Jason As A Theatre Kid Means So Much To Me, So I Am Here To Share A Slightly Related Concept With You

Much like Battinson is the opposite of the slutty womanizer socialite we usually think Bruce is, my headcanon about the new Superman is that he's the opposite of the dork shy nerd we usually think about Clark Kent.

So for me this new Clark is a bisexual disaster with much more experience he would admit as a polite midwestern.

I can picture him rollerskating 80s style, in shorts and crop top, big headphones on, sweaty scatterd curls...

Just umparalled unashamed sluttines. All Smallville eyes are glued on him.

Poor Kents had to send him study in Metropolis because people started to talk - not about his superpowers though.

He's a menace and he needs to be contained.

Gordon: "You busted up this warehouse because?"

Jaybin: "As you can see, it's a facility for illegal processing--"

Criminal: "Nuh-uh. You can't prove that's not baby aspirin."

Nightwing: *licks it off glove* "Oh."

Gordon:

Criminal, smugly: "What's the matter? Headache go away?"

Gordon: "Give me some of that stuff, mine's just starting."

Imagine:

The JJ incident happens after Bruce disappears into the time stream, and before Tim gets kicked from Robin. Due to dick being spread so thin and Tim(Headcannon) Being antisocial and disappearing for days on end due to being used to solitude, this sudden disappearance goes overlooked until the joker starts jeering at batman any time he sees him, making jokes about how his new son is better now that that Robin mentality has been removed. Dick panics, searches high and low through Tim's normal hiding spots and finds nothing. Instead of Harley having taken Tim in this au I like the idea that she had left the joker when Tim first became Robin though the joker kidnaps her and manipulated/brainwashes her while he's ruining Tim too. Tim kills the joker like usual but he also throws Harley into a rehab center, before dick can talk to Tim he runs off to find Bruce.

Ooooooooh!

The best part about this is that Tim chucks Harley into a rehab center before diping. He's all like, "Damn. That was traumatic. You'll definitely need some help with that. Not me, though."

He can't even glance at himself in the mirror now, but he's fine. He's gotta go pick up Bruce from the timestream daycare.

There is one plot hole, though. Does Joker taunt Dick, Tim kills Joker, Tim leaves, and then Dick searches for Tim?

That'd be hella interesting.

Also, since JJ is so fresh, what if Ra's dunked Tim in the slime juice? Would Tim's mind just shatter?

Poor Tim. He's grieving the loss of 1.7 dads (Bruce isn't actually dead, and Joker isn't technically his dad either), maybe was told he's losing it by Dick before Joker forces him to actually lose it, and has the guilt/relief of killing Joker on his hands.

I would be interested in seeing Tim trying to cope with JJ as he travels. He sees JJ transposed over his image in reflections out of the corner of his eye. He hears the sound of electricity when he tries to sleep. Laughter echoes in museums and the cave. No matter what disguise he wears, it's difficult to stop smiling. The smell of face paint and bleach is ever present.

Anyways, I'd so be down to read a fic about JJ: Red Robim edition.

Dick: Damian, why are you so thoughtful?

Damian: thinking about how to get revenge on Todd.

Dick [frowning]: for what?

Damian: the bastard gave me a parrot...

Dick: but that's great! I thought you liked animals!

Damian: yes, but he first taught this parrot to say, “Help, I've been turned into a parrot”

[GET REVENGE ON JASON]

De-aged Batfamily concept, but with one more usually skipped member.

Usual stuff first, maybe it was a Gotham rogue with science, perhaps somebody external with magic; doesn't matter much. Except this wasn't an attack on Batman, it was meant for Bruce Wayne...meaning the manor was attacked.

First, the JL get rid of the threat, and then find the rest of the family. Diana finds Dick, he's a very small baby, maybe even months old, and he hangs from a chandelier.

While everyone freaks out about how he got there, Oliver, who remembers seeing Dick's first gala stunt, deduces he probably shrunk down until he was that age, and either an eight or seven old Dick was the one to climb there.

The ones who don't stay babying baby Dick and taking pics, look for Bruce. This has happened before, so they are betting on two options: a recently traumatized eight-year-old, or younger and looking for his parents. Hal bets on an angry teenager Bruce because it would be hilarious.

What they don't expect to find, is a twenty-something Alfred Pennyworth with Bruce on his hips and in a state of absolute panic. Because he is the youngest intelligence agent Britain has seen in a while, he can tell something is very wrong, and will not reason with these weird people in Wayne Manor for the life of him.

Hal tries to approach him, having apparently not learned his lesson of not judging someone's capabilities just because they don't have magic, powers or a ring, from Batman. Agent A has him immobilized on the ground in three seconds flat, Bruce on his hip and all.

Hal then understands this young man raised Batman after all.

Superman is ready for when he inevitably asks where the Waynes are, he's had this conversation with little Bruce before, and it was actually Alfred himself who advised him how to. Clark is not ready for Alfred to ask for his father, the previous butler who would indeed know what's going on, because what do you say to that? It doesn't help that Bruce is absolutely not letting go of Alfred, the only person he recognizes there.

It's not Batman's business, it's Bruce Wayne's business, so the GCPD does get there. The JL don't know what to do when instead of being understanding and helping out, Jim Gordon *pales*. "You're telling me...a young Alfred Pennyworth-an on edge young Alfred Pennyworth, is in there...nope, not in a million years, I remember the Martha incident" no one asks what he means.

