Ugh - Blog Posts

Currently consumed by unexplainable sadness

Me @ myself every morning: I need you to understand that work is vital to your survival, and you must get out of bed post haste

And yet I keep replying with "is survival really that important tho"

You know, I think the further we get into The Future the less I understand

And I'm not even talking about technology or medical advancements because that's a whole other thing

What I mean is

I legitimately cannot tell when things are satire anymore

Is this person just insane? Is it a joke? Do they need to see someone? Have they always been like this? Is it sarcasm?

It both shocks and horrifies me constantly

i feel like gregors roach traits could be read as allegories for PTSD/trauma. obviously the way he got them was a very traumatic experience, but i wanna focus on the war shit and the other genetically modified veterans we see. Like how he grows more buggy when he gets really stressed, and the more traumatized he gets the less physically human he becomes (because trauma dehumanizes you!!). and when he survives the war and tries to live a normalish life, the one thing that keeps it from happening is his cockroach arm. It won’t go away, even if he tries to cut it off, and it lashes out indiscriminately much to his scorn and resentment. like that scene in the subway where it attacks that woman seemed to be followed by mentions of the war and thoughts of it on greg’s part. I also think that the way gregor and all the other insectoid smoke war vets who turned to enkephalin (can’t say i blame them:( ) couldn’t get their lives back and were used and thrown away is like obvs a statement on how the govt/war machine/military industrial complex treats (disabled, but that’s another text post for another time) veterans. not to mention the fact that gregor explained they were operated on without their consent!! gregor and co are seen as disposable, disgusting insects who are less than human. i also think there’s something to be said about the fact that he’s a cockroach specifically. yes, they’re viewed as gross, disgusting pests but they’re also survivors. no matter how disgusting people think they are they don’t die in water and they can literally survive decapitation. also like the way trauma makes you feel so disgusting and tainted and like how your own mind and body don’t belong to you. he can’t look at him own arm/body without remembering that his own mother decided to surgically experiment on him… he consistently talks down on himself for being a roach human hybrid or whatever. he makes me so sad. the way other people treat him like he’s gross too like omfg it makes me sooo mad. he has endured so much dehumanization on so many different fronts :( i hope he has a good support system. anyways i like gregor hes a dilf cockroach milking

In the midst of this shit show, I’m taking it upon myself to come out (and be the most annoying queer person ever/j)

Hey y’all, let’s just get this over with

My name is Bark. I am a butch lesbian, and agender nonbinary. My pronouns are She/They, I am AFAB, and I exist.

I have had an up and down journey when it came to finding out my identity. At first, I was bisexual, then lesbian, then pan, then back to lesbian.

when it came to my gender, I was always a bit afraid to explore it. I’ve gone from being a trans man, to gender-fluid, to demi girl, to para girl, and eventually dropping the idea of figuring out what the hell was going on.

After lots of research and reflection (plus talking to fellow genderqueer people) I have finally come to the conclusion that I am Agender Nonbinary.

In my mind, the concept of gender identity and labels like “masc” and “fem” didn’t make a lot of sense to me. Why is it that doing ABC makes me masculine, therefore, I am (or want to be) a boy? Why does DEF make me feminine and girly?? What if I do ABE? What if I do DBC?? It’s makes no sense to me.

I have always felt comfortable in using She/They, but couldn’t think of a label to describe why I would use those pronouns. Not that I needed a why (and you shouldn’t feel like you need a why either) but having it provided a bit of closure for me.

That being said, I am PROUD of my identity. I am PROUD to be one of the millions of queer people out there in society. I am PROUD of WHO I AM and YOU CAN TAKE MY RIGHTS OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD, HANDS.

It’s kind of insane how nepeta was beaten to death with a club actually. Like that’s such a different death than the rest of the trolls. Eridan’s kills were with his fast acting long range murder laser like. They were over in a second he didn’t really have time to think! It was on reflex mostly! He himself dies to a chainsaw. Significantly closer range but just as fast acting. Equius was strangled and there is a certain disconnect that comes with that I think. Like sure it took a bit but it was basically like holding a pillow to a sleeping person’s face, he didn’t fight it. He let it happen. Nepeta had to have fought that had to be messy it had to have been arduous and time consuming because she would have gone down biting and scratching with everything she could manage. Like($($($;$; why did Gamzee do that. He liked Nepeta!!! they were friends!!! I don’t think she would have been afraid and I don’t think she would have begged. She would have gone down hissing and spitting. They were friends! I mean like. Can you imagine??? Beating someone to death while wearing the little friendship bracelet they made for you??? Oh and you’re both middle schoolers on a space rock that are about to die anyway. Jesus Christ

doesn’t everyone constantly feel like they’re acting. All the time

when i was a kid i always fantasized about grabbing romeo on the shoulders and asking him do you mean it? do you really feel it? is it sincere? is it? are you an act? are you feeling?

So. The Untamed yeah? 

Full View over on Pillowfort. 

(I really want to practice drawing them, but like...to many ideas, if anyone wants to throw an idea my way to help give me some specific ideas? (SFW or NSFW works))

That autistic / ADHD feel when you want to do… something.

Damn, I can't feel so sad and alone, like I've fallen into a well, I really want someone to be by my side.

Mitchell + smoking 

Pen companies that label their pens as 0.3 mm when they really mean 0.5 mm are pure evil