:)

Iconic Brucie Wayne Lines:

“It’s good luck to spill a little with martinis.” — said right before spilling his entire cosmo in Lex Luthor’s lap

“Can I take this for my son?” — said about anything, including crime scene evidence, but said so charmingly that 80% of people just let him take whatever he’s holding

“Sorry I’m on the Bluetooth.” — said while gesturing to an ear that definitely does not have an earpiece, usually mid-conversation at a party

“No yeah, they get walks every day.” — said about his kids, no one can ever 100% tell if he’s joking

no guys wait u dont understand she really doesnt care about him at all she swears

Jason doesn't get to announce his revival dramatically because Talia decides to be petty (she is her father's daughter, alright) and randomly sends Jason's photo with little Damian to Bruce in a random Monday.

Bruce: (minding his business)

Talia, messaging in the middle of the day: Beloved. Look at our beautiful sons.

Talia: (sends a photo of Jason reading little Damian a book while he drools)

Bruce, with his eye twitching: IS THAT JASON?

Bruce: SONS?

Bruce: TALIA?

Talia, turning her phone to Jason: A family photoshoot would ruin him completely. I'm just saying.

Jason, staring at the screen: ...

Jason: Call Ra's. We are doing the sweetest family photoshoot this world had ever seen. I need the old man to get a stroke.

Talia: ...I sense like I made some mistake here.

They ship printed photos of this photoshoot directly to Wayne Manor in the various copies. Jason brings little Damian to his father in a few weeks and announces that he himself will stay only for a short amount of time before returning to "grandpa Ra's." Bruce locks up all doors and forbids anyone from leaving it. .

Penelope: What kind of things did you do?

Odysseus proceeds to lay out all he did without lying and asks an important: Would you love me again, I'm not the man you knew?

Penelope: Did you... Did you sleep with specific women? I'm kind of cool if you did, eh.

Odysseus: I got trapped on an island with this crazy woman and she wouldn't let me leave. My moves weren't my own, she was a goddess and basically female Zeus... I was scared everyday and almost killed myself numerous times just to be home.

Penelope (thinking): Oh my Gods he's being completely honest with me. I actually have the best man for this time period.

After bed scene...

Penelope: Twenty years ain't nothing, we still young. Want to go out on a first date?

Odysseus (tears flowing): Yes... I would like that very much.

Aphrodite: I'm not crying, you are!

Ares (eating popcorn): I kind of am.

On the role of Alfred, as understood by the JLA:

Robin!Dick: "It's pretty much Alfie that calls all the shots, sets my bed time and Batman's."

----

Red Hood: "It's like a Charlie's angels situation."

----

Red Robin, before going against League orders: "The boss? You mean like, Alfred? No I haven't asked him yet."

----

Spoiler: "You really want to be late for the dinner? Alfred won't be happy."

Bruce: *closes computer* "We'll finish this up some other time."

JLA: *confused*

----

Clark, after Bruce gets severely injured: "Oh God, Alfred’s going to kill me."

Hal: "Relax, what's he even going to do? You're bullet proof."

Clark, groaning and sitting down, head in hands: "That's not going to stop him."

Oliver: "Say the word, and I'll get you on an island not found on any map."

Hal: ???

I lied. Put your clothes back on. We're going to talk about how Batman was not meant to be "vengeance" but "compassion", and how his character has been twisted through the decades that now people thinks he is supposed to be vengeance, which harms his character.

(See how here, Batman becomes a figure of vengeance from grieving Robin? Batman being vengeance is when he is at his lowest, like when Jason died, but he isn't supposed to be vengeance most of the time. Also, this is Dick.)

(And Alfred explaining Bruce is motivated by compassion not revenge.)

I think every Batkid who puts on the cowl to cover for Bruce embarrassingly undergoes the rite of passage of

a) accidentally forgetting to compensate for the ears and nearly getting taken out by door frames

b) voice crack:

Gordon: "Alright, which one of you is under there? You know what, don't answer that-" downs blood pressure meds "-just don't say anything."

Batman:...

Gordon: "Perfect."

Ah.... yeah that's ummmm yeah

The gasp I just gusped upon remembering that Dick was not mentally in a good place right before Damian died, and Damian knew it. So then for Damian to come back to life and to be told that Dick is dead... I can only imagine what his initial assumption must have been.

No like, fr though. Jet is such an asshole during that arc especially when you think about the context of accusing someone with a Burn Scar of being a firebender, I'm surprised nobody tried else to kick his ass

Jet from atla is so funny bc like, he's fighting zuko and taunting him being like "bet you wanna use some fire instead of those swords, dont u fireboy" which is a funny thing to say to a guy who is clearly very eager to fight using swords

Dick, texting Wally: hey, patrol kinda boring tonight, do you want to play 20 questions?

Wally: yeah sure man, what's your favorite family meal?

Dick: triangles.

Dick: do you like boys?

Wally: yeah.... I... Came out to you first...

Dick: just checking. You free on Friday?

Wally: yeah?

Dick: good, I'll pick you up at 12. Bye.

Wally: ... Okay but our game? Hello??

Outside of the texts

Dick: I asked him out.

Barbara: saw, you technically didn't but better than you pinning for him all day. Good luck.

Dick: don't need it, I'm Dick Grayson, I got this.

Bruce: oh no, you don't, I said the same thing, you're gonna fail bud.

Dick, looks at Bruce funny: you are bad a pep talks.

Allen-west house hold

Wally: MOMMA HOW DO I KNOW HE ASKED ME OUT OR NOT!?

Iris, from the kitchen: WHAT THE TEXT SAY SWEETHEART?

Wally: IT SAYS "good, I'll pick you up at 12"!

Iris: HE'S TAKING YOU OUT ON A DATE BUT SHY A OUT IT! DRESS CASUAL.

Wally: THANKS MOMMA!

Barry: WHY NOBODY YELLING FOR ME FOR DATING ADVICE!

Wally: BECAUSE MOMMA FLIRTERD WITH YOU THE WHOLE TIME AND YOU WERE STUCK IN YOUR OWN HEAD, I NEED HELP NOT MORE PROBLEMS AND QUESTIONS!

Barry:

Barry: FAIR, ALSO WHY ARE YOU YELLING FROM YOUR BEDROOM YOU COULD HAVE SPEED DOWN HERE!

Wally: BECAUSE I'M EMBARRASSED!