Dadwave

What would buzzfeed unsolved look like in the dcu?

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’ll be discussing the mysterious case of Jason Todd.”

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Tim casually dropping bits of his traumatizing childhood lore on Red Hood(he knows its Jason, but Jason doesn’t know that yet)

but plays it off/alludes to it being Bruce and Dick that are treating him this way. And Jason believes him bc Tim sneaks off to see Jason all the time- which obvi makes the two of them very panicked when they realize he’s with the fucking Red Hood and thats their baby boy, which leads to get-your-ass-over-here-i-was-so-worried-you're-grounded yanks from bruce/dick, and that makes Jason think they’re like… awful+ he has pit madness so he’s not thinking straight and remembering the good parts of living with bruce and how he would never but anyway-

this eventually leads to Jason marching into the cave on Tim’s behalf… only to find, Bruce and Dick actually adore???? This tiny gremlin child??? Would literally die for him??? Are sooooooo fucking happy to learn its Jason, are like, really welcoming??? Love him??? Mourned him?????

And Jason is looking at Tim in confusion, and Tim is in the corner with his tablet and goes “haha. Nice. Horrified you back into the family, uwu” 

Anyway Tim is a chaos gremlin who deserves to force jason back into the family by making him truly horrified and want to raise tim on his own, which tim is not willing to do, so instead he has to co-parent him with bruce, which leads to reconciliation etc etc…

Bruce: You are grounded!

Jason (whole adult): You can't ground me!

Bruce: Grounded!

Jason: But I don't even live here!

Bruce turns Jason around and points to the stairs to his old room.

Bruce: The night, your room. Grounded!

Jason: This some bullshit!

Jason stomps upstairs and heads to his old room. A door slam is heard and then the sounds of random items being tossed around.

Bruce: He'll work it out his system. I'm going to bed.

Dick (looking at Tim confused and then Bruce as the man heads upstairs): Did you just ground a 23 year old?

Tim: And did it work?

Bruce: You forget I'm Batman.

I have this headcanon that Duke is like… the only person who can shit talk Damian to his face and everyone else is flabbergasted bc like- its damian, but Duke lives with the guy and actually has no chill, so Damian allows it because… Duke’s like… his closest brother because they live together.. like-

Damian: *scowling around at people at a very important social event* Dick: *trying to get him to smile* Duke: *flatly, snaps his fingers twice in Damian’s direction* Fix your face Critter Dick: *ready to hold Damian back if he attacks* Damian: *bats Duke’s hand away, but smooths out his expression and almost looks… normal* ~ Duke and Jason: *having a discussion* Damian: *walks in* D+J: *laugh* Damian: What am I missing? Duke: *without missing a beat* a few inches of height Jason: *agog* Damian: *rolls eyes* ~ Robin: I need to get to the top of that wall Signal: You do? Damn. Thats a shame. *whistles* Damian: *scowling* Duke: Do you have something to ask, short stack? Dick: *ready to intervene on Duke’s behalf* Damian: *through gritted teeth*  Could you help me up the wall, Signal? Please. Duke: *smirks. Yeets him up* Dick: *gagged* Bruce: *used to it, sighs*

VIGILANTES!!!!! WE WON!!!!!!!!

Divorced dads Optimus and Megatron have to spend Christmas together for their sons. Chaos ensues.

AU where bruce and co. (his entire hoarde of kids, even jason in disguise) are at a gala. And it's a really big gala, party of the year type of thing in Gotham, absolutely unmissable. And usually, even the rogues know that this night is off limits, so it's relatively safe. So, they're all at this gala, right?

And then the joker crashes it because he has no respect for Gotham traditions. Breaks in through a window, yada yada. He starts to go on this whole villain speech as per usual, and everyone is waiting for the heroes to come. But all the heroes are at the gala, in their civilian identities, with a thousand eyes on them. No one can reasonably slip away, except for maybe jason, who's already seething mad and ready to attack. But with the chaos and people trying to get away, all the exits are blocked, and his helmet is at home.

Bruce is at the front of the crowd, facing the Joker. Joker sees him and makes a comment about Jason, and goes on about how Bruce must've felt when his baby died. And then he brings up how he killed the little birdie too, just a few days before the terrorist attacks that allegedly killed Jason. And he mentions how much he tortured Robin before his death, and Bruce snaps.

He leaps forward, absolutely hammering the shit out of the joker. Beats him up so bad, no finesse or technique to it, just pure rage. His kids try to pull him off, to no avail. No one else even tries. By the end of it, by the time the police arrive, the joker is more blood than body, and Bruce has finally calmed down. Everyone is just staring at him in shock, understandably. (The joker ends up in hospital, paralysed and in a coma)

His kids all drag Bruce home and give him an entire lecture about his persona and how his cover has probably been blown. About excessive violence and how he refused to kill joker but then pulled this in public?? They're all worried about the fallout in the news the next day.

No one sleeps that night, for various reasons, but then when the newspaper comes out the next morning... there's just nothing bad written?? The headline is something about Bruce being a hero for saving everyone from the joker, but there's no other mention about Batman or anything else.

Turns out, no one in Gotham is surprised that Brucie Wayne, no 1 airhead, beat up the joker because "did you SEE him as a teenager?? We were all just glad when he came from his travels pretending to be stupid instead of picking fights with everyone. If anything, it's understandable that he snapped, I would too if a clown started bragging about killing my son." The only reason no one brought up his violent past is because they were worried he would revert back to that behaviour.

Joker would 100% do it for the vine

if jason todd were to start going round with a petition to make batman kill the joker i think he would have all of gotham on board within three days, and i also believe theres a 99% chance the joker would sign this petition himself, just to see how batman responds

jason: technically this isn't murder it's assisted suicide

bruce: what the fuck is happening right now why are you two together

jason: morbid curiosity

joker: just wanted to see what you'd do

Local baby bat upset that he cant simple punch his way out of every situation ends up making some new friends

I just wanted to draw baby Diana and baby Clark so heres baby Bruce from that role swap au making some friends by getting beat up (full au guide here)

When Sparkplug let it slip that she was a princess and also the daughter of one of the most notorious war mongers in history… Slipstream tried as hard as she could to get onto Sparks’s good side. Thankfully Sparkplug eventually found Slip charming in a way, and they eventually formed a strong friendship, breaking trends of the past.

Bee or King Vespae is trying his best to be taken seriously. However most people still see him as prince bumblebee, the little guy that would hide under his father’s cape, the same guy who’s still asking his mother to help him run things. Even as he tries to stay serious, figures from his past show up to make his job harder.