Why.... Why Can I See This Happening?

The Robins are all, by nature and upbringing, independent and self-reliant. They want to prove that they can handle their own bad guy, even without Batman. And most of the time, they can.

Every now and then, though, there’s a bad guy who gets a lucky hit in, or times a hostage-taking situation just right. And Robin, instead of being terrified, gets to sit back and watch the beauty of a pissed-off Batman come in and take over.

Sometimes, pure joy isn’t drop kicking a bad guy in the face. Sometimes, pure joy is standing there and watching Batman introduce the guy’s face to seventeen new surfaces all in a row. It’s watching as the hand that hit you gets broken into a dozen pieces. It’s knowing that not only will Bruce handle this, he will make it hurt.

I was reading a reddit post about a guy who stole his friend’s cat because the friend was abusing it and just sneaking off with the cat in a bag one night, and now I’m thinking about a Batfamily who keeps “kidnapping” random cats while on patrol/cases and then coming back to the Cave with an irate cat wrapped up in their belt’s emergency blanket, hissing and biting and trying to kill everyone (even Damian the animal whisperer) which is a long way of saying Bruce has to make some mildly awkward calls to Selina at least a couple times a month. Selina, for her part, looks forward to coming over and scooping up the kitties and lecturing whichever kid was responsible this time for being “so rough” to her “little angel” (there is no way to kidnap an abused cat quickly, quietly, AND gently, but they don’t need to know that) (Selina is secretly very grateful they have a policy to do this and she thinks it makes Bruce seem pretty DILFy)

I kinda really want a de-aged au where Jason “No More Dead Robins” Todd has to deal with all his brothers when they were first joining the Bat/Wayne family and has to try (and consistently fail) to keep them from becoming Robin. 

Like there’s some random magic user who casts a spell for [hand wave plot necessitated reason here] and Jason is just chillin doing his Red Hood thing, but when the spell starts to take affect, Bruce is off world on some League mission so Jason ends up having to handle it all on his own.

First to show up is Dick. Or rather, tiny, grieving, baby Dick. Jason’s first surprise is that baby!Dick isn’t the cheerful, happy, carefree kid Jason always assumed he had to be. No, tiny Dick is angry. He’s bitter and snappish and hell bent on finding—and killing—his parents’ murderer. At first Jason is selfishly pleased to find out Golden Boy wasn’t quite so golden after all and encourages getting vengeance, take that, Bruce! This only lasts like a day, though, because Jason realizes, feelings about the One Rule and his personal moral code aside, encouraging a nine year old to kill is seriously messed up. 

So Jason’s next step his to take Dick back to his second favorite safe house and tell him to stay put while he tracks down whatever/whoever did this to Nightwing and fix it. 

This plan hits a snag because guess what tiny, nine year old Dick does not do? Tiny Dick does not believe Jason when he says he’s his brother from the future. Tiny Dick doesn’t care if he is in the future. He’s still going to find his parents’ killer and end him. Some guy with a weird helmet isn’t going to stop him. Jason discovers this when he runs across tiny Dick leaping between buildings in Crime Alley while on patrol.

Jason drags him back to the safe house and locks all the doors and windows. He runs across tiny Dick again three blocks later. He returns Dick to the safe house. Dick is out again in less than an hour. How is this possible?! Jason is Bat and League trained, he knows how to secure a location, how can he not contain ONE (1) small circus child?!?!!

And yet. Dick keeps escaping. He has tentatively accepted that he isn’t in his time and his parents’ murderer isn’t around at this time for him to confront. But this has only led him to the conclusion that he needs to help Jason fix this so he can go back to him own time and get his revenge. No, Jason cannot stop him.

(Really. Jason can not stop him. Jason is starting to wonder if the creation of Robin was much less Batman taking on a child solider as his partner and much more a desperate attempt to keep eyes on an insane child escape artist.)

Then baby Tim shows up.

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small httyd animation i made for class! (with sfx)

I can see this happening tbh

Batman has a very specific code that's on everyone's communicator that he warns the JL to 'Never tap into it unless I'm indisposed and the world is 2 seconds away from ending'

Fast forward a few years and batman is knocked out cold and the world is 2 seconds away from ending when one JL member rmbers batman's 'very important do not tap unless absolutely necessary' button

So obviously the JL taps it expecting some god or smth and who else picks up but a woman who's simultaneously yelling commands,tapping aggressively at what they assume to be a keyboard and calmly telling them that she's Oracle,that she's already linked every person on the battlefield's comms to the 'batfamily comms'(direct wording) and that she's sending reinforcements as they speak

Then,while the JL is still in shock,Red Hood the fucking drug lord lands beside them and starts shooting up enemies,Nightwing is futher back backflipping,Red Robin is doing his shit

A mysterious black cowled girl pops up beside them and starts gently telling(ordering) them to specific parts of the battlefield(Hal gets so spooked he screams),a fully purple girl is beating enemies up next to them,a guy in neon yellow is punting enemies to the ground.

And some random ass 10 y/o is screaming bloody murder as he incapcitates enemies thrice his size

This scene makes me crack up so hard. Did either of them help when Jason got to work doing this? Did Gordon look over at Cass (who seems to have entered some depressive meditative funk) and wonder if this was normal for them based on her total lack of reaction?

Did Jason ask one of them if Joker's dangling corpse was centred right while he attached him?

Bruce Wayne Adoption Scale

Danger Level 1: Do I need to call Talia/Is it a clone? Danger Level 2: Imminent Adoption/Alfred, call the guy! Danger Level 3: Gentle Assimilation/It’s not an abduction, I promise! Danger Level 4: MINE!! Danger Level 5: If anything happened to [insert adoptee name here], I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

:)

Bruce: Why pouting?

Clark: You had a kid and you didn't tell me.

Bruce: I had plenty of kids. You need to be more specific.

Clark: You had a kid of your own, and you didn't tell me.

Bruce: Are you making differences between bio kids and adopted kids? 'Cause I have some big news for you, alien boy.

Clark: You had a son with Talia al Ghul.

Bruce: Listen, it was an accident-

Clark: Are you telling me you just happened to get Talia al Ghul pregnant?

Bruce: You knocked up Lois!

Clark: We were engaged? She's not my arch-enemy?? I didn't keep it from you???

Bruce: Hey, cut me some slacks! I was a bit shocked! I mean, how would you react if you found out to have a secret child with Lex Luthor?!

Clark: *nervous laugh*

Bruce: ???

Clark: What an odd choice of words...

(BRB gonna use this dialogue in my Superbat WIP)

Demons arriving in Gotham: Finally! A place above earth that is cursed enough! This is perfect! Nothing can-

Jason Todd, whose body is full of concentrated Magical Waters: *walks into the 7/11*

Demons: *immediately disintegrate*

Jason: Huh. Anyway, one coffee and the meatball sub, please

The cashier, who just saw all the other customers in the shop turn into dust: Just take them