I Think Every Batkid Who Puts On The Cowl To Cover For Bruce Embarrassingly Undergoes The Rite Of Passage

We all know the Superman meme of the destroyed Building behind him… Well this game me this idea! It started when Danny got the power to repair objects as well as people. And as Amity Park didn't get much property damage, Danny couldn't really train his new power! So he asked Clockwork to help, which the old ghost did. In the best way he can. The next thing Danny knew, he was in a destroyed city! Yes, he can try his new powers! Healing and fixing property damage!

After Danny fixed the city, he was teleported back by Clockwork back into the Ghost zone.

From Gotham, Metropolis, Coast City, and similar places he visited by teleportation, he saved people and animals and healed them! From forest fires to natural disasters to violent attacks of villains.

Barbara had no idea how much she and her father James cried as she stood up and could suddenly walk. After she met the Meta boy while on the street, he pointed his blue glowing hand at her. Arkham had much fewer inmates too, as few were cured too. Mr. Frieze and his wife Nora, Warren White had no idea what to say, Harvey Dent was crying out of joy, Killer Coc could change now between humans and Croc, and Clayface got a cure to be back to normal, Man Bat too was back a human. Danny had saved them passively, as they were near him as he fixed the city. Victor gave the boy diamonds as gift for it, so he has at least a bit of pocket money.

Lex got his hair back and was cured of his cancer; he needs the boy. That he fixed up his Building with him and his employees inside was part of it too.

+ All the cities are fighting each other to get the tiny new Meta Boy! They need him! VERY MUCH!

Yknow how lions will sometimes pretend that their cubs' biting hurts and stuff as a form of encouragement

Imagine that but like

Robin!Dick: *bap*

Bruce: *dramatically throws himself into a shelf*

Headcanon that Jim Gordon used to think Dick’s real name was just Robin. It’s not an unusual name honestly, and there’s nothing particularly bird about his outfit, so Gordon thought nothing more about it when they first met.

Gordon: “Uh, kid, this is a crime scene-“

Dick, hands on his hips (and no pants):“My name is Robin!”

Gordon catches Batman’s frown and assumes it’s because Robin isn’t being careful enough about his name.

But time goes on and no one finds out where the kid lives, so Gordon lets it slide. He’s a cute kid, if a little intense, but it’s fun to watch him grow up with Barbara (yes, he knows about batgirl. Yes, he chewed Batman out for it but decided to ultimately ignore it like everything else).

But then a new Robin comes in. This is a kid again, not a full adult like he was a year ago.

Gordon: “Hey, Batman? What happened to Robin?”

Batman: “This is Robin.” He sounds so unbothered, like he doesn’t realize this is a completely different kid!

Gordon’s concern for this half-mad vigilante skyrockets. Batman has convinced himself that this kid is the same as the first. He’s going through it and the mental gymnastics are more than Gordon can take.

So, he lets it go.

But then that Robin disappears and Batman’s acting up. Nightwing shows up a few times and it never really helps things. Gordon’s getting more headaches than smoke breaks and at this point, he’s really to pull the plug on this whole bat business.

But then Robin comes back again and Gordon’s has it. He confronts this kid, fully prepared to push through whatever gaslighting’s been happening, only for Tim to look at him like he’s stupid.

Gordon: “Kid, who are you really? Because the Robin I met graduated collage years ago and the one after that is dead!”

Tim, with the most judge mental look physically possible: “Commissioner…Robin’s my hero name.”

Gordon: “…Your hero name?”

Tim: “Yeah. I’m Robin, like the bird. Batman and Robin. Heroes. Why would I go around using my real name? That would be stupid and dangerous.”

And Gordon has to call off for the rest of the day, he’s so pissed.

dadwave

I really need more stuff on some Joker Junior angst, along with Jason finding out about Joker Junior. Even better if you wanna pull in the whole Red Hood (Joker/Jason) Attacking Robin (Jason/Tim), both times when Robin was 15 years old and was supposed to be with someone/somewhere safe.

Hmm... I agree that more content about that would be fabulous. I especially love JJ fanart (there's some really cool ones on TikTok).

Fuck it. Here we go:

TW: torture, Joker Junior, violence, blood, flashback, dissociation, derealization, hallucinating(?)

Tim hands fly to his throat in a desperate attempt to rub away the urge to giggle. He's biting his lips hard enough to bleed in order to prevent them from twisting into a panicked grin.

He's pinned to the floor by a man using one of Joker's alias.

Just like old times, eh?

A snicker slips out at that, which only seems to enrage the man in red.

"Something funny, Placeholder?" The voice modulator in the helmet does nothing to hide the clear disdain and wrath curling through Red Hood. His grip tightens over his holsters, but he doesn't pull them out quite yet. The crimson helmet just glares down at Robin.

