“I Don’t Read That Much Anymore”

James: Are you drinking enough water? 

Remus: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth I guess. 

James: Are you eating enough food?

Remus: Oh don’t worry about that, my tears are VERY salty

Dorcas: Will you marry me?

Marlene: idk man that’s kinda gay

James: Yum, thanks! Kidnapper: puts more tape over their mouth I said stop eating it.

"i need women to have equal pay because i plan on marrying rich and i can't do that if dorcas is making 75 cents to every mans dollar."

- Marlene McKinnon

Remus: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Harry. 

Sirius: You just said it again. 

Harry:

Remus: I am not a role model.

Evan: How would you hide a body-

Dorcas: Hypothetically-

Pandora: You aren’t fooling anyone-

Barty: ANYways, how would you do it?

James: 

James: You see, in quidditch, the snitch-

Barty: Nope. 

Dorcas: MarLENE!

marauders fandom missed the opportunity to call marylily lary

Ok but Remus and Lily sipping tea and watching James and Sirius do the stupidest shit possible (it was completely their idea but no one needs to know that)

Sirius: So overall I had a pretty solid winter break.

Remus: You were nearly tortured. By your parents.

Sirius: Yeah but-

James: You came into my house in the middle of the night.

Sirius: Yeah but-

Peter: You aren’t allowed to speak to your brother anymore!

Sirius: Yeah, but I got to listen to the new Queen album!!!

Everyone:

Sirius: It’s- it’s a really good album…

James: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food! 

Lily: You can eat a rock. 

Sirius: Air. 

Remus: The fabric of time and space. 

Marlene: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems. 

James: You guys are not helpful.