My Posts - Blog Posts

Omg look, I finally decided to make my first actual post. After 2? 3? years. Tbh, I just want to know, how the hell did I have 34 followers? I only have like 3 posts in my blog, there's almost nothing on here???

If I were to guess, it's my liked posts, isn't it? Like, where did you all come from? How did you find my small little corner of tumblr?

Town Fair Build ✨

I enjoyed creating different little areas. The Dino area is small but my fave 🦖

Ok I’m in love with my acnh house during cherry blossom season 🌸

acnh farm 🌾

i started playing 22 days ago, that's an average of 4.9 hours a day what the fuck i have like a tumor in my brain or something

LOOK AT My FUCKING Borg band fuck yes siiir

Fuck it my character is now happily assimilated. "Resistance will be annihilated" yes go off queen you are so right

Assimilate those starfleet assholes who are trying to take your cunty piercings away

Am I the only one who has issues posting?

Like I'll post something but it won't post so I'll have to do it again at least once if not twice for it to actually post. Like wtf am I suppose to do, not post? Boi

I believe in my heart of hearts that the Lego Batman movie exists in DC and that it was created by the batfamily as a way to throw off the conspiracy theorists

Maybe the superhero forums were getting too close to realizing their identities again. maybe one of their injuries had accidentally gotten spotted by the paparazzi. maybe they were just running out of plausible alibis. maybe they just wanted to be funny.

Bruce gave the world the "do the butts match" meme. His children give the world a cinematic masterpiece.

"You'll grow out of being sensitive."

"You need to grow up and stop crying all the time."

"You can't let everything hurt you like this."

Will I really grow out of this though? It doesn't make sense. My mouth starts moving before i think, and someone says that they weren't talking to me, that I should be quiet...

And suddenly I'm six years old again, being yelled at constantly and occasionally beaten for talking too much or talking out of turn.

Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't hurt. We're all adults and they even said it somewhat gently... So why do the tears roll?

Sometimes, I don't want to heal. Healing almost feels like a betrayal to myself. I know what they've done, and the damage will never be fully healed. It almost scares me to think that I might forget or become numb to it. As long as the wounds stay open, and I still feel the burning pain, it's real. I can't trick myself into thinking it's not.

There are other times when I don't want to heal because people might not believe me. I've already plenty who don't, but it would be so much worse if someone saw evidence of my trauma but didn't believe me because the rest of my personality and coping mechanisms seem normal. If I stay broken, the smaller cracks are less noticable, and they're easier to explain. Obviously, a shattered window is going to have both big and small cracks and might even be missing some pieces.

Sometimes healing just doesn't seem worth it because I feel like my life should be perfect once I'm past that point. People have it worse, and the worst is behind me, so I have no right to be this way.

I don't know. I'm not sure I want to heal

Tw: vent

I got played and I feel kinda stupid now. I wasted a year and a half that I'll never get back.

It was my first relationship and I had to finally end it after he ruined my fun on my birthday and made me cry. I saw the red flags every step of the way, but he got upset everytime I got a little suspicious of what he was doing or how he was treating me.

He tried to get me to trust him as quickly as possible, and I kind of felt like he was manipulating me the whole time, but he kept reassuring me that he wasn't like the people who'd done it to me before.

I kept giving him chances, though. I didn't want my parents to be right about me being naive and him being a douche, because I knew I would be the butt of so many jokes. I just wanted to protect myself from pain and shame, but it just led to me taking shots from every possible angle.

I couldn't even ask them for relationship advice, because I felt like I couldn't tell them about it.

"You can tell us anything. If you need help, just ask."

I learned the hard way that I should tell them as little as possible, so I just kind of had to deal with this alone for the most part. I only know maybe one person I could talk to about it, but neither of us had ever had partners before so there wasn't much that could be done, other than giving an unbiased opinion and moral support.

I just feel so stupid after being gaslit for so long. It should've been so much easier to break away. I can spot gaslighting so easily since I've been experiencing it for so long, but he kept making excuses and either talking his way out of it or ignoring me for days on end.

A year and a half and I know very little about him.

He proposed to me in a discord call last August.

Maybe I was right from the start. Maybe it really was too good to be true and he never actually cared that much about me.

I think your problems are very valid and your trauma is not any less important than others' . I can't speak for you but wanted to say that you don't have to think you're luckier than others. Also being neurodivergent already means you have a lot of struggles. Maybe reason why you think you're luckier than others is because you were used to pushing aside your issues in favor of others. That's rough life, I hope you know everything you go through is equally as valid as anything else

Thank you for the ask, and thank you for the validation.

I think you're kind of right about me pushing my issues aside, but it's probably also just another consequence of abuse. "It could've been worse." That's always what people are told, and a lot of us are gaslit into thinking it wasn't nearly as bad as it was.

At this point, its so deeply ingrained in my mind. I can't really help but to think that way sometimes. I'm working on it, though. Maybe it'll stop one day and I'll be able to completely distance myself from everyone involved.

Once again, thank you for your kindness. I hope you and everyone you care about are living your best lives. If not, then I wish you the best of luck on your journey to happiness.