What Is Life - Blog Posts

BLah

I thought that I was really in love with you.

But, lately I found out that it was a temporary feeling. I never loved you. You've always left me disappointed, confused and obsessed.

Why obsessed?

Because, I have never loved you. I don't know you. I love the idea that I created of you. It's hard to realise it, in fact, I took too long to understand this. I could have ended everything since the beginning and I wouldn't have been here worrying about stupid feelings. I'm obsessed with the idea that I created of you. The you that doesn't exist. A dangerous guy, with anger issues that hates everyone except me.

And I told him: Look, I've been playing with you from the beginning and I don't love you.

I didn't talk to him from that day. But I think of him even if I don't know him. Does this have an explanation? Is there a philosopher who has got theories that are going to help me discover what I'm feeling? I've studied for years philosphy and psychology but I never seem to understand myself. I am a big mess.

I've went to different psychoanalysts but they found no way of comforting and helping me.

I've read thousands of books, specifically romance books, but do you know how bored they have made me? They annoy me now. But I continue reading them. They're full of fantasies and utopic worlds but I so believe them, I don't know how to get out of that illusion.

How do I turn off my reasoning and consciousness? I want to disappear. I want to be free. I want to live with someone that I truly love.

How do I learn how to love? Is there someone that teaches this? Are there theories or books that talk about this?

I want to know how to actually ,love someone with all my heart and to get to know that person for everything they have and possess and follow them till they die because that's what my mission needs to be. I want to be there for someone till the day I die. Is there a way to find this? Is there a way to believing in love? I'm desperate to know.

But you know what puts me in a crisis? That is understanding love. From what I've understood about myself, I am a person that views love as a love with violence and aggression, sacrificies and problems, imperfections and perfections, optimistic point of views and cosy touches, physical connection, spiritual connection, sexual touches, sweet words and harmful words that push you to hate the person you "love" and finally hating yourself for loving them.

How can I think this way? Who do I think I am? A goddess?

What if I got to know this guy and actually fell in love with him, what would really happen?

I would be desperate and heartbroken and hate myself for falling for somebody that I don't deserve and that I shouldn't waste my time with and not waste my life for neither energy. I would hate myself for falling for someone who isn't who I idealised. This is unacceptable.

I wanna be free. I wanna love someone and suffer forever. You know what I want to suffer because that's what I live for. That's how I've learnt to survive. I have been raised with violence and anger issues and problems. I need someone that treats me how I think he should treat me.

I don't know how my idealised man is. I have no idea how he is. I literally don't know. Like can you imagine that I wrote this whole story and bullshit for something that I don't really know or believe or think or reason about, oh my god I am truly crazy. I talk noonsense. I am a bullshiter and I accept it. Thank you for today.

K.M.

I dont know how I feel about this

Noooo in my world history class we read if WW1 was a bar fight, and someone made mistake of asking if there was a part 2 and we ended up listening to someone reading a hetalia fanfiction out loud for a solid 10 minutes

one od my fellow students just started explaining to our professor what a fan fiction is

i'm dying

Guys, I just had a great drarry fic idea. So I was watching The Greatest Showman right, and I thought that would be a great drarry AU. P. T. Barnum would be Harry:poor, orphan, great ambitions. Charity would obviously be Draco: blonde, come from old money but gives it up for Harry/Barnum. And Jenny Lind could be Ginny: redhead, loves Harry/Barnum, doesn’t come from much and then becomes famous.

This probably doesn’t make sense but it was just what popped into my head while watching the movie.

Does anyone know if a fic like this already exists? Or if someone would like to write it? Could someone please let me know? It would be greatly appreciated.

Anyways, thank you, and good night!

Bye :)

what if sex was excruciatingly painful, and childbirth was pleasurable.

#3, I choose you

The fear of failure, what a beautiful thing (not).

i call this one “mood”

Adam Gontier in “Better Place” video is how I handle my life right now.

Constantly trippin’, losin’ balance and fallin’.

what is life music video

in 2014, there was a contest for film-makers to make their own music video for What Is Life (one of George Harrison’s solo works), and the winner would be picked as the official video.

This isn’t the winner, but I thought it was really good, so I want people to see it.

Video was made by henrysorren

here is a screenshot preview of what it looks like.

Click the source link, and tumblr will redirect you to the video

or remove brackets

v1(.)genero(.)com/watch-video/39077/

Just some little doodles I made

Thought I'd post to show I'm still alive. Gonna be posting more sketches later.