The Hobbit Bilbo - Blog Posts

Well that was very nearing a BIG MISTAKE 💀

Okay since you guys think you’re funny(and you are) we had a tie before Beorn's and Erebor so this is the tie breaker

Reminder that this is for part two of Avenge the Living.

If you haven’t read it, please do I just fixed some types so it should be easier on the eyes (which reminds me I’m still looking for beta readers)

So Thorin and Bilbo tied the knot but Thorin never totally got over his dragon sickness and thus I present to you, a illustration I gave up on half way though of King-Consort under the mountain, Bilbo, Son of Belladonna.

Bilbo looks very pretty but very tired and haunted in his royal portrait. The consorts crown is definitely too heavy for his wee head. But Thorin likes his little consort in expensive and shiny things 😭

(I might rework/finish it later)

Hey is there anyone that would like to be a beta reader for me? I know a few people seem to like my stories and I have dyslexia so some corrections as well as feed back before posting would be awesome 😭

Okay quick poll for Avenge the Living chapter 2.

Where is Bilbo?

Hey so what if Bilbo fully just drove Sting up through Azogs chest on the Karak and that was the end of it?

I love time travel AUs so much so let me just…

Avenge the living.

Tw: graphic depictions of battle (very graphic)

Bilbo watched in horror as Thorin was flung across the outcrop like a rag doll, hitting the flat rock like a body on a sacrificial stone, at best he had the wind knocked out of him, at worst he’d have a broken back.

Last time this had all happened he’s managed to walk away but Bilbo honestly couldn’t remember if he had fallen like that before. He cringed and steeled himself.

In the black speech Azog summoned a minion almost his own size to behead Thorin.

Last time it had all been flailing, desperate chaos, this time Bilbo sucked in a deep breath and sprinting, sword forward and close to his side until the final moment where he thrust Sting up and in, somewhere between the orcs floating rib, he yanked upwards on the handle of the blade and heard the putrid popping and sloshing as he rended the side of his blade though the orcs central mass, all it could do was look shocked for two seconds before collapsing dead on top of the king. Bilbo hadn’t turned his sword to catch in the orcs ribs and easily pulled it free. It stunk of the guts it had just shorn through and Bilbo tried not to wretch, he didn’t have time, in two more seconds the company would decent and this would be Bilbos only chance.

He had to kill the white orc. Tonight.

When the fighting began Bilbo was glad to see that for the remainder of his last life what small amount of practice he had kept up with a blade had done him good and sting felt all to right in his hands so when he came nose to nose with the great Worg matriarch that Azog rode upon, Bilbo suprised even himself when he thrust his sword up, piercing the monster from the chin up into her brain, the beast didn’t even howl, she just crumbled, Azogs eyes went wide as he toppled.

The rest of the company continued to dispatch the remaining orcs and Bilbo knew it would be only seconds until the great eagles arrived. It didn’t matter. He had lived his life before and if it ended now it would have been a fine life, full of love and adventure and he would be remembered well.. So while Azog was still freeing himself from under his dead mount Bilbo charged, silent as the grave, leaping onto the Worgs side and propelling himself straight for Azog in what must have looked like a tackle. But he had to intention of grappling the monster, instead he blade shot out again, lower then he would have liked, somewhere around the orcs kidneys, Bilbo assumed. It didn’t matter, he turned the blade vertically and shoved hard and up, until the gash he made in the orcs side was large enough for his hands to regrettably follow the blade in.

Oh course it couldn’t be so easy. Azog was a great and terrible warrior and he would not go down without taking someone with him, his prosthetic blade stabbed deep into Bilbos chest.

Everything seemed to grow quiet and slow, Bilbos heart was all he could hear as he starred down at Azog as blood bubbled out of the orcs mouth and Bilbo actually smiled. He wasn’t sure if he said it or thought it but “For Thorin” where the last words to cross the hobbits mind before it all went black.

Lost in that darkness he was sure he could hear people calling his name. Maybe it was the elves, rousing him for tea.. or maybe it was young Frodo, trying to get him to carry on with what ever story he dozed off half way through.

“Bilbo!”

“Burglar!”

No one in Rivendale or the Shire had ever called him.. Burglar.. so where was he?

How I think the different races of middle earth deal with mental health:

Tw: mental health, brief mention of suicide, brief mention of alcohol misuse

Please don’t read this if it will negatively effect you in any way.

