At Wayne Mannor

the thing is, if Bruce plays his cards right, he could get all of his kids in leadership and/or hereditary positions in all of the major superhero, vigilante, and business organizations in the world.

Damian - Head of the League of Assassins, hereditary title from his Mother and/or Grandfather.

Dick - Leader of the Titans, and then potentially the Justice League later. Head of WE’s fundraising arm briefly. Possible option for a politically appointed GCPD or BHPD position.

Tim - takes over as Leader of the Titans when Dick moves into the JL. Head of Wayne Industries/Enterprises/Etc. Influential person to Kon-El and Lex Luthor, by proxy.

Jason - Leader of various Gotham underground organizations, crime syndicates, anywhere in the Underworld that’s useful to Bruce.

Bruce: A memo from the Justice League.

Bruce, reading from a paper: Due to elevating cursing from the other heroes that we believe is coming from batfamily, we now are changing the way things are phrased.

Bruce, to Jason: “Ask me if I give a fuck” will be now “Of course I’m concerned.”

Jason:

Bruce, to Tim: “Who gives a shit?” is now “I wasn’t involved in that.”

Tim: *nods*

Bruce, to Stephanie: “Kiss my ass” is now “I don’t think you understand.”

Stephanie: Okay.

Bruce, to Dick: “Suck my dick” is now “Have a nice day.”

Dick:

Bruce, to Damian: And finally “Who the hell died and made you boss?” is now “You want me to take care of this?”

Damian: Yes, Father.

Duke: Bruce, you want me to write a reply email from you about this?

Bruce: Yes, please reply: “To the Justice League, of course I’m concerned. You want me to take care of this? While I wasn’t involved in that, I feel you should reverse these changes as I don’t think you understand. Have a nice day.”

The batkids: *snickering*

Alfred: That’s my boy.

Selina: I love you.

JJ/Tim probably can’t go do anything related to the joker because he’d probably still have guilt because his brain thinks joker is still his dad, but also because joker would be a huge tigger to Tim.

The other bats probably weren’t told anything on why Tim doesn’t deal with the joker babs and Bruce just told them straight up that Tim doesn’t deal with joker and that was that

Sometimes when Tim is like having an emotional breakdown he wants his dad just to be faced with the fact that his dad is joker and probably not someone he should go to when emotional

To add on, Tim gets confused about who his dad is. Is it Jack? Bruce? Joker?

He misses his dad, but from a combination of the torture, brainwashing, and multiple father figures, he can't tell exactly whonhis actual dad is. Joker tried to overwrite himself as Tim's dad instead of Jack, so Tim has a hard time grasping that he could have three father figures instead of one (not that said father figures were good, but that's the role they played in his life at some point [willingly or not]).

Tim ends up missing his dad, but not knowing who his dad actually is. This is similar to people who have homesickness but don't know where "home" is.

If you're doing a JJ AU (combining JJ with other timelines/canon events or even just forgaging canon for its parts), you could play around with these dynamics.

Is Bruce a good dad but Tim, in his confusion with Joker, doesn't truly trust him?

Are Bruce and Jack horrible fathers? Does this make Tim have three fathers who have all hurt or failed him?

Does Tim get the JJ treatment before or after he becomes Robin?

Does Bruce know (like in the OG story), or does Tim keep it hidden from even him?

JJ is such a cool (and angsty) premise.

Batfamily Beauty and the Beast AU where Bruce is the beast and with every child he adopts he becomes slightly more and more human.

He finds Dick in the woods, sobbing over the loss of his parents. A year later, he looks in the mirror and wonders if he's only imagining that he's gotten shorter.

Jason sneaks into the castle and steals a loaf of bread, hungry and desperate. Bruce takes him in and offers him a proper meal. As he's putting his new son to bed one night, he notices that his claws have shrunk.

Tim marches into the castle and demands Bruce take him, knowing the stories of the monster who kidnaps children. Bruce's snout feels flatter than it used to when he presses a kiss to his forehead.

Cassandra lasts a full two weeks before anyone even notices she's there. The fur on Bruce's arms begins to thin as he holds her close, and she smiles up at him.

Tim brings home Stephanie, who loudly insists that she does not need nor want a new father. His skin grows less leathery, and the beginnings of crows feet appear on the corners of his eyes.

Damian is brought to them by Talia, rigid and wary of everything, convinced of his birthright as the Bat's heir. The fangs in Bruce's mouth seem to smooth over as he learns to gentle his speech.

The day Duke joins the family, still reeling from the plague that claimed his parents, something clicks. Bruce steps out, and before them stands a perfectly human man, finally made whole by his love for his children.

....You know on one hand I didn't mean to imply that 'that' was what happened but at the same time that particular associate tends to flirt with everyone he sees that's over 18 so it is admittedly entire possible..... also explains why the poor man was so embarrassed

Hello again Chancellor,

I recently thought of something and wanted your opinion, as you are no doubt familiar with, the dragons of Tamriel all share the same basic body shape, slightly rounded body, long neck and tail, two legs and a pair of massive wings, however my associate, during one of his adventures came across a shrine to Peryite and noticed that the Daedric Prince is depicted as a dragon with FOUR legs, with the wings placed upon the back, any ideas as to why this is?

