au where Ray, Sissy and Harlan come back to the future with the academy and Klaus makes a big event of locking everyone in the library and giving a ridiculous powerpoint that’s like ‘How To Speed Run The Past 70 Or Whatever Years’ (Five from where he’s been handcuffed to the bar: “it’s 55 you dumbass-). highlights include:
- opening with a picture from the jfk assassination (since they were all a little busy when that was going on) with a big :( drawn over it
- a fifty minute long side-tracked rant about the Vietnam war that only Five is interested in
- “And finally, after a long, painful battle for the sensible people of the world…the Beatles were Defeated”
- “Highlight this note because it WILL be on the test later- Britney Spears was born on December 2nd, 1981″
- “So one day in 1989 43 babies with magic powers were born from women who hadn’t been pregnant, and like? you know? no one ever really looked into that further? we’re in our 30s, I feel like we should have some answers by now?’
“Speaking of 1989, there’s this fantastic album-”
Vanya: “Klaus they don’t need to know who Taylor Swift is-”
Diego: “Let Him Speak.”
- “And on this day I was innocently reading a magazine and discovered my previously beloved sister Allison is friends with Beyonce and she never bothered to introduce me or invite me to a single party-” *powerpoint slide switches to a picture with Allison’s head photoshopped onto a snake* *Sissy asks who Beyonce is and that turns into another sidetracked explanation that takes nearly two hours and involves Everyone screaming*
- “And this is when Luther went to the moon-”
Ray: “the…moon? the fucking moon?”
Klaus: “didn’t the moon landing happen for you guys yet?”
Allison: “no that was ‘69???”
Klaus: “FUCK”
Luther: “Can you try to go in order? You didn’t even tell them Dad’s an alien yet-”
everyone: W H A T?!!?!?!!?!
- 2004: the tragic beginnings of Vanya’s weaboo stage
- 2006: Diego has his first kiss with an Ambassadors daughter after a mission and IMMEDIATELY pukes on her after they finish. (next slide features news footage of the event; Luther has to hold Diego back from attacking Klaus while everyone else is losing their shit)
- “Klaus I really don’t think Twilight counts as a historical event”
Five: “No, actually, it does-”
- *2 hours spent infodumping about Chernobyl while his audience gets progressively more drunk*
- “Klaus, can we please move on from the 90s already-”
“THEY NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE MEDIA DID TO WINONA RYDER”
- footage of Allison’s Less Than Graceful reaction when she got snubbed at the Oscar’s one year
- at some point he tries to explain Modern Speak™ and Internet Culture™ to them and it ends up going like this:
- “anyway here’s a list of probable war crimes our dad committed”
- *explanation of Ellen DeGeneres’ entire career from start to finish*
- *footage of 14 year old Luther dancing like he got a touchdown after he killed a man in battle*
- Cha Cha Slide: The Song That Changed Everything
- he slips an Entirely Fake historical event in there just to prank them and his siblings try to call him out on it but then Five backs him up because he’s drunk and wants to cause problems. Three Years Later Ray will still mention something about like The Fall Of Telephonia that resulted after a bloody battle between the two rulers and whoever he’s talking to just like. smiles and nods politely
- “And here’s the news clip where 10 year old Five found out on live air that Santa Claus isn’t real. We literally never saw him smile ever again after this”
- he starts explaining Kardashian/Jenner scandals as if they’re political scandals
but anyway. not the most educational lesson plan but I want everyone to have a break and laugh thank you goodnight lmao
It’s only natural that novels and short stories are usually dialogue heavy - it’s a written medium. We need the characters to talk. However, a lot of the time we have difficulty writing dialogue.
Hopefully these tips will help some people!
Relationships and voices matter. Unique voices matter, and character relationships will affect how they speak. Think of how strangers or friends or siblings would interact. Even friendly strangers will hold themselves back a little. Think of how Iroh and Zuko from ATLA talk, for example. Their relationship is clear from how they speak, and they have unique voices. Iroh frequently spouts wise idioms and is generally calm and serene, while Zuko is all anger and urgency. Think about how your characters feel about each other and how they might interact.
Summarise the boring parts. A common mistake in bad writing can be to repeat in the dialogue what was just described in the inner monologue…exactly how it was just described. You don’t need to do this; summarise it. Reword it. And you don’t need the characters to go through the usual motions of small talk every time they meet. It’s boring and a waste of words.
Avoid name drops and dialogue tags. At least, don’t use them too much. People don’t say each other’s name constantly in dialogue without a reason (see Captain Holt repeatedly saying “Rosa” in B99 because he didn’t want her to feel dehumanised. This was for comedy but the point stands). Dialogue tags are fine, but they should feel invisible. Try to use verbs more extravagant than “said” or “asked” sparingly, and don’t end every piece of dialogue with a dialogue tag. As long as every new piece of dialogue is on a new line, it should be clear who’s speaking, and it won’t bore the reader. This will also help vary your prose/sentence structure.
