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Final Fantasy Xv - Blog Posts
Ignis: Prompto please promise me you and Noct will not do anything illegal while I'm gone.
Prompto: don't worry Iggy. I promise we will be on our best behavior.
*five minutes later*
Prompto: Wanna go trash Ardyn's car?
Noctis: hell yeah
Prompto: I made a blog!
Noctis: what's it called?
Prompto: chocobros
Noctis: okay? And what is it about?
Prompto: *closes the tab filled with photos of Noctis and the others half naked* Our adventures?
Ravus: I tried to drown Ardyn in the fountain today.
Aranea: how did it end?
Ravus: He took it as some kind of sexual gesture and told me I wasn't his type.
Aranea: he's messed up
Ravus: I'm pissed that he thinks I'm out of his league!
Ardyn: come on now Prompto dear. Haven't you heard "love is an open door?"
Prompto: NO LOVE IS A CLOSED LOCKED BARRICADED DOOR! *shoving a bed up against a door*
Ignis: Noct. Could I trouble you for a rubber?
Noct: *looks at him with shock and disgust* what makes you think I carry condoms?
Ravus: I asked for friends and the Astrals cursed me with that. *points at the hole to hell*
Ardyn: *climbs out of it* Good news! Hell doesn't want me either.
Therapist: Okay Ardyn and Ravus, let's work on being nice to each other. Ravus why don't you make a poem about Ardyn.
Ravus: Roses are Red
Violets are blue
Touch me again
And I'll f***ing kill you!
Ardyn: you see doctor? This is what I have to deal with, he didn't even show up for the wedding night.
Ravus: WE'RE NOT MARRIED!
Ardyn: it's like he doesn't even love me.
Dia has a soul that hangs around her named Celestine. She knows about Ardyn but won't tell anyone. Celisms
Tredd: *shows Dia a dick pic* Like what you see babe?
Cel: tell him it's too small and to zoom in.
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Ardyn: It's such a pleasure to see you again my dear Diana
Cel: This is why you're still single. You have an unhealthy obsession with younger people.
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Cel: While you were passed out drunk, I possessed your body, kissed Ignis, punched Tredd in the throat, told Luche where he can shove his rules, called Cor daddy and bought Gladio a "choking hazard" shirt. That will be arriving in three days. So I hope you learned your lesson about not over doing it at a social event. By the way Cor has been calling you for thirty minutes now.
Prompto: we should all go to a theme park
Noct: we can't
Prompto: why not?
Noct: Gladio got us kicked out because he knocked the lights out of that one mascot.
Gladio: he had it coming. *mutters* damn things are terrifying....
Noctis: *bursts into Prompto's bedroom* I heard you scream! What happened?!
Prompto: There's a monster under my bed!
Noctis: Prom you know monsters don't exi- *looks under the bed*
Ardyn: Hello~
Noctis: Prompto we're burning your house down.
Noctis: I will literally suplex Ravus just to take a nap right now.
Ravus: I'll knock you the **** out before you can even touch me.
Prompto: never a dull day with them around
Dia and romance
Dia doesn't understand affection or romance. She was a prisoner of Ardyn from age 5 to 10. She was beaten almost every day to the point she had to spend a month in a hospital after her escape and Nyx found her. Being raised by a curious and nosy Noctis, she was confused by his friendly attitude with her. Gladio terrified her to the point she would flinch and hide when he would touch her. It wasn't until age 15 and Noctis introducing her to Prompto that she began to understand since Prompto began to try and comfort her constantly
Noctis: I killed someone!
Prompto: What?! Noct that's illegal! We have to run away!
Gladio: if anyone asks we just tell them the empire made a clone of Noct and framed him.
Ignis: *pulls out a map with a bunch of red circles* We can dump the body here. No one will know. Leave the evidence to me I've done this before.
Noctis: .....
Prompto: *whispers to Noctis* I think Iggy has killed other people....
