I Wish, I Wish With All My Heart That I Could Carry Home In My Back Like A Turtle.

he’s not checking up on you…. go exfoliate and read a book

I like sleep.

So if I ever skip sleep for you, that just shows I love you so much.

Other than that, dont flatter yourself.

Please.

You know its a good day for me when I get two eggs for dinner.

“A healthy relationship is where two independent people just make a deal that they will help the other person be the best version of themselves.”

— Unknown

Fuck your dreams!

- or at least revise them from time to time...

So a few months ago my boyfriend (who is really fond of TED Talks) told me about one of the talks he listened to recently. The message was supposed to be "F**k your dreams!". I've got to be honest with you, I simply did not agree with him.

Well, about two weeks ago one of my few loved family members died and before I even could cry about it or realize what kind of loss that meant for me, something inside of me demanded change. Change concerning my dreams. And that was really a strange thought because I have been working so hard towards becoming a PI, having my own chair in some microbiological discipline, that it basically left me with nothing else.

Now, it has been some time since this initial spark. I did a lot of crying, thinking, reading and blankly staring into my computer - not really able to articulate what was going on inside of me. But this thought had stuck in my head because after all I felt like I've been saying "Sorry, I am busy" way too much over the past years. And I might have just discovered that my time, my boyfriend's time, my friend's time and sadly also my family's time on earth is limited. Everyone's time is limited. Somehow it felt like I forgot to use it the right way.

Still, not knowing how to communicate any of these thoughts, I straight out asked my boyfriend what he thought would happen if I just started all over and started a degree in engineering. And he said: "Well, then you'll become an engineer." The answer was so simple that it made me laugh because something within me expected him to talk me out of it, to give me a passionate speech about following my dreams and not have one through back make me quit. But he obviously asked for reasons and we talked them over. In the end he gave me a passionate speech - my own personal TED Talk on how I am not obligated to my old dreams and that I can revise them anytime I want to. And that's when I understood what the talk was about to say. (I am actually not sure if this one is the talk he got the idea from & my personal one was more inspiring to me but this one will do for you.)

I thought it would get harder to express my thoughts to other people. Especially, because I am still trying to figure out what I want to do instead. Engineering was just the first thing I could think of. But actually, nobody tried to talk me out of it. People asked questions. Obviously. Because suddenly I wasn't this stubborn fighter anymore who would do anything to become a well-known scientist. But they meant well & just tried to understand. And they did understand. Even my mom was full on in telling me that there are so many things I am interested in and that I am talented in that I would surely find my way. No word about finishing what I started. No word about how much longer I would want to study. Or if at some point I was going to earn my own money. (I am very much planning on it though.)

So, I guess, what I want to say is: If you ever find yourself doubting your dreams, don't be shy to revise them and take your time. And never be afraid to communicate it - you might find support where you never expected it to be.

Teach me.

Read this if you want study motivation!

• There’s a reason you’re studying what you’re studying. It’s is fun, it’s enjoyable, it’s something you like. Your studies aren’t a chore, they’re a hobby! Try to see them that way!

• Taking notes? Yay! Perfect opportunity to let your creativity flow! Now, you don’t have to have a journal you make super fancy, handwritten, colour coded notes in (don’t get me wrong, I love those, and bless the people who post pictures of theirs but grr! it’d just take me too much time!) - you can create a Google Docs document and use some fun fonts and add some pretty aesthetic pictures! Works just as well! And it’s fun!

• No matter how you’ve decided to be creative, the act of creativity itself will give you both a sense of accomplishment and of purpose (which is something I - and I suspect quite a few other people - struggle with sometimes). Yeah, it might take up a little bit of your time, but it’s totally worth it long-term because once you’re done you have a super pretty document/journal that will up the ~vibe~ every time you sit down to study! Besides, it’s totally up to you how much time you want to spend on your little project.

• The excitement you feel when you encounter the stuff you’ve learned out in the real world is amazing. I still remember when I was twelve and a friend and I were baking and were overjoyed about being able to say “hey, this is an emulsion! this is what we talked about in chemistry!” and oh my god you feel so nerdy and so smart and happy and it’s great.

• Studying really gives you a way of seeing life in a new light. It makes you so much more appreciative of the little things. If you study biology you’ll suddenly think about vacuoles when you’re watering your plants, study prejudice and racism and you’ll suddenly be able to tell when someone’s being an ass and have the tools to call them out on it like a boss, study psychology and chuckle at the cheesy commercial using psychologically appealing colours to try to get you to buy things, study geology and smile because now you’re able to tell that “that’s metamorphic rock”. Be nerdy and suddenly the world is filled with wonders.

• Getting started is one of the most difficult steps. Or rather, that period of time right after you’ve gotten started when you get to the point of “oh, I don’t immediately know everything there is to know in this field. hm.” or “what do you mean I won’t establish my own superior drawing style after just one drawing”. Many of us want things to flow when we learn. We don’t want it to be too difficult, or take up too much time and effort, or require too much dedication. We’d rather skip the step of having to learn how to ride the bike because, well, it’s annoying and kinda boring, and rather head straight to the part where we zoom down a hill like it’s the most natural thing in the world. I’m so sorry to break this to you, but you’re gonna have to know how to maneuver the thing before you reach the “wind in my hair” phase.

• How do you make it through the boring and annoying stuff then? I’d say focus on the very things I’ve written about in this post. Focus on why you decided to try the thing out in the first place; what was it that pulled you in? What goals do you want to reach? Focus on the fact that this is something you want to do - like to do! - and not something you have to do. Focus on appreciating the things you learn rather than solely focusing on what you haven’t learnt yet; take that newfound knowledge and rant to a friend, rant to your family, rant on your tumblr or in your journal. You know stuff! You’ve learnt stuff! How amazing is that?! 

I recently read somewhere, "Maybe gossips are envy in disguise".

I think we need to stop talking about others in a negative light because we don't see their pain or struggles.

If they gossip with you, they will also gossip about you.

You're welcome.