Create pauses through narrative. By breaking the dialogue up with narrative, the characters will pause in the reader’s mind without you having to specify that they’ve paused. This is a handy way to avoid using dialogue tags too much. It can also make the dialogue easier to read if it’s not all smushed together with no breaks. Especially if you have a long passage of one person speaking; long, rambling speeches aren’t that popular anymore (not that they have no place, but that’s another story).
Dialogue isn’t perfect. People make mistakes; they forget words and lose their train of thought when they speak. They change topics and get lost in the moment. This can add realism to your dialogue, and can be a fun way to show character. But don’t do it too much or the scene will go on too long without getting to the point. And try to avoid too many ‘um’s and ‘er’s - they may be common in real life but they can drag the prose down if used too much.
An example I have is from Big Hero 6 (a movie I love by the way, but this was bad): Tadashi: What would mom and dad say? Hiro: I don’t know. They’re gone. (this is good, this is fine) Hiro: … They died when I was three, remember? (NOOO)
Dialogue should show something important. There’s a common idea that dialogue has to move the story forward or get cut out. This isn’t necessarily true. However, dialogue should tell the reader something about the characters or the world they live in. This comes back to cutting out the usual mundane small talk. Dialogue doesn’t have to move the plot, but it should be there for a reason, even if it’s to show the relationship between two characters, or how they feel about something that isn’t central to the plot. It doesn’t have to move the plot forward, but there has to be some reason for the reader to see it.
Fantasy/Sci-Fi Writers: use apostrophes! “I am not”, “I did not”, “I do not” - this can feel unnatural if all your dialogue is like this. You don’t need to write all your dialogue like this. Don’t be afraid of the apostrophe! Apostrophes are great! It won’t make your characters seem too modern, I promise. Don’t make the dialogue too awkward or stiff. After a while, they’ll stop sounding human.
Write your dialogue like a script. If you’re struggling with the dialogue in a scene, try writing it like a script and omit the narrative (aside from very basic actions). I’ve done this once or twice; sometimes it’s easier to figure out what you want your characters to say when you’re not bogged down by writing the narrative, especially in a scene where the dialogue is especially important. You can incorporate the narrative later.
Read your dialogue out loud. Reading out loud can help you see how your dialogue will sound to the reader. It can help you spot weird sentence structures, or if something sounds out of character or inhuman. You can also get an idea of the characters’ voices. If you have a willing friend (and you’re not too embarrassed), try to get them to read with you!
Colour-code your dialogue. This is a trick you can use for scenes with more than two characters. By colour-coding the dialogue, you can clearly get a sense of each character’s voice, see who’s speaking the most or the least, etc. You can use this to redistribute roles and dialogue in the scene, or maybe experiment with adding or subtracting characters depending on their contribution to the scene. It can also help you keep track of all the characters, which is generally harder in written medium when you can’t see the group in front of you.
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Minerva Mcgongall pulled out her notebook and turned to the page that listed the names and details of that years Gryffindor Quidditch team. Her heart swelling with pride she jotted down the name “Harry Potter” next to the position “Seeker” before closing the book and opening a second drawer. She took out a small, wooden box and rummaged in it for a few seconds before withdrawing a worn out envelope, inside of which was a short letter and a photograph.
“Dearest Minnie,
Hope you’re doing well! I’m the same of course, driving Lily up the wall as usual, she sends you her love by the way!
Now I know I told you that you’ll never find a chaser as good as me ever again, but it just goes to show that even the brilliant are sometimes mistaken. I’ve found you (made you!) a replacement who will one day outshine his old man by leagues! Enclosed is a photograph of your new Quidditch prodigy so that you may assess his skills for yourself. We have him chasing the cat for practice. He’ll be unbeatable by the time he starts at Hogwarts! The youngest Quidditch player in a century!
I guarantee it, Minnie. And you know I’m never wrong, though you’ll never admit it!
Missing you and Hogwarts terribly,
Lots of love,
James
P.S. Sirius says his marriage proposal still stands.”
Wiping away a single tear that ran down her cheek and chuckling to herself, she smiled down at the photograph of a small, gleeful, black haired boy zooming along on a toy broom, a pair of legs chasing after him and a young woman laughing hysterically in a corner.
“Right again, Mr. Potter.”
This is for all the writers who:
Have never finished a project
Don’t have publishing as their big goal
Write purely for enjoyment
Can’t/don’t stick to an idea
Don’t put their work out for people to read
Write purely as a hobby
You are just as valid and talented as writers who have been published, or have finished projects. You are still a writer, even if you don’t have other people read your work. You don’t have to pursue the same goals and have similar accomplishments to other people to be valid as a writer.
