Wayne Family Adventures + Text Posts: Batkid Edition

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

// There is a STARK contrast between how the lot of you talk to Gordon and im gonna go insane in a good way

Ngl I lost count of how many of these I've reblogged today... eh it's fine

Bruce: Congratulations, Jason! You’re the first of my kids to graduate college!

Dick: Yeah, first and only one for all eternity!

Bruce: *Ignoring Dick by sheer willpower* Anyway, what are you planning to do next?

Jason: I think I’m going to continue my education in English Lit.

Bruce: *nervously* Great. You’ll get a Master’s Degree, right?

Jason: …

Bruce: …right?

Jason: Actually, I’m going for a PhD.

Bruce: This is a terrible joke. You’re over the supervillainy, right, Jay?

Jason: Look, my application to GothamU’s PhD program was accepted!

Bruce: No child! Of mine! Will get! A PhD!!!

Jason: I’m hoping to be a literature professor at GothamU, if I survive long enough.

Bruce: *screams incoherently*

Dick: I think you broke him.

He actually doesn’t play video games… Just wants attention.

Bruce, to his Robins: You are my emotional support children.

Dick: Imma commit murder! Chandeliers are my new trapeze! Dating an alien princess sounds like a great idea!

Jason: An abandoned apartment in Crime Alley is a perfectly fine place to live! *dies* Why won’t you kill the Joker, huh? Huh?!?

Tim: Me and my friends are gonna go cause several international incidents. See ya!

Steph: So, like, what if I started a gang war?

Damian: Drake insulted Batcow’s honor! He will perish by my blade! Murder is acceptable! Can we adopt chickens?

Duke: Wdym jumping off bridges isn’t a reasonable tactic? Quit being such a buzzkill!

Bruce, sighing: …and you are also the reason I need emotional support children in the first place.

Bruce, visibly overwhelmed by Emotions as he watches a ten-year-old Dick goofing around in the batcave: Alfred. Alfred I think I'd die if something happened to him

Alfred: *carefully doesn't say that he thought the same thing when Martha and Thomas placed a newborn Bruce in his arms for the first time because he knows that'll completely destroy the little emotional bandwidth Bruce has*

I just know Gordon internally dies every time someone in the bullpen has some gossip magazine with Batman's highly distinct jawline splashed across a cover or spread.

Anyways, thinking about Batman pulling his disappearing act on the GCPD rooftop for the first time after partnering with Robin, and just leaving Robin behind.

Gordon turns around, notices that Batman is gone but the kid is not. Then Robin notices that Batman is gone, and promptly burst into tears because, “He left me! He left me behind!”

Jim Gordon is not heartless and he’s a father, he takes the kid into the precinct. He gives him a blanket and a snack. He tries to calm him down and asks if he knows a phone number that he could call for Batman. He gets a wobbly, “He doesn’t have a phone.”

Jim steps out of his office for a second to speak with an officer about turning the bat signal back on, and when he gets back to his office the kid is gone. The crime scene photos and forensic report from the joker attack yesterday are also gone from his office.

Meanwhile Robin is standing in the alley behind the GCPD, waving as Batman grapples down to meet him. He gives him a big smile and says, “I got the evidence!”

“Good job, Chum.”

Imagine being Alfred during Batman Begins when Bruce leaves to “find himself.” Alfred is worried, but reminds himself that all rich men do this and he’s probably just going to come back as a worldly, obnoxious vegetarian. Then Bruce shows up several years later buff as hell and it’s like no, he’s a ninja. he’s a ninja and he wants to terrorize Gotham in a bat costume.