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Akutagawa Ryuunosuke - Blog Posts
For those of you who may not be too familiar with the manga, during ch39: Portrait of a Father, Akutagawa shows up, as Dazai's informant, to give Atsushi documents about who the orphanage headmaster was and what happened to him.
At that moment, Akutagawa shows an uncharacteristic clemency towards Atsushi, saying that "Atsushi's master died today", and compares this to his own relationship with Dazai.
This was a long time ago now, and a lot has happened since. The Cannibalism arc is right after this, where they are very antagonistic towards each other, and includes this scene:
Akutagawa, despite his bitterness towards Atsushi for who he is to Dazai, has seen how similar they are in this sense. Atsushi hasn't, because his gratefulness towards Dazai prevents him from seeing that Akutagawa's experience was completely different with this same person. (he's also not given any time by the narrative to wonder about it)
but then just came along chapter 122!!!
Atsushi gets to see, 1:1, the relationship between Akutagawa and Dazai. For the first time, Akutagawa is relatable to him.
And of course, at the end, Atsushi calls out the illusion as being the headmaster wearing Dazai's face because we are closing this loop! We are forcing Atsushi to see Akutagawa the same way Akutagawa has been seeing him!
Bsd chapter 122 - translation
(this translation may be incorrect, so if you read this remember to check the official translation! This post only has the pages with dialogue, also, read from left to right)
Dazai: Think about it. It's what people do to remember the past.
Atsushi: H-here is... the agency?!
Dazai: Physical distance doesn't matter in the fourth dimension.
Dazai: To get from point A to point B on this sheet in the quickest way... what should be done?
Atsushi: ? Go in a straight line, of course...
Dazai: Normally, but we are in a higher dimension.
Dazai: Just do it like this.
Dazai: It is possible to intercept all the places here... and attack the origin point, which is ame-no-gozen.
Atsushi: Will you do the same with me?
Dazai: If you understood, let's fly.
Dazai: Focus.
Atsushi: Dazai-san! You...!
Dazai: Just look...
Past Dazai: I want to recruit you for the Port Mafia
Akutagawa: Jinko...
Akutagawa: Why did... you protect me?
Dazai: I want to recruit you for the Port Mafia
Akutagawa: Why am I... remembering this now?
Akutagawa: I just... hated... this world that let my street friends die for nothing.
Akutagawa: I wanted revenge... for being born into this world.
Dazai: If you're ready... I'll give you what you want.
Akutagawa: What I want? Are you... able to give me a meaning to live?
Dazai: I am.
Atsushi: Akutagawa...
Dazai: It's taking too long to activate your ability! You won't survive like this in the organization!
Akutagawa: I didn't feel any pain. Dazai-san was the one who gave me a meaning to live. But...
Akutagawa: ...He disappeared without any explanation
Akutagawa: And when we met again, he had a new subordinate.
Dazai: "My new subordinate is much better than you"
Akutagawa: Jinko! Jinko! Jinko! Jinko!
Akutagawa: Feeling humiliated and resentful… I feared I would never be accepted. This motivated my heart. And I bet everything on the tiger's execution.
Akutagawa: And then.. then...
Akutagawa: Fool... go now
Dazai: We arrived.
Dazai: The true body of the god is beyond this door.
Atsushi: Where are we?
Atsushi: It's big. And it's completely sealed…
Atsushi: It doesn't work, it's too heavy. It doesn't even move.
Orphanage director: You stupid brat. No one will save you.
Orphanage director: You don't deserve to live.
Dazai: I can only get you this far.
Atsushi: Thank you. I couldn't have gotten this far alone.
Dazai: I was the one who called you to the agency. Who brought you into a dangerous world. It's the least I can do.
Atsushi: No. You are not Dazai-san.
Atsushi: Because of the nullification ability… he couldn't become an illusion and talk to me. And you sometimes… didn't behave like Dazai-san.
Atsushi: You thought I wouldn't listen to you… if it wasn't in this form, didn't you?
Atsushi: You're right…
Atsushi: Director. When your illusion disappeared… I started seeing Dazai-san. Then…
Director: It was… the only way.
Director: I don't have… the right to talk to you. That's why…
Atsushi: You are just a shadow… created as a consequence of Q's ability.
Director: Yes. The real me is already dead. But…
Atsushi: Enough. I don't want to talk to you.
