I Don't Understand Why Fanon Always Has Jason So Upset About His Memorial In The Cave. That Shit Is Metal.

This is the chaos I'm here for damnit. I wanna eat this as a long form, slow burn, multi-chapter, identity porn fic because it'd be delicious.

I've had this idea rotating in my head for a while about a specific scenario in a universe where nobody is ever clued in on the fact that the bats are related. They just assume that Robin, Red Robin, Red Hood, Nightwing, and everybody else just coincidentally happens to be Gotham (+Bludhaven) based like Batman is.

Do me a favor and imagine the aftermath of some stage five hall hands on deck crisis where everyone and their team has to gather for debriefing and for medical care. Everybody shows up with their respective teams, Nightwing with his Titans, Red Robin with the old members of YJ, Red Hood with the Outlaws, Batman with the JL ect ect.

Everyone is super tired from the battle and none of them are even given a moment to breathe before Red Hood and Red Robin start beefing on sight. Before anybody can even think to intervene, Nightwing, Orphan, Spoiler, Robin, and Signal join in and they all just start bickering at one another.

Everybody thinks they're about to fight. Like seriously start hashing it out. Thing is, YJ are RR's ride or dies. If RR starts fighting Nightwing then the YJ are gonna fight Nightwing. And then the titans are gonna fight the YJ because those are Nightwing's ride or dies. Same goes for all the teams and their respective leaders.

Everyone looks across the room going, "Am I gonna have to fight you? Man, I don't wanna fight you." They could not wanna fight because of the prior battle, out of respect for their potential opponents, or because they know that opponent would whoop their ass. But they'll still do it because that's their leader.

Eventually all of them stop their bickering, suspending the room in tense silence, as they stare each other down. Everybody is bracing themselves for the first punch and the JL is preparing to break up the fight, but instead the silence is broken by all of the birds turning their heads in one direction and yelling, "Daaaaaaddd!"

The room is dead silent enough that everyone can hear Batman's exhausted sigh echo through the room before it's followed by, "You're all grounded."

Can confirm, actual home video of me. Don't judge, I was a young thing back then.

Bet You Love Cat With a String. I’ll Raise That Bet With a Cougar with a String.

Mark Twain was such a weird guy and I respect him so deeply for it

No notes, just joy

Thinking back to this panel, I think Tim has an opportunity to be the biggest little shit if truth serum gets involved.

Villain: With that truth serum flowing through Batman's little sidekick's veins, he will have no choice but to reveal the bat's deepest secrets.

Tim (as Robin): So whatever I say now will have to be accepted as the truth, no matter what?

Villain: Yes, because you have no other options.

Tim:

Tim: Batman called me dad once.

Casual Life Update:

Remember that cat my grandparents stole a few months ago? His name is Dos. Because he was part of a litter of 4 kittens. So they were named Uno, Dos, Tres, and Kevin, because the neighbors couldn't remember Quatro.

Grandma calls him Do-si-do and he follows her around when she takes care of her chickens.

I've been thinking about my farmer grandparents a lot lately, about the people they knew and the lives they've lived. About how American culture has changed so much in their lifetimes. About how Grandma had to leave her schooling to help support her family after her mother died of cancer. About how teachers would often lock my Grandfather out of their classrooms when he was excused for religious services and they'd humiliate him in front of his peers before letting him back in.

About how a lot of people - especially in these Internet spaces - see them now, as old farm folk, and dismiss them as uneducated. As stereotypes and caricatures to be derided. Without a word to them, people will assume them to be of no use, to be able to contribute nothing of value by their experiences, and capable of no grand thoughts.

It's a bitter taste to recognize, hypocrisy.

I think about how my Grandma insists that everyone should write at least one book in their lifetime. She has books of short stories, books of poems, books of essays, books of local recipes collected by the women's societies in the area. So many of them are self-published and freely given to her by her friends and family. I love that she can pick each one up and tell me about the author and how she, and I by way of her, is connected to this person whose thoughts are inked on cheap paper.

She has her own book almost ready to go. It's full of little poems and daily devotions, letters to people who are no longer around to receive them. It scares me, because she had been in my life for so very long and I do not want to trust her to my faulty, frail memory.

I HAVE SPENT. TOO LONG. TRYING TO WORD THIS PROMPT PROPERLY.

Seriously, I have three drafts and one of them is basically me just writing the fic myself...

By the time Jason is ready to be legally revived as a Wayne, the world - and Gotham, in particular - is NOT going to accept the excuse of a coma or amnesia. What they ARE going to accept is the excuse:

"Batman's cult-themed enemies used magic and science to raise me from the dead to use me as a way to stop Brucie Wayne from funding him. But I'm a bad Gotham bitch and I escaped my Rogue Origin Story. Also they cloned me, and that's why the Red Hood gets away with so much - Bruce is trying to adopt him, too, but Batman kinda has dibs on morally dubious antiheroes, so there's a custody fight."

"Yeah, they aged Hood up and planted him in Gotham before I made it home. It took me awhile, I was dodging assassins! No, he didn't know he was a clone until we met by accident when he rescued me from a mugging and turning it into a kidnapping. Yeah, the cult messed with his memories; we spent like four days going over everything."

"No, I've never subbed in as his body double, I'm traumatized by my narrow escape from supervillainy. Yes, we keep in touch."

DC world is used to weird shit by now; one guy dipping out of the enforced supervillain arc a cult planned for him would be mildly remarkable. Maybe he'd go on the Daily Show or give a few interviews about the experience.

(Art is by the amazing @dahtwitchi. This is a freeform collab with no real goal)

Madara snarls, just barely stopping himself from wrenching Tobirama's foot away from his face, still very mindful of how he himself would react if this was his Tobi. What the actual fuck?