Red, red, red. He'd look so much better in Green.

Fuck. Note to self, Tim. JJ likes Red Hood.

Robin locks his face down at this revelation to keep a calm facade. He could try to dislodge the knives holding him hostage, but not with the perpetrator towering over him like this. "Nope. My bad, Hood. Got a little distracted. Where were we?"

The crime lord takes a few steps forward until he's next to the trapped bird. Somehow, he makes even the action squatting appear menacing. "This is the part where I torture you. Where I cut off a little bird's wings so you'll never fly again. Maybe then, B will learn."

Robin watches as Hood draws another knife. The crime lord twirls the blade between his fingers and tilts his head. There's a considering glint evident in his body language.

In a sick mockery of comfort, Red Hood trails the knife down Robin's cheek. It's too close to Joker's signs of "affection" after a round of shock treatment.

Junior shudders.

The leather jacket starts to morph into a lavender lounge coat and Tim blinks rapidly to clear his vision.

A sigh of relief escapes his lips when he's able to see Red Hood again.

The crime lord pauses. He tilts his head once more. Tim can feel the gaze studying him, but he's not sure why. He can't tell if the man is genuinely curious or if he's inspecting Robin like a bug trapped in plexiglass.

When the knife leaves his skin, Tim feels his shoulders lose an inch of tension.

"Don't get too comfortable. I've got a few questions before I snap your legs."

Tim can feel a jolt of pain flash through his legs at the claim. He grimaces at the notion of months off field.

Hood leans back onto his heels, fortunately giving the younger teen some space. It doesn't seem intentional, but it's better.

"You've been Robin for two years now?"

When Tim initially refuses to acknowledge the question, Hood raises the knife. Robin sighs and gives a nod.

The man hums and brings the hilt of the knife to his chin. The weird thinking pose blares an alarm in Tim's brain, but he can't quite piece together where he's seen it before.

"About eight months ago, the clown disappeared."

Phantom feelings of electricity run through Tim's body. His muscles twitch under the memory.

Red Hood leans closer. "Where is he?"

Tim can hear -

"You know better than that, Junior. Where's the smile for your old man?"

A desperate giggle bubbles up Tim's throat.

"Come on, son. You wouldn't want to make your mother sad, would you?"

Joker leans over Tim Junior with a wicked grin. He grips a blade and gestures to Junior's lips. "Do you want your dear old Dad to teach you to smile? Again?"

Junior shakes his head frantically as trembling lips split open in a facsimile of a smile. The motion pulls at his stitches scars.

Scars?

That's not-

Junior's smile starts to fall.

Red Hood Joker crosses his arms. "What the fuck are you smiling at?"

Junior still has a smile on his face (it can't drop), but his eyebrows furrow. "Dad?"

Joker flinches back.

Amethyst cloth flickers to bronze leather and then back again. Forest green hair morphs into a cherry red helmet. Junior watches it peer behind its shoulder before Joker's face turns back to him.

"Batman isn't here."

A cackle erupts from Junior's lips and dissolves into a fit of giggles. Joker peers at Tim Junior in confused horror. The kid turns his head more towards the man. A smile stretches and pulls the corner of his lips, highlighting the faint scars.

Junior Tim hears the man take a startled breath in.

"Batsy isn't Dad. Dad-"

Tim frowns as his gaze drifts away from the man. "I killed Dad. He's dead."

He pouts exaggeratedly before Junior dissolves into a fit of giggles. "Bam!" Both of his hands point an imaginary gun Red Hood's Joker's way. "Bam! Bam!" The hands recoil back as if actually shooting the man.

Tears start to stream down Junior's Tim's face. He fights to bring his lips away from a grin.

"Fuck." He's still grining. "Fuck!"

Red Hood, the cause of all of this, is just staring at Tim. He's observing the teen try to bring himself back to sanity inch by stupid fucking inch.

Tim's eyes dart around the room. He takes a deep breath in and, on the exhale, list something he sees. "Chair. Blender. Staff. Kni-"

Several more deep breaths in and out as he ignores all the knives in the room. "Light. Jacket. Cape. Couch. Lemon. Counter."

His hands paw at his utility breath as he keeps breathing. He grasps one of the sour candies and works on opening the wrapper. He pops it into his mouth and continues the breath exercise.

Red Hood is silent as he watches Robin pull himself back into reality.

It takes several more minutes before Robin's breaths return to normal. He lays there looking at the ceiling absolutely drained and done with this whole situation.

Finally, Tim turns his gaze to the crime lord.

"Can you just kill me already or get the fuck out?"

Red Hood responds by pulling off his helmet.

