Nonbinary - Blog Posts

*Trigger Warnings: Mentions of parental abuse and physical abuse. Descriptions of threats, violence, verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse. Mentions of Bipolar Depression, anxiety, PTSD, self-deprecating thoughts, self-esteem issues, people pleasing, rage. Saturday, Jan. 28th, 2023

2:16pm

My dad texted me early in the morning,

-This is my response to very bluntly and directly tell him off

and here’s what I said to him:

To Dad,

“Listen. I did disrespect you and I did curse at you. I’ll admit it, and I’m taking accountability for that. I don’t like being upset and I certainly don’t like yelling and cursing. However, what I did that day was lesser than what you deserved, you deserved worse. Now, I’m taking the time out of my day to respond to take another chance for you to take this opportunity to hear what I am saying and make a change. But, to be honest, my hopes and expectations for you aren’t high.

      First, I want you to understand that you will always be my dad and I will always love you. I care about you deeply, but it will have to be at a distance. Your behavior in how you treat Angel and I is deplorable and disgusting. You are selfish and narcissistic. You are controlling and manipulative. And, you don’t have proper self-reflection skills or any empathy for your kids. I’m sick of it, and I don’t have the tolerance for your behavior anymore.

      Time after time, you and I have had conversations, where you never ask me what is going on in my life in full. Every single conversation consisted of talking about yourself, or offering advice that had no relevance to anything that was happening for me. You constantly talk about how much you want to be a part of my life and how you wanted a “seat at my advisors’ table”, but you don’t deserve to because you never showed any real care or interest or attention to me and my life. This “highlights” thing you have is the only thing you care about when it comes to Angel and I, but that’s now what being a father is about. Being a good PARENT (not just being a father) is about raising your child to be their own individual, while you as the parent, help them along the way. It’s not just giving me money, “slapping rocks”, working out, and “highlights”. You should be there to listen to your kids, to tend to them, to be there when they fall, and to correct them when they go wrong. You do none of these things. The year that I was starting college, I had to continuously remind you of what my majors were because: you 1) never asked what they were, and 2) never listened and remembered. And that’s the SMALLEST example of how you treat me that I could think of. You have threatened to kill me, called me embarrassing, tried to tell me that I’m not man enough, and god forbid, try to manipulate me to turn into you.

      You never want to hear when I’m struggling or in a dark period, yet you think that you should be an “advisor” for me. What do you plan to advise me about then? You have never ever been there for me when I’m going through a hard time, but you think I should lean on you for what? Support? No, for money, right? Because that’s what you talk about all the time.

      I want you to sit and think about what you ACTUALLY know about me and my life because I guarantee that it’s not as much as I know about you, and what you SHOULD know about me. I feel like a prop for you to make yourself feel and look better. Either that, or you’re living through me vicariously with all the “highlights” you receive from me. And you expect me to not be hurt by all of that and much more from you?

      Did you know I have Bipolar Disorder? Did you know I took a break from college? Did you know I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from you and every other excuse for a father figure in my life? I bet you didn’t.

      I CAN”T HANDLE YOU BEING IN MY LIFE BECAUSE YOU. ARE. TOXIC. When I’m not feeling like you’re “molding me into your image” (which is something you have said out your mouth to me, by the way), you’re sucking all of my energy by me just trying to have a relationship with you. All these years, I’ve tried to adapt and change myself and “just deal” with you because anything with you is better than nothing. But, I realized after EVERY falling out we’ve had, you never sat down and thought about what YOU DID to ME. I was the only one trying to change and make things work, while you just  waited for me to come crawling back to Daddy. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. AND, I don’t owe you for anything that you have done for me, you’re a parent. You signed up for this.      So, going forward, I think you should go to therapy. I think you need professional guidance to realize how you treat people, especially your family. And, until that happens and you experience change, you and I will continue to not have a relationship. I love you to the moon and back, always will, but I will no longer tolerate your vile treatment of me. I am not just “your offspring”, I’m my own individual. Please, do me the favor of not contacting me again until you’ve grown.”

