought she would be… locked and tied up… And she’s not even…” He pauses, staring at you. You are incredibly close to the main door to the diner. At any time you can run out and scream for help. Hells, you can even plead your case to the group of teenagers and yet—

“She doesn’t even run away…”

Nikolai smiles to himself—Locked her up, tied her up, knocked her out, I did all that and she ran back to me. 

Elvir scoffs, suddenly. “I see. She doesn’t run away because you trained her or something? Make the girl obedient and listen to you?”

Quite the opposite, actually. 

“You can think of it that way,” Nikolai shrugs his shoulders before he grabs Elvir’s jaw, turning the older man’s gaze away from you. Then his hand moves to stay on Elvir’s back, almost like a warning gesture. “But that’s not important right now, yeah? You came here to retrieve her.” Nikolai says. 

“Well, y-yeah.”

“Her daddy already died, though.”

“He had millions in debt, Nikolai.” Elvir grunts. “If he cannot pay anymore, his daughter can.” 

“That’s not her responsibility,” Nikolai replies, his glare turning sharp. Elvir is about to retort but Nikolai quickly cuts him off. “I know what the likes of you do to young women like her. Even her former job did not pay her well. You expect her to be able to pay off millions and possibly more because of your fuckass interest rates in just a couple of years?”

He suddenly cackles dryly. “You’re full of shit, you know that? You’re gonna enslave the fuck out of the girl.”

Elvir frowns hard and his fist clenches. His anger seems to be accumulating, probably because of the condescending and mocking tone that Nikolai has been using to speak to him—he feels disrespected, and the jester is more than happy to taunt and ridicule him. 

“Your business ended ages ago, Gogol. You’re just paid to kidnap the girl. Nothing more. Your job is done done. The girl belongs to us and she has more shit to do than cleaning this damned restaurant.”

Nikolai’s lips form a soft, tiny twinkle. “Mm-hm. I know.”

“Then what the fuck is the matter?”

“This is the matter.”

Click!

Elvir freezes. His breath is stuck without a second once he hears a familiar cocking sound of a gun. And he is right on the money when his eyes lower to his stomach, where a gun is pointed. His eyes then slowly shift up, meeting Nikolai’s sweet smile and menacing stare. 

“Now, here’s a quiz.”

He smiles broadly. “What other limbs can I tear apart from you aside from your left leg?”

Elvir says nothing and he shudders when Nikolai guides the gun to his right leg. “The answer is its lovely pair.” 

“E-Easy with the threats—”

Nikolai cuts him off again. “You see… I believe that when we have the free will to choose our options, we also choose our consequences. I mean, you made the choice to report me to the disciplinary act in jail, so your consequence is that you lost your leg, oops! So I’ll give you options, choices and free will, so to speak.”

He leans closer and the tone of his voice lowers deeply as he says, “One, you come near the girl, this place or this town, I’ll sever more than just your right leg. Bonus if I’m diligent, maybe your men can get a part of your limbs, who knows? The skin, after all, is the biggest organ. You would have enough to be a souvenir to many.”

The fear on Elvir’s face is prominent. He swallows his saliva nervously and even carefully as if one wrong move can lead him to death. And he is not entirely wrong considering that an unsecured gun is still pointed against his stomach, with Nikolai’s finger already on the trigger. A simple press and he could have lost his guts—and he does not think Nikolai’s threat is merely trivial. 

No, he does not take this man lightly. What he witnessed in prison is enough. 

Nikolai suddenly laughs keenly, as if he finds this situation fun. Perhaps it is fun for him. “Ah! Don’t make that face. It’s comedic, really! I almost forgot what your second option is!” He sighs, shaking his head. 

“Don’t screw with me—”

“Second, you turn around, face straight ahead and fuck off back to Moscow.” Nikolai retracts his gun, tilting his head with an adorable smile. “And you shall live happily ever after like a prince in fairy tales.”

Elvir stands up. 

Without words and at a fast speed, he turns around to leave. He hastily walks off but his steps stop when Nikolai loudly says, “Hey now, my good friend! Why are you in a rush? Just walk, man! Your legs are totally fine and healthy, aren’t they?”

The diner is silent, except for a steady series of footsteps echoing through the whole room and that series ends finally when the bell on the door rings, signalling that someone has left. 

“Nikolai…?”

Nikolai turns his head, finally seeing his blue angel after minutes of talking with an old creepy man. The sight of you is a real eye-cleanser and his heart flutters when he sees the confusion on your face that is only adding to your grace. 

“Are you angry with me?”

Now he is the confused one. “What? Where do you get that from?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s ‘cause you were like… don’t want me to talk to you or something earlier…” You say before you move to behind the bar again. You stand right in front of where Nikolai is seated. 