It’s not that important, nothing i post is ever as important as ur mental health, I’ll see you in the next post :)

Hobbits:

Wouldn’t dare to talk about it for fear of scandal, when someone yeets themselves from the mortal coil everyone else says they drowned fishing or ate a bad mushroom. Really really bad vibes.

Humans and numenoreans:

Trying trying okay? ‘Talk to a friend or family member’, ‘have you tried going for a walk’ ‘make sure you eat lots of healthy colorful vegetables to keep the good humors up’

They don’t know what they’re doing but they definitely know that drinking about it is an answer, perhaps not the correct one, but definitely one of the answers of all time.

Elves:

They love being depressed. Everything is so god damn depressing about elves and they love it.

Seriously, if they could by melancholy flavored ice cream they would *

Dwarves:

(Note: please exclude a Mister Thorin Oakenshield from this description)

Actually generally pretty good about it, they live in the dark a lot of the time and as such don’t get enough sun and know that that is a very real cause of a bad head space, they have a lot of access to minerals and cold weather plants that work well to treat depression and a large enough work force that if you need a few days off to right yourself no one bats an eye.

Ents:

So bad at communicating that they scared the hoes.*

Goblins:

Couldn’t articulate their emotions if they were offered a gold coin the size of a shire door. *

Orcs/Orks:

Will complain to each other openly but lack any empathy to retain what others say to them so it’s just a sea of whinging and whining.

**I will also put a red asterisk next to everything that applies to Thorin because it’s funny and I’m mean **

Bagginshield tumblr, your son is back. Dwobbit Frodo loses his second round of pebble teeth and Bilbo has a brain aneurysm

I will never understand why everyone including myself keeps drawing Bilbo looking so ancient.

That is a twink.. or a mouse.. the jury is still out on that.

Bilbo: *staring hard between Thorin and Kili*

Bilbo: *realizing they have the exact same number of brain cells* oh no.. He’s stupid

Thorin: what?

Bilbo: What??

Bilbo: *faffing around with Sting accidentally cuts some of his hair*

thorin:

I want more fanfiction about Bilbo and Thorin finding each other in the after life so please enjoy this

So that was it then. Death. It came. Collected Bilbos tired body, enshrouded him like a blanket of black satin. When it arrived there was no stopping it.

It felt as if he were back in the shire, watching every candle in his hobbitly home slowly burn down to the holder.

Bilbos eyes were already closed when he passed, hoping Frodo wouldn’t be too heart broken when he was found in the mourning.

Then, suddenly, as if the light were replaced and that satiny darkness pulled back he was no longer in the land of the elves. He was in a home… his home.

Bilbo sat, surprisingly himself with his own strength, he looked down at his hands and saw they were not the ones he had come to recognize at the end of his life.

Then came a knock and the door and as much as Bilbo was confused and disoriented he couldn’t leave a guest standing at his door.

When it swung open there were a number of people he expected to find. Belladonna, Bungo, even Gandalf seemed like a possibility but standing in his doorway, haloed by warm spring sun… he saw Thorin Oakenshield, though Bilbo swore the Dwarf looked younger then he had in his most closely kept memories.

“Master Burglar” The King said, the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile “I wondered when you would show up”

Right, first review

This fanfiction is in MP3 format and if you have some time to relax and enjoy your fan fiction being read to you PLEASE read this

There are, at this time, only two chapters available though as there are 6 more assigned to be completed I imagine they will be out in short order

Review

The style of writing is fantastic, the narration has a few minor mispronunciations but it’s honestly rather endearing and makes it feel a bit more light. (There is a point where they laugh at it had me giggling along with them)

At times I was tugging at my hair with frustration at bilbos obliviousness which I know will make it all the more worth it when he finally arrives at his destination. The suspense kept me hooked. Every character thus far has been so lovable and felt completely perfect as additions to Tolkiens works, I felt like I was seeing old friends again, like they belonged just as much as the company themselves. Not a single sentence in this story feels out of place. It is a well made path to a finale i am so excited to see.

This fic is a labour of love.

10/10, there are literally no notes, it’s a gem.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63007633/chapters/161362978

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63007633/chapters/161362978

Fili and kili are babysitting but Fili has a mind to call it ‘baby bothering’ as Kíli takes great joy is teasing and fibbing to his littlest cousin when big bad Thorin isn’t around to protect his dwobbit son from his nonsense. But Frodo has all of Bilbos smarts and Thorins temper and has caught on to Kili’s games and learnt some very colorful gestures in the process.

(Though he may have learnt that particular one from Bilbo)

A very silly wip

Follow me into the dark

Thorin and Bilbo are both good men but no good man is truly safe from a creeping irresistible greed.