Atsushi: It's no use. It's not moving at all. But… if I don't defeat the god behind this door, everyone will…
People talk a lot about how they hope Akutagawas vampirism will heal him of his lung disease, but I really hope it doesn't. Curing Akutagawas illness this way would feel incredibly cheap, and I'd be highly disappointed. Especially after this
This moment is not only impactful because Akutagawa confesses his illness (something he views as a weakness) it was the first time Atsushi saw humanity in Akutagawa it was also setting up stakes for Akutagawas character i feel like throwing that all away with a magical vampirism cure would be one of the worst things for his arc
i should post these here as well that's a good start
for atsushi to so fully and completely recognise akutagawa's sacrifice and what it means for the person akutagawa is at heart, echoing it back to him so powerfully—akutagawa felt another see him so thoroughly, know him so deeply, that it overwhelmed him into remembering who he truly is. what other recognition could outdo this?
fellas is it gay to die for your enemie/rival/partner/soulmate?
Yk, with the eventual sskk reunion, them hugging is 100% a real possiblity
Right after Ranpo and Poe kidnapped Kunikida from the hospital and brought him back, Atsushi literally leaped and hugged Kuni
I think he'd hug Akutagawa when he sees him again (or maybe vice versa if Akutagawa really is that emotional now)
Both sides of sskk can't even deny their feelings now, it's amazing development
If we ever do get blessed with a sskk hug in the future, I will have a heart attack from happiness
One thing I've been struggling to articulate is how meaningfull the “now we're even” line is to sskk. Because I believe it's really so poignant even beyond it's meaning of “returning the favor”. With sskk, it's always been a fight to surpass, to get the upper hand, to prevail. Always trying to come first before the other, always trying to win over the other. Akutagawa literally tells Atsushi “defeating you, that alone is my meaning”, and Atsushi too says “I have to become stronger [...] that is what I must do to deny Akutagawa's strength”. It's fight for supremacy: for Akutagawa first of all, since he feels like the only way he has to gain his validation to live is by the way of proving himself to Dazai through defeating Atsushi; but it's a matter of triumphing over the other for Atsushi, too, for whom doing good equates to it being okay for him to keep living, and for whom doing good often came in the form of defying evil, evil that Akutagawa so perfectly embodied. It's always been a fight to prevail, it's always been a “either you, or me”. Coexistence for them was simply unthinkable.
But now Atsushi knows better. He's grown to recognize Akutagawa's value, and to appreciate his sacrifice. Most importantly, he concluded that they don't need to fight for supremacy anymore; now that he aknowealdges Akutagawa's humanity and respects him, he can finally think of the two of them as equals, peers. That's the “even” there is to it: they've finally found their common ground. Aid, support, look after one another: it's not about trying to get in front or surpass the other anymore, but rather, stand side by side. And it gets me so emotional.
This is how I envision reunion happening
update - (polished version here)
Kafka Asagiri, 2018 // bsd chapter 88 // Takuya Igarashi, 2023 // bsd chapter 121.5 // Kafka Asagiri, 2024
How many times do you think atsushi wished he could’ve done this in the original battle? How long do you think he probably ran the scenario over and over in his head on how he could have saved Akutagawa and now he finally got the chance
akutagawa remembering who he is by having atsushi die for him like he died for atsushi before. the look in atsushi's eyes being the same look akutagawa gave him. akutagawa's scream as everything came back to him. atsushi screaming his name as soon as he saw him on the realm. the fact that now they can stand side to side because they know they would die to save the other and the other would do the exact same. a life for a life. a life for a life. a life for a lif
the thing is not only akutagawa regaining his memories by having atsushi throw himself to save him like he did, but also that akutagawa's eyes have never been more clear
I can't believe Asagiri confirmed that sskk invented romance
New art for Akutagawa's birthday by Beast illustrator Shiwasu Hoshikawa
It’s kind of a strange thing—Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka all dislike dogs. At first, I figured it was just a Port Mafia thing. Maybe something to do with their situation pre-mafia (that's probably true, too). But since bsd loves its symbolism, I thought of something else.
Dogs stand for hope, loyalty, and unconditional love—everything these three have been taught to reject. To them, trust gets you hurt, devotion is a trap (except towards the mafia), and love is just another weapon in someone else’s hands. Their walls weren’t built by choice; they were built by the people who came before them.
Dazai taught Akutagawa, and Akutagawa taught Kyouka. A cycle of cruelty, passed down like a rule. Maybe their mentors convinced them that "dog-like" traits were impossible for people like them. Or worse—that kindness was a weakness they couldn’t afford.
And the irony? Back when Dazai still had Oda and Ango, before everything fell apart, his toast was "to the stray dogs." Poor Dazai. The only place he ever felt love was the one he could never return to.
OK correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like the main 'yin/yang' parallel with Atsushi and Akutagawa is not something like 'this one is bad but secretly has a good side and this one is good but secretly has a bad side'.
I feel like it's more about 'who they are at their core vs who they choose to be'.
At his core Akutagawa is kind and at his core Atsushi is not. But despite this Atsushi tries every day to make the kinder choices and I love him so much for it. He has to work so hard to be good.
