Latest Posts by dr-axolotl-ataraxis - Page 7

I warned you.

About 15 years ago, I had a minor moment of Internet fame when I wrote a lengthy essay series on LiveJournal called "Christians in the Hand of an Angry God." In it, I argued that right-wing evangelical "Christianity" was literally Satanic by scriptural standards, was literally the cult of anti-Christ that Jesus prophesied in Matthew 25:31-46, that they were literally worshiping a made-up guy with the same name to justify cruelty, just like Jesus predicted they would the week before the crucifixion.

And at least half of the people who read it and praised it called it excellent satire. They saw my point, thought I was onto something, but couldn't take seriously that I literally meant what I literally said.

"Do not commit the sin of empathy."

Jesus' prophesy that these people were coming was not especially miraculous, in hindsight. No philosophy or theological movement becomes a large organized church, let alone a majority faith of a nation, without needing rich people's money, and/or government funding, to pay for it all.

And rich people in general, and right-wing governments in general, get to be the way they are by believing that the poor and the down-trodden can never be shown anything but cruelty, should never be rewarded, or else they'll lose all motivation to obey, to work hard, to be good. (By contrast, they believe that the same thing would happen to rich, powerful, popular people if they were ever punished in any way, if they were ever anything but rewarded.)

And rich people and governments are not going to subsidize your church foundation funds, your church repair funds, et cetera if you tell them that they're evil. But someone definitely will come along and offer to take that money. The people who take that money and conform won't even all be lying psychopaths; if you truly believe that your organization matters, is doing irreplaceable good in the world, you'll sacrifice any principle of your faith to keep the bills paid, you'll look away from or excuse any sin. It's that or see it all shrink and crumble into irrelevance.

I've come to the conclusion that it may not actually be possible to be a good person while practicing the majority faith of the land you live in. Or, if it is possible, well, like the man said, "straight is the gate and narrow is the way, and few there be that find it."

The Episcopal Church has its own legacy of sin, they've long overlooked a laundry list of crimes to pay their own bills, so don't rush to congratulate a mainline bishop for preaching mainline Christianity or take too much pleasure from Trump and his fascist followers being surprised that that happened. But do remember this:

From the mid-1970s to the present, right-wing billionaires have poured a LOT of money into church expansion and maintenance conditional on them distorting the Bible's teachings to make it appear that Jesus was pro-fascist. "To deceive, if it were possible, the very elect." So when honest theologians tell you that this is literally anti-Christ, literally checks every box in the Bible's description of the future cult of anti-Christ, you need to hear us.

The modern book and movie image of "the Antichrist" was a well-funded propaganda campaign to distract you from the plain language of the scriptures. The biblical anti-Christ is not some socialist liberal peacenik. The biblical anti-Christ is everyone who tells you that Jesus wants you to be cruel to "the least of these, my brethren" so that they'll straighten up and fly right.

any more unhinged and i’d be writing a manifesto tbh

If BABA is president, what is trans rights?

TRANS RIGHTS IS HUMAN RIGHTS AND WIN

BABA HATE A I

ELON IS DUMB

"1/10 people are named Georg" factoid is actually statistical error. Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg Georg

yet more amazing work from the woke mob

the woke mob has turned santa clause TRANSGENDER and now he fills your stocking with ARTISANAL PICKLES and CHEESES instead of TOYS. Parents across the GLOBE are actually REALLY STOKED about charcuterie stockings, as the prices of FINE CHEESES and whatnot have SKYROCKETED.

variations on "feel old yet" meme:

lying (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 36 years ago

lying (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 7 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 900 years ago

lying by a ridiculous amount (undershooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 15 minutes ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 118 years ago

real date of event no one reading was alive for or cares about: feel old yet? prince frederick henry died 395 years ago

event no one reading was alive for and also lying: feel old yet? the great san francisco earthquake happened 4 years ago

event that did not happen: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 48 years ago

event that did not happen and even if it did this would be a lie: feel old yet? brian mulroney was assassinated 197 years ago

real date of event on a cosmological scale: feel old yet? the sun was formed 4,600,000,000 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (undershooting): feel old yet? the sun was formed 12 years ago

lying on a cosmological scale (overshooting): feel old yet? the first episode of spongebob aired 12,000,000,000 years ago

real date of a personal anecdote that only you know or card about: feel old yet? i made a really good stir fry 5 years ago

reversal: feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 3 years

reversal on a cosmological scale: feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about event): feel young yet? the first episode of spongebob will air in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, overshooting): feel young yet? frozen 3 is coming out in 8,000,000,000 years

reversal (lying about time, undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 3 years

reversal (lying about time, really undershooting): feel young yet? the sun will collapse in 12 minutes

real date of a recurring event that wasn't very long ago: feel old yet? halloween was 13 days ago

lying about recurring event: feel old yet? halloween was 10,000 years ago

reversal of recurring event: feel young yet? thursday is tomorrow

reversal of personal anecdote: feel young yet? my laundry is done in 52 minutes

real(?) date of a nonspecific event: feel old yet? something happened 2 years ago

lying about the reader (undershooting): feel old yet? you were born 5 years ago

lying about the reader (overshooting): feel old yet? you were born 650 years ago

making a reasonable guess about the reader: feel old yet? you were born 22 years ago

technically telling the truth about the reader: feel old yet? you were born between 0 and 120 years ago

threatening the reader: feel young yet? you will die in 7 days

non sequitur: feel old yet? half of all chameleon species on earth live in madagascar

non sequitur (lying): feel old yet? chameleons are immune to fire

lying on several levels: feel old yet? chameleons were invented 36 years ago

self-reference: feel old yet? i started writing this post 40 minutes ago

giving up: feel old yyet?th e emmenkr,tn dbw a 8 gn m hk\

i can't finish the joke someone else come up with a punchline: feel old yet?

declarative statement: you feel old.

subversive declarative statement: time isn't even real.

reference another meme: feel old yet? yeah. this is the beach that makes you old.

reference another meme specifically about injecting non sequiturs into long posts: feel old yet? the glue that lets you walk up and down anything was invented 36 years ago

me: computer, imagine a triangle.

computer: no sweat man. im doing it.

me: ok, now imagine another one.

computer: psh, sure. i can handle two triangles.

me: ok, now imagine another one.

computer: you know it.

[several hours later]

me: can you imagine another one?

computer, starting to sweat now: yeah. yeah, i can.

me: how about you stop “scrolling” your “dash” and start dashing to deliver me scrolls

my useless apprentice: why do you pay the homunculus more than me

inspired by the scariest words my dm has ever said to me and the subsequent coolest (AND SCARIEST) scene of my life

Accidentally bought my cat cantrip instead of catnip and now she’s casting eldritch blast at me from the overlook of her cat tree while demanding wet food only

She's going to use every hair of dem ears to continue to not listen to you.

| :/ | That’s me falling toward a spike | | pit, with kind of an air of irritation |↑↑↑↑↑↑| about it. Sighh

Number 18 of the Close Encounters Collection, "Smug"!

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like to charge, reblog to cast

due to an evil child's christmas wish there will be a colossal sandstorm that destroys the world this year instead of santa

in absolute tears about the pride module at my work