It takes a retired Harvey Bullock to come down grunting to calm the Brit down a bit, he tells him to let them help out rather harshly, and the JL thinks Gordon fucked up by calling this man: But Alfred does back down then, the issue getting resolved after that.

Just, de-aged Alfred, an intelligence Agent, ready to take down the freaks (Justice League, heroes of the world) to make sure they don't get close to Thomas and Martha's kid (Batman, founder of the league)

Adams Family adoptions

When Bruce Wayne was a child, he gets taken in by his distant relatives, the Adams, because he was going to be taken away from Alfred. They couldn't abide by family being tossed into what the state calls the foster system when they were available to take him in. Gomez teaches Bruce about honor, sword fighting, trains and explosives, also how to treat a lady(or other romance interest) Morticia teaches him about plants, their uses as both poison.s and medicines (though that is not why she grows them, she just knows her plants). Uncle Fester teaches him about grand larceny, electronics, how scams are run and other felonies. Also more about explosives. Fester does more in improvised where as Gomez deals more with commercial. Wednesday and Pugsley play games with him where they stage murder scenes for him to analyze. Wednesday learns more about how to hide a crime from watching Bruce take apart her crime scenes, to the point where if she ever did anything he would never find anything to pin on her.

Later, when Bruce is an Adult and going around being Batman and has a Robin with him, he will sometimes ask his adopted family to babysit. He gets Robin to go along with it by explaining it as either training (if they are being watched by Gomez and Morticia) or a criminal investigation (Uncle Fester, Pugsley or Wednesday). They never find anything on Wednesday. Later, Wednesday adopts one Danny Fenton after he runs away from home.

Talia walked over to Damian, her expression a mix of playful reprimand and maternal affection. After a brief pause, a smile broke on her face as she scooped up her ten-year-old son, wrapping him in a warm embrace and showering him with kisses. Damian barely had time to react before he found himself trapped in his mother’s affectionate onslaught, overwhelmed by the scent of her strong perfume.

Damian (embarrassed): I’d rather be stuck in an elevator with Clayface than deal with this… this is my life now. Why is she so smothering?

Talia (ignoring her son's complaining): Shush, let me love you, my sweet tifl! I haven't seen you in three months and this is me being better then my awful, awful, awful father.

Ra's Al Ghul (smoking from a cigarette): I am the reason you stopped being insane after what Nyssa put you through, but sure put the blame all on me.

Damian thrashed his legs in a vain attempt to escape while reaching out to his grandfather for help.

Damian (begging): Grandpa, help!

Ra's Al Ghul: Nope. She once kicked me in the crotch with a heel when I tried to scold her parenting. Bruce, you wanna give it a shot?

Bruce simply walked away, not saying a word. Faced with the relentless affection of his mother, Damian groaned as Talia continued to shower him with kisses.

Talia: You should be happy to have such a strong, powerful, highly skilled, and sweet woman as your momma!

Damian let out a dramatic whine, but he resigned himself to her embrace, knowing this was just part of being her son. For now, he was at her mercy.

Love TimBernKon bc usually ships have opposing dynamics but with those guys it’s just

Tim couldn't make it he was in Paris also not in the group chat

“Daddy, up!”

Clark doesn’t miss a beat. He continues telling Bruce about his investigation into chemical waste shipments out of Metropolis Harbor and a possible connection to LexCorp as he bends down to pick up his toddler.

Bruce smiles as the sixteen-month-old boy waves at him. He waves back and silently wishes he’d seen at least one of his boys this small. This is criminally adorable.

“Daddy,” Jon interrupts again. He pats Clark’s cheek with a tiny hand, trying to get his father to stop talking and look at him. “Daddy, ‘nack?”

Again, Clark doesn’t even pause his story. He reaches into one of the pockets of his jeans and pulls out a pack of animal crackers, then opens it and hands his son a bear-shaped cracker. He hasn’t even broken eye contact with Bruce, who figures out very quickly what “nack” means.

“Da-kit?” Jon’s gnawing on the animal crackers half-heartedly. Bruce guesses that he’s pleased with it, but would prefer something else.

This gets Clark to pause his story. “No, my love, no chocolate crackers today.” Ah, okay—“da-kit.” That’s cute. “We have to get more at the store later. Can you be patient?”

Bruce fully expects the baby to throw a tantrum. He has no firsthand experience with toddlers, but general knowledge of children tells him that “no” isn’t a word they like to hear.

To his amazement, Jon smiles sweetly. “Pay-tay,” he says quietly, still chewing on his cracker. “Tow.”

Clark smiles and pokes Jon’s nose, earning him a little giggle. “That’s right, baby boy. Patient, then we go to the store.”

“You know,” Bruce interjects, “I keep some chocolate in my utility belt. Just in case one of the boys wants a snack.”

Jon wastes no time reaching his chubby arms toward Bruce at the word “chocolate.”

“I could watch him for a bit,” Bruce continues, accepting the baby happily when Clark relinquishes his hold on the squirming boy. “I’m sure grocery shopping is quicker without a baby, right?”

Clark levels a flat, yet amused look at his friend. “Groceries. Right. Totally not your baby fever acting up.”

Jon’s happy as can be in Bruce’s arms. He’s got a snack, the promise of chocolatey snacks, and he’s being held. What more could a baby want?

“Bye bye, Daddy!”

Bruce barely suppresses a grin. “You heard him, Clark. You’re dismissed.”