You are valid, you are important, and you are talented.
spiderman is so fucking funny dude saves like an entire country and then he goes home at the end of the day and opens his fridge and hes got like 1 egg and a half empty can of arizona tea no matter how old he is or what comic hes from thats just how peter parker lives
The Classics
Browse works by Mark Twain, Joseph Conrad and other famous authors here.
Classic Bookshelf: This site has put classic novels online, from Charles Dickens to Charlotte Bronte.
The Online Books Page: The University of Pennsylvania hosts this book search and database.
Project Gutenberg: This famous site has over 27,000 free books online.
Page by Page Books: Find books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and H.G. Wells, as well as speeches from George W. Bush on this site.
Classic Book Library: Genres here include historical fiction, history, science fiction, mystery, romance and children’s literature, but they’re all classics.
Classic Reader: Here you can read Shakespeare, young adult fiction and more.
Read Print: From George Orwell to Alexandre Dumas to George Eliot to Charles Darwin, this online library is stocked with the best classics.
Planet eBook: Download free classic literature titles here, from Dostoevsky to D.H. Lawrence to Joseph Conrad.
The Spectator Project: Montclair State University’s project features full-text, online versions of The Spectator and The Tatler.
Bibliomania: This site has more than 2,000 classic texts, plus study guides and reference books.
Online Library of Literature: Find full and unabridged texts of classic literature, including the Bronte sisters, Mark Twain and more.
Bartleby: Bartleby has much more than just the classics, but its collection of anthologies and other important novels made it famous.
Fiction.us: Fiction.us has a huge selection of novels, including works by Lewis Carroll, Willa Cather, Sherwood Anderson, Flaubert, George Eliot, F. Scott Fitzgerald and others.
Free Classic Literature: Find British authors like Shakespeare and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, plus other authors like Jules Verne, Mark Twain, and more.
Textbooks
If you don’t absolutely need to pay for your textbooks, save yourself a few hundred dollars by reviewing these sites.
Textbook Revolution: Find biology, business, engineering, mathematics and world history textbooks here.
Wikibooks: From cookbooks to the computing department, find instructional and educational materials here.
KnowThis Free Online Textbooks: Get directed to stats textbooks and more.
Online Medical Textbooks: Find books about plastic surgery, anatomy and more here.
Online Science and Math Textbooks: Access biochemistry, chemistry, aeronautics, medical manuals and other textbooks here.
MIT Open Courseware Supplemental Resources: Find free videos, textbooks and more on the subjects of mechanical engineering, mathematics, chemistry and more.
Flat World Knowledge: This innovative site has created an open college textbooks platform that will launch in January 2009.
Free Business Textbooks: Find free books to go along with accounting, economics and other business classes.
Light and Matter: Here you can access open source physics textbooks.
eMedicine: This project from WebMD is continuously updated and has articles and references on surgery, pediatrics and more.
Keep reading
Don’t kill yourself today
Because your Netflix trial still has a week left
Don’t kill yourself today
Because no one else will finish off the chicken in the fridge
Don’t kill yourself today
Because I know for a fact that Starbucks is releasing a new Frappuccino sometime next month
Yes, your mother will miss you
Yes your bully will make a sappy Facebook post about how what a a wonderful person you were
And yes
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
You know that
You’ve known that
Everyone and anyone has been shoving that down your throat since they first learned what the word suicide meant
So don’t kill yourself
Until you finish your shampoo and conditioner at the same time
Don’t kill yourself
Until Doctor Who is finally cancelled
Don’t kill yourself
Until you tell someone your best pasta recipe
Don’t kill yourself
Because I will keep coming up with reasons for you not to
And I need you
To hear all of them
Don’t kill yourself
I love you
You’re important
It’s a bad day
Not a bad life
There is more to this
The world will keep spinning on its axis without you
But
Think of all the sunrises you’d miss
I know this sounds pointless
But when you’re sitting in front of everything deadly you own
Revising your goodbyes
There will be too much darkness
To see anything else
But this is not about seeing anything else
This is about turning off the lights
This is about finding the bed instead of the noose
This is about giving yourself one more day
Even if it takes ten thousand of those
One more morning’s
Until
“I can’t wait for tomorrow”
This is about staying alive
Because there’s gonna be a new Marvel movie
No one should miss that
This is about staying alive
Because the future is coming
And it’s ready for you
I don’ t need you to see it
I just need you to believe you can make it
Until then
- Hannah Dains
this is a severus snape free zone
c: @do-i-have-tooooo and me
Please, please, please don’t ever let yourself believe that you don’t matter or that the people in your life would be better off without you. You’re so much more loved, so much more valued than you know. Your existence matters and the people in your life are lucky to know you. Don’t forget that.