Tim blinks. Sighs. Then starts up his grounding techniques again.

The justice league sees Batman periodically updating a database of his, at the oddest of times, and naturally they think it's got something to do with his contingency plans or a dataset about the Gotham rogues, but in reality it's just him keeping record of his many children's changing tastes

Superman: Woah, he's writing down with such concentration, wonder what could be in there, maybe a new villain in Gotham?

Bruce, writing: "Dick has refused his favourite Pb&J five mornings in a row. Delete from favourites. Ask for new favourite food."

"Jason didn't seem as Eager to read the new book by his favourite author, put it in neutral category."

"Tim chose a green shirt instead of a red one at the mall today. More research needed."

"Cass listened to arctic monkeys on repeat this week. Update to favourites."

"Duke expressed an interest in slam poetry and called band practice lame. Put poetry in favourites and band in neutral."

"Damian watched Bluey for a total of 50 hours this week. Update to favourites."

Tim gets back to Drake Manor really late one night early in his Robin career and finds the fridge empty. He doesn't have the energy to cook anything and decides to order a pizza.

The last thing he was expecting was for the delivery driver to be amnesiac Jason Todd, who got the job because he needed the money.

The last thing Jason expected on his last delivery of the night was for the customer to take the pizza, scream bloody murder, and then slam the door in his face.

Jason's a 10 while his boyfriend looks mid

In Gotham University where Jason is studying literature, while Danny is studying engineering. Nobody knew how they even met, but they both showed up one day going out with each other.

Nobody knew why exactly Jason, who is an absolutely beefcake, built like a fridge, was with a guy that totally looks like a loser. He was tinier than Jason - a complete twink-, he often gets up to run to the bathroom citing stomach problems, once you set him off about something, he'll never stop yapping about it.

So, one brave student went up to Jason and asked the question. Why him?

Jason just smirked and tilted his head at Danny.

"Open your mouth."

Danny does so obligingly in confusion. What he didn't know nor did he realise was that once he did, his features started to distort, looking more...not human.

His teeth were sharp and jagged, his mouth was like a gaping abyss, so dark that the only thing that you see was more and more teeth. His eyes took more of a green hue, skin turned paler, and his freckles shone like the stars.

Danny then rolled out his tongue, which came out long and serpentine, flicking it a bit before rolling it back into his mouth, becoming normal once more.

Jason gave a lovesick lustful look at him.

The student immediately understood and simply said 'Have a nice day', because they get why. Teratophilia is a thing, people.

Every time I see one of the “Bruce Wayne collects orphans” or “where does Batman get all these children???” jokes, I get this little ping in my head because, yes, it is a good joke, very funny, bonus points if it’s other characters trying and failing to combine Broody McBroodface with Tired DadTM. But also… 

I just can’t shake the conviction that no one is as baffled and bewildered by his ever increasing number of children than Bruce Wayne himself.

Like, this man clearly never intended to be a dad. He is Vengeance and Justice Committed to The Mission. Kids don’t factor into that. And to that point, it’s worth noting that none of his kids were premeditated. At no point has Bruce ever thought “maybe I want a(nother) kid.” They just sorta…happen. And not even in the usual way! (Mostly)

Like, Dick? Bruce wasn’t going “orphan shopping.” He went to the circus to to relax for once in his godforsaken life and wow, would you look at that, a vivid recreation of his own trauma and, oh, who’s this kid Batman keeps running into on patrol, wait, this is the same kid?! Whoops, I guess I’m raising this kid now, Alfred how do you raise a kid!?!

Jason? Yeah, Bruce was just doing his usual Batman thing when he ran into a homeless kid and somehow got too attached. Tim just showed up one day and said, “hi, I’m your kid now, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” (Really. you can’t stop me). Damien basically did the same thing, only with more stabbing. Cass…?? Stephanie????!!

(Bruce googling in the middle of the night: Is it normal to adopt your son’s ex-girlfriend?? Or did she adopt me??? Giving a kid an unlimited credit card and vigilante training counts as adoption, right??)

Point is, these kids just…show up, needing help, and somehow, for reasons that defy all logic, Bruce is the adult best equipped to help them. And yeah, Bruce never intended to adopt a kid (…or seven) and, no, he doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing, but these kids need him so he takes them in and does His Best because he’s the one who can. 

Which is all to say, I think we should see far more conversations re: Finding out Batman has approx. 5 million kids that go like this

Someone: What? Do crime-fighting orphans, just like…crawl out of the woodwork around you? Bruce, exasperated and visibly stressed: yeah, BASICALLY. 

wayne family adventures + text posts: batman edition

its my bisexual right to make superbat and batcat jokes in the same post. btw.

(batkids edition)

+bonus alfred (tw suicide joke)