James: WHY WOULD YOU KILL HIM HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!

Sirius: Why doesn't Remus find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Peter: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Sirius: *bites lip*

Peter: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

Remus: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Harry. 

Sirius: You just said it again. 

Harry:

Remus: I am not a role model.

Why do people give my wife (aka Lily Evans) zero personality? Like, yeah she was a goody two shoes, but not JUST that. She called James a “arrogant toe rag” and Snape “Snivillous” to spite him, so she was not short of insults. Also she faced voldemort THREE times before she died, and that’s JUST the canon stuff.

Plus she’s friends with (or dating, depending on what you ship) MARY MACDONALD. You know she HAD to be cool.

I’m so tired of Lily saying something funny, snarky, or smart in headcanons and fanfics and people in the comments saying things like “that’s more something blah-blah-blah would say”

Like SHUT UP!!! Lily is a QUEEN. Stop narrowing her down to just ONE of her traits- being a prefect who follows the rules more often than not. I’m not saying she doesn’t- but she has WAY better traits than just that.

And I’m not saying she had zero flaws. She did, but it’s ok. Don’t make her perfect. But don’t villainize her. You forgive the skittles for being death eaters, Sirius for the prank, but not Lily for being a little angry in someone’s fic?

James was the kid who put glue on his hands then peeled it off

Peter was not allowed to touch glue

Sirius took a big ass bite out of a glue stick

Remus was the one who told him it was edible

Sirius: Hello friends! 

Everyone:

Sirius: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling

James: Lily, can I ask you a question?

Lily: You just did.

James: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Lily: You just did.

James, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Lily: You just did.

James: When?!

Lily: Just now.

Harry: School sucks. I keep almost dying.

Remus: I know, but you have to do it so you can get a job. 

Harry: What are jobs like? 

Remus: They suck.

Harry: But how often do you almost die?

Harry: Do you have a pink ribbon?

Remus: Why the fuck would I have a pink ribbon?

Sirius: Do you want light pink or magenta or sparkly or polka dot I got ‘em all

marlene obsessing over effie pt. 2

James: Mom, what does your shirt say?!

Effie: Oh, it says milf! 

James: Yeah, I see that. Where did you get it?!

Effie: Marlene gave it to me. Is it a problem, deer?

James: Do you know what it means?!

Effie: Yeah!

Effie: Man, I love frogs!

James: marLENE!!!!!!!!

*evil marlene laughter in the background*

Andromeda : What's the worst thing you guys have done? 

Narcissa: I stole a pear once.

Sirius: I hexed Regulus

Regulus: So I pushed him down the stairs.

Bellatrix: I’ve set fire to a couple towns, I guess.

Narcissa: Cool, cool. Andromeda?

Andromeda: 

Andromeda: I don’t break KitKats.

Sirius: EVIL!