He wants to be a bitch SO bad I know he does but he tries his best to help people and be nice (sometimes he fails but that's OK <3)
Atsushi doesn't always WANT to help people, a lot of the time he's selfish and scared, but he does help people anyway. He keeps helping people over and over again. There's still some selfish motivation to it, and his initial motivation for helping people was because the headmaster told him that's all he was worth, but overall he does care about the people he helps and it weighs on him if he fails to save them. And of course, as the series goes on he starts helping people more because he can rather than because he feels like he needs to.
In Akutagawa's case, he's still capable of being kind but his environment led him into being someone who chooses to hurt people. But he's always been a protector at heart. In the start he was bad compared to Atsushi because he was choosing to hurt people and keep the cycle of abuse going. Just like how Atsushi developed in why he saved people, Akutagawa starts to get redeemed when he chooses to not just act on his rage. Not only does he start to spare people, but he speaks more kindly to them (apologising to Higuchi and telling Kyouka he's proud of her). It all culminates into the moment he chooses to help Atsushi and sacrifice himself for him, going back to his core value of being a protector. Even when he's finally revived, he keeps this role in his new position as Aya's Knight.
I kind of see the streaks of white in Akutagawa and the streaks of black in Atsushi not as their 'hidden sides' but as their fundamental selfs. That's who they are at their core, and their main colours (black for Akutagawa and white for Atsushi) are how they're presented to everyone else and how they try to have people see them as.
I love how Akutugawa goes from taking Dazai’s words and then Fitzgerald’s account of Atsushi’s backstory and running with it to make his own assumptions on him.
To insisting on hearing it from Atsushi himself. Akutagawa wants to know why Atsushi is here, why he fights etc.
And he wants to hear it from Atsushi and no one else.
Your past isn’t who you are now, and that’s the person I wish to know.
Which makes Akutugawa revealing his illness hit so much harder to me because he wants Atsushi to know him too.
There's so many layers to this whole scene but this exchange in particular. When experiencing the story for the first time, it's obvious that the attention is going to be directed to the reveal of Dazai having been Akutagawa's mentor, a fact up to this point unknown to the audience. But on a second rewatch, and knowing everything we know about Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship… I feel like the thing that might have actually sent Akutagawa over the edge might be Dazai simply addressing Akutagawa as his former superior; Akutagawa being someone he doesn't recognize anymore. Whereas after all those years (and after this scene, too) Akutagawa has kept considering Dazai to be his one and only mentor still. Here, Dazai saying that he's his past mentor must have came as experiencing the trauma of abandonment all over again for Akutagawa. Which might explain why it's something that pushed Akutagawa's most hurting buttons so much, to the point he'd even retaliate by punching his beloved mentor and most respected person.
About that, i really like how physical Akutagawa's reaction is during this scene. He punches Dazai twice. And to me it really uses to express how conflictual and oxymoronic Akutagawa's state of mind is. He loves Dazai, but he's also enraged at him, feeling so betrayed for having been left alone without a word, all those years. He craves his recognition, but right here and now even that can't placate the relentless rage boiling inside him. The overwhelming feeling of frustration for himself before anyone else, because it's his fault for being so weak and incompetent that Dazai left him behind; and yet he can't help but take that frustration out on Dazai himself, symbolizing just how overbearing Akutagawa's emotions are, how he's not in control of them. I just think this scene is neat.
There is so much to break down here holy shit
First off, I like how Fukuzawa and Mori are the only one fully on different sides here, I think of all the generations of skk they are the ones who simply and truly hate eachother. Everything about them is antithetical, they represent the complete opposite values.
skk here is also interesting, look at chuuyas expression, he has his typical "I hate being here but i have no choice" look that he had as the king of sheep. And Dazai literally leaning over him is pretty spot on for how we see their partnership play out for most of their time in the mafia.
sskk being back to back here I think actually shows their trust in eachother now, Fyodor being a present threat and both of them wathcing eachothers back. There's also the fact that Atsushi is looking up while Akutagawa is looking straight ahead
I'm thinking about Atsushi representing the saint and I'm thinking about Akutagawa representing the sinner. I'm thinking about Akutagawa being the outcast, the damned, the God forsaken. I'm thinking about Akutagawa being forbidden the access to heaven before he was even born. I'm thinking about Akutagawa's life being but a prelude to hell itself. I'm thinking about Atsushi as this Moses-like figure, saved next to a river. Atsushi as the one God decided to spare. Atsushi as the one who was given a second chance to be loved. Atsushi who's life is full of light and warmth.
I'm thinking about the saint loving the sinner despite. I'm thinking about going against God's judgement even when it doesn't favour him. I'm thinking about embracing a life of damnation if it's to love the sinner. I'm thinking about not fearing his soul to be stained. I'm thinking about going against God's will as the most loving act of them all. I'm thinking
Aaa Siblingss
