Y/N: If You Had To Choose Between Steve And All The Money I Have In My Wallet, Which Would You Choose?

I relate to this on a whole new level…

Peter 1= Tom’s Peter

Peter 2= Tobey’s Peter

Peter 3= Andrew’s Peter

Peter 3: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves?

Peter 1: Milfs.

Peter 2: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves.

Peter 3 : Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for???

Y/N: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties.

Y/N: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago.

Peter 2: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck.

Peter 3 : WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK—

Peter 3 : I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY!

Y/N: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries?

Peter 1: What? No! It isn't!

Y/N: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME!

Peter 2: Y/N...

Y/N: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION!

Peter 2: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you.

Y/N: PETER 3 , DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION!

Peter 3 : The word milf has been ruined for me.

Peter 1: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS!

Peter 2: Y'all are dumbasses.

Y/N: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

Peter: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

Loki: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

Peter: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Peter: Croissants: dropped

Bucky: Road: works ahead

Loki: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Y/N: Shavacado: fre

Steve:

Steve, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Bucky: I hate to to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.

Y/N & Steve:

Y/N: Was it Steve?

Peter, randomly: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

Y/N: *gasps* OH MY GOD SAME!

The Avengers, watching with concern for their youngest members:

Peter: DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS!?

Y/N: I THINK WE DID! QUICK WHO, ON THE TEAM, IS THE HOTTEST MAN THAT YOU WOULD, WITHOUT A DOUBT, LET RAIL YOU!? ON THE THE COUNT OF THREE!

Peter: One…

Y/N: Two…

Peter: THREE!

Peter and Y/N, in unison: LOKI!!!

The Avengers, gasping in shock and muttering: what the fuck!?

Loki sitting there, confused as to what the word ‘rail’ meant, but still with a smug and cocky af grin:

Peter: Do you want to go up to my room and blast ‘I’m a Gummy Bear’ just to annoy the hell out of the tower!?

Y/N, scoffing playfully: Who doesn’t!?

The Avengers, sitting around the room, watching their two youngest members run off, still in shock as well as concern:

The Avengers having realized what you guys were about to do, groaning in sync:

Loki, sitting there, thinking: What does this ‘rail’ mean?

Tony, facepalming: I don’t think we should tell you…

Loki:

Loki, arubtly standing from his place on an arm chair: Very well. I shall go use this ‘Internet’ the two younglings have taught me to use.

The Avengers sitting in comfortable silence for a moment before realizing what Loki was going to do, and shouting: LOKI! NO!!!

Sweet Caroline

A/N- This is my first imagine so please be patient, I am trying my best but I've only ever written full stories or Incorrect Quotes. But there is a first for everything, right?

Fem!OC x Avengers(Platonic)

Fem!OC x TwinBrother!PeterParker

All the Avengers excluding Celia and Peter Parker were in the lounge area, talking when suddenly music started blaring from the floor above them. Tony knew what was going on and leaned back in his chair with a hand over his face and a roll of his eyes. Noticing this, Stephen Strange, cocked an eyebrow curiously over at the Genuis, Billionaire, Playboy, who simply huffed before answering. "I tried sending Celia and Peter to bed." He spoke, answering vaguely much to the Teams annoyance. As the music continued to blare, muffled voices can be heard in the room directly above them, which happened to be the Twins room. Tony tried giving them separate rooms but the twins always ended up in the same room. After interrogating them, Tony came upon the answer of which they've shared a room since they moved in with their Aunt and Uncle, and of which after having their Uncle shot right in front of their faces, they find comfort in each other to make the nightmares go away. Tony understood completely where they were coming from and ended up combining two of the rooms to make one big one by knocking down the wall in between the once separate rooms.

Upon further listening, the team realized that the song playing was Sweet Caroline from Neil Diamond and of course, their curiosity gets the best of them. One by one, the team went to the floor above them to listen better. Once everyone, including Tony, was upstairs, listening at the end of the hallway, by the elevator, they do admit, that it was worth coming upstairs. As soon as Tony, the last person to come upstairs, set foot on the floor, all they heard was Celia and Peter singing, "Sweet Caroline! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Steve was absolutely and utterly horrified at the young kids language, while Nat, Loki, and Bucky were smirking. Tony just huffed in annoyance, mouthing "Every. Night." Sam and Wanda were smiling trying to bite back their laughter. Stephen Strange and Thor's eyes were sparkling in amusement, with a slight lift of the corners of their mouths. Bruce and Clint were gaping in pure shock at never hearing such foul language from the two babies of the team, Pietro was silently howling in laughter and Vision was off to the side wondering what the hell was going on.

Upon coming back to the lounge, all they heard was a sound of glass shattering. Suddenly, FRIDAY spoke up. "Miss and Mr. Parker wish to apologize for breaking a lamp in their room. They promise to at least try and be careful next time." FRIDAY had said. "But they can't promise it won't happen again." FRIDAY had quickly added. The Avengers apart from Tony laughed at Tony's disgruntled expression. "Their lucky I love them." Tony muttered with a sigh before plopping back down on his armchair. The rest of the team shared a laugh before going back to their original seats just like Tony had done, while upstairs, Peter and Celia were in their assigned beds, letting each others sound of breathing and heart thumping inside the others chest, lull them to sleep, knowing that their other half and best friend were safe.

Thor: I put the pun in punishment.

Ned: I put the top in unstoppable.

Peter: I put the cute in execute.

Y/N: I put the sexy in dyslexia.

MJ: I put the ass in class.

Loki: I put the D in Y/N.

Sam: There's a spider! Quick!

Bucky: *grabbing rolled-up newspaper* Where? Where?

Sam: Right ahead of me! Get him! Get him!

Peter: Hey- What?

Sam: There it is! There it is!

Bucky: *smacks Peter*

*The squad over at Steve’s house*

Thor: Ohhh, we each get our own oven?

Steve: …N-No…

Steve, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Thor, motioning to the kitchen: Three, I thought!

Bruce: I see a—

Steve, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Thor: Oh, well I—

Steve: Hey wait, wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Steve, amazed: It’s got a bake setting!

Clint: Ohoho, you learn something new everyday!

Tony: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Steve: Now I’ve just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don’t need to roshambo nothin!

Steve: I am someone who owns four ovens…

Steve, louder and way too happy: I am someone… who owns FOUR OVENS…

Steve: I didn’t know I was so rich with ovens…

Natasha, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Steve:

Thor: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Steve:

Steve, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS