Latest Posts by countthefighters - Page 6

i say idgaf and then im still dreaming about my childhood best friend

Everyday is a loop I’m tweaking

And I’m too stagnant to do anything about it

Whatever we ball

The love will come when it’s meant to The love will come when it’s meant to The love will come when it’s meant to The love will come when it’s meant to The love will come when it’s meant to The love will come when it’s meant to

Oops

on the blr instead of locking in for finals

The only thing keeping me motivated to finish my finals is the promise of a sweet, passionate kiss between me and my Peach Dreams dispo after the fact

God made me a trans man because he knew I’d be too powerful as a butch lesbian

yearned so hard i don't even know what i desire anymore

primal wanting save me desperation save me hunger for passion save me

on the blr instead of locking in for finals

what the hell brah

You know how to love someone, but you don't know how to believe that someone loves you, and that is your tragedy.

I want people to talk to me soooo bad

I hope I make everyone in my life feel wanted and heard

I hope I am someone people feel they can lean on

Often times we when we are enamored, we are blinded by our rose tinted lenses, but you must remember: You cannot fabricate someone else’s love for you. When you cut someone open looking for something you won’t find, all you get is blood.

running from my own life now

i'm really turning some time

looking up to the sky for something

i may never find

aphex twin

Does anyone else feel like they can’t have a conversation without making the person uncomfortable at some point because you lowkey make everything sad

Being sad is sooo exhausting I’m losing HP by the second

I want my hair played with so bad bro it’s literally a wanting from within

*stomping out cigarette*

Only I can prevent forest fires

I have seen very few movies that are able to display grief so despairingly accurate, and as beautifully as Aftersun. And the most incredible part, is that all of the emotions and experiences the movie centers around remain unspoken, yet are blindingly prominent. After doing a google search or two, I discovered that Aftersun was based on the director, Charlotte Wells’ life, and that allowed me to see this movie in a different light; especially considering her father passed when she was sixteen, and I lost my father at fifteen.

While the movie never makes it explicitly clear what happens to Calum at the end, we can assume the vacation with Sofie was the last time she saw her father. Especially considering the ending, with the song “Under Pressure” playing in background while Sofie and Calum dance. I would also like to point out that towards the end of the dance, David Bowie’s part comes to an end with the lyrics, “this is our last dance” repeating while the scene fades out. While we don’t see anything explicitly sinister on screen, there are persistent undertones of dread and melancholy, as well as innocence and nostalgia.

This movie is nothing short of heartbreaking, yet it is also remarkably beautiful. The cinematography captures the world through the eyes of a child perfectly, and every single shot is so thought out and human. Because of how intimate the cinematography is, it feels like the audience is in Sofie’s memories as well. I love how this movie walks you through the dynamic of Sofie and Calum’s relationship not only emotionally, but visually as well. Despite Calum’s mistakes, his love for his daughter never needed to be questioned. Though, we can infer that Calum feels guilty for Sofie’s emotional turmoil. In the scene where Sofie is laying on the bed describing what sounds like symptoms of depression, she asks Calum if he feels the same way, the camera returns to the bathroom where we then see Calum spit in the mirror. That scene reminded me of my own father, and the subtle nod to Calum’s guilt was absolutely incredible. Not to mention both actors, Paul Mescal and Frankie Corio were nothing short of incredible. Their performance felt so incredibly real.

Aftersun felt like a dream in the best and worst ways possible. An unspoken longing for the past, and the persistent grief and depression that follows. This movie genuinely holds such a special place in my heart. Absolutely magnificent.

Grief is such a peculiar phenomenon. It truly alters every single aspect of your life. I don’t think there’s any part of my life that was left untouched by my grief.

I truly lost touch with reality after my parents passed. And I believed for a long time that my parents were gone, dragged back into the earth with words left unspoken, and nightmares put to rest; but as time has escaped me, I have been disproven. My parents may be ash now, but I see them everyday in myself. It’s horrifying, and sometimes beautiful. All of my life I’ve been told I act and look just like my father, and while that remains true, my mother’s venom has snuck its way into my behavior. I constantly feel like I’m fulfilling their doomed prophecies for myself now that they’re gone.

But I know that it doesn’t have to be that way. I know I can change and I need to allow myself to sit with this, instead of running and running and running. I am so tired, and I need to stop giving up on myself. I may lick my wounds like my dad, and I may carry my mother’s temper, but I don’t have to *be* them. I can be better. I hope I will be better.

This ended up on Pinterest what the eff

you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try you can’t outrun grief no matter how hard you try

Thinking about how when I woke up from a nightmare in a friend’s bed I wasn’t scared. Usually I wake up in cold sweat fearing god. Friends are so magical, they don’t even have to say anything to make you feel better sometimes.

I love my friends so much. How blessed am I to have people who choose me again and again despite not sharing my blood. I hope I get to choose them again and again forever, too.

I have a confession:

I hate being in my room all the time. I want to be anywhere else but here. Selfishly, I wish people would invite me over more often. I want to sleep in any other bed but my own. But it doesn’t make too much of a difference, my bad dreams follow me no matter where I go, I suppose it just feels less lonely.

I am wasting every second I have on earth and I don’t know how to make my life worth anything when everything happens so fast

I just hope there are people who are actually enjoying their Christmas

Did a tarot reading the other day and it basically said my love life is doomed. I know at the end of the day it’s just cards but there was this one part that hurt me so bad I haven’t stopped thinking about it. When I pulled for the far future it said that if I have a family it will be doomed and I will repeat the same patterns my parents did.

I don’t know why it’s stuck in my head. It’s such a silly thing to get emotional over. But what if I do want a family and I just end up hurting them? What if I build a life just for it to crumble because of my self destructive tendencies? I come from a long line of people who didn’t know how to love each other, why would I be any different?

I feel like there is absolutely nothing in store for me.

I hate Christmas