I love them being kinda evil I’m sorry.

Will I ever fully render this? Maybe, depends how bored I get

Work in progress

Saw someone else doing their Thorin headcanons so here are my Bilbo ones:

-Bilbo treats fili and kili like they’re children, this pleased thorin very much as he also sees them as wee pebbles

-Bilbo scolds all the young members of the party and they all stand there with their heads down mumbling apologies

-Thorin is mildy disturbed by the power Bilbo wields and often wonders how someone so paternal is not yet a father

-when the party finds out Bilbos actual age the entire party dynamic implodes for about three hours while they try to figure who this adult looking baby is on a quest with them and why Gandalf would do this to a child.

-Bilbo has to stand on a rock and explain to them that he is nearing in middle aged and is in fact a very respectable adult hobbit and not a dwarven child

-Kili starts calling Bilbo ‘baby boggins’ but when Bilbo catches him he very quickly rescinds this nickname for the sake of his ears while Bilbo will often pinch when he acts up.

-Bilbo brushed Fili and Kilis hair regularly, especially right before they arrive in any town or settlement (He’s pretty sure Kíli hissed at him once tho)

-Bilbo consoles Kili who is, by dwarven standards a wee bit of an uggo that his is very attractive by human standards and he shouldn’t feel bad, stating that is he were more clean shaven and cut his hair he would make a handsome hobbit (Thorin is appalled and begs his stupid impressionable nephew to not cut his hair)

-Fili likes Bilbo brushing his hair, unlike kili and often closes his eyes and has a little nap while the hobbit works

-Bilbo is confused why he can’t rebraid the boys hair, stating he used to braid his female friends hair when he was a sprout and the whole company is appalled that their sweet hobbit is such a scandalous little thing, courting so many women

A little slice of a fic im working on

Post the Battle. It’s a nobody dies/everyone lives, Dw I wouldn’t hurt you all like that.

“How are you feeling, my boy?” Bilbo asked after a drawn out pause.

“Fucking terrible,” Kili groaned, his voice labored and raspy as though he wasn’t getting quit enough air, “Like I've been run over by an oliphant.”

“I'll bet… oh my bravest boys,” Bilbo heaved himself onto the bed edge and wrapped his arms around the raven-haired Durin son, “I was so scared. I thought I had lost all of you. Please don't ever scare me like this again. My heart can't take it, Kili, it really can't.” He wept.

Kili did his best to hug the hobbit to his side, his bruised fingers curling against the back of bilbos coat, the dwarfs somber expression made him look so much like his uncle that Bilbos' heart clenched painfully, and he hiccuped, holding the boy's bruised face in his hands “I am so proud of you” he kissed Kilis forehead.

Kili bumped his forehead against Bilbo’s in response, and they held there, sharing breath for a moment, eyes closed before Bilbo pulled away, gently pushing the boy's hair back out of his face. When Kili's eyes finally opened, they were glassy with tears.

“Please rest, my brave boys.” He reached down and pushed the hair out of Fili's sleeping face. They both suddenly looked so small in his eyes, so wounded and afraid.. it aches Bilbos heart, made his throat painful and tight and his eyes sting.

Kili sunk into the bed with a wince and rested his head against his brothers. Bilbo helped cover them up to their chests with a heavy fur blanket and kissed them again on the forehead, vowing to return as soon as they asked. Kili nodded, closing his eyes

Just reposting them as a set because they belong together <3

Biwbee my baby baby baby boy

I need to actually learn how to draw both him and thorin correctly so when I draw then as little goobers they still look right. I fee intimidated but I think I’m doing okay

Saw someone’s stolen art on temu today. I hope the person who made this somehow sees it and is able to draft a cease and desist.

If you know this artist please @ them. They deserve to know they’re being stolen from.

(Using the tags that will be most likely to find them sorry)

By the Valar I will keep making Bagginsheild art until I physically can’t anymore

Frodo, Thorin, fili and kili exist solely to bother Bilbo now that there is no war to wage.

They think three hours of training entitled then to scones (they’re right and Bilbo is making them some! )

More Lucky Prince AU thoughts

Frodo probably shaved his face when they return to the Shire to visit Bilbos family and Thorin and company probably have a small emotional break down every time.

this is so fucking cursed I love this so much

Follow up to this

(Also shoutout to my buddy @khazdmazerb for suggesting dwobbit Frodo to me <3)

"Farewell, Master Burglar. Go back to your books... and your armchair... Plant your trees, watch them grow..."