I Dont Know - Blog Posts

Do you know how I feel? I feel like I’m drowning, and I’m aware of it but I can’t do anything.

I know I have to study a lot, but I can’t. I can’t get myself to do stuff, to concentrate.

I know I have to keep my house in order and do the dishes every day, do the laundry. But I can’t.

I am gaining weight and I know I should and want to eat healthy and not stress-eatings. But I do.

I know that I should be active more and workout so that I have a nice body. But I can’t do it more than one day.

I know I should take care of myself. But I fucking can’t.

And I hate myself for losing control like that, not being able to control my willpower. I hate myself for knowing this shit and still procrastinate and watch a movie instead or surf the instagram. I know I’m wasting my time, but there’s this voice in my head that’s just so strong, when I hear it I say ‘screw it you’ll do it tomorrow’. And the worst part is I am allowing that voice to control me. I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know what’s happening to me, it’s like I’m losing control over my mind and my will to do things. I am telling myself every fucking day that tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be a new start, but I feel deep down that it won’t. I feel like I’m drowning in my own sadness.

I realized a few days ago that I’m in depression. And that hit me hard. I am alone, sad and depressed. And I am trying to fight this fucking thing everyday but I fail. You know what though? I don’t want to lose control to that little piece of shit, I don’t want to be unhealthy, fat and depressed. I will fight it and I will kill it.

And when I do, it will be the greatest win of my life.

I’m a currently unemployed college student. Please don’t DM me or whatever begging for money. I legitimately can’t tell who’s being genuine or trying to scam me. Thank you for reading.

Do you ever just step outside at night and its nice and cool and you expect the grass to be wet but instead it’s dry and you just want to roll around in it and then you stop and realise that your gay and you then also realise that you’ve known that for at least 2 years and so now the sky is a rabbit?

(Edit) Thats how it feels to drive a ford F120

guess who got in trouble for messing with the dead Turkey

*slowly raises my hand*

The End of a Dream    -    Giuseppe Pennasilico , c.1908

Italian, 1861-1940

Oil on canvas, 99.5 x 145.4 cm

That is the start of William F. Skene's translation of "Cad Goddeu". Here are others for comparison (with a couple more lines because I like them):

I was in a multitude of forms before I was unfettered: I was a slender mottled sword made from the hand. I was a droplet in the air, I was the stellar radiance of the stars, I was a word in writing, I was a book in my prime. I was the light of a lantern For a year and a half…"

--Marged Haycock

I was in many a guise before I was disenchanted. I am a grey-cowled minstrel : I believe in illusion. I was for a time in the sky : I was observing the stars. I was a message in writing : I was a book to my priest. I was the light of the altar-horns, for a year and a half.

--John Gwenogvryn Evans (who translated the title as "The Battle of the Scrub" rather than "The Battle of the Trees")

I was woven  in so many forms before this one.  I was a sword drawn, high and long against sky, and I was its tear in the air, the dullest of stars.   I was the word among letters, the story’s breath within the book, the light of lanterns.   For a year and a half I was the continuing bridge...

--Órlaith on Wordpress

There are a number of others out there; these are just a few which struck me as being distinctive in an interesting way.

‘I have been a multitude of shapes, Before I assumed a consistent form. I have been a sword, narrow, variegated, I have been a tear in the air, I have been in the dullest of stars. I have been a word among letters, I have been a book in the origin.’ Taliesin .. c. 534 – c. 599

Let’s start referring to hickies as signing your work

I have a head girl interview but I’m nonbinary and I prefer to be referred to a he/him than she/her when someone doesn’t use they/them.

Therefore,

I will refer to it as my head UFO interview.

Unidentified

F’ing queer

Object

And if I am assigned the role, I will:

Go on the website they get their badges on

Buy identical badges to the head girl ones

Make them say things like ‘head UFO’ and ‘head enby’ etc

Wear them at random intervals and see how long it takes for someone to notice

Laugh when I’ve left year 11 having worn a ‘head gay’ badge the entire year and nobody has noticed.

Thank you for listening to my scheme

Edit: I didn’t get Head UFO, but I did get senior prefect. Or as I like to call it, MEGA PREFECT. Fear me! All the praise, literally no responsibilities, or gender requirements.

Au where you summon a demon, but out comes the divine being that is Hawks. Beautiful and holy in every way, his brilliant, seraphim wings are jaw dropping and stunning. Golden cuffs on his neck, forarms, and ankles, with golden jewelry littering his hands and ears. His glowing amber eyes staring into your soul. For a moment you look back at the summoning circle and see if you did it wrong. No. You didnt. You did in fact summon a demon... or some... sort of being.

Turns out, you summoned a recently fallen angel who has yet to be tainted, except for his wings. Instead of a blinding white, they are a blood red, to symbolize the blood of the innocent. Innocent lives that have fallen because of him. His sins forever remaining on his body, through his wings.

He asks you what you want, you reply with "I want this person dead." Hawks frowns and denies your request as he refuses to kill another soul, for the more he kills, the more tainted he becomes. He refused to harm and shed blood. He was part of God's holy army, but after falling victim to the evil, manipulative words of a demon, he killed so many innocent lives and was punished. Outcasted to become a fallen angel and to forever rot in hell.

However, since you summoned him, how? He has no idea, nor do you, he has yet to do any 'rotting in hell'. He then decides to make a deal with you, he will serve you as an eternal servant if you create an eternal bind with him, in which your soul is his after death, and as long as he does not have to shed any more blood. You agree and you two form an eternal bond.

So now you have a fallen angel, a beautiful and handsome one at that, at your side to bend to your will.

I sense that I have made a mistake.

-¿Who the fuck Is Yuan?

-It’s Juan but my mind change the “J” for a “Y”.

-ª.

How in the fucking hell did I make tea wrong???

I added a little (a lot) of sugar and a black tea bag to hot water and now, after stepping for 5-6 minutes it tastes like slightly favored water like the fancy stuff you could get at a shop.

Lapis makes progress with a younger AU Steven

I think of each of these as an episode tbh.

Lapis’s Room is a museum. I referenced the episode with a room full of hour glasses and Pearl’s room.

Lapis is friends with Greg & Vidalia, like Amethyst, she’s more prone to Human activities.

no offense buuuut

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Merman in Wonderland

While fleeing from danger, a merman tumbles down the rabbit hole into the wacky world of Wonderland! The stray merman must journey through a

What happens when a Merman falls into wonderland?

✨ Read Merman in Wonderland ✨

On Webtoons and Tapas!