it truly is one of the saddest things in my life how true the phrase, “the nice guys always finish last” is. since i was 7 y/o i’ve had to give and extend my own self for my family and others to the point where there was nothing left of myself. it’s become so ingrained for me to plaster on a smile and work myself to the bone for others when i never get anything in return. now it feels so temporary for me to try and be self-sufficient in my emotional well-being. people pleasing is a curse. you try and you try and hope that things get better over time. “maybe this one person will actually care…”, “maybe this one job will treat me better…”, but they won’t. everything in this life is transactional. people will thank you for your labor at your workplace, be grateful for the friendship you give them, say that they love you for being a good partner to them. but all of that shit can disappear faster than when they said those things to you. you no longer are a person, you become the thing that is transactional. i’m never truly thanked, i don’t feel truly loved or valued. i feel disposable and replaceable for being a giver and giving my entire self for people. yet… i keep hoping that one day i can feel like i’m me.

it’s funny how i came to college and introduced myself as the person that i wanted to be known as. i would say the necessary things, like “hey, by the way, i use they/them pronouns” or “hi, just so you know, i’m non-binary and i’m not comfortable with he/him pronouns”, etc. i have to push through a lot of anxiety and emotional stress to work up the courage to even tell people, and it’s even worse when i try to correct them. i’m still not comfortable with correcting people. so when people use “he/him” pronouns for me… i notice every time. i have to sit there and keep the energy going and have a smile because… letting them have their way is better than me having to hear empty apologies just for them to make the same mistake again.

hi my name is duchesstopaz and i’m a trauma survivor. there are so many things that i want to say, need to say… but no one who can understand if they don’t listen. i want to use my blog to just vent and get out all of this that needs an escape because it’s eating away at me. i am constantly evolving and changing and have grown so much over all of these years. i have a story to tell and this is one of the ways that i can share. so please watch as a 20 y/o shares way too much on the internet lol :). feel free to interact if you would like, feel free to give advice if you would like, but this is truly something purely for me that i would like to share.

Got bored in school. So here. And happy June to all geeks and peeps out there. (Part one I'm only allowed 10 images per post... I made 21...😢)

this scene holds a special place in my heart

HELLO! I’m making a massive list of EVERY single lgbtqia+ flag (and then posting them wherever I can put them)

This is mostly to spread more YO, THERE ARE SO MANY LABELS FOR YOU GUYS WHO WANNA USE THEM, and also cause I find it fun for character creation!

If you have a Flag I can add to my list that isn’t seen much anywhere then please do either:

Reblog or send it to my inbox, with the flag, name of the sexuality, romanticality, and identity and then it’s meaning!

Microlabels are VERY MUCH ACCEPTED

what I currently have:

(I understand that I can go hunting for more but I find it nice for people to get to express themselves by showing their labels to other people)

All different kinds of the pride flags

Trans flag (will add trans masc and trans femme)

Intersex

Asexual (will grab aromantic and aro/ace)

Bisexual

Pansexual

Lesbian

AND THATS ALL I CAN ADD FROM MOBILE

But do please send in your flags for me to add! :D

(Reblogs appreciated but not forced)

a thing I do that annoys people out of the lgbtqia+ community

I use they/them pronouns for everyone

like If someone is he/him I’ll use he/them accidentally, e.g. ‘oh yeah he’s over there, what do you need them for?’

or ‘it’s not her fault if they’re like that’

it helps with calling people with pronouns they/them’ correctly, and most people don’t care or notice, but I’ve had at least three people go ‘I don’t go by them!’ And I had to apologise :’)

gay month starts soon :]

(i hc uraume as being intersex! this isn’t canon but they still use they/them pronouns!)

they call me girl boy man girl because I confuse people on what I actually am

I DID MY MAKEUP FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I ACTUALLY LIKE IT

I drew my ocs and their flags for pride month!

My flags are your standard rainbow and non-binary flag :o

💕💕 Always proud 💕💕

Finnally finished Jade’s new look! I’m very happy with how they turned out, and next up is their new ref sheet!

Mein eigenst kreierter Stamm :)

day 13 but i use repel (draw an enby character)

Happy Pride Month

This is Emory (They/Them) Bi-Romantic Asexual OC of Mine

Blep

tiny snake child :P

Me, at 13: do i feel anything special abt boys? Nope. Girls? Still no. I feel same way abt everyone, so, guess I'm pan!

Me, at 14: wait a minute... (turns out I'm aroace)

Did i learn anything? Of course no

Me at 15-16: do i feel like a woman? Not really. Do i feel like a man? Again not very much. Does it change? I didn't really noticed, so, PROBABLY I'm nonbinary. However, I'm ugly, but i don't feel gender dysphoria,

Me at 19, looking at myself in the mirror with taped flat chest, finally feeling not so ugly and way more myself: ...yeah fuck i do...

I have a head girl interview but I’m nonbinary and I prefer to be referred to a he/him than she/her when someone doesn’t use they/them.

Therefore,

I will refer to it as my head UFO interview.

Unidentified

F’ing queer

Object

And if I am assigned the role, I will:

Go on the website they get their badges on

Buy identical badges to the head girl ones

Make them say things like ‘head UFO’ and ‘head enby’ etc

Wear them at random intervals and see how long it takes for someone to notice

Laugh when I’ve left year 11 having worn a ‘head gay’ badge the entire year and nobody has noticed.

Thank you for listening to my scheme

Edit: I didn’t get Head UFO, but I did get senior prefect. Or as I like to call it, MEGA PREFECT. Fear me! All the praise, literally no responsibilities, or gender requirements.

Some responses for when someone asks your gender

“What’s a gender?”

“You can’t trick me into doing math!”

“And now I’ve thrown you off your rhythm!” (Courtesy of John Mulaney)

*just laugh*

“Oh! You got me good there!”

“wouldn’t you like to know weather boy?”

I’m super hungry but I can’t go downstairs for food because today is my binder break day and it’s too hot for a hoodie or sweatshirt or any kind of layers :(

Today someone at work called me sir and it gave me so much gender euphoria srsly I was so freaking happy! But then I ruined it by talking with my stupid customer service voice and they corrected themself and called me ma’am :(

I have pride dragons in my Redbubble store now! I’ll keep adding more sexualities and gender orientations as I have time, but these are the ones I have now. Let me know if there’s anything specific you want to see!!!

My store link is in my profile description! 

(Other designs under the cut)

to transcend both male and female is to be, and I thought this was obvious, transgender. everyone I've seen pushing against nonbinary inclusion in the trans community has used transphobic narratives to make their point. of course, no one should force all nonbinary people to identify with the word trans specifically (or binary people for that matter), but we all need to understand that that's what being nonbinary fundamentally is.

when laws are passed against nonbinary people, it's because they're trans. when they're disrespected for being nonbinary, it's for being transgender. when there's no space for them in society besides cringe compilations and jokes, that's happening to them because they are trans people. when people refuse to believe that their gender is nonbinary, it's because they are a part of the transgender community. the people doing these things to them are transphobic and they see nonbinary people as super [t slur]s. they are threatened by even the mere suggestion that there's more than 2 options because all forms of transness threaten cissexism and heteronormativity, even the entire concept of gender. you could say that they are phobic, even. ya know, of the transition. from binary to nonbinary.

if another trans person tells you that you don't count, that what you go through is disqualified just because you're nonbinary, it's because they're suffering from a severe case of internalized transphobia (as well as ignorance of trans history, ideology, gender theory, and purpose). they need too much help themselves to stand by you, do not engage with them. you are not taking from the community by increasing the demand for rights, support, and resources, that's not how supply and demand works. there is no limit to how many types of people can receive kindness because respect for other people is a renewable resource. in fact, if more people ask for more rights and respect and put effort into facilitating that acceptance for others, it's way more likely to increase the level of joy in the world. it's like a collective pursuit of happiness, and everyone will be better off working together.

also, if you're wondering how a person, even a binary one, who would usually be considered trans could not identify as trans (in a non-transphobic way), all you have to do is go "lol no" and boom. not trans. just think "I'm transgender to YOU" and "am I transgender? no, it's the cis people who are trans, identifying as made-up genders and shit," and there you go. welcome to cis manhood, womanhood, and/or nonbinaryhood. as Ms. Frizzle would say, "take chances, make mistakes, get messy!" it is the "do what you want the rules are fake and baseless anyway" community after all

Esper says happy pride to you mutants and aliens out there!

“Goodbyes hurt don’t they…Uno?”

change of plans! The reversed Judgement is underway and the first chapter will be released in a few weeks!

Happy one year to my last account! Yea Ik it’s late but still! 🤷🏻✨

Hello everyone! This is my first post here so I’m still trying to figure out how this works but yea I’m somewhat an artist but otherwise have a good day!✨

I went from being Pansexual, to Pan/ace, and now Cupid-romantic and asexual.

But for gender I went from She/her to gender fluid, then He/him now he/they leaning towards nonbinary

Everyone introduce yourself by what you thought your OG queer identity was and what you currently identify as

Ill go first: hi I was bisexual now I’m a pansexual aroace

since mrs, ms, and mr are all descended from the latin word magister, i propose the gender neutral version should be mg, short for "mage"