“No, I don’t mean it that way, love.” He says softly. “I stopped you because I didn’t want you to come to me when I was talking with that guy. Glad you actually didn’t approach me with a menu.” 

“Do you know him?” You ask. “He had been sitting here for about two hours or so. He was being creepy and I was… scared.”

Nikolai hums, resting his chin on his palm as he stares at your timid face. As if you notice his eyes are on you, you look up at him, giving him a smile which he gladly returns. “What did he talk to you about?”

“Mm… He was flirting. He tried to buy me a drink as well and he asked me if I live alone.”

“Uh-huh… And then what did you say?”

“I said I don’t live alone.”

Nikolai nods and sighs. “Good girl. That’s smart of you for saying that. It could be worse.” A sheepish smile crooks on your face before you give him a menu. 

“Anything to drink? I can do most of the drinks now! Vasily taught me.” You giggle. Nikolai is about to whine and protest at the mention of the name but hearing your giggle only makes him snicker to himself. He does not really want to drink anything but he proceeds to ask you to make him a hot latte anyway. You nod and take the cup that Elvir used hours ago and then stop. 

“Oh. Your friend did not pay…”

“He’s not my friend.”

“Who is he then?”

Nikolai rubs his lips, pondering. “He was my cellmate, back in prison. His name is Elvir.” He says. He wonders if he should tell you about Elvir’s involvement with your father—he does not want you to get scared to live by yourself. But he also does not want you to carelessly interact with people, although knowing that Olga’s place has an ‘extra protection’ from criminals who often make deals here. 

He watches you walk around, making a latte in precision. You do not seem to be clueless about any of these—which makes him wonder whether you have worked in a cafe as a barista before. He knows you have been taking small jobs ever since you were young to support yourself. Nikolai scoffs to himself a bit. He realises that you are more than capable of being independent but for many reasons, you surely love being pampered so much—by the man who kidnapped you, no less. 

“Here’s your coffee,” You say as you put a cup of hot latte in front of him. “Please give me fifty-percent tips.” You beam playfully. 

“Ha, you don’t demand tips, little dove. No tips, no tips, you already leeched off a lot from me.” He says before he puts down a couple crumpled cash notes on the table and the amount is certainly more than the price of the latte. “Here you go, love.” You take it and count it. 

“Do you want to donate to charity?” You attempt again. Nikolai is baffled but still very much entertained. 

“What fucking charity?”

“Orphans.”

He rolls his eyes, cackling under his breath as he waves his hand dismissively. Your little noise of victory is a melody to his ears as you register the exact amount of cash equal to the latte’s price and stuff the balance into your pocket. 

“Ah, but what about Elvir’s mocha?” You ask. “He asked for two too.”

“I ain’t paying for that,” Nikolai says before he sips his coffee. His eyes glance around the area, not finding Olga anywhere. She is in the kitchen, likely, because he hears faint gossip noises from there—old ladies’ activities, what is new? 

“Just hush hush about it.” You nod at his not-so-helpful suggestions and quickly go to wash the used cups at the sink. Nikolai just sits there, watching you intently. He is still thinking about whether to talk more about Elvir. He does not want to lie to you—he promised that many nights ago. Elvir is not from here and surely he has not a single clue on how things work with the underground world that exists in the shadow of this town. 

He calls for your name. You are surprised at his call for a moment but you make your way to his spot anyway. 

“Elvir works for loan sharks.” He states. “I don’t have any promise that he would not come back and it would be extremely dumb on his part to do that… but if you ever see him even when he does nothing more than just smile at you, you have to tell me.”

“Loan sharks…?” You mutter. “Is he…”

“Yes.” Nikolai firmly says. “Yes, he is exactly what you think. So if you ever see him, tell me. Do not tell anyone else other than me or Viktor. You can ask for a phone from Olga but still, it’s either me or Viktor. Is that clear?”

You say nothing, eyes lowered down. You bite your lips as you try to form a question amidst your agitation. “W-What is he planning to do with me? I mean, he surely will come back, right?”

“If he wants to be decapitated apart, yes,” Nikolai mumbles. He glances at you before sighing softly and offers his hand to you. You wordlessly put your hand on his, gripping it tightly, which he returns with little rubs of his thumb on your skin. 

“Don’t be scared, little dove. You are going to be fine. People here love you lots, you know?”

“Do you?”

Nikolai stays silent. 

“Do you… love me?“

You know I can’t answer that. 

Nikolai says nothing. Even with your pleading gaze upon him, he says nothing. Instead, he brings your hand to his lips. 

And kiss it. 

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Today's Sigma: does nawt like being near nikolai 😭

i tried to paint greyscale then used color layers!! not a big fan but it was kinda therapeutic