That Hurt - Blog Posts

"I tried to be like a father to you, Luciel." V's eyes, more cloudy with each passing day, are sad.

Saeyoung's eyes, in contrast, are hard and cold. He hopes that V has enough sight left to see the hatred in them, blazing like hellfire. He feels a sort of twisted satisfaction that it could be the last thing he sees with those once oh-so-honest eyes.

"Well," Saeyoung says, "we both know I've never had much luck with fathers."

The way I gasped has no name

What if Team Leader Lee Soo Hyuk also had a 0% mortality rate. And that's why, when Kim Roksoo saw his teammates continue to survive despite the dangers, and continue to persistently try get him to open up to them. He thought that maybe these people will not leave. They won't die, and they won't turn away from him. So he thought it was okay to open up, it's ok to allow himself to cherish these people.

And the moment he made up his mind about it, the whole team was wiped out.

They tried to move him, drag him away from the unmoving boy lying before Steve but he couldn't move. His legs numb beneath him as he sat there staring at the blood covering his tank top unsure if all of this was even real but eventually the sirens got closer and the fire began to spread far too close for comfort. That was when a fireman appeared urging him to get out, to leave before his lungs gave in to the smoke but Steve couldn't leave him to the flames. He deserved better than that so he stood up but before he could be ushered towards the exit he leaned down and lifted him into his arms.

His legs weak from exhaustion, his head aching from the drugs and injuries but he walked through the smoke. Through the blue emptiness with no one but the boy he loved curled into him as if he were just asleep. Nothing but the flashes of red and blue to lead the way until finally he felt the cool breeze of the night air and he stepped out of the Mall and the smoke, into the commotion going on in the parking lot.

No one rushed to him or took Billy from his arms. In fact no one even looked his way as more men rushed inside to put out the fire they had caused. For a moment he wondered if he was the dead one and if this was hell but even hell would not be so cruel. He lay Billy down on a stretcher and watched as he was loaded into the back of an ambulance, Max by his side. Not a word passed between them but a simple thank you from the girl who was grateful that he hadn't left him inside. Shock still in full affect until he walked through the door of his bedroom and felt the reality of it all come crashing down.

Billy was gone...

Why mother?

why did you tear me apart

when you should have kept me together ?

when you should have held me a bit closer ?

Why father ?

why did you pull me down

and drowned me in my tears

when you should have been my ladder ?

when you should have kept me warm under your wings ?

Why sister ?

why did you spat venom and killed me inside

when you should have been my pillar ?

when you should have hugged me tighter ?