Bun Puns

So yesterday my grandparents found a big box of old 78s that they’ve had in an attic for years, and wanted me to transfer them to CDs. Most were in pretty great shape, no cracks and few scratches. Lots of 1930s sweet/hot jazz, British big band & swing and a few Decca classical ones. This one had its label peeled/scratched off on the a side, on the reverse was a Parlophone march.

90% sure by playing it it’s unleashed some kind of 70 year old curse.

Fetch! 

where in nhs hits the husband jackpot and he’s even more shameless about it than wei wuxian 

Day 11 "Sparring"

me, pointing to directions for a lab: i can't read this!!! i'm illiterate!!!

my friend: didn't you finish a 500 page book in a day once?

me: my past does not define me.

My best friend’s best friend

I love my class it's so chaotic.

Our substitute Maths teacher is leaving at the end of next week (we've had him since the beginning of the year) and we want to buy him something. So a guy went to the mall to buy a chocolate box at the chocolate shop.

Dude: The chocolate shop is closed.

Me: It must not be considered as an essential shop.

Girl: I think the Fnac (multimedia store) is open.

Me: THAT counts as essential?

Guy: it is. I don't know why though.

Girl: We could buy him an Xbox game.

Guy: Why tf?

Me: we don't even know whether he has an Xbox.

Girl: yes we do.

Me: How???

Girl: someone found his wedding gift list on the internet a while ago.

An other guy: A game is a good idea.

Girl: It will last longer than food.

A third guy: It's on his wedding list but we don't know whether he has one.

Fourth guy: wait how did we find his wedding list?

Third guy: We could buy him the Xbox itself.

Girl, replying to fourth guy: well, you're the computer science expert

Third guy: there's a difference between computer science and stalking people.

Second guy: didn't he need a couch too?

meow meows

part two! ✌🏻

There must be at least someone in the south that think of them as lovers, build a temple based on that idea. There is no way no one ships them