Your personal Tumblr journey starts here
I Wrote Angst - Blog Posts
The one that got away
Ship: Spencer Reid/Derek Morgan (past)
Description: once upon a time they where young and in love convinced they’d last forever… who knew forever had an expiration date.
Warning: Mentions of drug abuse.
Summer after high school when we first met
They met in a coffee down the street from Spencer’s
college, the college student and the cop. They both had something to prove to the world back then.
We'd make out in your Mustang to Radiohead
Derek won him over with charming smiles and smooth words, before he knew it they were stumbling into the backseat of Derek’s car.
“Mmm, Derek, someone will see!” Derek had only chuckled covering Spencer’s mouth with his own again.
And on my 18th birthday we got matching tattoos
Young dumb and stupid they had gotten tattoos the day Spencer turned twenty, “навсегда мой” Russian for “forever mine” on their ankles. If only they’d known how untrue that would turn out to be.
Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof
Talk about our future like we had a clue
Fran Morgan adored Spencer enough to turn a blind eye when she saw him and Derek climb up the fire escape. “Someday I’m gonna marry you.” Derek promised.
“It’s not legal.” Spencer had whispered back.
“Yet.” Was all Derek replied with taking a swing from a whiskey bottle stolen out of the kitchen.
Never planned that one day I'd be losing you
The day they broke was the worst day of Spencer’s life, a fact that would never change.
“I can’t do this anymore.” Derek had snapped waving his hands wildly.
“I’m sorry.” Spencer whispered. “I love you.”
“Love just isn’t enough this time Spencer.”
Derek was gone the next day. Bomb squad had offered him a position in Virginia.
In another life
I would be your girl (boy)
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
Spencer wonders what would’ve happened if he had gone with Derek, what would’ve happened… he doesn’t know.
He imagines they’d someday get married, even if it never turned legal… some people did spiritual things and exchanged rings. Derek would’ve liked that.
In another life it would be them against the world. In this life they’re alone. That’s okay. It has to be.
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were
The one that got away
The one that got away
In another universe twenty one year old Spencer had all the words needed to make Derek stay.
In this universe… he didn’t. He never did.
I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other, we made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you I put those records on (whoa)
When they’d been young, they had made one promise that was impossible to keep in the end.
“You and me, against the world, as a team, forever.” Derek was a little drunk at the time Spencer will admit.
“Forever doesnt exist.”
“I’ll prove you wrong on that one pretty boy.”
There’s only one time in Spencer’s life that he wished to be wrong and he wasn’t.
Someone said you had your tattoo removed
The first time he sees Derek again (which is weird because he didn’t think he would ever see Derek again) he notices a couple things.
His hair is much shorter than it was when they were young, he’s a little bulkier, his smile is fake- it’s the one he used to use when sweet talking their way out of danger, the one that stings the most though is that his tattoo is gone. Spencer vows to never let Derek see that he kept his.
Saw you downtown singing the blues
It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse
They’re rather awkward around each other but the team assumes that it’s just another quirk of Spencer’s, no one reads between the lines something they can both be grateful for.
He pretends that his heart doesn’t ache when Derek leaves bars with others, he doesn’t have a right to be in pain. It’s been two years and… it was all his fault in the end.
But in another life
I would be your girl (boy)
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life
I would make you stay
Working with Derek is hard- it hurts. It makes him wonder, drags old feelings he doesn’t want up.
Working now with Derek and the FBI tells him something he didn’t know when he was younger, it tells him that if he went with Derek they would’ve made it. He’d always have ended up at the FBI he thinks… it’s just how that’s the question.
So I don't have to say you were
The one that got away
The one that got away
The one
The one
The one
The one that got away
Jayjay is the only one who ever notices… the only one who ever gets to know. “What happened between you and him?”
“I didn’t meet Derek Morgan for the first time when I walked through those doors.” The words are quiet, a secret whispered into the night. “He’s the one who got away as you would say.”
“I didn’t know…”
“No one does.”
“Did Gideon?”
“I don’t know. If he did he never said anything about it to me.”
All this money can't buy me a time machine, no
Can't replace you with a million rings, no
When he falls victim to addiction… it’s so hard to stop taking the drug.
He does, eventually. When he realises that being hitch isn’t a time machine… it can’t change the past but it could destroy his future.
I should've told you what you meant to me (whoa)
'Cause now I pay the price
When he’s locked in that room with the Anthrax he almost tells Derek that he still loves him. He almost apologizes.
He can see that Derek still cares- he knows that his death would destroy his long lost lover. In the end he stays quiet… but tells Penelope if he dies to let Derek have his journals from college. She’s confused by the request but promises nonetheless.
In another life
I would be your girl (boy)
We'd keep all our promises
Be us against the world
In another life he wouldn’t be too cowardly to tell Derek everything… in another life he might fix it. He might try to make it alright.
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were
The one that got away
The one that got away
The one (the one)
The one (the one)
The one (the one)
They never talk about it. It’s never brought up. It’s a history they don’t speak of… they can’t. Speaking of it makes it real… makes the past the past…
In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were
The one that got away
The one that got away
In another life they live happily ever after,
In this one they live as once upon a time lovers,
Best friends who used to be more.
That’s enough. It has to be.