How people react to Dia's anxiety and depression
Noctis would pick her up and carry her off to a safer location for her to calm down. He would then try to talk to her, bring up topics such as plants or animals. Then it's snack and nap time for them both.
Gladio wouldn't let anyone but Noct, Prompto and Ignis near her. He will even try to fight Nyx and Cor but it usually ends with Cor threatening to tell his father.
Prompto would sit next to Dia and just start chatting with her about anything. They can go from one topic that is small to a three hour discussion on why chocobos are the best thing.
Ignis would lead Dia to a more comfortable place and talk to her. Listening to her issue then think of a solution to help her. She feels safer around him and would usually grasp his sleeve when she feels depressed.
Cor would stand by her and wait until her attack was done. The last time he left her alone during an episode she ended up in the hospital trying to kill herself. He's known about her problems since Nyx brought her in and he doesn't want her to suffer fully. When she's done he will talk to her and tell her that the future holds a better life if she stays by his side. He is a father figure to her anyway.
Ardyn: Some woman said she wanted kids so I brought her a sack of children. Now I'm in jail. Come bail me!
Ravus: How the hell did you get my phone number!? Enjoy your night in jail you psychotic pedophile!
Part 2 of Ignis in horror lands
"There better be vegetables served with that human flesh!"
"Get that arm out of your mouth! You don't know where that has been!"
"For a second I thought you were Gladio"
"Prompto would be fine here since he's still a virgin."
"Why would I walk through a dark corridor with no flashlight I'm not insane."
"Yes, let's split up good idea. We can cover more ground with our blood that way."
(If you have any ideas post them!"
If Ignis was sucked into a horror dimension
"Goodness your hygiene is horrendous!"
"Oh please I've ridden with Noct driving. This doesn't scare me."
"If you plan on cooking the man use the right seasoning for gods sake!"
"It smells like Gladio's room in here..."
"This place is filthier than Noct's apartment!"
"I was asking for directions. Put your chainsaw down and communicate like a normal human being!"
"Do you even know how to use that knife correctly?"
"This is why you shouldn't have sex."
Cor: Prompto, I need you to sign this. It's very important for the Lucis.
Prompto: *starts to sign it* so what is it? A treaty? A petition for something?
Cor: *takes the paper* adoption papers. You're now my son. *walks away*
Gladio: I swear to Astrals! If you touch my cup noodles again I will shave your ass!
Iris: *comes down the stairs* brother what are you-
*cat sitting on the coffee table keeping eye contact with Gladio with its paw half way in the cup noodles*
Gladio: *has his sword out ready to start swinging*
Cor: Prompto we need to talk about your problem.
Prompto: *in his pile of chocobo plushies* what problem?
Diana: I made a trap that will rip the very skin off a man the moment he enters a room! Let call Ardyn!
Noctis: I have him on speed dial
Ignis: STOP FEEDING HER MURDEROUS TENDENCIES!
Noctis about Diana
Diana is my age and we went to school together. She became overprotective of Prompto and when this one girl began making fun of him, Dia brought a homemade reverse bear trap from the Saw movies to school and put it on the girl. The class and the girl start panicking and the trap goes off. Turns out it wasn't real but a prop she made and it squirts out this red liquid all over her. The thing dyed her skin red for a month. Cor was watching over Dia and he was not pleased by her action. She was on a month long training punishment with him. Best thing is, the girl left Prompto alone. Also Dia is banned from horror movies due to concern she will do what the killers do so Ignis had to take all of them away. I have them now and I let her watch them since her commentary is amazing!
I may start an ask the glaives/chocobros thing.
I'm not the best at them but I feel like it will be fun. Just send in some questions and they will answer.
Nyx
Crowe
Libertus
Cor
Noctis
Prompto
Gladio
And Ignis.
Maybe some others in the future.
Prompto took a picture of Ignis with no face on. Nightmare fuel.
Let's pretend I read the question right but also I couldn't figure out which 5 it would be so oopsie I picked way too many and I can't read