Side note. My associate (usually) makes a point to not touch things he doesn't understand, as per your and Chancellor Antony's caution, the (to my knowledge) one exception was when he overindulged and decided to mess with an object that ended up containing a rather annoyed Iron Atronach. I still don't know how that happened and I didn't bother asking, the poor man looked embarrassed enough but let's just say that was one of his less poor choices that night.

Well, the answer to your question is extraordinarily simple: Peryite is depicted as a six-limbed dragon, because on the (very few) occasions when a reliable eye-witness saw the Taskmaster and was in any shape to report back, the Daedric Prince took this form. But why it takes this particular form is a subject of a heated debate among the scholars of daedric matters... at least when they remember that Paryite should be considered.

My personal theory is that half of the red-tape process is in Paryite's domain and it wants to actually hold a quill in suitable claws.

As for your associate... A balm of aloe vera does wonders on burns in sensitive areas.

Junior turns on his heels, a manic grin spread wide accross his cheeks. Scars of a grotesque smile pull in a permanent mimicry of happiness as a hysterical giggle filters through his lips.

"What do you get, when the Sun disappears?"

The captured Kryptonian blinks, "what?"

JJ's grin grows impossibly wider, "A dead Super."

Superman gulps.

Looks are exchanged amongst the league and bats, confusion marring the gazes of all but one- Batman, who watches the proceedings with a sense of dreaded resignation.

"Hello, JJ."

Joker Junior grins delightedly, "Hello Batsy!"

"JJ, what are you doing here? Could you take your pills- or at least give control back to Tim, please?"

JJ merely smiles in response, before turning to Nightwing, arms swinging widely at his side as he does. "Nighty Nighty, what do you get, When a birdie leaves the nest?"

Nightwing frowns in confusion. "What, Tim?- what's going on?" JJ giggles in response. "Wrong!!! Nighty Nighty when the birdie takes flighty, does he find accused insanity. Nighty Nighty do you like reality?" Nightwing stares, befuddled, into Tim’s manic gaze. "Tim-"

"Nuh-uh. I'm fronting now. You wanted insanity and now your wish came true- turn that frown, upside down!! Daddy does so love a smile. He cut one for me, see?" At the words, Tim gestures to his scarred face.

The assembled (captured) heroes only manage to stare in confused horror as Bruce closes his eyes in resignation.

"Junior,"

"Yes Batsy?"

"Could you let us go?"

Junior hummed, peering at Batman for a moment, before grinning again, body moving in a mockery of a fluttering bird, "What do you get, when packaged is insanity?"

Bruce looks at him helplessly, "I don't know. What?"

JJ's grin takes an increasingly sinister edge, "a birthday present." Bruce winces in response. "Ah."

A confused Green Lantern cuts in, "Bats? What's he on about?"

Bruce grunts, shifts, and then sighs. Regret tinges his voice as he speaks. "It appears... Junior is taking revenge on Tim's behalf."

Junior cackles. "Batsy, Batsy. Theres a nugget of thought after all- you should drip it till it falls..."

Batman has a very specific code that's on everyone's communicator that he warns the JL to 'Never tap into it unless I'm indisposed and the world is 2 seconds away from ending'

Fast forward a few years and batman is knocked out cold and the world is 2 seconds away from ending when one JL member rmbers batman's 'very important do not tap unless absolutely necessary' button

So obviously the JL taps it expecting some god or smth and who else picks up but a woman who's simultaneously yelling commands,tapping aggressively at what they assume to be a keyboard and calmly telling them that she's Oracle,that she's already linked every person on the battlefield's comms to the 'batfamily comms'(direct wording) and that she's sending reinforcements as they speak

Then,while the JL is still in shock,Red Hood the fucking drug lord lands beside them and starts shooting up enemies,Nightwing is futher back backflipping,Red Robin is doing his shit

A mysterious black cowled girl pops up beside them and starts gently telling(ordering) them to specific parts of the battlefield(Hal gets so spooked he screams),a fully purple girl is beating enemies up next to them,a guy in neon yellow is punting enemies to the ground.

And some random ass 10 y/o is screaming bloody murder as he incapcitates enemies thrice his size

Edit: in case people don't see my reblog about it,i've been seeing a bunch of reblogs/comments about seeing this post on tiktok,tiktok is banned where I'm at so it's definitely not me,so do me a favor and report them thank you ( ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ )

(also you can use this post as a prompt,but please credit me thanks ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ)

wave with his critters

Bruce unintentionally dissing the league while praising his kids is so funny to me

Bruce: we need an expert marksman for this job

Oliver: *getting ready to stand up to fully accept Bruce’s praise*

Bruce: Redhood will be here shortly. We also need someone quick on their feet. Luckily Cass is working on a case nearby so we can ask her