"I don't have a goddamn problem with blindness; I have a problem with you hurting yourself, you idiot! We all saw what happened to your arms when you took the seals off, and you said yourself that wounds don't always heal correctly. Being blind doesn't matter!" He grits his teeth and risks a glance at his Tobi, who seems to be coming out of subspace as a result of the wildly flowing chakra.

Madara clamps down on his own, forcing it under his control. The youngest one is still under and that...that's probably for the best right now. His Tobi can keep him safe, using his own chakra to block out the aggression coming from the rest of them. He speaks more carefully, lowering his voice to a more acceptable level.

"Fuck. Just. Fine. If you're into hurting like that...you know your limits. I just didn't expect you to start unsealing old wounds all of a sudden. I didn't even know those were seals; Tobi's are just tattoos."

The youngest Madara seems amazingly uncomfortable, but he nods along. He wonders if this Tobirama had lost his sight to the same people who had scarred his Tobirama's face and the thought makes something burn in his chest.

((Edited content: @dahtwitchi))

[gvTobi realizes there has been a failure to communicate; SugarTobis were not blind from birth like he was.]

[gvMadara changes the subject via felating gvTobi's fingers. It's super effective!]

((Return to: @donkoogrr))

"Nooo?" SugarMadara sits back on his heels. "You are...it doesn't hurt you, then?"

Embarrassment tries to take a hold of him and a red flush makes its way over his face. He isn't sure why; he had had a perfectly logical reason for thinking that this Tobirama had been wounded.

He looks over at his boy apologetically and winces. His Tobi has had a history of subdrop when brought out unexpectedly and...he seems to be holding it together for his younger self's sake. Madara knows that look, though, recognizes the tightness around the eyes and the way he's curling in on himself.

He reaches out to wave him and his other self in closer as the oldest Madara very effectively distracts his Tobirama.

"Hey, Tobi, it's okay now, come a little closer; I Want to give you a good show. I bet that younger you is wanting to watch, too. How about you let him rut against you while we give you something pretty to look at?"

Hello, yes, I'd like to slam the entire 22 Redwall novels by Brian Jacques down onto the counter and then add several picture books, recipe books, and supplemental mini-series.

I would like to look the Internet at large in the eye when I say the following.

These books are an excellent way to see cruel people from their own points of view just as you can see the kind and heroic people's perspectives. It might royally piss you off, even, to realize that you have motivations in common with a scoundrel. That you will have sympathy for the power-hungry murderer. That you might mourn for a monster even as you're so glad the monster is dead.

And you're going to love these characters. You're going to love the camaraderie and the jokes and the squabbling. The coming-of-age stories and the parents seeking to protect their children. You're going to cry so fucking hard at some point, guaranteed, and it's going to feel so cleansing.

Also! Brian Jacques wrote these books with massive feasts and was particularly descriptive about taste. This is because he often volunteered to read to blind kids and became frustrated with how so many books relied on visual descriptions, so he made it a point to focus on a different sense.

I think every single book worm had that series that got them through shitty teenage years. For me that series was Tigers Curse by Colleen Houck. The series quite literly was my source of hope and joy during my early teen years. Was my lifeline. It's definitely YA and a little cringe to read as an adult but it's like a found friend that holds nothing but fond memories💙🖤.

What was your hard time book series?

"win a MMORPG" is from when my brother was showing me the Sword Art Online Abridged series. Apparently, everyone is trapped in the video game until someone 'wins' and the crowd of players were like "??? My evil dude, do you even know what this game IS??? There is no winning."

I loved your tags, btw. And yes, I imagine Dick would make a point to check in with Tim about him and his friends, and maybe put out some feelers to the adults in the other kids' lives to check in.

I think Tim and Dick would both want to keep a familial relationship with each other and they'd both be the type to put in the effort. It wouldn't be the same relationship, but that's the thing! That's normal! Sibling relationships change as people grow up and no longer live so closely together. Like everything else in life, it takes work.

I wonder how much of the Young Justice run files would Dick have had access to at the time they were occurring? Does he know about Gun Batman, Santa's death, and that time Empress killed Jason Todd, or did Tim just file that paperwork and never bring it up? Maybe Young Justice in general is a sore point between Tim and Dick because it was YJ's inexperience that got Donna killed.

I fully believe in the Suicide Pact tho. If one of them can't be talked down, or brought back to sanity, or contained from becoming their worst nightmares, the other three will take them out and it will destroy them all to do it. "If your last act is for us to have your blood on our hands, then your hands will be just as bloody. We go together, bitches. Mutual assured destruction."

I don't remember whether canon revealed Tim's specific Hit List contingencies or not, I lost that comic book awhile ago.

So I'd like to make shit up and invite people to add to the list. I've said before that I like to imagine that Damian just found the Hit List file and saw himself and immediately went to Nightwing, and I think it'd be funny if the Hit List was actually either A) Tim's customized playlists for everyone or B) the stupidest plans that might work as a mockery of Batman's contingency list.

In this episode I want to focus on option B, what would be on the Stupid Plans List if someone goes evil.

Damian - erase his Cheese Viking saves. Tell him his sketches of Batman are technically furry art. Buy him Robux???

Dick - lead him to Gotham zoo, get him to the elephants. Strategically leave powdered sedatives on ground, hope he licks? Dress as Jaybin, talk him down as hallucination.

Jason - just cut my own throat this time fuck.

Bruce - call Clark. Call Diana.

Cass - aw shit here we go again

Steph - Join. As a treat.

Cassie, Kon, Bart - all else fails, Core Four Suicide Pact 👍

Ra's - tell him I'll be his heir if he wins an MMORPG of my choice. Maybe he'll forget to Lazarus bathe?